For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Buttfucking makes
it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds technical. In the 1990's,
anal sex has been given the bad rap because of HIV, the virus that
causes AIDS, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse. But
some people love anal sex. Others hate it. Others haven't tried it
yet and are curious. And many people are attracted to it precisely
because it's so taboo and mysterious.
What is analingus?
One other part of the body that some people enjoy licking, or having
licked, is the anus. The anus has half the nerve endings in the
pelvic region and many people find touching it to be sexually
arousing. Although we haven't mentioned safer sex yet as part of
this series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry many diseases
that live quite benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can
be harmful in your mouth or stomach. Performing anilingus is a very
risky behavior for a variety of bacterial infections. Refer to the
section on safer sex techniques for ways to protect yourself if you
or your partner enjoys this activity.
Does anal sex hurt?
Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. With
enough lubricant and enough patience, it's entirely possible to enjoy
anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part of your sex life. However,
some people may never like it, and if your lover is one of those
people, respect their limits. Don't force the idea upon them.
Can anal sex actually give pleasure?
The pleasure of anal sex is derived from many things. Doing
something "nasty" appeals to many people, especially about sex.
Doing something different to spice up a sex life that has become
something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical sensations
available during anal sex are uniquely different from anything else.
The rectum is lined with nerve endings, some of which signal the
brain to 'reward' you with good feelings when stimulated. For men,
the prostate gland can be a source of powerful pleasure. And for a
thrusting penis, the tight ring of the anus can be a new and strong
sensation to enjoy.
What do I need to have anal sex?
The most important pieces of advice anyone can give on anal sex are:
lubricants, condoms, and patience. The most commonly available
lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless, odorless substance available at
most drug stores. Better lubricants include Astroglide, ID, Wet, or
ForePlay, some of which are available at better drug stores, and most
of which are available in some form at adult toy stores. Do not buy
anything that is oil-based. Make sure the lubricant you buy is rated
"condom compatible." Nothing else will do. Oil- based lubricants
such as vaseline or baby oil will destroy a condom long before you're
done having sex. And many oil-based sub- stances will coat the
lining of the rectum, providing a haven for many potential
Do I have to use a condom?
Even if you're sure that both you and your partner are disease- free,
using a condom is still a good idea. The rectum is home to lots of
infectious bacteria that can cause burning and urethritis of the
penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.
I'm worried that anal sex will be messy.
Anal sex can be messy, but such a mess can be avoided; after all,
most people can tell when they have to go to the bathroom. A condom
will help with cleanup, of course, and if you're really concerned, a
commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand. If you do use a
commercial enema, read the instructions carefully.
How do we prepare for anal sex?
Patience is the third and final thing you need to make anal sex
possible. Initial penetration is always the most difficult part of
anal sex-- the anus is a tight ring of flesh at the opening of the
rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily waste. It is
partially under voluntary control, and partially reflexive to stim-
ulation. Your partner has to relax, and you have to go slow to coax
it into opening enough to recieve your penis. Start with a well-
lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your penis) dildo. The
dildo is more realistic, but your fingers can flex and feel what
they're doing inside her ass. Slide one finger in slowly, letting
her adjust to it. Take your finger all the way out, then push it
back in again. Give her anus time to get used to this kind of
activity. Then slide a second finger in. Consider how big your
penis is and realize that two fingers is probably enough.
What position should we use for anal sex?
For actual intercourse, picking a position can be important. Many
women want to be on top, to regulate how fast penetration occurs.
Other like to lie on their stomachs, or crouch doggy-style, or to be
penetrated while lying on their sides. Choose what's best before you
start. As always, control yourself. Take your time and use lots of
lubricant. People who like anal sex say that "too much lube is
almost enough." Listen to your partner-- if she tells you it starts
to hurt, back off. Eventually, a time will come during your
lovemaking where her anus will relax enough to allow the head of your
cock to 'pop' into her. If she is completely relaxed, that pop
should feel completely painless. Now just because you're inside her
is no reason to start pounding away like mad. Let her body adjust.
Take your time. Eventually you will both be ready for more.
Can I get pregnant from anal sex?
It is not *technically* possible to get pregnant from anal sex; there
is no way for semen to get from the rectal tract to the vaginal
tract. However, anal sex is still not a very good method of birth
control. Semen leaking from the anus after intercourse may drip
across the perineum (the short stretch of skin separating vulva and
anus) and cause what is known as a 'splash' conception. The failure
rate for this is surprisingly high! 8% of couples of who use anal sex
as a method of birth control have babies each year.
What if I don't like it?
You may find that anal sex just isn't for you. That's fine. Nothing
says that you have to indulge in something that doesn't make you feel