Donnie and Dee Dee made me lie on the bed and watch a little TV while they prepared for dinner. Donnie insisted on taking another shower, though I didn’t for the life of me know why.
Come to think of it, she insisted that I take a shower too; not together though. I wanted to get in with her, but she wanted to reset to zero with our relationship and act like we hadn’t just fucked each other’s brains out. I’ll never understand women.
There is something tremendously domestic about watching a woman getting ready to go out; fussing with her hair, fixing her makeup, all those things women do to make themselves presentable. I found out something about myself. I like to watch. I felt domesticated. I felt horny.
I personally thought that these girls were totally presentable when they were totally nude. But what do I know? By the time the ladies were finally ready, I wanted to stay in the hotel room.
I had taken my shower, thrown on my clothes (slightly the worse for wear), and I was ready. I didn’t have to fix my makeup or my hair.
All of a sudden I had two absolutely gorgeous women ready to go to dinner. It was very odd, because they were dressed exactly the same. Their clothes, their hair, their shoes, everything was identical.
I was uncomfortable about something so I thought I would bring it out right then.
“Donnie, Dee Dee, can I ask you both something?”
Both of them looked up and nodded their heads in unison. This was getting weird.
“First, do you mind if I refer to you as girls? I never call a woman a girl at the office. I know it’s a sexist form of address. But when we get personal, I just feel more comfortable referring to you two as girls rather than as ladies. Just between us, I mean. Do you have a problem with that?”
They shook their heads, smiled, and said “No, Andrew.”
I said, “Do you girls always do everything in unison, or are you trying to freak me out?”
They looked at each other, turned back to me and both of them had smiles that lit up their eyes. Dee Dee has this thing. She can turn on this switch in her head that sends a light from her eyes. It’s the kind of thing that takes your breath away. Donnie has the same thing, apparently.
They said, “Maybe.”
Oh, great. Now they are going to be enigmatic. I just said, “Let’s get going while I’m still sane.”
I opened the door and out we went, me escorting the two most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I had one on each arm, and I could see the looks on the faces of people as we exited the hotel lobby and made our way to the street. The women looked shocked, the men looked envious. We drove over to the Ritz Carlton, where there is a restaurant so far out of my price range that I didn’t even know it was there until I started looking for one that might impress Dee Dee. (That’s a bit of an exaggeration. I knew it was there in an intellectual way, I just never considered it as an option before.)
The girls sat to my right and left and we shared some small talk as we placed our orders. I ordered a bottle of Mum’s Cordon Rouge, figuring the occasion called for as good a champagne as my limited experience (and budget) could come up with.
Julia Child said that champagne is always appropriate. There is nothing like a bit of the bubbly to help people let down their defenses a little bit. The girls were no different, I guess. Neither was I.
I ordered the rack of lamb, the same thing I always order when I go to a restaurant good enough to carry it on the menu. Heck, I’m just a kid. What do I know about this kind of thing?
Soon after we sat down I felt a small hand lightly rubbing my erection. Dee Dee knew that drove me crazy. No one said anything about it, and I certainly felt no need to point it out. It gave a whole new meaning to the term first class service.
The girls both ordered some salmon thing, crusted with pecans or some such thing. It was all strange to me, but they seemed to know exactly what they wanted. It was then I learned that they are semi-vegetarians. They will eat fish but no meat of any kind.
I said, “Whoa! You mean you don’t even eat tacos? That’s a sacrifice beyond the call of duty.”
One said, “Andrew, you can make tacos without meat you know.”
I said, “Sure, but what’s the point?”
Our meals came and we dug in. My lamb had this mustard glaze. It was medium rare and just delicious. I had never had anything better in my young life. I reached over and touched the hand of the blonde on my right.
“Dee Dee, honey. Would you like to try a little of my lamb?”
She looked up startled and just shook her head. I turned and said, “Donnie, how about you? Rack of lamb, Donnie. Yum, Rack of lamb. What do you say, huh?”
I was playing with their heads, seeing how committed they were to this little vegetarian thing.
Suddenly one of them said “I need to go to the powder room.” Turning to the other she asked “Want to go with me?”
With that both girls rose and walked away from me. I wondered if I had offended them with my little meat ploy. I’ve known vegetarians that were almost militantly anti-meat. But then, those were usually the vegan types, not the ones that bent enough to eat fish. Who knows what goes through the mind of a woman?
In a few minutes they returned and sat down. A few seconds later I felt a hand return to my erection. I could get used to eating dinner like this. Still I had to comment on it.
