I am going to be blunt here I am dyslexic, my spelling is going to be ropey and my grammar just plain bad but as I only learnt to read at 14 I don’t really care. If you don’t want to read it don’t but if you do don’t tell me at the end to learn to spell. This was more about me writing something for myself than anyone else. Oh and if you read it and I have used the wrong word over and over let me know, I once handed in a project with practical instead of particle every time and it is always nice to know when I go wrong.
I am also not sure what I should put these as because they are based on my life but I have move around some of the events and places and people to make it easier to put down on paper.
The estate was violent, so kids had to sign up to the local gangs for protection. However for the gangs to work as any form of organisation it needed money and they could only get the money by committing crimes. But that was ok because the was a nice little niche in the drug trade for them to fill, the dealers needed people to sell on the street and the addicts need some they knew to buy from. The problem was that to sell drugs you needed a place to stand which meant that you needed territory. However the was other gangs that needed to same territory to make their own money so violence was used to hold the streets. For that the gangs needed Boys but that was ok because the where plenty of kids to sign up for protection ageist the violence of the other gangs.
That was why I was stood on this roof top, this block of flats where the highest point in the estate and it was part of the Dead Heads territory and we called it Heaven. I was good at violence and I was here to become better. The other members of the gang on the roof top where elite and if their training of me worked and I learnt to control my rage one day I would be too. That was my dream when I was young, I was still too young to dream of getting out of that god forsaken hell whole but sooner or later all of us do.
Taz stood in front of me, hand lose, ready. Cain and Lacy stood at my shoulder to stop me when it happened and it was going to happen. Bob, Mark and Bex stood by the door to the roof. Bob was the boss, leader of the Dead Heads and Mark was his second and Bex was his younger sister. I was Bex’s lad, I didn’t fool myself into thinking that she was mine but as long as she found me fun I got to sleep with her.
Mark began a slow count 1... Taz slapped me hard 2... He hit me again, I could feel the resulting bolts of adrenaline running though me 3... My body tingled and I felt the heat of my rage roll out from my chest 4... I felt the world slow down around me as the spike of adrenaline took me 5... I watch his hand move through the air lazily, I could have dodged with ease now but that wasn’t the point of the training 6... My body felt light me, limbs numb 7... All I could hear was the rushing of blood in my ears and the pounding of my heart in my chest 8... The edge of my vision turned red now it was just a matter of holding out before I went over the edge into madness.
I could no longer keep to the count, my body screamed at me to tear Taz apart. I began to breathe deeply slowly getting harder becoming almost a gasps. I began to bear my teeth each outward breath became a growl and still I let him hit me. My hands were shaking as I looked down at them, the tremor was spreading up my arms, and I couldn’t show that weakness here. I clenched my hands into a fist to stop them shaking, that felt good, felt right, felt strong I looked back up at Taz and the world went red.
I came back to the world lying on my back, the three older lads held me down. I fought them for a second before I remembered who I was and what was happening. I relaxed as much as I could, the bitter taste in my mount started to appear as the spent adrenaline made itself known.
“How many?” I asked my voice horse, I must have been screaming at some point, sometimes that happened.
“37 hits” replied Mark as he came closer. 37 was good, it had been more than a month since I started this training the first time I had made only 9 before losing control. My face burned from the slaps but I felt good, I smiled at Taz, at 14 he was the closest to me in age there, his nose dripped blood so I had got him before they stopped me. He smiled back, we where friends now, he had put allot of work into training me in the last month and 37 put me only 6 short of Bob’s own record. They hadn’t just helped me to hold off the rage but how to bring it on, the burn was not as clean but it still worked. I was becoming one of them a Berserker.
They got off me and I tried to stand but my legs wouldn’t hold me so I sat on the ground as the others laughed around me. Bex knelt and cradled me head between her breasts, she was turned on by any violence and love to watch me lose control. Her hair was now blue and I knew the pubic hair would match.
“Last time I saw you this spent we had been fucking for almost 2 hour” She giggled. I remember that night well and I still had the bruises to remind me. She liked to play rough and liked her play things young, she was strong and muscled and had enough kinks for 10 girls but the pain was worth it.
“Just give me a sec and I will be ready for another 2 my Mistress” I panted. Bob kicked my leg.
“Play nice, she maybe older than you but she is still my little sister”
“Well if you are not going to let me have fun here I am going to take my toy and go home” Bex said and dragged me to my feet.
