Out for a walk with Big Brother
||much like everyone else said, you're story does need some build up to it. it has potential to be good. when i open a story, i tend to look at the scroll bar for a quick reference to see how long it is before i read it. the formatting was good and the paragraph length was good. you just need to be more descriptive with the actual sex. also, a character description lets people picture your story more vividly. in the end, it makes it a lot hotter for the reader. good start though. i'm waiting to see how your writing develops.