Ricky’s gut was killing him. The bromide hadn’t helped, and the pastrami sandwich made it much worse. Ricky wanted to make some Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup. He thought that his gastro intestinal problem could be relieved with Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup. The problem was Ricky needed 8-10 well soiled thongs and a teaspoon of menstrual juice to make Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup (see part 1).
Ricky was delirious with pain. He was sweating and he had the shakes. Suddenly a great idea popped into Ricky’s head. He decided to call fat Lucy. Fat Lucy was a 350 pound sweaty Latino woman Ricky bought skunk weed from. That might help.
“Fat Lucy?” said Ricky
“Yeah” said Fat Lucy
“This is Ricky. How you doin’?”
“Like shit” said Fat Lucy., “I’m having my period which means I’m on the rag, and I got to do my laundry.”
“Really? Do you have 8-10 well soiled thongs and a teaspoon of menstrual juice that I can borrow?” Ricky asked
“Why?” Are you making Cream of Beef or Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup?” asked Fat Lucy.
“Yes, I’m making Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup” said Ricky, “My gut is killing me. I took a bromide, but that didn’t work. I was going to make some Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup, but I realized I would need to obtain 8-10 well soiled thongs and a teaspoon of menstrual juice to make the Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup. I decided to make a pastrami sandwich to tide me over until I could get the 8-10 well soiled thongs and the teaspoon of menstrual juice to make the Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup. I ate the pastrami sandwich and it made my stomach feel worse.”
“Well,” said Fat Lucy “Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup is definitely what the doctor ordered for you. I’ve got plenty of menstrual juice for you, but I’ve only got 6 well soiled thongs.”
“Well you’re really fat. I bet six of your thongs are like fifteen or sixteen regular ladies’ thongs.” Said Ricky “You’re so fat.”
“Yup” said Fat Lucy. “That’s why they cal me Fat Lucy. I’m sure they’ll work. I once made a fine Cream of Beef Ass Hair soup using only four well soiled thongs. It was rich, but a little thin. I don’t have a lot of ass hair.”
“Well. I’m half Italian and half Turkish, so I have ass hair to spare. It’ll be plenty thick! I’ll give you a thermos full when it’s done. Can you drop it off here? My gut is killing me.” Asked Ricky
“That’s quite a way to cart my fat ass. You know six of my well soiled thongs are heavy! You know a pair of my Jeans and 2 thongs is a large washer load. I’ll send Farty Jimbo over with it.” Said Fat Lucy
Farty Jimbo was Fat Lucy’s boyfriend. He was thin as a rail, spoke in a stutter, and he was always flatulent.
“Could you have Jimbo bring over a quarter of the kind bud too?” Ricky asked, requesting the high grade pot.
“Ok. I’ll send him over now”
Farty Jimbo was at Ricky’s door about 45 minutes later with a laundry bag.
“Jimbo, my man! What’s up? Anything new and exciting?” Ricky asked
“Ricky, Good to see you, dog. I’ve b-been g-g-g-g-good. Ya know, L-L-Fat Lucy finally trimmed the ol’ stench trench. G-G-Got all the m-m-mats out. It’s all good, dog! Here’s the shit. I gotta make like a tree an leave, dog.” Said Farty Jimbo. He handed Ricky the pot, the laundry bag and a small Tupperware container with a red liquid in it (presumably Fat Lucy’s menstrual juice).
“Hey dude, I was hoping you’d hang out at least long enough to help me shave my ass hair.” Said Ricky, “Let me get you a beer.”
“Well, O O K, Ricky. I’ll help you out.” A little gas escaped Farty Jimbo bunger with a poot sound. “Damn, sorry”
“That’s ok, is that why you wanted to leave so fast?” Ricky asked handing Farty Jimbo a beer.
“Yeah, I don’t want to be disrespecting your house by farting it up.”
Ricky sucked down a quick bong, filled one for Farty Jimbo and got out his cook book and turned to the page for Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup and read…
Cream of Chicken Ass Hair soup! It has incredible healing powers and it tastes great.
