its not easy trying to justify something you know is wrong, but you just can't help but enjoy....
I wasn’t always like this; I’m not sure what exactly changed me. Some say its from our childhood, inattentive or abusive parents, cruel women, or just plain messed up personality. Whatever it was, it changed me, I could offer a few opinions on the matter but that I think would be making excuses and at the moment I won’t make any excuses for what I have become.
I’m not fond of the female sex, I’m not gay I just don’t like females very much, mostly I looked at them with distrust or downright annoyance. You might say I’m just a typical male with female issues, you’re probably right but with my experience I feel I am justified in my feelings. I do lust after them, that hasn’t changed since I was a teen, diminished but not gone. The idea of being in a relationship wasn’t something I wanted, so mostly it was just purely sexual. I didn’t have the personality to be a player and because of my guarded nature, never sought to approach any woman concerning a one-nighter. So sexually I was limited to porn and my left or right hand…sometimes both.
I was always reclusive, in almost everything I did. I was brilliant in school but had no social activities to speak of, few friends and an obsession with books. The one thing that defined me though was my attention to detail and my uncanny observation skills, I guess that’s what prompted my actions. Like I said I am reclusive to a fault, and usually spent my Saturdays by myself either working on computer programs indoors or at a small caf?round the corner from my workplace, just reading and passing the time. It was such a Saturday as I sat reading that I happened to look out the window of the caf?nd saw something that made me stop in mid-thought. Across the street a bunch of teens were walking by and as I turned a slight gust of wind picked up and lifted the skirt of one of the girls, I was immediately captivated by what I saw. Apparently, she was wearing a g-string, which wedged itself into her young slit, and her bare, puffy lips were clearly visible for anyone to see, well anyone with my vantage point and crouched over reading like I was. Now this might have taken no more than a few seconds but the image imprinted itself in my mind long after she had walked off.
She was probably no more than fourteen or fifteen if that old but for some reason it struck me as immensely erotic…well let me not say erotic because what was going through my mind as I walked was not exactly erotic. My mind kept replaying the scene and the more I though about it the more turned on I became. With my depraved thoughts and over-active imagination, I soon started spinning different scenarios and for the first time in a long while, I had an orgasm that was not stimulated by computer porn or erotic magazines.
I tried to forget the whole thing while at work the next week, but every time my mind wasn’t pre-occupied with some task or the other it would constantly come back to that moment. I think I was becoming obsessed; it occurred to me that even seeing my female co-workers in their somewhat revealing work attire didn’t seem to get my heart rate going as it apparently should. Now being 24, it was more than apparent that I couldn’t start an affair or even think about having sex with any 14 or 15 year old girl but that didn’t stop my fantasies and there were many of them.
I even went online to find stories and pictures to feed my new habit. I didn’t realize they were that many sites with underage porn, pretty soon I was hooked, with at least three subscriptions. My depravity grew almost uncontrollably, fortunately though I was always aware enough to keep it all to myself. Like I said I was quiet and reserved so no-one thought much of my behavior as it never changed much outwards, but inwards I was conscious of every young girl that passed me. I pictured what they wore under their tight jeans, flaring skirts or dresses. I imagined making love to a few I saw regularly pass by the coffee shop (it was next to a clothing store). One especially was a cute redhead, she passed by every Saturday, I guess her parent(s) worked nearby or she lived close by or something but at the time I didn’t know. I sat expectantly every Saturday and waited; as time passed, I would sometimes get knots in my stomach, wondering if everyone around me knew what I was there for, what it is I was doing. I felt like they could read my thoughts just as clearly as the words printed on one of my books, which I always carried, pretending to read. I waited.
Finally she came, walking by with two other girls, one was a rather beautiful blond, in purple printed top and black thigh length skirt, the other not as pretty but wore revealing short shorts and a small shirt that showed off her midriff. Nevertheless, my eyes focused on my redhead beauty, she wore a light blue top with a small baby fat kitty printed on the front, it curved gracefully over her young breasts, swaying gently about her stomach, it wasn’t that short but I could make out the pale plunge of her stomach as it entered her jeans. I watched her walk by with her friends, my eyes never leaving her, I watched as her auburn curls swayed in front of her eyes with each step, her smile that made her entire face light up with a spray of soft pink freckles. Her grey/green eyes had a light all their own, and when she looked up and caught me staring all I could do was give a nervous smile and dipped my head back to my book. My heart was beating with a frenzied rhythm and my hands were sweaty and shaking. I spent most Saturdays like this.
