My awakening began when I was 22. My ubringing had been very strict Christian. We were not allowed to date, or watch t.v. The were no computers in our house. Once I bought a skirt with some birthday money. It was denim and ened at my knee. I was beaten for my "indecency" I was made to kneel in the "prayer corner" in my room for a whole day.
I never admitted to myself the things I felt, wanted. Like I was really going to admit to anyone, especially my poarents that I got excited watching the other girls in the locker room at school. i ignored it, buried it deep. Homosexuals were possessedby demons of lust, or so my parents said.
I got an apartment with a girl from a family as strict as mine. But, she couldn't face living in a world we were unprpared ofr and went back home. I let another girl from work move in. For the first time I saw t.v and the internet. When she wasn't home I logged onto her computer, feling guilty and ashamed.
I sufed porn sites, telling myself I was learning what to watch out for. The lesbian and bsdm sites excitedme, although I refused to accept or admit it. At work I met a boy. We dated for a year, at first he was kind, supportive. For a year the most I would do is make out. I could tell he was frustrated.
Part of the probelm was he just didn't turn me on. The male body wasn't attractive to me. Scared of losing him I allowed myself to get drunk for the first time at a party with him. I found myself watching the other women there. One had on a tight red dress, I could almost see her nipples.
Back at my apartment we started to make out on the couch. This time I let him touch my breasts. I closed my eyes, imagined the woman in the red dress was touching me and i felt warmth in my privates. I felt a sudden, wonderful pressure there, he was rubbing his hand on me. Moaning I opened my legs.
Even drunk I could hear my parents in my mind. Slut, whore, heel-bound harlot they called me. Suddenly I was downright horny. I let my boyfriend lay me on my back, take off my long skirt and panties. I thought of all the things I had scene on my roomates compouter. My boyfriend pushed inside me, there was a breif pain the waves pf pleasure spread thru me. My hips shook, my chest became tight. I couldn't talk, only moan and try not to scream.
When I woke up the next morning I was sick with shame and remorse. I vowed to never let him do it again until we were married, to stop looking at porn. I knelt in the corner of the apartment and prayed for forgivness.
For the next few weeks I kept my promise, which was easy since he was suddenl;y always too busy to see me. When I missed my first period I ignored it. Maybe I was just late I told myself. Then I missed the second. The home pregnancy test told the story. Weeping in fear and shame I called my mother. All I had to do was hang up on her to stop her flow of condemnation, but I couldn't. For an hour she screamed at me. Then Daddy got on the phone, ordering me to move back home. I managed to put them off, telling them I couldn't break my lease. I was told I had until the end of my lease in three more months. Then they would come and get me.
I went to confront my boyfriend, when I arrived at his apartment he was in the foyer, making out with some blonde woman. I turned and fled back home. For two weeks I cried, barely sleeping or eating. My roomate called my boyfirned, trying to get him to acknowledge his responsibitlity. All to no avail.
My roomate decided to cheer me up. She sat down on the sofa next to me. Since the day we met she had always called me "Kat". I liked it, even though I felt guilty for it. She took my hand and sighed.
"This may piss you off, but you can't move back home. Your parents fucked you up enough."
I was shocked at her language, but found myself nodding. Tina pulled me to my feet.
"Come on, we are going shopping, then you are going out and having some fun for once!" She said.
I was embarresed as hell the entire trip. The clothes she picked out were indecent. As I treid them on i expected to be struck dead, sent to hell. The guilt and shame hadme almsot in tears, however it also excited me.
I was trying to hide beind Tina as we entered the club. I felt a confusing mix of emotions. I was wearing a tight black top, a leather miniskirt that barely covered the tops of the stockings and high heels i could barely walk in. I felt like a slut and ignored how excited it was making me.
Tina tried to pull me out onto the dance floor. "No! I...I don't know how!" I whined
She crossed her arms. "Come on, you need to relax. There is nothing wrong with dancing!."
A voice spoke behind me. I jumped, Tina grinned i delight. "Maddie!" She sqeualed. She told her friend about me, my reluctance. MAddie wore a blue corset, leather pants and boots. I couldn't help staring at her. She looked back at me, started to smile.
