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Jack took another quick look at his new haircut. It was a mullet and Jack loved it. He opened the door and left “D S’s HAIR SALON”. It was a beautiful night. The stars were shining and an owl hooted as Jack started out to Jen Jizzwhitle’s house.

Jen had called earlier that evening while Jack was watching the sky waxed periwinkle by the sunset.

“Hi Jack” said Jen, “I’m thinking about going out partying tonight and I want to make sure my cunt doesn’t smell like a dead old goat. I’d sure want to get the dead old goat smell out of my cockpit before I’d present it to any respectable man. I gave my honey pot a double douche but Jack; I need you to come over and sniff my cooter and tell me if it smells like a dead old goat or something of that nature. Can you come over and give it a quick sniff tonight?”

Jack agreed to stop by and give Jen’s tampon socket a sniff. Jen was a small blond with a hot body. Carpet matched the drapes. Jen was a bit insecure and perhaps a bit naive, but as of late, Jack had started to develop feelings for her. It hurt him to know he was participating in this charade with a woman he had started to develop feelings for just so he could occasionally sniff her gash and assure her that it didn’t smell like an old goat, or something of that nature. He felt as though he had cheapened himself, but he loved sniffing Jen’s bearded taco.

Suddenly, Jack’s mouth tasted like the Devil Satan Beelzebub himself had shot a huge load of his hot satanic baby batter out of his huge warty satanic shlong into right into Jack’s gapping wide yapper. Jack popped a couple of breath mints and experienced a powerful burst of breath cleansing action that cleansed his mouth by neutralizing the hot satanic baby batter taste. Jack could feel the power of the slippery elm, aloe vera and the natural oil of peppermint sooth and comfort the inside of his mouth.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, a wave of hot satanic baby batter taste permeated Jack’s mouth again canceling the effect of the breath mint’s powerful burst of breath cleansing action. It was as if the Devil Satan Beelzebub himself had shot a huge load of his satanic baby batter out of his huge warty satanic shlong right into Jack’s gapping wide yapper right after Jack had popped a couple of breath mints into his mouth to get rid of the taste of hot satanic baby batter.

Jack popped a couple more of the breath mints and experienced a powerful burst of breath cleansing action again that cleansed his mouth by neutralizing the hot satanic baby batter taste. Jack could feel the power of the slippery elm, aloe vera and the natural oil of peppermint sooth and comfort the inside of his mouth.

Suddenly and but not so unexpectedly this time, a wave of hot satanic baby batter taste permeated Jack’s mouth canceling the effect of the breath mint’s powerful burst of breath cleansing action.

“Damn” said Jack to himself, “I can’t get rid of this of hot satanic baby batter taste.”

Soon Jack was at Jen’s house. He knocked on the door.

“Hi Jack” said Jen I see you got a new hairdo.

“Hi Jen. Yes!” said Jack. The air that came out of Jacks mouth hit Jen like a seismic wave of hot salty satanic sperm stench.

“Oh my gosh golly goodness” said Jen “Your breath smells like the Devil Satan Beelzebub himself had shot a huge load of his hot satanic baby batter out of his huge warty satanic shlong into right into your gapping wide yapper. How can you even pretend to be able to discern the smell of dead old goat on my meat wallet when your breath smells like hot salty satanic spermatozoon? Your breath smells worse than your friend Larry’s shlong. You remember I use to date Larry. Larry’s Prick was ugly and smelled like ammonia, limburger and, old sweat socks.”

“Yes, I remember Larry…” replied Jack

“Please! Don’t speak! Your hot salty satanic spermatozoon sperm stench is killing me!” yelled Jen. “I can’t blame Larry for having an ugly penis, but, I mean, limburger is a good cheese if you like limburger, and then maybe you might like the smell of limburger cheese, but a man’s penis shouldn’t smell like limburger. I suppose you could say that a guy’s shwantz shouldn’t smell like a blueberry muffin, but a blueberry muffin is a pleasant smell that can be appreciated as a pleasant scent on its own. You can’t say that about limburger. Have you ever seen a limburger scented candle? I’ve actually seen a “blueberry muffin” scented candle. I’ve never seen a “limburger” scented candle. I’ve never seen an “ammonia” or “old sweat socks” scented candle either.”

