I couldn't come up with a name to describe these guidelines, based on my experiences,
So I thought, “A Swinger's Handbook” might be fitting. Swingers, that might be a new word for wife swappers, and in this day and age, I have no idea what they call it. Usually it's people who are married that have sex with multiple partners with the consent of their spouse, most times including their spouses.
Now days, all they have to be is a shack-up. Most all of the women in my life were Swingers. I was introduced to it at a young age of 21, in a desperate move to save my first marriage. Not a good idea. Which I will get in to later.
Not everyone has the mindset for the Swinger's lifestyle, you have to put a side any jealousy you might have and raise the trust level to breath taken heights, and most important you must be a team. Now there are many forms of Swinging, the most extreme is the open marriage, my advice to you is stay away from this type of Swinging, not many people have the strength and tolerance to allow their spouse to go on dates, overnighters, weekend getaways, and pure fucking by their selfs. If not careful it can cause divorce. I am not a fan of this type of Swinging.
Swinging as a team is fun, only if you abide by certain guidelines. First of all, you are not going to be a Swinger, if your spouse says no, their statement of no, might not be a real no, you will have to talk it out calmly. I have found out it is easier to talk about Swinging with your spouse during sex, you start out slow, talk about how hot it would be to see your spouse dancing with another, and go from there, it comes across so much clearer, when your spouse is about to hit the high note, and your talking about them fucking someone else. Now remember don't push it if they don't want to, that can go south real quick. If they still can not come to terms with Swinging, you're not going to be a Swinger, you might as well get psychiatric help, or divorced. The best time to introduce it to your spouse, is before you get married, give them the option to get out or venture further. I can't stress this enough, you must both be in agreement on this.
After that said, you don't want to rush right out and find a couple or a single, you have to make sure that they also have the mindset for the Swinging lifestyle. I suggest you talk about it more during sex. if you are good or know some one good with “Photoshop”, have them make you pictures of Swinger activities and make love while viewing them, get it so that you almost pass out from excitement as you cum, then the process of finding that right sex partner or what we called it, “a new toy”, can start.
Finding people to play with, there are so many sources now days, with the INTERNET. There are web sites that cater to just that, now depending what you want out of your Swinger adventure, you must decide what type of couple or single you want, do you want a couple that is straight or mixed bi-sexual, or bi-curious mixed, ether guy, girl or both, you just have to decide. The same thing goes with the single.Once you decided, what type of playmate(s) you are going to look for, you can now, go thru the process of searching.
Where to look ?
The net, has many opportunities, you can join a paid site that unites couples and singles, with the same thing in mind. They should have the mindset, but I still say you should email, talk and exchange pictures, before jumping in. When you place your ad, state what you are looking for, don't be shy, they have no idea who you are. Your ad could read as follows:
straight couple looking for single straight male or bi-female for fantasy fun, non-smoker, disease free, social drinker, discrete. It's best to see what others write, to get the hang of it, but do explain what you want. Do add pictures, naked and with clothes, it's a good idea to block your faces out, unless you don't care if grandma or the kid next store sees.
You can go to certain site's that are free, and post pictures of you and your spouse, tell some of your fantasies, now you could state that you would entertain the idea of playing with a couple or single female/male, with like interests, oh maybe state that single males need not apply, unless you want to go thru thousands, that want your hot wife. If you find a single male that might be good one, that doesn't cock hound your wife, you can secretly converse with him.
My favorite place is a Swing club, it is best that you go as a couple or single female, single males are not really welcomed, unless they are known and have been there with their spouses.
I love this atmosphere, the one we use to frequent was so cool. It was in a big house, with many rooms and a big rec area fixed up like a bar with a dance floor. You find yourself a table, sit back and check out whats available. Oh yeah most places are BYO booze, they provide place to keep your beverage cold, they usually have volunteers cooking up food for the buffet, its almost like a wedding reception. They have music, dancing and adult games. every one is checking everyone else out, you will have some come up to you and talk, oh I must mention, there is no forced anything at these clubs, if you say no, that means no. if someone persists they can be removed. The games were fun, they had this Sadie Hawkins dance, thats where all the guys stand in line and the ladies pick who they want to dance with, a real ice breaker, you meet so many people that way, and you don't have to do anything with them, now in the main area everyone is dressed, you might see a little fooling around going on. and later after everyones feeling good you might see more fooling around, they would like you to do your heavy sex stuff up stairs, but some like that public display, so its not a rule. Another dance that is good, the spoon dance, a few women and guys are given spoons, the object is to tap another person and hand him the spoon, then you dance with that other person, when the music dies who ever has a spoon has to sit out, the last couple standing gets some little sex gift.
After the dancing and food, the sex, if that is what your ready for, I use to go there with my spouse, just for the food and fun, no fucking. upstairs, you have your private rooms, you have you open voyeur room, and there is the orgy room. The private rooms, are self explanatory, if the door is locked that means, try another private room, also it is the only place where cameras are allowed. My favorite was the voyeur room, there was a line of mattress's on the floor with chairs around the other edges. The rules where if you where to be in that room you must disrobe, no touching unless you are invited, you can fuck with out the fear of someone joining in, or you can watch others fuck. Now the orgy room, you must disrobe also, you can sit and watch, or you can join in with anything going on.