I turned to the blonde on my right. “What, is that seat the designated ‘grab Andrew’s erection seat’? You girls are too weird. I like my brother, but I would never just sit down at his half eaten meal and pick up where he left off.”
Both girls sat back and gasped. Suddenly I had two gorgeous girls rush into each arm, crying their eyes out. I had a head on each shoulder and they were bawling away, right in the middle of that four star restaurant. I didn’t know what I had said to cause this. These chicks were emotional.
I tried to calm the situation. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you were too weird. You’re just weird enough for me.”
Dee Dee calmed down enough to whisper “You knew!”
I didn’t have a clue what I knew. “Knew what?” I asked.
She said “You knew it was me!”
Now what the hell was that supposed to mean? I’ve had some odd experiences in my life, but this one was a pip. I asked “Who else could you be?”
She was sniffling. “I could have been Donnie.”
If they hadn’t been crying I would have thought they were playing with my head. Hell, they were dressed alike, they ordered the same meal, they switched places in the middle of dinner. They were playing something, if not with my head.
I turned to Donnie. “Donnie, honey, will you please tell me what she is talking about?”
Donnie had stopped bawling and was now successfully holding back her tears. “You can tell us apart, can’t you?”
“Of course I can tell you apart. You’re as different as night and day. Well, maybe midnight and one AM. You’re different from each other, anyway. Why shouldn’t I be able to tell you apart?”
Dee Dee said “No one can tell us apart. Momma can’t tell us apart. Daddy doesn’t have an inkling about which is which. People think we’re the same person. We’re not, Andrew. We’re different people. There are two of us. No one sees that.”
I tried comforting them. “Of course you are different people. It’s obvious. You shouldn’t be concerned what other people think of you. I think you’re both wonderful.”
I could feel Donnie stiffen in my arm. She seemed to pull away from me a little bit. I said, “Donnie, what’s the matter?”
She looked like the tears were ready to start again. She said, “Now that you know I’m not Dee Dee, how can you love me? You don’t even know me.”
I couldn’t help going for the laugh. “I know you in the biblical sense!”
That evoked a little smile and a swat on the arm. “I mean it, Andrew. Don’t be flippant about this.”
I said “I don’t know how I can love you. A week ago I didn’t love anyone. Then Dee Dee appeared like an angel and suddenly I was madly in love. I thought that every loving impulse I was capable of was fully engaged. And now you are here. And I know you’re not Dee Dee. But I can’t help it. I’m desperately in love with you, too. I just hope you can learn to feel the same way about me someday.”
Donnie leaned forward and gave me a mind-blowing, toe curling, heart stopping kiss. She sat back and said softly “Someday is today.”
I kissed her cheek and said “Thank you.”
I felt that small hand on my dick again. It squeezed it lovingly. I said, “Dee Dee, that’s a habit I’m going to have to break you of. Maybe in about thirty years.”
She smiled and said, “I’m sorry, Andrew, I couldn’t help it. You two looked so sweet and loving; I just wanted to be a part of it.”
I leaned over and gave her a short loving kiss. Her lips were every bit as soft and alluring as Donnie’s. Just different. I don’t know why. Just different.
Finally I said, “Will you two just eat your salmon and shut the hell up? My $27 rack of lamb is getting cold here.”
The girls looked at each other, stood up and changed places again. Dee Dee said, “I really have no interest in eating Donnie’s dinner, you know.”
“Well why the heck did you sit at each other’s seats?” I was baffled by this little gamesmanship that had been going on.
Donnie spoke for the two of them. “When Dee Dee came out of the bathroom tonight, you said that you knew there were two of us, even though Dee Dee had never told you that we were twins. By the way, Andrew, I hadn’t planned it but I want to thank you for tonight. That was the most wonderful sexual experience I ever had. You are amazing in bed.”
I guess I blushed a little. I said “Thanks, Donnie. I practice a lot on my own.”
Both girls laughed and hit me on each shoulder. Donnie continued her dissertation.
“Anyway, we both were surprised that you said that. Why did you say that?”
“I don’t know. When I kissed you, when I, ahem, entered you, you felt different. I didn’t know there were two of you then, I just thought Dee Dee was continuing to be her madly arousing, sensual, attractive self. She seems to be every woman. She’s a goddess. I assumed it was Dee Dee in a different persona. I don’t know; you were just different. When I saw Dee Dee coming from the bathroom, I was almost relieved. I thought I was losing my mind, I guess.”
