By: 3rd Hawkins
My name is Nikki not Nicole but Nikki Jamison. My friends and everyone knows me by Suzuki. Like the bike but better. I got the name because my mother is half Japanese and I got them chinky sexy eyes. Besides I love motorcycles. I am going to get me one, one day. My father is a black and half a pimp, dead beat dad. I live here in Baltimore Maryland. “The home of the Wire” as they say. My mother and father were like a lot of other young parents; all they chose to do when they was young was party and not be responsible for the child they had. So when I was six weeks old my father left us and decided to move out of Baltimore. My mother started using drugs and eventually gave me away to my aunt. One night late I woke up in the middle of the night and my aunt told my mother to just give up and leave me with her, because she wasn’t giving me the care I needed. My mother told my aunt
“No, this is my child and I’m taking good care of Nikki” she said.
My mother and aunt argued back and forth until my mother tried my aunt Pam; she tried to walk past Aunt Pam and go up the stairs to get me. My aunt pulled my mother down the stairs by her hair and started fighting my mother, because Pam refused to let me go another night not being taken care of the right way. My mother left and never looked back. At this time I was back and forth from DC with my other Aunt Sandra and then back to Baltimore City with my aunt Pam. At a young age I never felt stable so if you ask me where my father is oh, I’m just another piece of shit kid that has a dead beat father for a role model. All I know is that he’s live in Myrtle Beach.
My aunt Pam got real sick from cancer and past away and since she never really adopted me legally my moms got me back. I started getting older and seeing all the tings that a young impressionable kid shouldn’t see. Trust me I have seen it all. Shit life was just fucked up! Baltimore is my home and I love it but I also hate it.
My mother eventually got help and got off the drugs and claimed to be a good Christian woman after that. I mean she seemed like a good mother at the time. She go to them damn meeting all the time and go to church like she live there. She tries to get me to go but that’s just not me. That’s not how Suzuki rolls.
I guess you could say I was loved by my moms and my aunts at different times in my life and the best thing for me was to stay with mother and try and build a relationship.
When my mother was running the streets doing whatever she pleased. I would see her maybe once a month if that. Sometimes when my mother came around and I was in my room she did not even say anything to me, I didn’t exist to her. I remember one day she come over to see me and took my lunch money for school. That was a messed up situation, it made me not trust anyone and I became a little stronger and more independent from then on.
So it’s almost like I am just coming out of her womb and I’m 16 now.
Baltimore Maryland August 2007
I know that I’m not supposed to be doing what I do, but my life is no fairy tale. I love money it’s that simple. The only thing I learned to love was money ever since my mother kept taking it away from me I wanted it more and more like a power drug or something. The only other thing I really loved even more than money is motorcycles and …well i am young and of course good sex.
I think it was Thursday, and the sun was going down. See all of the girls my age were hanging in the clubs or on the block talking to small time ballers trying to get into their pockets. Me, no way that’s just not my style. I was in my room, well in my mom’s apartment. I call it her apartment because it really was never a home for me. In my bed with my legs open and a twenty-five year old guy in between them banging me out. He was heavy in drugs and had money, lots of money. He gave me money all the time even took me out when I would play hooky from school and take me shopping. He treated me like I was his girl. He even took me to get my first tattoo. It was a Suzuki S of course. Most people always said they was "kingpin this and baller that" but this man really was. Money, clothes, cars outlined him in everything. The one thing he had that attracted me to him was his motorcycles. He had about five of them. He had it all and money was really nothing to him because he had the whole Greenmount Avenue on lock. He told me he was going to take care of me and all this other bullshit I believed. He even told me I was his special girl. I in turn, like a dummy thought I loved him and felt like I wanted him to be my first. I guess my wants and my needs were not rational at the time.
“It hurts…dammit Shawn please take it out! Take it out!" I cried.
I told him this was my first time and he promised to be gentle. That was a lie.
"Come on girl I’m almost done. I'll be finish in a minute just relax"
I thought that this was how sex is supposed to be and all he kept doing was torturing me.
I use to see him all the time on the strip and he was always so nice to me. He would take me for rides on one of his bikes or in his fancy car. He had never talked to me like this.
