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Comments from thatcuriousone
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2011-07-22 20:39:31 | The Runner | Hm. I found this slightly confusing to read at first. The lack of punctuation or grammar made it so. As well, the way the story was structured could have been changed to make it better flow rather than just hitting enter to get it to the next line. I did appreciate that you separated the areas when things changed. This was an interesting first person take on a affair. |
| 2011-07-22 20:54:37 | 6000 Mile Surprise | As the other reader suggested above, watch how you word things. The first paragraph is best example considering its worded quite awkwardly and until you get to the second paragraph do you realize that your taking on first person. I would also suggest to be more...graphic in your descriptions, instead of saying "white fluid" just use "semen". Don't just mention the girls having a clit or hole, but fully describe them for what they are. This was a good start. Good luck~ |
| 2011-07-22 21:36:02 | My Fantasy - Fucking Katie | Well, this story certainly had some juices flowing...both creatively and otherwise. But I did full enjoy the pace, the tone and the sex scenes in this story. I hope Katie inspires you to write another. |
| 2011-07-26 11:11:04 | The Experiment Chapter 2 | Well, this sounds like an interesting story, however, your lack of punctuation and grammar sometimes make it very difficult to follow at times. (I do apologize if this sounds overly harsh, I'm hoping I can help). You have a lot of grammar mistakes in this...I'm not sure if you have a spell checker, but having someone to read over your stories (if you have someone whom you can trust) would also be another excellent way to do this. Although this sounds quite interesting, I find that its cut off way too short. It just seems you've either stopped writing or you've just stopped it at an awkward point. Although the sex scenes are okay, I don't really feel any of the characters have any personable traits rather than just wanting to have sex. I hope this review helps~ |
| 2012-06-10 14:24:26 | GIRL WHO CAME BACK | Very well written interesting story. It wasn't overly long, but you spun an interesting tale. Hope to see more from you in the future. |