Dee Dee said “That’s why we did this. That’s why we dressed alike. That’s why we ordered the same dinner. Well, we both like salmon. Perhaps we would have ordered the same dinner anyway. But when you offered me a bite of your lamb, you called me by name. Both of us were shocked. We went to the powder room and talked it over, then came back and sat in each other’s seats. We were testing you, Andrew. We didn’t expect you to pass. No one has ever passed that particular test before. But we were hoping.”
It was definitely time for my theory. “It’s a chemistry thing, an electricity thing, some kind of thing like that. Donnie, I have this theory. It’s a good theory, and I’m more and more convinced that it has validity.”
“We are chemical attractors. I felt it from the moment I touched Dee Dee’s hand. At least she is a chemical attractor for me. Her body chemistry, her pheromones, her something fits into my receptors.”
“What am I, do I look like Linus Pauling? I don’t know what it is. I’ve heard about physical fitness. But we physically fit. I would be hopelessly attracted to Dee Dee if she were seventy years old and had no teeth.”
‘Instead she is this soft, sexy, beautiful thing. Paul Newman would take one look at her, push Joanne Woodward aside and say ‘Honey I’m home.’”
“And you’re the same. The same, but different. You fit me too. I feel the same things in some different way. Your body chemistries are obviously identical, so you have to affect me in the same way. Perhaps it’s your life experiences that separate you. I don’t know. You’re the same but different.”
Both of their eyes were shining, and there was liquid in their gazes. Dee Dee said, “Why did you say that Paul Newman thing?”
I laughed. “What, are you fishing for compliments? You know perfectly well that you are the spitting image of Joanne Woodward only thirty years younger. Everyone must tell you that.”
Donnie said “No one tells us that. Yes, we have noticed a slight resemblance from time to time. No one else has ever noticed it before.”
I said “I’ll have to let you watch The Long Hot Summer or A New Kind Of Love. I have both on DVD. Then you will both see what you would look like as movie stars.”
Donnie asked “What is a young man like you doing with such old obscure movies? I should think you would prefer more modern films.”
What could I say? “I’ve always thought that Joanne Woodward is about the most beautiful woman in the world. And she’s one of my favorite actresses as well. I have a lot of her movies. I was watching The Three Faces of Eve just the other day. A couple of weeks ago I saw a movie on TV, I think it was called Passions. Richard Crenna (I think) was her husband and when he died she discovered he had a mistress and a son she never knew about. The mistress was beautiful, I forget who it was, Lindsey Wagner maybe, probably about 35, and Joanne was maybe 60. I didn’t care. I would have taken Joanne any day.”
I guess I got a sheepish expression on my face. “Sorry, I have a tendency to go off on tangents, don’t I? It’s even worse when I talk about Joanne Woodward. I’m crazy about her.”
The girls didn’t seem to mind. Donnie said “You can love Joanne Woodward as much as you want, Andrew. As long as you think we look like her.”
By this time we were thinking about desert. Both girls got some fruit tart kind of thing. I ordered a concoction labeled “Death by Chocolate”. It reminded me of something that Donnie had said back in the hotel room, just after we were in the throes of passion. She called it “Death by Fucking”. At the time, I knew what she felt, because I felt too. It was as if the act was so intense that we almost died in the process. Just thinking about it made my erection almost impossibly harder than it had been before. Dee Dee of course noticed, because as usual her tiny hand had been rubbing my dick through my pants.
This is a woman who can eat her desert, carry on a conversation, look beautiful, and massage my dick all at the same time. Her talent knows no bounds.
Her eyes lit up and again I saw that beautiful dimple. “Andrew, are you experiencing some tenseness here? Is there anything we can do to make you feel better?”
I told her “At this time and in this place, there is absolutely no way that I could feel better than I do right now. At another time and in another place you could probably think of something that would, in fact, make me feel even better. But not here.”
She said “We’ll think about that later. But now we need to talk to you about some things. Do you agree, Donnie?”
Donnie agreed. “Yes, I’m convinced that we’ve got to tell Andrew everything; and right now.”
Here we were in this lovely restaurant, eating this wonderful food, knocking off our second bottle of my favorite champagne. I was with the two most beautiful women in the world (to my way of thinking, Joanne Woodward not being available), and one of them had her hand on my dick. Life was good. Yet these girls wanted to talk business. Oh well.
“What do you need to talk to me about? Is this the deep dark secret you’ve been hiding from me, Dee Dee? I had figured it was just the fact that you and Donnie are twins. Is there more to it than that?”
Donnie nodded. “There is more than that, Andrew. Twins run in our family.”
