I stood on the top of heaven, the highest point in the estate, and the sounds of New Years Eve just audible above the howling wind. I was so cold but I didn’t care. Tonight was the night, the final test. The other berserkers stood around the roof, if I passed I would be one of them. I looked at them, if they where as cold as me they didn’t show it, all hard eyes and rage. Most of them where now my friends but if I failed I doubted they would not be keeping me around. Taz and Lacy came forward, I held up my hand and waggle my fingers.
The wind gushed am I almost lost my footing on the frost covered roof. Lacy grab hold of my arm holding it out strait so I couldn’t move, my hand force towards Taz. I spread my fingers to give him easy access, this was going to hurt that was kind of the point, this was all about trust. Taz grabbed my index finger and pulled. It takes quite a bit of skill to dislocate a finger without risking breaking one or doing permeate damage, it is much easier to just break one. You pull fast and add a slight twist you can ripe all the joints out of place. Taz did this know, I have never felt such pain, normal my body would be giving me some endorphins and a whole lot of adrenalin to help me deal with the pain. But I couldn’t use them right now, if I did I would be dammed.
The edge of my vision was already red but I held out as he move on to my next finger. I was screaming inside my head, my body begging for me to give in and let the rage take away the pain. I was panting like a dog as he moved on to the third. My world had shrunk to the war in my head and the pain in my hand, I could barely hear the popping of my joints. The fire in my hand began to spread heat up my arm as tendons where distressed. My little finger was the last to go but my body barely registered the new pain.
Taz back up and Lacy let me go, both getting back quickly in case I lost it. I gritted my teeth against the pain. All I want to do was cradle my arm and curl into a ball and sob. But the test wasn’t over and I would not show weakness. I held up my hand in front of me, my vision swam and I had to fight off waves of nausea and vertigo. I grabbed my index finger, it was already swelling, I tried just to get my knee to stay strait, and there was a sick crack as I force my finger back into place. I forced down the cry of pain. I grabbed the next and did the same. My face split into a manic smile as it went back into joint. I was shaking now, black spots spinning in my vision. As I forced the third back into place I felt something break inside my head. Blood followed freely down my nose and into my mouth. The tasted nearly put me over the edge, I gasped for breath forcing the red rage back down. My last finger fell into place my hand going numb from the pain and cold.
I looked up laughing like a lunatic, I held up my hand and waggled my finger, and Bob gave me a single nod I had passed. I turned my arm tucked in tight to my chest and looked out over the estate listening to my new brother leave. Taz came up behind me and put his hand on the shoulder, he was proud of me.
“Reet Taz, have they gone?”
“Aye they have gone”
I vomited loudly over the side, my body racked with shocked and pain. I throw back my head and howled, a roar of hate and pain and rage and victory.
Taz had done a good job, it could have been much worse but it wasn’t perfect. My index finger on my right hand has never been the same, it doesn’t quit fit into a fist anymore unless it is cracked first, it aches when the weather changes but it reminds me of that night when I knew that I controlled my body not the other way around.
I really don’t remember getting home. I remember how good the ice it felt, so good, so cold. I looked down at Faye, my girl, her eye all concern. I tried to give her a reassuring grin but I am told that I smiled like a mad man. I let her wrap my hand and take me to bed, my dad was at a works do wouldn’t be back till late, I lay there and tried to convinces her to have sex with me. She put a stop to that by squeezing my hand, making me yelp in pain, and laughed. She kissed my hand better and let me go to sleep.
When I woke I couldn’t move my hand. The bruising was so bad it was near black. Faye took me to the shower and let the 10 minutes of hot water do its work.
“You don’t have to mother me” I teased
“Oh, would a mother do this?” with that she grabbed my cock and began to stroke. Hot soapy water ran down my body as she moved in close. Her head was level with my chest, she kissed and nibbled my nipples as she jacked me off. I ran my left hand down her back trying to keep my right out of the way. She increased speed trying to get me off before we ran out of hot water. I began to moan as I got closer and closer. My cum shot across the bath hitting the far wall, the next spurt landed in the water and was washed away. I shivered under the warm water as she let me go, she ran her finger up the wall and sucked on it. She came back over and hugged me. I would have stayed there for a long time but the water chose that moment to run out. We jumped out of the shower squealing.
My dad was in as much of a state as I was. Last night the husband of a woman she was fucking at work had hit him. My dad was hard, he beat down the poor husband, but he had got in enough licks. He was bruised and scared that he would lose his job but getting to unload on someone had made him feel alive for the first time in a long while.
