Comments from drax
|2013-09-30 17:54:51||she's training me||It had a lot of good in it, but... There were some problems.
First, You didn't tell us much of anything about any of the characters. What kind of relationship does she have with the main character? Was she always his mistress, or did this happen after she discovered the underwear? It felt really abrupt, and honestly, I missed that she was his wife the first time through.
Second, You didn't really give us much information on how the main character felt about the changes in his status. did it make him feel good? humiliated? Showing is great, but you need to add a bit more detail in for it to actually work. A bit more dialogue would probably help too.
In general, it just needs a bit more detail than what we got—not just in the sex scenes. Remember that good fiction reinforces good smut, but poorly defined characters and situations will reduce good smut to poor wanking material.