That was interesting. “I read something about that. I heard that there are families that are more likely to have twins. It skips generations or something like that, doesn’t it?”
Dee Dee said, “We’re not like that, Andrew. We always have twins. ALWAYS! Do you get it? And we always have girls.”
I was a little confused. “I don’t remember reading about that particular syndrome in the literature. You’re telling me that every birth in your family is twin girls? That’s a little hard to believe. Do you mean like your mother is a twin. So you have an aunt who is your mother’s twin, right?”
Donnie fielded that one. “Yes, Momma is a twin, but we don’t have an aunt. Aunt Camilla was killed in an accident when she was five. Our Momma, whose name is Cassie, still feels the loss to this day. She always tells us that something is missing from her life. That’s how close we are.’
I laughed. “Donnie and Dee Dee; Cammie and Cassie; what’s your grandmother’s name, Betty?”
The girls exchanged a look. Dee Dee said to Donnie “I told you he was smart.”
“Smart? That was a joke, girls. What, was I right? You’re grandmother’s name is Betty?”
Dee Dee said “No, her name wasn’t Betty. Betty was her sister. Grandmamma’s name was Barb.”
“I get the picture. And her mother’s name was Andrea, right?”
“No, her mother’s name was Annie. Andrea was her sister.”
“Did I say you girls were too weird? Weird isn’t weird enough to describe you. So who came before Annie, then? We’re running out of alphabet here.”
Dee Dee looked like she had made a decision. She said “There were no twins before them. Annie and Andy were the first.”
My mouth was probably a little wide open by now. “Wait a minute. Are you saying that this twin thing started four generations ago? There were two, then there were four, then there were eight, and now there are sixteen? You’ve gotta be kidding.”
Donnie answered that one. “No, it’s not that clean. There have been a few deaths and other extenuating circumstances along the way. There are only ten of us in the ‘D’ generation.”
“Your telling me there are ten women running around Georgia, all looking like Joanne Woodward?”
Dee Dee shook her head. “We don’t all live in Georgia (Donnie and I live in Cincinnati after all) and we don’t all look alike. We’re twins, not clones. There certainly is a family resemblance between all the girls, but we are four sets of twins and two singletons.”
“So the next generation will be the ‘E’ generation, right?” I could play along, no matter how crazy this sounds.
Dee Dee said, “Yes, the ‘E’ generation is next. What would you expect?”
I said “Anything but this. You’ve got to come up with… Wait a minute.” I pulled a pen out of my pocket and started writing on a little note pad I always carry with me. I still have a bit of the nerd in me. “That means you’ve got to come up with 56 girls names beginning with the letter ‘E’, right? It can’t be done.”
Donnie looked at Dee Dee. “He’s not as smart as you think he is. We’re growing arithmetically, not geometrically. And even then your math stinks. All things being equal, we are doubling every generation, not squaring. We only need to come up with 20 girls names that start with ‘E’.”
I rechecked my math. “Oh, yeah, sorry. I thought we were looking at some Malthusian explosion that would inundate the world in Joanne Woodwards. Not necessarily a bad thing, but there wouldn’t be any room for Paul Newman. As a favor to me, please don’t use Edith or Edna, okay? Wait a minute. Is the math that simple? Your family only gives birth once a generation?”
Donnie replied “Yes. We never have more than one set of twins per girl per generation. That’s the way it has always been and that’s the way it will remain.”
This was going way over my head. I’m just a simple little computer geek. “So you are saying that each of you will eventually give birth to twin girls, is that right?”
Dee Dee looked a little uncomfortable. “No, Andrew. It’s inevitable that some of the women of our family die young or bear no children for various reasons. Until recently we had pretty much decided that our branch of the twin family was going to end with us.”
I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes. “Oh. So you had decided not to have children, huh? A lot of professional women make that decision. Until recently? Wait, you mean you recently changed your mind and now you are thinking of having children again? What caused you to change?”
Both girls were obviously embarrassed. But in unison they both said “You did.”
I dropped a significant portion of my Death By Chocolate onto my lap. Fortunately Dee Dee’s hand was there to catch it.
“I did! Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
Dee Dee screwed up her courage. “Andrew, you’ve said things that made me think that you looked at us as having a future together. You’ve tried to make me say the same things to you. You even tortured me, you little bastard. Well I’m telling you now that you can’t have a future with only me. We are a package deal.”
I was finally getting my mind around the whole thing. “So you’re talking marriage, kids, the whole nine yards, is that it?”
