Comments from Shadowsong
|2012-06-13 13:27:47||Baby-sitting||It was ok I guess... In my opinion it would only look good if the reader were already out of their mind and/or needed a quick fix, which many people probably are so it accomplishes it's purpose.
I think that while the spelling, grammar and punctuation could have been better, it isn't the worst I've seen. What bothered me the most about it was the story line. I found it to be very unrealistic, though again, many people don't care about that either.
In my opinion the sex scenes were poorly written, they lack both physical and emotional description. Now I'm not saying you need to write about how much they love each other or whatever, but perhaps describe what she feels when lowering herself on Kevin, or how sexy Josh thinks she looks when giving a blowjob.
All that said, I apologize that you were unfortunate enough to catch my in one of my critiquing moods and I wish you all the best in your future writing ventures.