Comments from darthel0101

Date Story title Comment
2014-07-20 03:54:44 The Seeding 3 I like how you are writing this story. Please continue.
2014-08-07 19:24:17 She is the One (Part 10) I am so glad that I had 9 chapters to get to like your writing so that I could finish the chapter. The beginning had me thinking that you had started to take comments to heart and turn Jack into a true asshole. Turns out that at least the first troubles are IMPOSED on him … although that does not mean that his attitude does not go through some unwanted alterations.
BTW - I have to wonder just how many kids know how to pick a lock (lockers with intrinsic padlocks tend to have KEY access as well).
2014-06-09 11:18:51 My Uncle Benny It is always good to see a story from more than one point of view. You are telling your story well and I would definitely like to read more of it.
2014-08-11 08:10:44 She is the One (Part 11) I can actually agree with the use of a cliffhanger at this point.
The pacing is still set and the logic fits right now.
Logged in pos recorded.
2014-07-02 08:45:41 the charizard problem Paragraph spacing is one point; punctuation is another; visualization is a third and details a fourth.
Finally, there is the one aspect which completes all stories - the reader's emotional involvement with the characters. This is missing.
The only positive aspect was actually a negative as well - the story's brevity.