Comments from BlackRonin
|2011-07-13 04:02:34||Axe Murderer Under the Bed||Well I didn't see anything wrong with the content, although it didn't really appeal to me. Moral guardians have too much time on their hands. Don't let people push you around about what you want to write, even if it does rub some people the wrong way.
I liked how clean and precise the language was, and that you have a sound grasp of spelling and grammar, which can be surprisingly rare. There are still mistakes, and engaging a proofreader would be a good idea if you haven't already, but there are far worse to be found.
The big flaw here is just narrative structure and arranging a sequence of events that feels organic and has good momentum, plus some thorniness with the dialogue. That's the sort of thing that comes with experience and being well-read though, so with time and diligence you can learn to sort those things out.
|2011-07-14 01:59:46||This was good campy fun and frequently hilarious. Your economy of language isn't quite as good as in some other stories, like "Alanna", but that can happen given the number of different facets and the deadline you were working under. Not very many stories get me to laugh out loud this often.|
|2011-07-16 02:57:08||Ms Reynolds new breasts||Paging Dr. Benway?
There's an impressive sense of verisimilitude, and very competent use of body horror and Kafka-esque institutional banality. There are a lot of basic errors though, you should be more careful about easy spelling and grammar errors, things like that can really bring down the overall quality of your work.
Edgy niche material is often poorly received, but don't let that discourage you from exploring whatever themes interest you.
|2011-07-17 02:08:05||This isn't bad, although it didn't quite grip me. The measured pace and controlled tone are easy on the reader, and from a technical perspective it's generally clean and precise (some weird capitalization choices though).|
|2011-07-17 02:16:57||Penny, May I Rescue you from Hell?||This was compelling right off the bat, which is always nice to see. Lots of stories spend there first couple of paragraphs giving exposition or telling us how big the main character's tits are (or whatever), but I always think a better use of those all-important opening lines is to set up a conflict or ask a question. I dug the exploitative style throughout as well. If I had to complain, I'd say it wrapped up in too much of a hurry, but no story is perfect.|