After a few weeks of this it got worse, I wanted to see her all the time, I had constant fantasies about things I would do to her young, yielding body. I even followed her a few times, mostly keeping back a great distance just enough to see her but not enough to be seen by her or anyone who might have thought it odd and unseemly for a grown man to be following a 15 year old girl ( I assumed she was 15). Now I’m the first to admit that I’m not normal, never been and never will be, but my behavior did seem strange to me at first but after a while my concerns about my growing obsession faded into the background. I still kept my eyes on other young girls, read stories and surfed sites with underage teens as their focus but somehow my little redhead just seemed special. I couldn’t get her out of my mind, my dreams and fantasies…I just have her.
I didn’t realize it at the time but my obsession had less to do with love than it did with sex, in actuality I was just attracted to her body, seeing her naked, running my hands over her skin and the pleasure I would derive from sinking myself between her tender lips, both sets. It came home to me when one night after finishing up a project for presentation an emailing it to my boss’s address. I started surfing the net to sate my ill appetite when I happened on a story, I don’t remember who wrote and I won’t divulge the name of the site, but it caught my immediate attention from the title. It depicted the kidnap and rape of a 14 year old girl, there was comprehensible detail of the act. The violation of her virgin cunt and ass, how she was forced to suck his cock after the first time she was raped and again after he had been in her ass. The story itself was amazingly erotic but what turned me on the most was that it was written by a girl and from the girl’s perspective during the whole ordeal. Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you reading the story made up my mind to kidnap and have my way with my little redhead. I’ve read enough stories of rape and other depraved acts and none of them made me want to go out and commit those “atrocities” (depends on how you look at them), I think I had made my mind up a long time ago. So to those morons who think that reading or fantasizing about it makes you a rapist, it doesn’t – actually raping someone MAKES you a rapist.
It took me a full week to make up a plan and another four to five days getting everything ready. My house was a few miles out of town (like I said I am reclusive), away from neighbors and most everyone for that matter. There was light traffic on my road as it was just a side road than meandered along for a few miles until the highway. And it had a basement, I had been using it for an art studio, stockpiling my paintings and odd drawings that kept me busy most week-ends but a few careful dumping of useless items and it was, to my depraved mind, a perfect base for my kidnapping operations. I walked myself through my plan almost everyday, trying to find what could go wrong, how it could go wrong and what I should do when it inevitably does. I had followed her a few times, I knew her routes well enough, I knew when she was alone and when she would be with friends, I even knew in which neighborhood she lived, I never followed her home that was too much of a risk.
Eventually Saturday came, the sun was shining as I woke up promising to be a very beautiful day indeed, but I was caught in a fervor of nervousness that swirled real and imagined dangers at every step. I kept thinking that at any moment the cops would burst through my door, guns blazing with full details of what I had planned. Complete details of my web browsing history despite my efforts to clear it, my crude map of the alley behind the bakery, which she walked every Saturday to the mall and even the stupid home made “kidnapping base” I had created in my basement. I was shaking violently for the first ten minutes after waking. My nerves completely shot.
The day wore on, I went to the caf?t the appointed time and waited for her. It was a nervous half hour sitting there wondering if she would come or had something changed, maybe she had different plans today or if she did show up it would be wit a contingent of friends or cops or….I don’t know what, my mind was gripped in nervous fear. Finally, she showed, my heart almost stopped when I saw her walking by across the street from the caf?she had earphones on and was bobbing her head slightly to the music. She was alone.
