Comments from Ovid58
|2012-11-12 06:20:46||Daddy can't say no anymore to his girl||Is this step dad of yours still free?!?|
|2012-11-15 06:01:39||A hammer? Really?||No offense, but the way you describe the action is like: he has bought a kilo of potatoes, while she has bought two kilos of tomatoes...
I think that you should try to be a little more descriptive - tell us how big the potatoes are, how red are the tomatoes...
I really hope that you get my point.
Personally, I have not voted, since my vote would have been, unfortunately, negative...
|2012-11-15 06:23:21||brother in-law and I||I won't claim that I've been a saint, and, also, I'm not a priest!
Still, how come that from all the women and men around, the two of you have chosen to do this cheating inside the family?!?
Now, the descriptive part and the story in itself is not bad, but, as somebody else has already mentioned, you need to arrange a little the phrases, so that they can be read without forcing the reader's eyes...
So, for the moment, I just won't vote.
|2012-11-23 14:26:13||Enemy Turned Fuck Buddy||I've also written some of my memories here, so I'm giving you this advise: after you've finished writing, take yourself a break of, let's say half an hour, than read again what you have written - it will be quite easy to find the few mistakes in the text.
In rest, having so much trust, both of you, to have bareback sex, nowadays, makes me suspect that this enemy of yours may soon become your... husband!
|2012-11-23 14:41:45||me amd my first||I do agree with the previous comments.
Now, furthermore, I think that you should consider rewriting this - if the part describing your relationship with Daniel is, let's say acceptable, the description of what has happened to your life afterwards, really, isn't acceptable at all - either you do a proper and detailed description, either you just avoid mentioning it...
Anyway, at least this is my personal point of view...
Finally, I must confess that I haven't voted, since it would have been a negative vote - so, keep on working, and don't hurry - take your time cause there is always room for improvement!