Comments from le_chevallier
|2013-04-25 22:10:47||Marry the Bride and Fuck the Bridal Mother||Ok start with some anomalies. With mom & daughter already fooling around, seems unlikely that mom goes behind daughter's back. They would have surprised him. I'm pretty sure the 75 is centimeters which is 30 inches. A 30 D rack is impressive as it stands out on a skinny chick. They do look big (maybe not what I would call huge) on a skinny frame.
I'm not sure the guy even came with his sudden departure for the bathroom and his return to scratching her back.
So a good outline but could use some work.
|2013-05-30 00:02:39||The Life of an Extra Ordinary Joe chapter 3||OK, but the constant hahaha's are annoying. Writing dialogue is hard (I can't do it), but I find these constant hahaha's make the speech less realistic|
|2013-05-31 21:45:53||Sexual Healing - Part One||Great stuff, very nice start. Can't wait to see where it goes.|