I waited to get the nod from Bob before I let her pull me towards the stairs, I really have no idea what would happen if he ever said no. There was a flat on the second to top floor that the gang “owned” as a place to cut and count. It was high enough that it was easy to defend and to hide if the police ever took an interest. Not that the police would, so long as the gangs kept to the estate and the other poor parts they didn’t take an interest. The lads there let us in without any questions, it was because of Bex, they all feared her, but I was now someone to watch myself and my rep would have gotten me in.
The bed room in the back was grubby and small but I didn’t care we had done it in worse places in the last month when the mood took her. She drove me into the wall with her forearm across my throat choking me, she liked to choke it gave her power. I held my breath and let my hands wander her body until they found the zip on her pants. Once I began to slip them off she let me she broke away from me. I sucked in sweet oxygen not sure how long until she would deny it to me again. I could feel my rage at the back of my mind but I had learnt to let it feed into my lust and right now there was allot of that.
“I don’t get naked first, it is a rule, you know that Rave” She scalded. It was another one of her power plays but what made me more fun that the other young lads she could have been fucking was that I push back. I ran at her pushing her back onto the bed, we wrestled trying to pull off each other’s cloths, she was stronger than me but I was getting closers. I claimed her T-shirt but that exposed her great little breast, I was just a boy I couldn’t help staring at them jiggle. The moment’s distraction was all she needed, she flipped me face down on the bed and pinned me. She pulled my clothes off quickly and stood up to look at me.
“I think your body is getting better” she said. It was true, I was putting on height and muscle and was getting chest hair, I was becoming a young man. She pulled down her pants and knickers leaving them in a bunch on the floor. She was a force to be reckoned with naked, a dangerous combination of feminine curves and hard muscle. She pushed me back down onto the bed straggling me smiling down at me. She kissed me hard and deep, her tong forcing itself between my lip and my own tong moved to meet it. Her fingers found my nipples and twisted them painfully and a growled into her mouth. Before her I had never found pain sexy but now it was and my cock was fully erect. We didn’t do oral sex as she wouldn’t be put in the submissive position without my hands tied and after the first time I wouldn’t let her do that and I would not give if I didn’t get.
I spun her over so I was on top, she hated that but I wasn’t going to give her time to complain or force me off. I lined up fast and slide into her, she moaned at that and sunk her finger nails into my chest. They weren’t long enough to draw blood but that didn’t stop Bex from trying as we increased in tempo. I leaned in a kissed her as the pleasure started to build, she bit my lower lip and laugh when I pulled back. She rapped both hand around my throat and squeezed. I couldn’t breathe but I didn’t care, if she was going back to choking me then she was closer than I though.
I slipped my hand down her body and my thumb found her clit, I move it fast coursing waves of pleasure to fun though her body. I needed to finish her quickly as my vision began to black and my lungs burned for breath. She peaked with a scream more animal than human. Her body went rigged and her cunt contracted almost finishing me but I held out. Her body sagged and her arms feel sideways. The rush of air back into my body set my skin on fire and pushed me to new highs of pleasure and I came. I lay down on top of her with a moan. I rolled off her and just held her. She may have liked to be rough in sex but she liked to be held and stroke afterwards. Of course if I told any of them she would beat me into a comma. After about 10 minutes she let go and sat up.
“It is my birthday next week” I said “would you like to give me present?”
“What do you have in mind? Something kinky, right?” She laughed
“Well it is something that we haven’t done before, I want to have a date with you Bex. Fucking you is great but I have nothing of you afterwards. I want to do it slowly, without the bruise, I want to be something more than just a quick shag” I growled trying to hide my embarrassment at this show of emotion.
She looked shocked and just stared as I put on my cloths and started for the door, well I guess that was it for playing with Bex.
“I will do it” She shouted as I opened it. I looked over my should “it is your birthday after all”
“Thank you lover” I said and she blushed.
I got home as it was going dark, home was a small to bedroom apartment with paper thin walls and a decaying smell that my dad work every hour of under the sun to keep, we owned the places now but it wasn’t worth anything. My dad was there, an older version of me, I hadn’t seen him in three days but he did ask where I had been. He didn’t mind the gang stuff, until my mom left he had run with one but after he couldn’t afford to get arrested so he gave it up to look after me. If he had not been a father he would still be a thug but instead he was an office boy who spent his time hiding his own rage. Truth be told the money I was now bringing in from the gang was a real boost to our living.
