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PART 1:

I walked downstairs in the morning.

My mom said "yo bitch wut da fux up"

And I said, "Excuse me, mother, but I find your immature and juvenile language rather offensive"

So she got pissed and raped me. First she took off my clothes and started sucking my dick than she produced a dildo from thin air and shoved it up my ass.

Than I got ready for school and went to school.

At school I saw some hot girls that I wanted to fuck.

So here's what I did:

I sharpened a pencil REAL sharp and stabbed the teacher in the heart and she died.

Then me and my friends produced knifes that we had stolen from the kitchen. One of my friends, Billy, was so bad-ass that he had a gun so he pointed it at everyone.

One boy blocked the door so the kids couldn't get out. Then we said
"If anyone moves or screams or tries to get away we'll kill you and pop a cap in yo ass, bitches".

I told everyone to jump out the window and die. They did because I had previously injected them with drugs.

Except the girls I wanted to fuck. I took their clothes off and tied them up.

Then I fucked them. I took my penis out of my pants. I was proud of it because I was only 9 and it was 13.5 inches long, effectively making it the biggest in the class and bigger than the teacher's dicks too (And I know that for a fact )

I put my penis in one girls vagina. She was really tight and my dick was so big it only fit half way into her. So I pushed REALLY hard and it came out her ass. LOTS of blood gushed out, onto the floor. My friend ate the blood and got a boner because he's screwed up.

Then I came so hard it hit the back wall.

"OK, who's next!" I shouted!

All the girls wanted me to fuck them, so I did.

Then, the seriousness of what I had just done hit me.

So I ran away from school, making sure I didn't get caught. My friends also came. I figured I might look a wee bit conspicuous, what with all the blood and come on my and dead people in da classroom.

So I was lucky to escape with my LIFE!

I quickly dashed to the local McDonalds and ordered a burger and smeared it all over me so I would be bloody anyways and it wouldn't look too odd. My friends did that too. Then we ate some chicken McNuggets because we like the way they taste!!!

Then, I realized: I had forgotten to put my clothes on! Here I was, in the middle of the street, covered in blood and hamburger juice, naked. My friends were luckier because they had remembered their clothing.

"Oh, shit!" I thought. Then the server lady ran out of McDonalds.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO U THINK YOU'RE DOING! NO SHOES NO SHIRT NO SERVICE NOT TO MENTION NO PANTS OR UNDERPANTS!"

So she started kicking me and punching me and raping me and I was like "Oh shit, this ain't all that good"

But then my friend shot her and my other friend had sex with the corpse and listened to Cannibal Corpse on his iPod.

Then we went to my house and hid under the bed. That was the scariest, most embarassing moment of my life!!!!!

Then I cleane dup, sent myf riends home, and continued with my day-2-day life. No-one ever found out. I was quite lucky, because if they had used forensics I would've been screwed.


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PART 2:

My life began in 1999. I was born at home. I am now 9 years old.
The most distinguished feature about me is my big dick. OK, I exaggerated a little about the 13.5 inches. It's only 11 inches.
But that's bigger than just about everyone, even porn stars with massive cocks so I'm happy.
I used to attend school, until the big "incedent".
To say my parents weren't particularly pleased with me for killing my teacher and all the students in my class as well as violently raping some of them,
then going out naked on the streets covered in blood is an understatement.
When they found out, they took me out of school for the rest of the year. I'm not too sad though, because school sucks. Except the fun day I had last week.
Unfortunately, I'm not aloud to watch TV or play video games for a week. That kinda sucks, but to keep myself busy, I'm writing a diary.
Today, oh look. My mom's coming and she said I'm going back to school.
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At school, we had PE. I had to be relocated to another class, on account of the teacher and all the students being killed. Luckily, my three friends were put in the same class as me. Billy was really cool and he had several guns. John was screwed up with some odd fetishes. And Josh was just some random kid.

During PE, we went into the locker room to get ready for swimming.

"Attention," said the male locker room attendant. "The girls locker room is closed today so they'll be joining us!"

All the girls and a female locker room attendant walked in.

"OK," she said. "The girls will change and the boys all have to close your eyes, except your attendant, Charles. He'll keep his eyes open to make sure your eyes are all closed".

"What the fuck?" I asked. "Shouldn't the FEMALE attendant watch the girls?"

"Don't you argue with me, young man!" shouted the lady.

