Comments from darthel0101
|2014-07-20 03:54:44||The Seeding 3||I like how you are writing this story. Please continue.|
|2014-08-07 19:24:17||She is the One (Part 10)||I am so glad that I had 9 chapters to get to like your writing so that I could finish the chapter. The beginning had me thinking that you had started to take comments to heart and turn Jack into a true asshole. Turns out that at least the first troubles are IMPOSED on him … although that does not mean that his attitude does not go through some unwanted alterations.
BTW - I have to wonder just how many kids know how to pick a lock (lockers with intrinsic padlocks tend to have KEY access as well).
|2014-06-09 11:18:51||My Uncle Benny||It is always good to see a story from more than one point of view. You are telling your story well and I would definitely like to read more of it.|
|2014-08-11 08:10:44||She is the One (Part 11)||I can actually agree with the use of a cliffhanger at this point.
The pacing is still set and the logic fits right now.
Logged in pos recorded.
|2014-07-02 08:45:41||the charizard problem||Paragraph spacing is one point; punctuation is another; visualization is a third and details a fourth.
Finally, there is the one aspect which completes all stories - the reader's emotional involvement with the characters. This is missing.
The only positive aspect was actually a negative as well - the story's brevity.