These were the best times of my Swinging days, we met rich couples, politicians, important people. We even met a retired newscaster, Ive seen on TV. Yes there were young couples, old couples, but I would venture to say, the average age was around 35 to 45.
rubbers and sample lubricants were available and of course showers. I have so many erotic memories. One I want to share, I was about 27, it was early in the AM, most were sleeping, some were still stirring, my spouse was fast asleep, this older lady sits next to me and starts a conversation, she was in a long night gown, she looked very attractive like one of those older executive types, it ended up, me getting one of the best blow jobs ever, and she was 69 years old, wow what a blast.
The bars are a good place too, but you should really screen who your going to play with, like I always stress. Rent a room, play and say your goodbyes.
My wife and I were out dancing in a nice country western bar, out side of St Louis. My wife saw this cowboy, looked like it was his first time to the big city, which I guess right, he was a Montana boy, in for the bull riding competition, at the rodeo in town. I had talked to the gent, and invited him to our table for drinks and dancing, later asked if he was interested in fucking my wife. We had a motor home, which made it easy, just my wife and this cowboy, I filmed the whole deal, wow, that was exciting, the only thing this poor boy fell in love with my wife, had to give him his spurs and show him where he tied his horse up.
One thing you don't really want to do, is invite a single friend into your world, unless they have the mindset. I had this cute girlfriend, I finally got her talked into Swinging, I invite my best buddy. We had a great time, we got drunk and fucked all night, the next day, mind you, my buddy was sitting at the table, when I walked in from work, “what the fuck are you doing here” they both had that deer in the head lite look, I threw him out and a week later, she moved in with him.
Another thing you don't want to do, is choose a stranger, and tell him where you live, now a stranger is ok, and of course, you have to talk to him to see if he can handle being used by both of you, but not a good idea to bring him home with you, unless he or she is a swinger and married.
I made the mistake of choosing a cop, we took him to our house, he fell in love with my wife, I came home, one day and he was inside my house, talking to my wife, my wife widen hers eyes as she rolled them, I blew up at the guy, and I was on the floor with a gun in my mouth, this cop harassed my wife and I so bad we had to move out of state.
In my opinion, couples or singles that are married and have the mind set are probably the best choice for recurring fun, but be careful, you should really keep your private personal life separate from your kinky sex life.
My wife and I had these friends we meet at a club, we became very close. We would spend the holidays together, do family activities with the kids. It was just too much, when there was a problem with their marriage, he or she would be over talking with us about it. Then you got to take sides. Too much trouble for me.
Mercy fucking, man, this is a bad deal. We were at the club, when a new couple arrived. My wife was hot for the guy, I told her this couple has issues, the guy was a nice looking guy, the girl, was a 3 bagger, one bag for you, one bag for her and the third for the dog. It's clear they come here so he can fuck hot women. My wife pouted, when I said no way, her pouting bugs the shit out of me, so I attempted the dreaded mercy fuck, this guys wife was not about letting her husband fuck my wife, without me fucking her.
There's always a chance something turns bad, in that case, my wife and I came up with safe words, these are words that let your spouse know that you want to quit or what ever. For instance, the guy fucking my wife is getting rough, and you don't want to start fighting, she would say, “oh this is great, he reminds me of Carl”, I would know she wants to stop, so I would then go thru a scene of my back going out, we would apologize and say our good byes and hobble out. You can have different words for different things.
I'm not too experienced with the male bi-sexuality as my wife is with the female bi-sexuality, but I suggest any experimenting in this area, should be suggested by the woman and made known it is her fantasy. Then you guys can shrug your shoulders and say, hell that's her idea. Unless it was made aware of at first what your intentions were. Oh I may add, when swinging activities are going on, there will be the occasional dick on your arm, balls in your face, the other guy's cum dripping on you. This is common with 3ways, guys it does not make you gay if that happens, no offense to gays, but there are a lot of macho men that would think that way.
In my younger years, I would not like to see my spouse kissing and such, well my advise is to let them go as if they were with you, it is much better when you don't have restrictions, remember you are a team, with one thing in mind, and that is to get your rocks off. I use to love watching my wife make out. Back in my swinger days.
Guideline # 1, don't use a personal friends that know you both.
Guideline # 2, don't bring a stranger to your house the very first time. Play away from home and only once with that couple or person, there are tens of thousands, of potential people to play with and don't be desperate. In rare cases, your playmates, might have the potential of regular sex, but be careful.
Guideline # 3, when posting photo's of your self, block out your face, unless you don't care who sees.
Guideline # 4, no mercy fucking, you both should agree on who your going to play with.
Guideline # 5, Do not get into Swinging to try and save your marriage, Swinging is only for strong marriages. A way to add spice to a good marriage.
Guideline # 6, if possible, try to keep your kinky sex separated from your normal life.
Guideline # 7, have safe words, it's a good way of getting out of an embarrassing situation.
Guideline # 8, always have the woman suggest any fantasies both of you would like to try.
Guideline # 9, don't have any restrictions on your spouse.
Well in closing, this is only my opinion, these are not etched in stone, they more or less are just a guide.