So the girls staretd changing their clothes. Charles was watching and he had a huge boner, but the lady didn't notice due to her eyes being closed to grant the girls privacy.

The gay queer pussy kids closed their eyes, but me and my friends kept them open. Charles noticed and chuckled to himself.

I saw one girl that was particularly hot. I wanted to have sex with her very badly, and I could tell Charles and my friends wanted to as well.

Charles whispered in my ear:

"Should we do it now?"

I gave him a thumbs-up.

He pulled out a SwitchBlade and stabbed the lady in the back. All the girls started screaming but then he pulled out his 20-inch dick and they stopped screaming because they wanted to suck it.

They took turns sucking his massive cock. Each time, he orgasm'd and made a gallon of cum which they swallowed. He did this over and over again.

I wondered how he could make so much cum! I can only make a teaspoonfull.

But then I started raping them girls up the ass and pussy.

WOW! I finally managed to make more cum! I felt so proud of myself.

My friends all took turns having sex with the girls. Their dicks were only 2.5 inches long and when they orgasm'd, no sperm came out.

None of them had been virgins, the sluts they were!

I laughed.

Then I ran home from school. The bitches never caught me, my friends or Charles.

At home, my mom asked what I had done at school today.

"Oh, not much," I replied. I chuckled to myself due to her ignorance.


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PART 3:


At school, all the girls liked me after I had had sex with them the previous day.
I was the biggest PLAYA in the school and all the other PLAYAS were jealous because the girls
didn't attempt to rape them, and they only attempted to rape me. Normally, people don't like to be raped.
It's part of their psychological make-up, or possibly because they don't want to be accused of
cheating on their boyfriends or having sex and not getting paid (and the pimp would be mad).

I welcomed all of this with open arms, however. That's what makes me different from GIRLS that
get raped! Normally, I'm the one who rapes people so this was a refreshing change.
I was having sex at least 94 times per day, sometimes 95 or EVEN 96!!!!!
It's fun, but really, too much is TOO MUCH!
So I thought...
"Hmm. MAYBE, just MAYBE, I can make MONEy by selling GIRLS to have sex with!"
My dad used to be a pimp, but then he killed a chicken by cutting it's head off. A chicken CAN theoretically live for quite a while
with no head, but this one wasn't lucky and it died. The dead chicken ran to the police and told on him for being a pimp because it was mad at him.
So that was the end of his pimpin' career (and life out of jail for a few years). I cried when I found out.

I found some girls.
"Hey, do you wanna be whores?" I asked.
They all wanted to be whores so I used blocks and extra-strength super glue to build a whore house in the back of the school.
I accidentally glued my fingers together a few times. God, I hate it when that happens.
Then I put the ho's in the whore house and put on my pimp costume for when I was a pimp last halloween.
Since it was from last year, the costume was a bit too small for me, but the tightness exemplified my dick so I liked it.
All the male teachers, including ma' old friend Charles were lined up behind the whore-house to buy some whores.
"Hey, Charles," I exclaimed!
"YO!" He shouted back at me. I smiled with pleasure at being addressed with respect by an older member of society.
I lined up the whores, who were dressed in revealing clothes and high-healed shoes. The guys payed by 20 dollars each.
Normallly whores would cost more, but since I'm a kid, I earn less money. It's the Murphy's law of kids trying to do business. It sucks.
Then they started fucking the whores. My three friends also fucked whores, but I was hospitable enough not to charge them.
I tallied up all my earning: 600 dollars! I was rich!
I'd never had this much money in my life. I was so happy that I busted that joint known as school and went and bought me a strawberry slushy.


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PART 4:

was starting to PWN everyone. I was now the most GODLIKE person in the school. Pimp, PLAYA, murderer, rapist, yup! You name it.
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Right then, to my story. I got up in the morning. My old, boring alarm clock rung. It was 3:00 in the morning, and time to get up. Oh, how I
wished for a new clock! It was my greatest dream and aspiration!
I walked down the creaky stairwell and to the computer with Windows Vista. I played RuneScape for 3 hours until 6:00 when I started getting ready for school.
"YAY," I said, due to the fact that school was the best, most epic part of the day.
I had reached level 25 in RuneScape just as the alarm rang again. So after school (during which I had an interesting incedent involving some girls and
the janitor's mop) I ran up to my mommy.

