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a simple story about an ordinary night with me and an ex of mine keep in mind im only 19 and this is the first story i've written but constructive criticism is welcome
i tried to write this from a first person point of view im not the greatest writer around so i apologize in advance for the horrible punctuation and grammer this is a true story i just wanted to share this as a way of breaking into writing

we were getting pretty bored sittin at your house so we decided to go for a drive it was pretty late so we didnt care who was around when we smoked up that sweet sensimilla after a half hour or so i caught you rubbing yourself a little "must of been a little something extra in that" i said without hesitation you just looked at me with those sexy eyes of yours before you even opened your mouth i knew where this was going just by that look just as fast as you took your hand out of your pants they were down mine and without a seconds hesitation i was already rock hard you gave me a good squeeze and jus looked me right in the eye "i wanted you inside me" that was all you said that was all that needed to be said we stopped at a nearby lake and parked there i started to reach over to slid my hand down your pants but you already had them half off so i just teased your pussy a little bit with my hand just the feeling of your wet lips around my fingers made me wanna cum a little shortly after i sunk my longest finger into your tight little pussy and started rubbing that elusive g-spot you started shaking with pleasure and before long you started moaning with every stroke i made as i sat there and pushed you closer and closer to your peak you couldnt help yourself but to reach over and start stroking me with every pass you made over the tip i shuddered with pleasure finally i couldnt take it anymore i quickly got into the back seat and pulled you back right after me i layed you down on the seat as i was kissing you passionately after i had layed you down i started workin my way down making sure to stop and kiss every inch of your body i hadnt even noticed you had slipped your shirt over your head so i just unhooked you bra and slipped it off i started rubbing your perfect breasts playing with your nipples in my mouth i started to work my way back down i flicked at your clit with the tip of my toungue just to tease you a little but you were in no mood for teasing you just put your hand on the back of my head and shoved me face first into your soak and wet snatch without hesitation i went to work with my tongue exploring every inch of your sweet pussy i had never seen a woman so far gone and into the moment you bucked your entire body from the pleasure of having my tongue buried deep into tight hole as soon as i went back to flicking at your clit your entire body was shaking i knew your were close so i slid my finger into your hole again i could feel you closing tight around my finger as you had a mind blowing orgasm you quickly slid off my finger layed me down and started teasing my throbing cock with your slick little tongue i damn near came when you slid your tongue over my balls all the way up my shaft and made a loop around the tip out of no where you slid my entire dick into the back of your throat with no problem you pulled up a little and got into an amazing up and down rythym with in a few minutes i was ready to cum i didnt even have to say anything you already knew you pulled back off my cock and started jerking me while flicking the tip with your tongue i popped off shot after shot of my warm load right into your mouth after i was drained you swallowed every last drop and sucked me dry but just the feeling of your lips wrapped around my cock made me spring right back up i scooped you up under your legs and pulled you right onto to my waiting cock i let go and you slowly sank my now rock hard dick into your dripping wet snatch the feeling i had was indescribeable and the way you looked at me as you took everything in was the sexiest thing i have ever seen i let you work yourself onto me i could feel your tight pussy starting to loosen up adjusting to me i couldnt hold back any longer i wrapped my arms around your hips and held you in place and started ramming my entire length into you as fast as i could almost instantly your body started quivering to every push i made into you i could already feel your pussy starting to tighten up around my throbbing cock suddenly i felt a massive gush of your juice run down my shaft and onto my balls you had another mind blowing orgasm anyone within a mile radius probably heard you screaming in ecstacy i could feel your legs start to slow their shaking i pulled out long enough to take the time to lay you down on your back and slid back into your box you shot me this sexy little smile and i couldnt help but to just smile back at you and give you a little kiss i continued to pump into you until we both had similtanious orgasms yours only intensified when i pumed what little load i had left into you at that point i just collasped on top of you and continued to kiss you ever since that night i havent been able to look at you without having a little smile creep up on my face

Anonymous readerReport

2016-06-25 03:18:21
20/20 Very well written. Excellent dialogue and punctuation. My lizard was very hard and very wet throughout the whole thing. Great work.

Anonymous readerReport

2014-10-24 16:23:49
If you are serious about trying write, ease take a look at any book or novel. They have sentence structure and proper punctuation. It's there mainly to make what's written enjoyable. Unfortunately your style of writing makes reading it almost too much of a chore. When they reader has to spend too much time trying to decipher the text, they cannot focus on the story.

Captain PaulReport

2009-04-13 01:59:44
Just bad, man. Not even a little backstory, no character structure, and the sex was bland and poorly detailed. Also, when you write, never, ever use the word "undescribable". Writing is just being able to describe things. Saying that word is like saying, "I dont know what to write"

Anonymous readerReport

2009-04-13 00:18:41
That's a long sentence.

Anonymous readerReport

2009-04-12 03:36:54
try not to write in first person it may make the reader feel like you are telling them that. the point of writing is that you want to tell them a story, and try to use paragraphs, otherwise it was good

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