Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?"
Lady 2: "A condom."
Lady 1: "Where'd you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80's), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
"Doesn't matter," she replies, "as long as it fits a Camel."
The druggist fainted.