He shouldn’t have worried, we are not sure if it was because of the woman being far higher up than dad and they were worried about sexual harassment or his bosses just liked a man who could beat down someone bigger and stronger than him but they promoted him. He was still an office boy but he was now on the second to top floor not near the bottom. The pay bump wasn’t much but we never had to do the by annually pick water or power coin toss again, and we no longer needed the money I got from the gang to not go to bed hunger one in a while.
My own earning went up significantly. I had become elite and I was to move up. I became Lacy Lt helping him run his corner, really my job was no different but I sat there and watched kids sell drugs after school. The trade only really started up later afternoon as it took the addicts that length of time to put together the money and most of the casual users only came around at night so I didn’t have to miss school. I ran the corner when Lacy was doing other stuff, I acted as muscle to ensure payment and to keep away the other gangs and I made sour the count was kept right. The work was not bad but I did learn a lot about why the older members of the gang were the way they were.
Have you ever met a smack head? There is nothing as vial, as decrypted, as truly dammed as a human who has let themselves fall that far. When all your world is controlled by when and how you get your next fix, when you will do anything for just one more high, when you will sell your friends, your family and your very soul. These are the scum of the world we have built, an underclass with the underclass, men willing to pimp out their own daughters, mothers willing to let their babies starve, people that would lick your feet for just a tasted. They were dammed and I was their dealer.
It is hard not to hate yourself when you spend your life profiting off the lowest depths of human misery. The self-loathing is soon all you feel so you find some to blame, and they are right there buying your produced, and you hurt them to make yourself feel better. Once you learn to find fun in the pain of the addicts it is easy to move on to other. Humiliation, violation and degradation all become just part of the fun. You learn to lose yourself in base emotions, lust, hate, rage knowing that no matter how bad you become at least you are still above them. More often than not they cross over, quash the self-loathing in the sweet oblivion of the narcotics they sell, but with just one slip they will fall forever become the worst of them all.
I knew this by the end of the first week and I hated myself. I know this sound soppy but love saved me, I couldn’t truly become self destructive why I loved Faye and she loved me. You got used to it and learned to build two bits of yourself, the dealer and the person, not that this makes you good it just makes you last.
My hand heeled given time and truly became one of the inner circle of the gang. I was like them.
I was a violent drug dealer, there are few things I am proud of from my childhood but it was the world I grew up and I can rationalize most of it away. But there are a handful of things that I am ashamed of, things that when I wake up in the dark, in the middle of the night I can’t say that was just how it was and for those I am sorry.
The first one of those was such a small thing, as January was ending, to get a girl from the year bellow me to come to a party. I had never meet Emma before she was pointed out to me by Cain on one Wednesday morning. At 12 she was old enough to start looking sexy without losing her childhood cuteness, all blond curls, big blue eyes and dimples. I was told she had to come to a party at the YMCA Friday night and it was my job to get her to come. Sometimes I lie to myself and say that I didn’t know what they planned to do to her, but I knew what type of party it was going to be from the way Cain said it, and no girl like her would have been a guessed unless bad things where on the cards.
In the end it didn’t take much to get her to come, I am not sure why they asked me, she took a bit of talking to but we would take her. Faye and I meet her on Lacy’s corner as business was running low for the night. Lacy had left more than a hour ago and we were dealing with the rush of people going out who needed a pick me up. Now this business is done in the clubs but back then coke didn’t sell anywhere near a normal club. I settled up with the lads that where on, most would go find a street corner to drink on, some of the older ones would be at the party. I sent a lad off to hand in our scraps, knowing that some of them wouldn’t make it back in, and took the money I knew it was right without looking.
Mike met us outside, he told us the Taz and Amy had come 10 minutes ago. I walked in to the sound of pleasure. There where mattress in the centre of the common room, all where in use a mass of naked flesh. The coaches around the edges had people on them too, some watching, some resting, some warming up.
“What... what is going on?” asked Emma
“It is a party, what did you think would be going on?” Cain came down the stairs“I will take her from here Rave.” He took the still stunned girl back upstairs and I let him do it. My only concern was to find Lacy and settle up. Cain sent him down to me, I could go up all on my own now but I was still not used to it. I passed him the money and told him how much, he counted it in front of me which pissed me off a bit he should have counted it but not with me there, he passed back some bills and I slipped them away. We walked into the party.
The was a girl of about 15 leading a 11 year old around by a leash, the family resemblance was apparent I would say younger sister. The younger girl was naked except for a pair of white cotton panties with pink teddies on them, she had almost no development. The older girl was offering blowjobs from her little pet to anyone not in use. I told Mike to give me back my money, I hadn’t seen him do it, I am not even sure he knew he had, he gave it to me and walked over to the pair. We walked passed couples in almost every position, I could see Faye taking notes, and moans of passion sounded from half a dozen places.