"OMG MOM! I need to have a party today to celebrate my achievements in the popular online MMORPG, RuneScape!"
"Well, ok..." she said after a while. "But nothing too big. You can only invite three friends."
"Oh, goody!" I exclaimed with glee. I knew who I'd invite: Billy, John and Josh.
After they had arrived, they sung the popular public domain song, "Happy Birthday to you!".
"It's my birthday?" I asked.
"Oops, I forgot." Said mom. "It is."
"I'm turning 26, right?" I asked.
"Actually, you're turning 10. You must have just felt grown-up due to the fact that you're a big boy," she explained.
I ACTUALLY felt grown-up because I was a Pimp, PLAYA, murderer, rapist, yup! You name it. But I didn't tell mom that.
I opened my presents. First was a certificate for a RuneScape membership! it was from John. I thanked him.
Second was a new, awesome alarm clock! It was shiny and new and high-tech, with a built-in radio and everything! It was from Billy. I thanked him as well.
Josh had gotten me an awesome shirt that said "I like to have sex." It was so awesome I put it on right away! I thanked him!
Then, I opened my last present: A certificate for a whore-house?
"What the fuck is this, mommy?" I innocently asked, so as to make sure she didn't learn of my awesome range of sexual knowledge.
She had THE TALK with me and my friends, because she had decided it was time for them to learn about sex as well.
After that, we knew about fallopian tubes and such, as well as how to have sex. (She didn't teach us that, but we already knew.)
When my friends were picked up by their dads, they were PISSED that my mom had talked to them about sex without permission.
They beat and raped her. I called 911 and she got picked up by an ambulance with a driver named Fred that flashed me. The dads got arrested.
My friends cried, but I comforted them and told them that my dad had been arrested as well, and we could form a club for people with dads in jail.
When my mom came home, she drove me to the whore-house. I picked out a whore and fucked her. I came in her pussy. I had a lot of fun.
When we got home, my mom told me to write thank-you notes.
"No way, bitch!" I shouted. I HATE writing fucking thank-you notes!


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PART 5:

Hey, everyone! Your favorite erotic story protagonist (ME) is back!
I was PISSED at my mom for attempting to force me to write thank-you notes. So I ran away.
I stayed at Charles's house. I was afraid he'd molest me but he ain't gay. I ain't either.
"Yo d00d," said Charles. "Wanna go to the strip club?"
"U got it, bro!" I exclaimed with delight. I had never been to a strip club, and I had always wanted to go.
So we went in Charle's PIMPMoBiLe, which was a big purple car with high suspension and the smell of drugs coming from the back.
Once we got to the strip club, Charles warned me.
"THis is a SPECIAL strip club, not the typical type."
"OK man, " I saided.
So when we went in, instead of random half-naked girls there, there were half-naked MEN!!!
"Eww" said me and Charles at the same time. We had come here to have fun, but I wasn't gay.
One man said "Yo, come to the VIP room" so we did.
The girls were all in there. You had to look at naked men unless you were a VIP. PRETTY DAMN CLEVER IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF!!!!!
We left after fucking a few girls. THEN we went to bed. THEN I ate some FRoSTED FLaKES!
Then I had buttsex with the couch!
And THEN I went to the dentist's office for my routine, yearly dental check-up.
THEN I ate a Snickers bar and shoved it up my ass as a makeshift dildo. Then I used a large baclk dildo in a girl's ass.
Then I had to go to school.
"Damn!" I shouted. I used to liek school, but it was boring in comparison to Charles's house.
47 comments

Anonymous readerReport

2014-01-07 01:33:21
PISSOUTMYASS if among the best writers on this site. His stories are genius, and always give a good laugh, even if you read them more than once. I sure hope he writes more.

anonymous readerReport

2013-04-11 13:14:43
For the person who said, "you reallyneed to learn how to WRIGHT dumbass" for god's sake learn yourself! it's WRITE, not WRIGHT, and by the way you also forgot a period. PISSOUTMYASS, love your stuff. It's as fucked up as I am. (; Sincerely, Littlest Slut

anonymous readerReport

2013-03-31 19:07:03
Okay. You really need to write more chapters to this. I love it like I love all your stories.

KidnextdoorReport

2012-11-29 16:28:18
"Some random dude whose name is Josh"
This is funny man. Do you know what's even funnier???
The COMMENTS!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

anonymous readerReport

2012-11-28 15:41:10
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHATOO FUCKIN FUNNYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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