What had I gotten myself into? I had never ever in my life had so much pain hitting me all at once not even with cramps. All I know is that it hurt so bad that I almost threw up. I was almost about to cry. He just kept banging and thrusting his dick inside me like it was nothing. He had quickly forgotten I told him this was my first time. I wanted to scream so badly but I didn’t know I thought maybe it would hurt the first time and then I’d feel the pleasure all my friends talked about. I didn’t feel any pleasure believe me. This shit hurts!
"Look you said you wanted to be a woman well now you are and trust me baby after this , next time you will love it!" He said to me
“Next time” I said out loud
I only knew Shawn for like two months but during that time he spent money on me all the time. My mother was never home and my father lived in South Carolina. He was a deadbeat dad. Never called or nothing. He only cared about himself. The next thing you know I heard…
Suddenly, the front door slammed. I knew who it was. It was my mother coming from bible study. I tried to push him off me. He wouldn't get up. He just continued fucking me faster and faster. “What the hell was he doing?” I was so numb I didn’t even feel the pain anymore. His body was sticky, hot and sweaty. He then strained his neck and stopped still while cumming all inside of me. I could feel it almost like I was pissing. Then he just fell out on top of me.
“Shit” I said
The foot steps were getting closer.
My moms had always had a habit just walking into my room without knocking. She always tried to catch me doing something I had no business although I never gave her reason to. It looked like today she was going get her wish and I was about to die.
"Please just get off of me!" I yelled just loud enough so he could hear it.
He still wouldn't move. Finally, he rolled over but by that time it was too late. My moms had opened the door and she was in shock. I don't think she prepared herself for this one. To be honest, I didn't even prepare my own self for this one. She just stood there. She said nothing. She just stared at this old ass man naked next to her little girl. Yeah my moms this saved holy than thou person that could tell you every scripture in the bible. She lived by that bible and I didn't.
I was no saint but I was also not a devil worshipper. I just did what I wanted to do.
Shawn got up in a heartbeat. He ran out the room buck naked trying to cover his face and he forgot his clothes. He ran right back in to get his clothes and then he was out again. I knew I was about to get it now. Then she finally spoke.
"Nikki, what in Gods name has gotten into you?"
"What do you mean, what gotten into me?" I said trying to use the Jedi mind trick on her.
"Don't play games girl, I'm not the one today. You are not the girl I raised you to be. You talk back, you skip school, you don't go to bible study, and now this. You were in my house having sex. That man old enough to be your father. I almost have to drag you to even go to church. You....."
I cut her off.
"Don't go there. Don't act like you were a saint all your days mommy. Or did you forget you had me at fourteen? You should be talking to me, not talking down on me. I am turning 17 and soon 18 and …
She came over to the bed silently. I looked up at her and she slapped me. She slapped the shit out of me.
"Get out! Get out of my house Nikki! You think you grown and can talk to me like that then get out. I did not raise you to disrespect me and I will not allow it. You grown, then you need to get those men you let touch your body and live on your own. Get out!!!!"
"No, mommy! Don't kick me out! I didn't mean it!" I begged her.
"Then you are going to South Carolina to live with your father. I can take it no more the devil in you child and I can’t take it.”
I was pleading more and more.
“But mommy wait I’m sorry …it won’t….”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
I began walking out of my room.
“You are leaving my house today. Pack you things and get out.”
She grabbed me by the arms and threw me off the bed still naked and begging her to let me stay.
My little light skinned ass was all bruised up from her grabbing me. She lucky I didn’t call the police. She started yanking all my stuff out my draws and putting them in my Gucci duffle bags that Shawn bought me. She had finally gone off the deep end. All I could do was stand there and look at her.
I started getting dressed as she was packing my stuff. She pulled me out my room by my hair when all my clothes and stuff was in the duffle bags. She actually pushed me down the stairs. She then threw my bags down as well. Again, I just stood there. When she saw I was not going anywhere she ran down the stairs, then she came down and pushed me outside the door half-naked with no pants on and threw my bags in the street. She took one more look at me.
“You are no good girl. I’m calling your father. You stay out my house until he calls or come and get you.” That was the last time I saw my mother.