A couple of months from now, I will be 25 years old, and for the past 18 months, have been living in a husband-wife relationship with my brother.
Rick is two years younger than me. My first sexual contact with him was four months before that, and happened as a result of me being in an extremely traumatic situation.
I married when I was twenty, when my husband, Elmer, was starting his career as a teacher. Naturally, we didn't want children right away, so I was on the `pill.' Life was just fantastic, and I thought our happiness would go on forever.
One Friday, not long after our second wedding anniversary, Elmer came home early from school. Feeling very ill, he felt pretty sure a week-end of rest would fix him up just fine, but it didn't. He felt worse on Monday and I insisted on calling the doctor who said he was not sure what was wrong with Elmer and a few days later, we went into the city to see a specialist. When he'd finished running a bunch of tests, the specialist got us both in his office and told us Elmer would have to go into the hospital for exploratory surgery. Saying he thought he was feeling better and that he really needed to get back to his teaching, Elmer protested but the doctor looked at both of us pretty grimly and said, "No, Elmer. This could be serious." Surgery! Hearing him say that, I nearly died and grabbed Elmer and hugged him to me.
For the next several days, while we were waiting for the operation to be scheduled, I just went around in
kind of a numb daze. How could this be happening to us? When I should have been the one cheering him up, telling me everything was going to be all right, poor Elmer tried to cheer me up!
Elmer's father is his only living relative, a poor, very sick old man who lives a couple of thousand miles from where we live. I called him but of course he couldn't come.
My mother and father are both dead and my only relative is my younger brother, Rick, who lived in a
smaller city just under a hundred miles from here. Asking him if he could be with me while Elmer was in the operating room, he got emergency leave and got to the hospital about fifteen minutes before they rolled Elmer into the operating room. As he was going past on the gurney, Elmer took Rick's hand and said, "Look after her for me," and Rick assured him he would.
Rick and I sat in the waiting room, sometimes just holding hands and sometimes getting up and pacing the floor. We both expected to have a pretty long wait, so I was surprised - and very hopeful - when the operating surgeon came out sooner than expected. Pulling his mask down, he walked up to me and said, "Mrs.-------, I'm afraid I have bad news for you." My face must have turned very pale, because Rick came quickly to my side and put his arm around me to steady me.
"He's going to be all right, isn't he?" I finally choked out.
Shaking his head sadly, the doctor put a hand on my arm. "We've lost him."
The surgeon told me when they'd opened Elmer up, they'd discovered he was eaten up with cancer. "Since there was nothing we could do for him, we started closing, and his heart just stopped. We tried, but we couldn't get it to start again."
Reeling back against Rick, he held me up with both arms. The doctor told is if Elmer had survived the operation, he would have had perhaps a month or two to live and in constant, unbearable pain. "Believe me, Mrs.------," he said, "Elmer is better off not having to go through that, and though I know how hard it is to believe such a thing right now, so are you."
After thanking the Doctor, holding me tight against his side so I wouldn't fall kicking and screaming to the
floor, Rick led me out of the hospital.
When we got home, not knowing what to do, I walked dazedly through the house. I was not even 23 years old - and already a widow! Rick fixed us lunch and made me sit down at the table, but I just picked at my food.
Rick called the hospital and the mortuary, and the Principal at Elmer's school, telling him what had
happened. Later in the afternoon, he sat and talked to me. I cried a lot, and he did his best to comfort me. Finally he fixed us some supper. I ate a little of that, and afterwards, showed Rick the bedroom where he could sleep. Then, I went to mine and Elmer's bedroom, undressed, and climbed in bed.
I laid there, not tossing and turning like you hear of people doing. I didn't have the energy for it. I just
laid there and stared at the ceiling. I felt so alone!
It was still before midnight when, in desperation, Icalled out to Rick. In only a moment, he was coming
through my door. He hadn't even taken time to dress and was just wearing boxer shorts.
"Ginny," he said, "are you all right?"
I was crying and I shook my head. "Please lie down with me, Rick," I begged him. He hesitated for just a second, then crawled in bed by my side and pulled the covers up over us. I put my head on his shoulder and sobbed for a while, and then I rolled away from him. "Please hug my back," I asked him, and he took me in his arms in a `spoon hug'.
I don't know how long we laid like that, but after a little while, I felt Rick's penis start getting hard
against my bottom. He moved back, but it was like his cock had pressed a `start button' in me!
I don't understand the psychology of what I did and I'm not sure I want to, but I moved back a little bit so
that my buttock touched Rick's erection again - and it was very hard. He jumped at the contact, and all of a sudden, throwing my uppermost leg across his hips and worming my lower one under him, I found myself rolling over to face him. Pressing my groin to that hard thing between my brother's legs, my arms were around him and I was pulling him to me as hard as I could.
