||The biggest problem is that you are a terrible writer. It has nothing to do with English not being your first language. You used 130 ellipses (...) in a 2,500 word story. That's incredibly poor grammar. You write sentence after sentence with them. Writing is more than simply throwing words on a screen. If you can't spend the time to be more technically proficient, you should find something else to do. You change verb tenses. This is just awful. I'm not even commenting on the content. Just from a technical standpoint, you failed. In fact, all of your stories are the same, choppy format. Please give up writing and do something that you are better at.