First, bring 8-10 well soiled thongs to a rapid boil in 2 quarts of water in a large soup pot. Reduce heat and simmer for about 45 minutes.
While the thongs simmer, spread a portion of newspaper on the floor and stand on it while you dry shave off your ass hair. A dry shave is recommended (no water and of course, no shaving cream) because it is easier to collect the ass hair when you are done.
Collect all the ass hair
After the thongs have been simmering for 45 minutes, remove them and add the ass hair, 1 can of Chicken Broth and 1 cube of Chicken bullion
Stir in 1 load of freshly ejaculated baby batter (this is the cream) and add about 1 teaspoon of menstrual juice for extra zing.
Let simmer for about 20 more minutes and enjoy!
You can make Cream of Beef Ass Hair soup by substituting beef broth and beef bullion for Chicken Broth and Chicken bullion.
You will find that the soup is different depending on how much ass hair it has in it. A hairy ass makes for a thicker soup. Cream of Chicken Italian male Ass Hair soup would be much thicker than Cream of Chicken Swedish Lass Ass Hair soup. Try as many different kinds of Cream of Beef or Chicken Ass Hair soup as you can.
Farty Jimbo sucked down the bong and farted as Ricky filled a large soup pot with 2 quarts of water and put the thongs in. He put it on the range and started the burner and turned it on high. Then he went and got his new disposable pivot razor. He took a section of yesterday’s paper and spread it out on the floor. Ricky took off his pants and his pink super-comfy micro fiber smooth no seam nylon French cut panties with no bind leg openings and cotton panty panel, stood on the newspaper spread out on the kitchen floor and commenced to shaving his hairy half Italian and half Turkish ass. The ass hair fell on the newspaper.
“You l-l-look like you is doing fine with out me.” Said Farty Jimbo.
“Ok…here’s where I need your help.” Ricky handed Farty Jimbo the disposable pivot razor as he pulled apart his cheeks. The line between the snow white pimply buns that Ricky had just shaved and the dark hairy area revealed in his crack-ial region was shocking.
“Damn dog! I’m g-g-g-glad Fat Lucy’s ass isn’t that hairy! I bet you get a th-thick batch of soup with that p-p-patch of ass hair!” Farty Jimbo squatted down in front of Ricky’s spread and protruding ass and started to carefully shave Ricky’s ass crack. The hair fell on the newspaper. Farty Jimbo shaved the entire crack area right to the ring of Ricky’s ass hole.
“Thanks, Jimbo,” said Ricky still prying his ass cheeks apart. “It’s a finely seasoned ass hair that grows in that region.”
“You know your b-bu-b-bunger is like a cute little randy m-mollusk.” Said Farty Jimbo, “I want to give it a little kiss.”
“Well, ok” said Ricky, “But just like a little kiss like you’d give your grandmother.”
Farty Jimbo gave Ricky’s bung pie a little kiss.
“You know,” said Ricky “Your ass smells like something crawled up it and died. You want me to check that out? I can take a look.”
“Th-that would be mighty nice of you, Ricky. Why don’t you have a look see?”
Farty Jimbo dropped his baggy trousers and boxers exposing his ass to Ricky. A little gas escaped out of Farty’s ass as he pulled his cheeks apart for Ricky. Ricky squatted and moved in closer.
While Farty Jimbo’s ass had a fair amount of hair covering it, it wasn’t anywhere near as hairy as Ricky’s half Italian and half Turkish ass.
“Holy fuck!” sighed Ricky “ You ass hairs near your bunger are a crusty matted mess! The cover you poop shoot! How do you shit out of that ass?”
“Oh…It’s kind of like when you got a t-tube of something and the end where the stuff comes out has kind of h-h-hardened and clogged up. You have to s-squeeze the tube harder and then it kind of squirts its way out of th-th-the sides of the hole. That’s how my ass is. I try to k-keep it t-trimmed, but I’ve been busy.”