When I was a boy the folks in the house down the street had a huge fuckin’ sunflower in front of their house.
I thought that huge fuckin’ sunflower was the cats pajamas.
I don’t remember if I asked my mom if we could have a huge fuckin’ sunflower
I’m sure I wanted a huge fuckin’ sunflower in front of our house
But we never had one.
Now I’m forty six years old. I’ve got well trimmed mutton chop Vegas era Elvis sideburns and a cherry red 1976 Monte Carlo Landau with a 350 OHV V-8
I’ve never had a huge fuckin’ sunflower in front of my house.
Mostly, I’ve lived in places where I didn’t really have any say whatsoever in the decisions pertaining to landscaping.
Living in apartment buildings - boarding houses - flop house - drunk tanks.
Now I’m forty six years old and I have a front yard to plant a huge fuckin’ sunflower in.
My wife doesn’t want a huge fuckin’ sunflower.
She says it will attract bees.
She’s a cunt about that but she’ll make a fine beef brisket
Slow cooked with potatoes carrots parsnips garlic and herbs
She’ll roasts that puppy about forty five minutes per pound of brisket
Smells the whole house up
The house with no huge fuckin’ sunflower in front.
She’s a strumpet who thinks Jesus is going to damn me to hell if I don’t repent
She’ll toss my salad but she won’t let me plant a huge fuckin’ sunflower in front of the house.
She’ll go on a 3 day green tea fast and break it with a burger and 5 big ears of corn on the cob.
Then She’ll squat romantically over me as I lay on the floor supine holding a clear glass bowl over my head.
I’ll watch breathlessly as her anus parts with an audible “ploop” and a glistening corny baby ruthish turd slowly slides out of her now gaping anus with a wet crackly sound.
The steamy corn encrusted turd plops into the aforementioned clear glass bowl I am holding over my head as I lie flat prone supine on the floor thus allowing myself the best possible view of her gaping anus as it pushes forth the corny poop like a shy turtle head peaking out into an August dewy morn.
But she won’t let me plant a huge fuckin’ sunflower in front of the house.