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Introduction:

TRUE
One day, James Jimmyson had a sour stomach so he took a bromide.

James Jimmyson felt better.

Soon James Jimmyson had a runny nose, dizziness, and a decrease in semen.

James Jimmyson stood up and experienced a sudden decrease in blood pressure that could have resulted in fainting. James Jimmyson noticed he’d had an erection for four hours.

“Damn dog” though James Jimmyson, “I’ve got a runny nose, dizziness, and a decrease in semen. I stood up and experienced a sudden decrease in blood pressure that could have resulted in fainting and I’ve had an erection for four hours. I better call Larry.”

James Jimmyson pick up his land line phone and dialed his friend Larry’s number

“Hello” said the voice on the phone

“Is Larry there?” asked James Jimmyson

“Larry? What the Sam Hill kind of name is that? Nobody names their kid Larry in 1953.” Said the voice on the phone.

“Wow, its 1953 there? I must have the wrong number.” James Jimmyson hung up the phone and wondered if he had contracted foot dermatitis. James Jimmyson rubbed some ointment on his feet. What a day this had been for James Jimmyson.

Soon James Jimmyson had indigestion, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, par aesthesia, thrombocytopenia, neutrophil, neutropenia, skin rash, and pain in the muscles and joints.

“Damn dog” though James Jimmyson, “Now I’ve got indigestion, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, par aesthesia, thrombocytopenia, neutrophil, neutropenia, skin rash, and pain in the muscles and joints. I better call Larry.”

James Jimmyson pick up his land line phone and dialed his friend Larry’s number

“Hello” said the voice on the phone

“Is Larry there?” asked James Jimmyson

“Yes, this is Larry” said Larry

“Larry…It’s great to hear your voice.” Said James Jimmyson “I had a sour stomach so I took a bromide. It wasn’t long before I had a runny nose, dizziness, and a decrease in semen which I felt were directly attributable to the bromide I took to help my sour stomach. When I stood up, I experienced a sudden decrease in blood pressure that could have resulted in fainting and I had an erection for four hours. I tried to call you, but I got 1953 and nobody named their kid Larry in 1953. I hung up the phone and somehow contracted foot dermatitis so I applied some ointment to sooth my scaling red oozing feet. Soon I had indigestion, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, par aesthesia, thrombocytopenia, neutrophil, neutropenia, skin rash, and pain in the muscles and joints. I figured I’d try calling you again.”

“Who is this?” asked a perplexed Larry.

“This is James Jimmyson.” Said James Jimmyson.

“I don’t know any James Jimmyson.” Said Larry

“I bet we haven’t met yet. Is it June 22, 2007 there?” asked James Jimmyson

“Yes. You must have the wrong number.” Said Larry

“Is this Larry Richter?” asked James Jimmyson

“No! You must have the wrong number!” said the irate Larry on the other end of the line.

“Sorry, My mistake.” Said James Jimmyson hearing the click in the line before he could finish.

The next day was Sunday and James Jimmyson felt better. His friend Larry stopped by. He gave James Jimmyson a blowjob. It was romance.

“Let’s go” said Larry, “We got the lord’s work to do.”

Larry and James Jimmyson walked to the convenience store. Larry pulled out a gun and shot both clerks in the head.

“Why did you do that?” asked James Jimmyson.

“Because in Matthew 5:17-19 Jesus confirms the validity of Old Testament law when he said “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.” Explained Larry. “Those two guys shouldn’t have been working on the Sabbath.” Continued Larry. “It’s one of the 10 commandments in Exodus 20 and Exodus 34. The penalty for working on the Sabbath is outlined in Exodus 31:15 where it says “Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the Sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the Sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.” So Jesus wanted me to kill those guys.”

“Oh ok.” Said James Jimmyson. “Praise Jesus!”
“Praise Jesus” said Larry


fin
13 comments

anonymous readerReport

2011-08-06 08:43:24
Dude! You are on some fucked up drugs.

twenty5kReport

2008-09-09 18:29:52
DUMB!!!

your biggest fanReport

2008-05-27 12:57:36
brilliant

READERReport

2008-04-05 01:20:33
amazing. truly awe inspiring.

READERReport

2007-12-01 19:59:12
that ws funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never stop writing!!!! flood this place with your humour!!! 10/10

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