She took my arm and led me onto the floor, she got beind me, pressed her body to me, i felt her hands on my waist. "Move with me" Maddie said
It felt wrong, but it also felt so right. I started to move my hips, Maddie took my hand, put it on her thigh. I gasped as I grew hot. The balck panties Tina had me buy suddenly felt too tight, they rubbed on me, making me even more excited.
I did as maddie told me, moving with her, learning to move to the beat of the music. I was lost to the beat and her body touching mine. "Good, your doing fine" She said in my ear. I realised her hands had moved under my skirt. I felt them on my hips, carressing my thighs.
"You listen well, I like that." Maddie said. "Turn around, thats it"
I was now facing her, she pushed a thigh between my legs. I felt her hands grip my ass. After the song she led me to the upstaris part of the club. A balcony circled the dance floor below. There were tables and booths, the lights low for privacy. Maddie led me to one, ordered us drinks.
I started to protest, maddie put her finger to my lips. "Shhhh. I'm going to help you."
I stared at her. "Help me what?"
"Free yourself" She answered. THe drinks came. Mine was fruity and strong. i sipped it, then another; and another. My head swam, the guilt and shame heightened my excitement.
Maddie told me to stand up. I rose on shaking legs. She pulled me onto her lap. She kissed me, her tounge probing my mouth. Fear siezed my heart, heat exploded in my privates. Maddie broke the kiss, began to caress my legs.
"I'm going to teach you to accept what you are. I'm going to make you mine. You are a very naughty girl, aren't you?"
I turned my head away, gaspedin suprise when she grabbed my hair, forced me to look at her. "Answer me, slut."
I was burning up, tears running down my cheeks I said "Yes, I can't help it."
She kissed my throat, her hand moved up my thigh, stroked my privates. i was trembling, gasping for breath.
"I'm going to make you love being a slut. I am going to set you free form your guilt and shame. No more fear, no more responsibility, the perfect freedom of slavery."
I was paralyzed with humiliation, fear and desire. She rubbed all around my privates, only lightly grazing her fingers over them avery now and then. I felt like I was going insane with need. She whispered in my ear. I flushed, than did as she asked, telling her abiut myself.
I opened up to her as I had never opened to anyone. She listened attentivly, even as she continued toying with me. I was ready to tell her anything, do anything if she would just go ahead and touch me.
"Kat, do you want me to touch you?"
"YES!" I gasped.
"Only if you give yourself to me. I want you to tell me you will be my slave, beg me to touch your pussy"
"Please, make me your slave, touch my...my...down there."
She stopped rubbing, suddenly I felt her hand smack on my behind. "NO! As I told you, beg me to touch your pussy. From ow on you will call me, mistress"
I moaned, I wanted to leap up and run from her. I wanted the stay with her forever. The guilt and shame were powerless over this buring need. Sobbing I looked down. "Please...mistress...will you...touch my p...p...pussy?"
"Take off you panties you whore."
I pushed them down. Mistress took two fingers, rubbed them on my pussy. I moaned, my back arching. She genlty pinched my clit, robbed it between her fingers. I tried to stiffel my cries.
"No, let it out. I want to hear you, slave."
I creid out as she increased the pace of her fingers. She told me to pull up my top. Then she made me pull down the bra cups. she pinched one of nipples with her other hand.
"You have nice big, fuckable tits, bitch." She said. "Play with them for me." I reached up, started doing things I had seen online. I felt a surge of pleasure welling in me. She pressed hard on my clit as she rubbed it. My hips bucked as the pleasure exploded thru me. i moaned and writhed.
She held me until it was done, then kissed my cheek. She handed my a slip of paper.
"Be there tomorrow after you finish work. I will expect you no later the 6:30. If you are late you will be punished. You will come to me looking like the slut you are. And from now on you will wear this."
She pulled a neclace from her purse. it was a strange symbol with a red gem in the center. She put it on em, kissed my cheek and walked away. I stared at the paper with the adress. I had never felt so complete, so fufilled.
To be continued....