Comments from le_chevallier

Date Story title Comment
2013-04-25 22:10:47 Marry the Bride and Fuck the Bridal Mother Ok start with some anomalies. With mom & daughter already fooling around, seems unlikely that mom goes behind daughter's back. They would have surprised him. I'm pretty sure the 75 is centimeters which is 30 inches. A 30 D rack is impressive as it stands out on a skinny chick. They do look big (maybe not what I would call huge) on a skinny frame.

I'm not sure the guy even came with his sudden departure for the bathroom and his return to scratching her back.

So a good outline but could use some work.
2013-05-30 00:02:39 The Life of an Extra Ordinary Joe chapter 3 OK, but the constant hahaha's are annoying. Writing dialogue is hard (I can't do it), but I find these constant hahaha's make the speech less realistic
2013-05-31 21:45:53 Sexual Healing - Part One Great stuff, very nice start. Can't wait to see where it goes.