I sat watching her walk by, she wore a light blue blouse, it had straps running down her solders attaching the material to chest and gluing it to the soft mounds of her chest, I could see the outline of her bra straps from my vantage point and even small glimpses of her pale stomach as she moved. She wore a knee-length cloth skirt, white with black stripes around it. I watched as it swayed with each step revealing just a little of her thighs, nothing more, no matter how hard I looked. Eventually she moved on and I sat back and resumed reading, or at least tried to, my hands were shaking so hard it was difficult to focus on any of the words. The waitress walking by noticed me and asked if everything was ok, I gave her a nervous smile and nodded, she shrugged and moved on.
I spent the rest of the day just wandering around. I knew her Saturday routine pretty well, she spent some time at a few clothing stores, then moved on to the library for a short while then it was on to the mall with her friends, where she spent the remainder of the day, after which it was any number of places, home, a friends house…but always from the mall through the short alleyway between the bakery. That’s where I waited. It was late in the evening; I had parked my car at the end of the alleyway, out of sight to anyone entering from the mall side and waited just inside the entryway one of the bakery’s two delivery doors. Luckily it was empty at the time and remained so for the thirty minutes I waited there. She wouldn’t see me unless she came into the bakery itself so it was a good hiding spot as any. Again I was overcome by the notion of being found out at any second, my hands shook, my pulsed raced and my feet turned to jelly, it was hell standing there for so long. I heard footsteps and immediately looked to the bakery door to see if someone was coming from the front. No one. The footsteps were coming closer, it was her, well at least I hoped it was her, if someone else was coming through the small alley then I would be screwed. I waited until the footsteps grew closer and closer and finally began fading as they passed me. I looked out and saw her walking by, her headphones still on, her head bobbing completely unaware of my presence.
Now I have never sneaked up on anyone before, never had the opportunity to try, so when I tried sneaking up on her it was no surprise my legs buckled and I almost fell. I quickly regained my balanced and unsteadily snuck up on her. With speed I didn’t know I had I wrapped my arms around her, one around her waist pulling her to me and the other around her mouth and nose pressing the small cloth tightly, cutting her breathing. She struggled, I thought to catch her by surprise and just nock her out like I saw being done countless times in movies, the cloth was drenched in Halothane (something I discovered during my online excursions), enough I hoped to render her unconscious without too much trouble. Unfortunately, it took longer than I thought in which time I suffered an elbow to the stomach, which made me release my grip temporarily that was all she needed to stomp on my toes. I grabbed her again and strapped myself to her trying to hinder further damage to myself while keeping the cloth firmly in place. It took a while before her movements became less frenzied, during which time I looked around almost eighty times, wondering if anyone was seeing us, wondering if anyone was coming into the alley and wondering why the hell it was taking so long to work.
Finally, she slumped forward and I had to act quickly to keep her from hitting the ground. I draped her arm around my shoulder, picked up her fallen purse and as casually as I could, walked her to my car at the end of the alley. I opened the passenger side and slipped her across the seat, closing the door then casually strolling to the driver side. (Truth to tell my “casual” stroll looked more suspicious than if I had a sign across my chest reading “I’m kidnapping someone”)
The drive home was nerve racking, I went over everything in my head wondering how many mistakes I had made and how long it would take before I heard sirens behind me. I looked at her unconscious form from time to time, taking in her calm face and the wisps of auburn hair wrapping across her cheek. Resisting the urge to peel up her skirt or to even reach out and touch her, I steadied my eyes on the road and drove straight home.
I parked the car in the relative privacy of the garage, then gently lifted her out and brought her into the house, leaving her purse on the seat. Thankfully there was a convenient door directly from the garage to the living room. I carried her into the basement and placed her on the bed I had prepared. I tied her arms and legs with old silk ties and wrapped another around her eyes and as an afterthought taped her mouth over, but not before kissing her lightly on the lips. Then I raced upstairs and closed and locked every door and window in the entire house.