“Da I need the flat on Wednesday can you lose yourself for the night?” I asked
“Alreet ar’kid I was going to hook up with Wendy on Tuesday but I will ask her to move it” Wendy was I lawyer at his work she was married and about a dozen rungs up the ladder from my dad but like to slum it. She never came near to the estate they just met in hotels that she paid for so they could fuck.
“Tar da I have a girl coming over” I didn’t say Bex as it wasn’t needed.
I headed for my room and knocked on the wall. The knock came back a moment later, the walls really where paper thin and my best friend lived on the other side. Her name was Faye, she was my age, a pretty little red head with just too many freckles and she had live next to me for the last 5 years, there was nothing romantic with us just someone to talk to through the wall. I sat there with my back to the wall and talked to her, we told each other everything. I told her about Wednesday night and she might want to go somewhere. Which she laughs at. And then I sit there until her breathing becomes long and slow.
“Good night ar’Faye” I said and went to bed.
School was a drag but all gang members still of age went, it wasn’t about education but school was a perfect place to make money. By unwritten law gang violence didn’t happen at school, argument where between gangs where dealt with outside. Not that one on one fights didn’t happen it was just not a free for all. My job was simple I made sure people paid for cans. It cost 50p per can from the school diner and tuck shop we sold for 40p and cost we got them in bulk it cost us 23p per can. The profits weren’t as big as cigarette, alcohol and drugs but it was safe and was a constant flow of cash. I just sat a watch, to keep people in line.
However much I hated school the problem was I was good at it. I was top of my year in maths and sciences and I could do most other stuff if someone read it to me. English was hard as I had problems but it was the only one I put work into and the only subject that the teachers liked me. Most of my friends in my year had yet to roll the dice and join up but most would at the next full moon so they hung around the other Dead Heads. Big Bad Bob’s and his sisters interest in me had gone around the other gangs on the estate as had the story of the fight with the Hell Boys so each had someone watching me. The gangs from the Hall and the Waz and the Mains where almost as interested in me but that was because they feared any unity of the estates gangs and we would wipe the floor with them if we didn’t have each other to keep down.
I really hated being followed around school like that but then again we did the same to the other gangs.
Wednesday came, it was my birthday but it didn’t do much for me. My friends may be nice to me but there was no money for presents for none family. My dad had left for work by the time I got up and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow night by arrangement, he had left a note wishing me a happy birthday and a lucky night. He had left me £20 which was more than he would have ever spent on a present. School passed I a blamer, Taz gave me beats but no one else had the balls to do it and I had to sit through my form singing happy birthday badly.
I went home to get ready, I spent most of the £20 on stuff for the night. I put on my good cloths, most of the estate people own a set for weddings and funerals. Mine where purchased with room to grow but now they were really too small for me but there would be no money for new ones not for some time. I picked up the flowers and chocolates I had bought her. I walked to Bob’s flat, it was a good one, and knocked.
It was answered by Bob’s mother, she was a living legend on the estate her husband had been a real life bank robber before he got shot on a job in Liverpool. She had moved back to the estate where she was born to raise her kids. No one ever came back once they left but she had because it raised kids to be hard.
“Hello is Rebecca in Mrs Adams?” I asked, she just smiled and lead me into the living room and left me there to go to a back room. Bob came out and sat opposite me.
“My little sister has not been on a date in 3 years so you best treat her nice or I will break your legs Rave, understand?” I had been having sex with his sister for more than a month, she was more than 3 years older than me and could beat me into a bloody mess herself. I think Bob said it because it was what brothers where supposed to say and he was simple so he said it. But he was right if this went badly it would hurt Bex and he would break my legs, if I was lucky.
Bex walked in the room and me breath court in my throat. “You look simply amazing, the dress looks beautiful” I said with a stammer. I had never seen her in a dress before, I had never really seen her as a woman before, but she looked like a dam fine one. The dress was blue to match her hair it was long and flowing, but as it was Bex she still ware trainers. I gave her the flowers and the chocolate, they were cheap and tacky but for the estate it was a big romantic gesture. She seemed to love them and had to go back into the kitchen to put the flowers in water.
I took her to the best chippy in the estate, it wasn’t in the Dead Heads territory but I had put the word out that any one came near us I would make it my life’s work to hurt them down. It wouldn’t have worked if I hadn’t said it with my foot on the chest of one of the young hot shots of the Bad Dogs. We where watched all the way but none of them came close. I got fish and chips twice spending the rest of my birthday present.