Rick groaned and tried to push away from me, but wildly humping against his middle, I had an arm and leg lock around him. I was still crying, but had managed to get my night-gown up around my waist and when I finally got his penis out of his shorts and the head of it against the entrance to my vagina, I jammed forward with my bottom and it sank all the way into me. For a minute or so, he laid still while I moved my vagina up and down on him, and then rolling over on top of me, began pounding it into me.
I was like a wild woman! I hunched up against his cock as hard as I could, and he stabbed it into me like he was trying to drive it right through my body. When I came, I remember thinking that I hoped the neighbors would just think it was a `widow's wail' and screamed at the top of my voice. And grunting and grinding himself against me, Rick came at the same instant. When I felt his cum shooting into me, I clutched him tightly and felt his body straining to me. Then he collapsed on top of me.
Almost immediately, he tried to roll away from me, but I locked my legs around his hips and my arms around his shoulders. I was crying again as inside me, I felt his penis beginning to soften, and I started slowly grinding my bottom in small circles until I felt it grow again. Rick raised his head and looked into my face for just a moment. I closed my eyes, and he laid back flat on me and let me work my vagina on him until he was hard.
Then we went at it a second time like a couple of rabbits. Rick plunged, and I was jerking up against him, almost like we were trying to hurt each other until we brought each other to a second orgasm.
Like I said, I don't understand why I was doing what I was doing with my brother, but it was like I thought if
I let Rick take his penis out of my vagina, I would die, too. Even after coming a second time, I held him
between my legs and wouldn't let him pull out. I knew I had strong muscles around my cunt, Elmer had teased me many times about trying to bite his cock off with my pussy, and now I put them to good use, squeezing my brother's limp penis. He was breathing hard, but it wasn't too long before I felt him stir inside me again, and we went at it a third time.
When we came that time - it took Rick longer, which isn't very surprising - my orgasm was so strong that it felt like he was tearing my guts out, and then I fainted.
Next morning, neither of us said a word about what had gone on the night before, it was just as if it had never happened. We called the funeral home and Rick and I picked out a casket, then I called Elmer's father and told him what had happened. He cried a little over the phone, but finally said he was too sick and didn't have enough money to buy a ticket to come to the funeral. So, the funeral would be a few neighbors, whatever friends Elmer had had at school and Rick and me.
By the midle of the afternoon, everything had been arranged for the funeral the next day. I wanted to get
it over as quickly as possible. We had phone calls from other teachers and a few students, and then things sort of came to a standstill. Drained from the fits of crying I'd had during the day, I told Rick I wanted to take a nap.
I don't know how to explain this, but when I stood up to go to my bedroom, I caught him by the hand and pulled him with me, and when we were in my room, I grabbed the buttons on his shirt and nearly tore them off. I was a wild woman again, and I couldn't get his clothes off fast enough! Rick stood there looking at me as if he was patiently indulging a child and as soon as I had him completely naked, I ripped off my own clothes and pulled him to the bed. My legs wide-spread, I fell back on it, and pulled him down on top of me. He was already hard, and I couldn't wait to get his penis in me!
Again, we screwed like a couple of rabbits and when we came, I locked my legs and arms around Rick like I'd done the night before and wouldn't let him take it out. I milked him with my cunt muscles until he was hard again, and we did it a second time. When the spasms died away in me, I felt him moving off. As I grabbed him again with my arms and legs, he put his head down by mine and said, "Sis, I just can't do it again. Please let me up."
Deep in my mind, I knew I'd been using Rick and I guess my conscience at wearing him out took over, because I let him could roll off me. Instead of getting up and going out of the room, he laid back beside me and put his arm under my neck. I hugged him to me and had another spell of crying, and then we both went to sleep.
The phone woke us as evening was coming on. Then there were more phone calls from people who wanted to know the funeral details. A little before midnight, I said I thought it was time to go to bed, and Rick agreed. Without either saying anything, we both went to my bedroom and got ready for bed. I think he came with me because he knew I could not stand being alone and I'm sure he had no intention of instigating any more sex.
Our bodies not touching, we laid down together and turned out the bedside lights. My eyes open, looking toward the ceiling for a long time, I laid flat on my back. Then it was almost as if the different parts of my body had a mind of their own.
My left hand reached over and, finding Rick's penis, pulled it out through the opening in his shorts. Like it
was drawn there by a magnet, my head went down to where my hand was, and I sucked him into my mouth. As his body jerked and he gave a little groan, I couldn't tell whether he was awake or not, but then felt his hand on the back of my head as he pushed down with it gently to get more of his cock into my mouth. For maybe a minute or two, I sucked him until he got fully hard, and then, pulling away from him, stripped off my night-gown. Straddling his middle and sinking down on him until he was all the way in, I moved my bottom up and down, increasing my speed until finally stretching forward, I pressed my breasts to his face. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked and I felt like my body was flying apart. Grinding myself down on Rick's penis, his bottom was hunching up, pushing it into me, and both of us shaking like we were in an earthquake, we came together.