I returned to the basement, my heart pounding and my chest tight, her body lay on the small bed, spread-eagled as I had left her. Any minute now, she would regain consciousness and still I had no clue as to how to proceed. I walked to her and sat beside the bed, taking in her young form. Her legs half covered by her skirt, her socks and sneakers, it was pale and smooth, her soft skin glowing in the light of the overhead bulb. Her skirt hugged her tiny hips, curving smoothly into her thighs. She looked innocent and so vulnerable. I leaned closer smelling her perfume; it was light and fruity, almost like cherries or apples. Her chest rose and fell lifting her small breasts upwards then down, I could just make out the outline of her bra through her blouse. Her navel just below her blouse, there was a perfect dip to her stomach receding into the waist of her skirt, my eyes focused on that spot for what seemed like hours. I envisioned what she wore underneath and what it would look like finally to see her without it. I lightly touched her stomach, running my fingers upwards following the small curves of her breasts to her chest, neck then along her jaw; I lovingly caressed her hair from her face kissing the light wispy hair on her brow. I think that’s where my fascination for redheads really took hold. Her mouth taped over I could not trace her lips as much as I wanted to.
The more I touched her, the more of her I wanted to touch. I raised the hem of her skirt just a little and slipped my hand to her thighs. Tracing soft patterns on her skin, going higher and higher, my fingers rubbed against the fabric of her panties and sent a shock through me. I realized I still did not even know what color they were. I raised her skirt higher, and higher and their red outline slowly came into view. It was trimmed in black and had a small heart decorating the very center. My finger reached out and gently traced the slight indentation, my body shivered with lust-filled images of her wet lips and slipping my finger, tongue and myself into her.
Her breathing quickened and she stirred, slowly she became conscious. Bit by bit, realization took over, she tested her arms and legs and after realizing she couldn’t move then went into an extended fit of struggling. It became worse when she tried to speak or open her eyes and nothing was happening the way they were supposed to. I stopped and watched her struggle against her bonds, her body writing and twisting on the bed. She was a fighter.
I couldn’t wait any longer, her struggling only served to arouse me more and with each twist her top shifted up and more and more of her stomach came into view, she was lovely. I leaned forward and placed a hand on her chest, putting as much pressure as I could, she panicked and struggled even more. I increased the pressure, not saying a word just waiting until she grew tired or just stopped. On and on it went, finally I grew impatient and just straddled her legs putting my body weight on her and pressing down harder. Her legs twisted beneath and I became enthralled in adrenalin and lust, I started massaging her small breast through her top, she twisted this way and that trying to get away, but I was on top of her and had a very good vantage. I teased her through the fabric, squeezing as much as I could, rubbing over the tops of her breasts down to her stomach and up again.
By now, I was getting more than turned on and my cock pushed against my pants, threatening to break loose. I slipped off her and stood beside the bed, her body stopped struggling for a bit and she tried to catch her breath, her chest heaving violently. I stripped naked quickly and straddled her again, my bare legs and the feel of my hardness against thighs caused another bout of struggles, I just sat back and enjoyed every motion running through her. Without saying a word, I snapped the straps hold her top on her shoulders, dragging it down her body. Her white lace bra hugged her chest tightly, teasing my senses. Her skin held small freckles to the tops of her breasts, breasts that I eagerly wanted to see. I massaged them gently before pulling her bra up to her neck releasing her breast, small areola dotted by small pink nipples. My cock jumped at the sight. I immediately bent my head to tem, teasing with my tongue, running small circles across her puffy breasts, occasionally touching her nipples. She struggle harder, small muffled screams around the tape and her hands clenched and unclenched above her head. I continued on her nipples, my tongue dancing from one to the other. Her struggles subsided momentarily but her breathing was deep and her hands were still in fists above her. I reached up and gently squeezed her left breast while my tongue worked on her right, biting gently and sucking the nipple into my mouth to tease with my tongue.
I released her nipples and ran my fingers down her sides. Teasing beneath her crumpled top and running down to her waist, where her skirt still clung to her hips. She divined my destination and her body kicked out again. I eased up and began sliding her skirt down, which became harder and harder as she kicked and twisted and mmmpphhed through the gag of the tape.