Donnie answered, “We’re only saying that we want to consider it as a long term possibility. Dee Dee couldn’t even bring the subject up until she knew that I was willing. Andrew, I’m willing. You might hate the idea. I half expected you to run screaming from the restaurant and stick us with the check. But you had to know who we are, what we need. Only you can decide if you are interested in meeting our needs; or if we can fill your own.”
I might have had a bit of a shit-eating grin on my face by this time. It was more of a fantasy thing than anything else. Not the ‘two girls in one bed’ fantasy that one might expect from such a situation. It was more the fantasy of having Dee Dee and Donnie there all the time. Just to see those soft round bodies, those blue-green eyes. Hear those soft southern drawls. Damn that would be sweet. I made a semi-decision.
“Look girls. We’ve known each other for less than a week. Donnie, we’ve been together just a few hours. I want to move forward. But I want to do it sanely. I want you to get to know me. My little flights of verbal fancy might be cute the first few times. After about a hundred of them you might want to kill me.”
“I’m willing to try vegetarianism. But sometimes you just need a Big Mac! You live in Cincy, I live in Cleveland. Well, that’s not insurmountable, you know. You have these high powered jobs, flying around the mid-west, acting like big shots, firing people, having a ball. I’ve got this nice little job with a nice little company and possibly a nice little future. But I’m not married to it.”
“For quite a while I’ve been considering starting my own business, doing internet development and custom programming. When I start soliciting business (and I have lots of friends in the industry I can talk to) I could be up to speed within a few months. I’ve got all the hardware and software I need at home. It doesn’t have to be at home in Cleveland. It could be at home in Cincinnati. My only requirement is high speed internet access. I can’t live without high speed access. If you don’t have and can’t get high speed access, it’s either buy a new house or ‘see ya’.”
“I could even join you on your business trips. All the hotels have data lines in the rooms now. I can work from anywhere. I could spend a week with Dee Dee in Pittsburgh, then another week with Donnie in Wheeling. You wouldn’t have to come home in the evening to an empty hotel room.”
“Besides, the two of you probably make four or five times as much as I do. It might be nice living off of two little rich girls. Just kidding. I know there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. I pull my weight no matter where I am. But I might be able to give you each some stability, some sense of family while you are living out on the road. I guess what I’m saying is, it might work. I’d like to spend some time finding out if we are as compatible as it looks like we are.”
“Let’s be frank, girls. At some point in time I’m going to be alone with my own thoughts. Then I’ll be able to look this thing over objectively. But right now it’s kind of difficult to think logically with Dee Dee’s hand on my dick.”
Dee Dee had the grace to look embarrassed. “Sorry, Andrew; I just wanted to be sure it still wanted us.”
“Dee Dee let me assure you. Regardless of any other issues that might arise between us, you should pardon the expression, that is not one of them. I will never tire of you that way. Never. However, let me quickly add that if you insist on checking up on me, I won’t object.”
I got that eye lighting smile again. Then she said “Donnie is only going to be here until Sunday. I don’t wish to destroy any boyish fantasies you might have been having about the two of us. But Andrew, we might be a package everywhere else, but in bed we are individuals and separate. Get it?”
I put a hurt expression on my face, at least I tried to. “Get what? I certainly don’t know what you are talking about! I would never think of such a thing. Really. Uh, you’re absolutely sure about this are you?”
Donnie nodded. “Certain as can be, Andrew. Sorry, we’re too old fashioned and straight for anything other than ordinary boring one-on-one interaction, if you know what I mean”.
I said, “I know what you mean about the one-on-one part. It’s the boring and ordinary part I’m having a hard time with.”
Dee Dee said to Donnie “See I told you he always says the right thing. He is a world class bullshitter. Andrew, what I’m getting at is, are you done with us for the night, or would you like some company after dinner?”
“Dee Dee you’ve been torturing me for the last hour and a half. And you think I’m a little bastard? I only tortured you for a few minutes. And as I remember it, when you agreed to my terms I rewarded you with your heart’s desire. Well at least I finished you off. If you think I’m going to walk away from you now, you’re nuts.”
“Well then, why don’t you drop me off back at the Hyatt. Then you can take Donnie home to your place. I’ll bet she would like to be put through a little torture of her own. And you’re just the man to do it to her.”
Donnie was turning red. “Will you shut up? I don’t have the foggiest notion of what you are talking about, I’m sure. But I would love to see where you live, Andrew. Regardless of what the wicked witch of the South has to say.”
“Meeow! You girls are going to be fun to be around, I can tell. Let’s get out of here!”