“And a cunt shouldn’t smell like a dead old goat” replied Jack

Jen fell to the floor as Jack’s breath hit her. Jen was shaking like a beached whale. She was shaking like a beached whale in that she was shaking and flopping on the floor like a whale stranded on a beach. Jen was not fat and was not the kind of person who somebody would describe as a whale. Her shape was not whale like. She actually had a nice figure with an ample rack, a thin waist and an ass to feast on, so one would not describe her as a “whale” because of her body size, but to see her at this particular moment in the temporal time space continuum one could not fail to notice her on the floor flopping shaking and flailing in an uncontrolled manner and a rational thinking person could be reminded of the image commonly shown on television of a whale stranded on a beach flopping shaking and flailing in an uncontrolled manner; Hence the description of Jen as a “Beached Whale”.

“Oh my gosh golly goodness!” yelled Jack “Jen is on the floor flopping shaking and flailing in an uncontrolled manner like a beached whale in the sense that at this particular moment in the temporal time space continuum I can not fail to notice her on the floor flopping shaking and flailing in an uncontrolled manner and being a rational thinking person I am reminded of the image commonly shown on television of a whale stranded on a beach flopping shaking and flailing in an uncontrolled manner; Hence my description of Jen as a “Beached Whale”.

Jen was wearing an adorable pleated cotton rockabilly plaid summer sun dress with adjustable straps that tie over the shoulder and functional stylish large pockets on each side. The plaid was a mix of off white, muted soft gold, pastel green, dark avocado green, soft brown with shiny gold, blue, green, and silver tiny threads running through it.

Jen’s flopping shaking and flailing in an uncontrolled manner on the floor had caused Jen’s adorable pleated cotton rockabilly plaid summer sun dress with adjustable straps that tie over the shoulder and functional stylish large pockets on each side to rise up around her hips exposing her imported one size fits most sexy simple and comfortable ruffle pink nylon/spandex thong with cotton lined crotch. Some of the blond hair from her musky mound stuck out of the edges of her one size fits most sexy simple and comfortable ruffle pink nylon/spandex thong with cotton lined crotch. It was totally romantic.

It wasn’t long before Jack’s parasympathetic nervous system was affected in such a way as to cause blood vessels at the entrance of Jack’s doinker to open up and let blood flow in. The blood entered the spongy tissue of the copus cavernosum and the corpus spongiosum and gave Jack a boner. A honkin’ boner. Jack bent over and took a whiff of Jen’s meat wallet through her one size fits most sexy simple and comfortable ruffle pink nylon/spandex thong with cotton lined crotch and grabbed his stiff shlong.


Jack couldn’t help the orgasmic expulsion of semen that shot from his penis as he sniffed at Jen’s saucy slit and yanked at his rigid man sausage. Ejaculation is after all a reflex, much like when the doctor hits your knee with his hammer. Jack was unaware that he had been storing sperm in his epididymis after making it in his testicle. As the reflex ejaculation began, sperm from his epididymis moved to the vas deferens into Jack’s prostate where it mixed with secretions from the prostate and seminal vesicles to be expelled through the urethra Franklin right onto Jen’s carpet. Jack shot about 3 cc of baby batter containing three million sperm on Jen’s carpet. Jen’s face twitched romantically.

Suddenly, Jack’s mouth tasted like the Devil Satan Beelzebub himself had shot a huge load of his hot satanic baby batter out of his huge warty satanic shlong into right into Jack’s gapping wide yapper.

“God damn Satan’s salty jizz!” Yelled Jack.



fin
9 comments

anonymous readerReport

2013-04-24 21:21:53
I have never seen you look anything but prttey, of course I mainly see what shines from the inside through your spirit as haven't met you in person. But point is you are beautiful, always have been, always will be. If you are feeling unhealthy, well then just follow the same amazing, insightful, perfect advice that you would tell your daughter if she ever came to you as an adult woman/wife/career woman/mother of young kids.P.S. My own journey led me to putting my exercise at same importance level as my kids, my nutrition choices mimicing how I feed them, getting up when I didn't want to as hate waking before the sun but had to in order to work out and be home before the kids woke, working out at night when I am tired and grumpy because if I am going to be tired and grumpy may as well jog while I feel that way can't feel worse can only feel same or better. And cut out alcohol.(I KNOW).

anonymous readerReport

2012-09-26 20:06:52
Did u read his 1st one? Roflllll

Anonymous readerReport

2009-02-08 16:04:15
damned weird is all i have to say

READERReport

2008-02-11 01:41:01
hilarious

READERReport

2008-02-08 19:14:28
two words: BullSHIt

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