When it was over, I rolled off of him and laid with my back to him. He put his arms around me and wet with both of our juices, I could feel his limp cock lying in my bottom crack. And then we slept.
Getting ready for the funeral service next morning, we were very busy. There were more people there than I had expected. I guess Elmer had more friends at school than I realized, both teachers and students. They were all very sad and very sympathetic, but the funny thing is - well, it isn't funny at all, but I don't know what to call it or how to explain it - whilst acknowledging all the expressions of sympathy, Rick and I were both just going through the motions. We smiled sadly and shook hands with everybody, but casting furtive looks at each other, we both knew we could hardly wait to get away from there and go home and fuck!
And that is exactly what we did. Elmer's coffin had hardly been lowered into the ground and people starting to drift away when Rick and I made a dash to our car and headed for home. We didn't even make it to the bedroom. I think we were undoing our clothes before we even reached the house. As we entered, I threw my panties and bra on a chair in the living room, and Rick was down to his shorts.
Grabbing me and sitting me down on the sofa, for the first time, Rick took the initiative. Spreading my
legs, he knelt on the floor in front of me and the next thing I knew, his mouth was on my pussy. Just to get it hard like I'd done to Rick the night before, I'd sucked Elmer's cock, but I don't think either of us ever
thought of him licking my pussy. I wondered why Rick was doing that, since I didn't have to be gotten hard, and then I felt his tongue on my clitoris and my bottom nearly jumped off the sofa. Never in my life had I felt anything like that, and I could no more control my movements than I could fly! My buttocks lifted up to push my pussy into my brother's face and I ground it against him like a belly dancer. My hands pulling his face into me and my bottom grinding against his tongue, I came in almost no time, and then he pulled back and smiled up at me.
Shuddering for just a moment, I jumped up and pulled him with me into the bedroom. Rick's cock was standing straight out in front of him and I could hardly wait to feel it filling my vagina. He was so ready, it didn't take many pumps of his stiff cock before he was huffing and puffing and poking it to me with all his might. I thought he might come ahead of me, but when I felt his stuff shooting into the depths of my vagina, it set off my own orgasm, and hugging each other tightly, we came together.
For awhile, breathing heavily, we laid beside each other, and then Rick got up on one elbow and looked down at me. Giving me a small, kind of quizzical smile, he whispered, "Why, Ginny?"
Of course, I knew what he was talking about, and looked away in embarrassment. Finally, I said, "I don't know, Rick. I just don't know." Then I looked him straight in the eye and said, "I felt like I just had to do it. I felt like I'd die of grief if I didn't have it." Putting my hand on his naked shoulder, I said, "I'm sorry, Rick. Please don't think badly of me. I just had to do it!"
To my surprise, he smiled again and leaning down, kissed me on the lips, the first time he'd done that. "Ginny, I've been in love with you since I was twelve years old."
Kind of like I didn't believe him, I guess, I looked at him. He must have read my look because he said,
"Before that, you were pretty much of a pain in the ass, I'll admit, but when you got to be fourteen, you all of
sudden kind of grew up." He told me I'd gotten pretty and even started treating him nicer, and reminded me of the time, after school one day when he was fourteen, he showed up at home with a black eye and a cut over his eyebrow.
Remembering, I said, "Yes, you said you were hit by a swing while you were crossing the playground."
"Well, that wasn't what had happened," he said. What happened was he'd seen me walking across the campus and a couple of the older high school boys were watching me. One of them said I was the prettiest girl in school, and the other one said, "Yeah! Her name is Virginia, Virgin for short, but not for long," and they'd both giggled.
I laughed, and Rick said when he heard the boy say that, he'd lit right into him. He didn't know Rick was my brother, so he'd been taken by surprise when Rick poked him in the belly. It hadn't hurt much, though, and then he'd straightened up and given Rick the black eye.
I hugged him and said, "That was sweet, you standing up for me like that."
"Well-l," Rick said, turning kind of red in the face, "That was the first time I ever thought about you and
sex at the same time. I guess it made me realize that someday you were going to let somebody fuck you, and I was awfully jealous of whoever that might be."
"Oh, Rick!" I said, smiling at him.
Rick nodded his head several times and said when he'd see me in my night-gown, or underwear after that - "You know, you weren't as modest as you could have been around a teenage boy, Sis," - thinking about how it would be to do it to me, he'd go to his room and masturbate, "I even thought about how wonderful it would be if I could marry you, and it made me sad to know I couldn't".