I took her back to my place and sat and eat the food to candle light, well tea light light, and talked. It was the first time we talked, she was smart and funny and some way naive. She hadn’t been on a real date before most lads where first scared of her brother and where now scared of her, so she used young lads for fun. But I was scared of no one. I had got Asti and we drank it out of mugs. I paid her compliments as often as I could think of them.
We sat hugging on the coach and watch a chick flick I had rented. I didn’t like it but she did and that is what mattered. She laid her head on my shoulder and I could feel her smile. The credits rolled and she took my hand and let me lead her to my bedroom.
I began to take off my clothes when she stopped my “what do you think you are doing”
“You don’t get naked first, that is a rule, and I want to make this night good” I said
“You always liked to break the rules and for one night only there aren’t any rules. Now come over here and take my clothes off” She said.
I kissed her, there was no tongs, no biting just lips press together. Lighting shot though my body from my lips to my toes. It wasn’t the most passionate kiss I ever shared with Bex, it wasn’t the most fun but it was the best. I ran my hands along her back until my right found the zip to her dress, I slid it down till it stopped at the top of her arse crack. The dress fell to the floor in a cascade, she wasn’t wearing a bra I don’t think I ever remember I time I saw her in one. “I think your dress looks far better on my floor don’t you” I slid her onto the bed and kissed her on the collar bone, she moans loudly and I stopped.
I stripped as I knocked on the wall “Faye can you fuck off for a hour or so, it may get a little noisy” I said
“Well I will it is just... um... do I have to?” She asked “It is just that Bex is like the hottest girl I know, I hearing her having sex is such a turn on, Please?”
Bex smile up at me “I needed to do something kinky if I am going to keep my reputation, Hell Yer!” she shouted at the wall.
I started kissing her breast, from the outer edge I spiralled into the middle, once I got to the nipple I moved to the other, I did this three times to her gasps and moans until she could take the teasing any longer. Once I reach her nipple she grabbed my head and held it in place. Her nipples where small and sensitive, I had always wonder how sensitive but I found out. As I sucked hard her moaning stopped and her body tensed, she had just peaked from just her nipples, it was small and weak but it had happened. I looked up into her still stunned eyes “Now that is one”.
I started to kiss down her stomach, letting my tong run around her navel. My fingers found the waist band of her knickers and pull them down, there was a difficult moment when my knees got in the way of them but I managed to move without my tong leaving her skin. I moved down lower and she gasped
“I thought you wouldn’t give if you didn’t get”
“Are but you forget, for one night only there aren’t any rules.”
I was young and clumsy and to be honest it was only the 4th time I had eaten a girl out but I had energy and enthusiasm and was willing to take direction. I knew how Bex’s body worked by now I could follow the little signs it gave. I kept it slow, teasing, until her body was begin to beg of release. I placed my lips on her clit and sucked. She exploded with a scream of ecstasy, juices following freely down her legs which I liked of her willing. I moved back up and kissed her so she could tasted herself on my lips “Now that was two”.
I had been hard from the moment she was naked, all I wanted to do was fuck her but I had spent more than a month learning how to control that part of myself. I slipped into her slowly inch by inch until I felt our perverse touch. I pulled out only a small away and trust again. I wanted to be as deep in her as possible while we made love. Time slowed but in a very different way to what I was used to, it was like being enclosed in a golden halo of light. There was no one else just her and me. It is the first time in my life that I can remember feeling rage. There was no rage, no lust only closeness. For that short time, that night, Bex was as much mine as I ever was hers.
I know it was minutes but it felt like hours before I reached climax. I came deep inside her and that set her off, the real world came rushing back with her long moan of pleasure. It was the best sound I ever heard. I rolled off and just lay there holding her and stroking her hair.
She leaned up and kissed me on the check, running her fingers through the scars on my chest. She was crying but weather it was joy or sorrow for the girl called Rebecca that had been lost to the gang member called Bex I will never know.
“Now that was three” she whispered and snuggled up next to me.
“That was soooo Hot” came a small voice from though the wall. We both laughed.
“Goodnight Faye” I said with a smile and went to sleep in my lovers arms.
The morning came too fast and I woke up to Bex. I was her plaything until she got tired of me or found someone better. I was fine with it, I think now I loved her but back then it wasn’t so clear, because I wasn’t just her plaything. I meant something to her and that was all that mattered.
I walked her home as the sun roses over the estate. And I was glad for the drugs and the gangs and the violence because they had let I guy like me to spend one night with a girl like Rebecca.