I sat back down hard and her body arched in pain, I didn’t really want to hurt her so I eased up just a bit. I pushed her skirt up and began massaging her soft lips through the material of her panties. She clenched her legs together and tried to twist her hips away from my probing fingers, it proved futile, her legs were tied apart and as much as she tried she only succeeded in getting her legs slightly together. I worked my way down between them, I could feel her slit through the material and I closed my eyes and began exploring in earnest. Her body rocked, I could hear her crying through the gag, she hadn’t surrendered but she knew she was helpless in her current state.
I moved off her and inched my way down, my head at the V. between her thighs. I pulled her panties down, almost to her knees as far as her position allowed. Her beautiful mound drew my attention immediately. She had a sprinkle of light hair at the top which thinned out as it got lower leaving her lips soft and bare. I lowered my head and inhaled her sweet smell. She quivered as my tongue made contact with her flesh, another sob escaped, but I paid little attention and increased the pressure of my tongue on her pliable flesh. I kissed and teased every inch of her, she squirmed against me trying to dislodge my tongue but that only served to increase the pressure and my pleasure, it was as if she was grinding into me.
I pushed into her, deeper and deeper. Pressing my tongue between her lips, parting them and tasting the silky flesh inside. She screamed again, this time a little louder, the gag muffled the sound but it was loud enough. I didn’t stop, I continued pressing against her, pushing my tongue inside her and flicking it up and down. I started licking along her slit, using my fingers to part her lips, going higher and higher. I wanted to tease her little clit. It was well hidden under a hood of pink flesh and it took some effort to pry it out, after which I played, teased and licked every bit of it. She bucked up, her body leaving the bed, another muffled scream and then soft sobs.
By now my cock was extremely hard, dripping pre-cum all over her thighs, legs and trailing off in whatever direction I had to maneuver myself. I didn’t hesitate any longer, my mind was a blur of uncontrollable lust ( well mostly uncontrollable). I moved atop her small body, position myself at her entrance, this again made her kick out and squirm and scream even more, she knew what was about to happen.
I made sure to rub lubricant on my cock before attempting to penetrate her, she was small and it might be a tight fit. I placed my cock at the slit of her lips and pressed forward, as I thought it was a tight fit, and my cock bent slightly due to numerous nights of masturbation so I had to move my hips around to make it go in. as I entered she screamed and began crying, her beautiful body jerking with each sob. I pushed further the warm feeling enveloping my cock and ripping through my entire body. I had to stop to avoid cumming right then.
As my breathing became less erratic I pushed forward again, enjoying the feeling of her tight soft silky flesh around my hard cock. I expected some resistance the further I went but apart from her svelte figure and natural smallness of her hole, there was none. She wasn’t a virgin (go figure).
With that in mind I leaned forward, grabbed her shoulders and slammed myself all the way in, the lubricant helping a great deal. This time there was no scream only crying. I waited as my body and cock relaxed and the threat of cumming subsided. Then I began to gently rock myself in and out of her. I looked down at her tits and felt it was not something worth passing up, I positioned myself and started sucking on her nipples, teasing her small buds between my fingers as my mouth and tongue worked on the other. I could feel the foreskin of my cock being pulled back with each forward thrust and the feeling of hitting the back of her cunt as I drove into her was exquisite. I felt ripples and waves of ecstasy rushing through my body and I started driving in harder and harder. Small moans escaped her lips, and her body jerked under mine, it felt incredible fucking this small, hot redhead. Her pale skin glistening with seat under mine, her auburn locks matted against her forehead.
I fucked her harder and harder, pumping in and out with increasing force and speed, I was possessed. Her crying died off into the background as she grunted in time with my thrusts, her fingers clenched into small fists above her while her feet shifted against her bonds. I felt myself reaching the breaking point and I reached up and ripped off her blindfold. I wanted to look into her gray/green eyes as I exploded inside her.
She looked at me, her eyes red from crying, then quickly closing them as she felt the first spurt of cum hitting her walls. She screamed again and struggled as more and more of my hot cum shot into her.
It took me a while to come down from my high, still lying atop her, cradling her body in my arms. She sobbed against my shoulders. This was the first time I had ever raped a girl, and a young one at that. I was overwhelmed with mixed feelings but as my body relaxed and I felt her small nipples against my skin, her soft legs intertwined with mine, all I could think was....