A woman calls her veterinarian and tells him that her male German
shepherd is making sexual advances towards her. He responds by
suggesting that she can bring him in to have him neutered.
"No," she replies, "All I want you to do is clip his toe nails and
sweeten his breath."
A man walks into a bar with a St. Bernard and asks for a martini. The dog
requests a double martini.
The bartender says to the man "So you're a ventriloquist. Big deal. We don't
serve dogs in here."
The man gets up to go to the men's room, and the dog again requests his drink.
The bartender is amazed. "Good God, you can talk. Will you do a favor for me?"
The dog replies, "What's in it for me?"
The bartender goes to the cash register and takes out a $20 bill. "Here's $20.
Go across the street to Riley's bar and tell the guys in there that they are a
bunch of wimps and that our softball team will whip their a**es when we play
them this weekend."
The dog goes out. His owner returns and asks "Where's Rex?"
The bartender says "He went across the street to do me a favor." The
owner is visibly upset and says "I don't let Rex out alone!"
The dog's owner leaves immediately to retrieve Rex, but Rex is not across the
street. He is in the gutter in front of the bar going at it fast and hard with
an Irish Setter. The owner is amazed. "Rex, what's come over you? You've
never done anything like this before." Rex responds, "I've never had money