An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes bored into her shoulder blades for her wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams.
"Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening"?
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm off to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter, "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Yes, but I've already got the holes for that," says the old lady.