A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?"
Him: "I was out getting a tattoo."
Her: "A tattoo?" "What kind of tattoo did you get? "
Him: "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."
Her: "What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"
Him: "Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow . . .
Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money . . .
Third, I like how money feels in my hand . . .
And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"