I looked at him in surprise, and he laid his head back on the pillow. "And now I've really done it to you," he
"And how did you like it?" I whispered.
Rick turned his head to look into my eyes. "It was about ten times as great as I thought it would be if I
ever got the chance to do it to you, which I was sure I wouldn't."
A couple of days later, Rick had to go back to his job, but since he wasn't terribly far away, promised to
come back on the week ends to help straighten out Elmer's affairs. He did. And we slept together.
In those awful weeks before and after Elmer died, I guess I was under so much stress that remembering to take my pill every morning was the least of my worries. Several week-ends later, I had to tell Rick I was pregnant with his child.
I think life begins at conception and to me, having an abortion would be the same thing as murder. Besides, I'd just lost a husband and couldn't face losing a child too, so when Rick asked if I was going to have one, I told him `no'.
Rick pointed out I would need to think about moving away from where we had lived It was too late for anyone to believe the child was Elmer's, so people would know I'd been sleeping with somebody. I knew he was right, but had no idea where I could go.
A week later, Rick showed up for his week-end and told me he had talked to his company about him transferring to another city, far away from where we were. He asked if I would go with him. I said, yes, I'd love to live in the same city with him.
Rick said what he had in mind was something different. "Will you make a dream come true for me?"
"What dream?" I asked him.
"The dream I used to have about how great it would be if I could marry you," he said, smiling at me.
Saying we couldn't get married, I protested; we were brother and sister. Rick said he knew that, but we
could live together and let people think we were married. Legally, I could get my maiden name back "Who'd know us having the same last name was not because we were married?" he asked.
It was kind of a wild idea - but I told Rick I'd think about it.
Elmer's insurance paid off the house we'd been buying, so I put it on the market and, meanwhile, Rick got his transfer. A couple of weeks later, I called him, telling him I'd decided I would go along with him on the husband and wife thing. If the father was present, it really would be better for our child and having a `husband' would save an awful lot of explanations. Rick was elated!
About a month later, the house sold, he came to help me move to the little house he'd rented in the suburbs of our new home city.
There was a large vase filled with roses on a table in the entry hall when we walked in the front door.
Grinning, Rick said they were for me, (he'd wired them to a neighbour and gotten him to bring them over just before we were scheduled to arrive). Looking at the little card, the only thing written on it was "Song of Solomon 4:9-11." I gave him a questioning look and, still grinning like a kid with a delicious secret, he picked up a Bible that was behind the vase and handed it to me.
Bursting into tears, when I read the verses, I fell into his arms. I can't even come close to describing the
love I felt flowing between us. (This letter is long enough as it is, Dr. Woods, so I won't copy the verses here; you can look them up if you want to know what they say.)
Crying and hugging him to me for some minutes, I told Rick I didn't know he was a Bible scholar. He laughed, telling me that ever since high school, when he had something really preying on his mind, he's close his eyes and let the Bible fall open by itself. Putting his finger down on the page, reading what it was pointing to, he'd done it when he'd got back home after my telling him that I was pregnant. "I don't understand what the Song of Solomon is all about," he said, blushing, "but that sure looked like an omen to me. It's what gave me the nerve to suggest this."
I have to admit that I was amazed!
With the foresight to adopt a middle name, I filed a petition to get my maiden name restored to me. I chose one that could be a surname so it would appear to be my maiden name whenever I filled out any kind of papers. With my blonde coloring and Rick's dark hair, no one would ever guess we are brother and sister, so we don't have any trouble being accepted as a married couple.
Our daughter is close to a year old now, and much to the relief of both of us, she is a perfect baby! She is
the product of incest, so how could we know how she would turn out? But there certainly is nothing physically wrong with her, and the pediatrician says she's smart as a whip, so I guess no harm done!
I guess you'd have to say that there was a lot of traumatic stuff involved here, Dr. Woods, but living
with my brother as his wife and having sex with him is not part of it.
We love each other very much. I don't know where Rick learned all the stuff he knows about sex, but I'm sure glad he did. I really do wish Elmer hadn't died, but I admit that if I was still married to him we'd always do it the same old way, with him on top and his penis in my vagina.
But Rick and I really let ourselves go and do all sorts of different things. No use tempting fate, you
know, so I am on the pill now, and will stay on it. I'm taking some courses in college in preparation for
becoming a teacher - as good as Elmer was, I hope!
By the way, not long ago I read about how some people - men and women both - turn to sex when they are in a grief situation. It told about one woman who got her
husband's brother into bed with her at about the same point where I got Rick into bed with me, and another man and his sixteen-year-old daughter consoled each other with sex before the undertaker had even picked up their wife's and mother's body from the bedroom where she'd died in the same house.