A girl was being dped on one mat, tears running freely down her face as she begged both lads to fuck her hard. There was a girl wearing a protective cone collar like off a sick dog, her face was turned up and lads stood around her wanking. A lad pulled out of a girl on the other side of the room as she screamed out her own orgasm to run across the room to empty himself not the girls face, the was quit a pool building up inside the cone, plastering her hair to her face. The was a girl with another over her knee, her arse starting to go purple and her cunt dripping, I was hard to tell if the screams form each smack when from extreme pain or the heights of pleasure. Maybe it was both, I had felt that before and there was a thin line.
There was a fat girl, clearly too drunk to consent, half passed out on one of the mats. She had been fitted with a ring gag and lads took turns with her mouth as she was fuck with a strap-on by a girl with the body of a model. She laughed and encouraged each lad to throat fuck her fat slut of a friend all the hard, each thrust made her gag and sent ripples along her skin. She had thrown up on herself more than once and as I watched she did it again, it didn’t even slow down the lad in her mouth.
We reach the dining room, it was quitter here as heavier drinking was going, there was still a girl passed out bent over the table with a lad fucking her as two more waited. She had whore written on her fore head in black marker that still hung from a string around her neck, I would hate to try and get that off, and had tally marks on her arse check. The lad finished and added another, letting the next guy take his place. I crack open a fresh bottle of white lighting and took a deep swig, god it was crap but we kept buying it anyway, and passed the bottle over to Faye.
I walked back into the main room in time to see the fat girl cum. Her ‘friend’ pull out and began slapping her cunt like there was no tomorrow, her body convulsed and she began to send jets of liquid all over the mat she was on. It was the first time I had seen a girl squirt and I was amazed. The fat girl tried collapse into a quivering mess but she was help up. The strap-on when back in and the next guy started fucking her mouth being told that she loved it.
I walked over to where Taz and Amy sat and passed around the bottle. Dale was having anal sex with a girl in front of them and Taz was loving the show of his boyfriend arse moving in and out. Amy was flushed by the sexual show, her checks pink her body squirming, clearly embarrassed by her own reaction. A lad tried to touch the clearly aroused girl but growls from myself and Taz send him running.
There was a shriek from the other side of the room. Stacie had been very close to getting a guy to fuck her, she was topless and making out, and then Bex had walked into the room. He froze, not willing to piss her off, and Stacie had exploded. In the two months since Bex had started this game no one had dare to sleep with Stacie, if the girl want sex she would have to give herself to Bex. Stacie grabbed her cloths and ran out in a rage. Bex just smiled knowing she was on the brink of winning. She nodded at us and headed up stairs. We didn’t need to be told twice.
Each room upstairs had something going on, we stopped and watch each one. The first was a simple thing eight girls on a tarp with one vibrator and a whole lot of oil. More interesting than the show was Faye and Amy reaction to it, Faye began to hump my leg very gently and Amy began to make little moaning sounds in time with Faye’s movement.
The next room a large swing had been set up, hung from it and unable to move was a skinny Indian girl, not a common sight back then around our way, she was blind folded and gagged and had a queue of lads waiting for a turn. She screamed into the gag as one of them pounded away at her, there was a spreading pool of cum on the floor under the swing already.
The third room looked just like normal sex until you realized what was wrong. The girl was so small, she was a midget, a fully developed little body hips and face normal but breast smaller, the body shorter, legs stubbier. The lad was raving about how hot and tight this little goddess was. She came with dozens of little shudders running all over her body. If Faye had not been there I would have been sourly tempted to have a go.
The next room had two girls spread eagle, each being eaten out, there was a clock counting down from 60 and there was money changing hands. Once the clock ran out the next two came forward to take a turn, laying down their money. If they made the girl come they got twice back but the girls would be leaving with quite a bit of money.
The next room was the last, because I wasn’t going near Bex’s room unless I was already bleeding or had been told to, this was going to be good. Bex had got some new toys, they had set her back some real money on them had them shipped in, they where a pair of black boxes with a pinkish rubber attachment on the top that could be changed. I know now they are called Sybians but back then they were magic boxes. The twins where not the most attractive girls in the gang but they were up in the top 10 and them being identical twins bumped them up some.
Bex had tied each of them into a kneeing position and placed them straggling each of the toys and put them on full. A third girl, young and pretty, was keeping tally on a white board. Each time one of the girls reached orgasm the girl would add a new mark. Both were on their second set of tallies, both in a pool of their own juices, both were so tiered and sour and sensitive, both begged for them to be turned off, for it to be stopped. Lads stood by some wanked, some laughed all enjoyed the show.
“Maybe we could get Bex to let us have a go” Faye whispered in Amy’s ear, just loud enough for me to hear. Amy turned bright red.
We headed for the end of the hall. It had been the shower room back before the YMCA left. It still was really, we hadn’t ripped out any of the porcelain and it was still covered in white tiles, but we had added some stuff to make it Bob’s ‘thrown’ room. He sat on a chair at the far end and gave a nod to both me and Taz. The cushions none the floor where mostly full but there was a space left open for us fairly close to Bob. Taz sat closest as due his rank and I sat between Amy and Faye.
There was a small square table in the middle of the room, from the way people where facing that is where the fun would begin. The door opened and Emma was lead in, naked but for a dog collar, she was shaking like a leaf. Bex took charge of her and lead her to the table and bent her over. The hand cuffs where pink and fluffy, four kept her in place. Bex picked up her magic wand, a stick with a larger sphere on top that vibrates, it was hooked up to the mains by an old extension cord that lead out of the door. Bex turned it on and placed it on the younger girl’s defenceless cunt. She screamed and bucked but was unable to get away but after a while her pleads for it to stop went to begs of it to continue. Before she had chances to cum Bex pulled back, getting a moan of frustration.
“I think she is ready for tonight’s main event” Bex said, she forced a ball gag into Emma’s mouth and buckled it tight behind her head. A lad that I knew was lead in, he was one of Cain’s crew and had been short on the count the last few weeks, I was waiting for the order to give him a slap for some time but I had been told not to. He was naked and blindfolded, they told him they had a hot virgin cunt all ready for him, I wanted to stop it, not for the girls shake but because it seemed he was being rewarded. Then I saw Emma’s reaction, she began to struggle her begs imposable to understand through the gag, she really didn’t want this guy to touch her which was reason enough to keep my mouth shut.
He was guided up to the girl, running his hands over her arse making her flinch with disgust. He began to slide into the girls opening when he came up with some resistance, he pushed harder and the look of pain told me that she really was a virgin. It still seemed to be a bit tame for these people but as he began to pick up pace a lad came up behind him and removed the blindfold. The smile on his face dropped from his face to be replaced with a sick look of panic, fear and disgust. He pulled out quickly and his face became a mask of rage, Taz and I were on our feet before he could take a step towards Bob putting up a wall of bodies.
“She is my fucking sister” he wailed. Half the room broke down laughing the other half looked on in shock. I was more pissed that I was kept out of the loop than at what I had done to the girl. I heard Eddy’s voice behind me and I was tempted to step aside and let the lad go but that would have been bad form.
“Aye you just took your own sisters virginity” he whined “and now you are going to keep fucking her. That little slut is going is going to take a load of cum by the end of tonight. You can do it yourself or if you are not up for it I can take her downstairs and see just how many lads want to help.” So that was the game, we were going to watch him violate his own kid sister or she would be handed to the mob downstairs.
“Bob?” he gave a final appeal.
“You stole from us” was all he said back.
Resigned to his fate he went back to his sister, I sat back down to watch, someone pulled the gag from Emma’s mouth allowing us to hear her pitiful begs to stop. Despite her bothers objections the revelation that he was fucking his sister had done nothing to diminish his erection. He tried not to look at her body as he fucked her hard, trying to get it over a quickly as possible. Amy’s nails dug into my arm, her body so turned on by the forbidden act unfolding in front of her. Emma’s body had been well warmed up, despite the fact that she clearly hated what was happening, it began to respond thrusting back into her brothers cock. She came with a howl of pure sorrow and began to sob like a child.
“She came” Amy mumbled, suddenly as if giving voice to the thought made it real, her own body tensed, breathing hard. Her nails broke the skin on my arm and the blood tricked down as she came. The orgasm was small but no less real. I let her curl up into me, no one was looking at us, and held her wondering what deep dark thoughts this pretty geek must have to cum from just watching this. Faye looked over with a knowing smile whispering to me that she really would have to get us fucking soon.
In the middle of the room the show was coming to an end, his pleasure spiking he thrust wildly, he came into his sister to the jeering of the crowd. Weeping almost as much as the girl as he collapsed on top of her.
“If you are not straight with us by the end of next month you can come back and take her arse” said Eddy. I looked at the family I had helped damage, the girl I had helped destroyed and I felt nothing but I would when I wake up in the dark, in the middle of the night with no one but myself to talk to and my soul is laid bare. Then and only then I feel true shame.