This is just the rough draft, feel free to tell me how I can make the final draft better.
This is just the rough draft, feel free to tell me how to make the final draft better.
Her hair was the deepest shade of black I had ever seen, and yet her skin was pale. Her eyes were liquid blue, and it was like you could stare into her soul. Her name was Jerre, she was fourteen, and she was my sister. We had always been close, closer and most siblings. I did not look at her in a romantic or sexual way at all, but in a deep caring way. I loved her, and she was one of the few good things in my life. I needed her, because my life was a miserable wreck. My name is Atticus, I’m eighteen, and I’ve been depressed for most of my life. Take years of depression, mix in the mental disorder Asperger Syndrome, and toss in a few suicide attempts, and you end up with me living in a mental institute.
I had tried to kill myself ten months ago, and had been living in the hospital ever since. I was one of the few people in the hospital who had my own room. Even though they tried to get me to socialize with the other patients as a form of treatment for my Aspergers Syndrome, it had been made obvious that forced socialization for long periods of time would never end well.
I would often lose control, either getting into a fistfight or having a panic attack. The cocktail of meds they gave me kept the worst at bay, but there was still no way that I could ever fully function in society. I was a miserable wreck, and if there were a way to end my pain, I would take it. But there was one thing that made me happy: Every day after school, Jerre would come and visit me. She would stay for hours until our parents would come pick her up.
I was sitting in the wreck room of the psychiatric wing. In front of me was a small television, covered in dust. Next to me was a coffee table with out a single magazine. To my right was a series of windows, and all were reinforced to make sure that no one could jump through them in a suicide attempt. To my left were several shelves, stacked with board games. In fact, there were two other patients at a table behind me, playing checkers. On of them was a germaphobe, and was wearing rubber gloves. The other was claustrophobic, and was constantly looking at the windows.
I was reading the newspaper… or what few pieces of the newspaper were allowed in the mental institute. (The doctors believed that the stressful stories that filled most of the newspaper could cause negative affects on the patients.) As I turned the page, I heard the golden sound of the door opening and closing. I smiled as Jerre walked towards me from behind and wrapped her arms around my neck, whispering a greeting.
“Hey Jerre.” I said with a smile as she sat down next to me.
“What are you reading about?” She asked.
“I reading an article about another of BP’s failed attempts to stop the oil the leak. I’ve pretty much lost track of how big the spill is.” I said as I looked at the article.
“So how was school?” I asked.
“Boring as always. Everywhere I turn, there is all this hype about the upcoming dance.” She said.
“Are you going to go? You keep mentioning how your friends are begging you to go with them.” I chuckled.
“I don’t think so. I’m just not interested in romance; I’ve never even kissed a guy. And I just don’t really enjoy big social scenes like a dance. I guess our hermitage is another thing we have in common.” She said sadly. My smile drooped was replaced by a looked of deep care.
“Jerre, don’t go down that path. Don’t end up like me. I can’t choose to have my disorder, but you can choose how you live. Don’t end up in a place like this, fearing and hating the world.” I said as I placed my hand on her cheek. As the tips of my fingers brushed against the side of her face, I could do nothing but admire the softness of her skin. Her flesh was as smooth as marble, but as soft as rose petals.
She closed her fingers around my wrist and hand, holding onto them like a lifeline as she pressed my palm against her cheek, as if she was trying to escape a frigid breeze.
“But if I go down the path that you have gone down, maybe I can stay here with you. I just wish I could find someone who cares about me as much as my brother does.” She said softly.
“Atticus, mom and dad… wanted me to ask you if you had considered coming home?” She then asked. I sighed and was silent for several moments.
“I can’t Jerre. I hate this place, but I cannot leave it. I can’t survive in the outside world.” I said solemnly. Jerre slipped her hand under mine.
“Please Atticus, mom and dad need you… I need you. Can’t you come, at least for me?” Jerre begged. I looked around.
“Can we talk somewhere more private?” I asked her. I held her hand and we stood up, leaving the room. We walked down the halls of the hospital until we finally reached the living quarters. We stepped into my room and I shut the door. The room was small, with a desk in the corner, a bed against the wall, and a high-up window.
Jerre faced me and put her hands on my cheeks.
“Why Atticus? Why can’t you come home?” She whispered.
“I can’t survive in the outside world. There is nothing it can give me but pain. When I look around, I see a plague… When I look at the people around me, I see a plague spreading among them. When I was in school, I would walk down the hallways and be revolted by what I saw. As people get older, they become infected with ignorance and perversion. I see it in both genders, the loss of innocence. Males see the females with perverted indecency, and the females do little to stop it. In fact, they encourage it.
With every miniskirt, every skimpy outfit, and every teasing gesture, I see chances at love being ripped away, replaced by perversion. When I walked down the halls, I passed by countless girls who could have been the one to save me. But most of them were already with someone. I am a man of logic, and logic says I should just wait until they are single, but my insanity won’t let me. Whenever I see a girl with her boyfriend, I sever all ties with her. Through my eyes, I see a plague spreading. They are contaminated by the mark of whom they are with. Both physically and emotionally, they are tainted. How can I hold a girl’s hand when I know someone else has? How can I kiss her when I know that she has kissed someone else? How can I love her when I know that her soul is infected by whom she has been with?
This plague manifests itself in moral decomposition. Society is full of perverted crap, and I see it spreading like the Black Death. Disgusting sexism runs rampant among the male population, only provoked as the girls dress and act like goddamn sluts. What happened to purity and love? How did the world turn into one great sewer of drugs and sex?” I turned away from Jerre, walking towards the desk. I leaned on the desk with my eyes downcast.
“Look around, society is full of nothing but pimps and whores. How am I supposed to find love when I’m surrounded by HUMAN TRASH?!” I roared at the top of my lungs as I picked up the desk and smashed it on the floor.
“I don’t even have the luxury of choosing. The smallest act taints them, and I can do nothing but drift away. Telling me not to see them this way would be like telling me not to see colors. Telling me to not sever all ties with them would be like stabbing me in the heart and telling me not to bleed. Love is the only thing that can save me, but I know that my soul mate cannot exist.” I said with a raspy voice. Jerre rushed over to me, putting her hands on my chest and burying her face in the side of my neck.
“Atticus, I am so sorry. I had no idea you were in so much pain. Is this why you tried to kill yourself last time?” She said.
“It was one of the reasons. Before I came here… there was a girl that I knew. She was beautiful, with long blond hair. He name was Serenity, and she only saw me as I friend, but I loved her. She actually sought me out, she knew that I was in pain and wanted to help me. I desperately wanted to tell her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me, but I was scared that she would turn me down. If that happened, I would lose the one friend I had, the one friend I actually wanted to have.”
“What happened?” Jerre murmured.
“Like our parents, and my doctors, and therapists, she thought that I needed to socialize more if I ever was to have a chance at being happy. Much to my dislike, she dragged me to one of those parties like you see in a shitty teen movie. The instant we walked through the door, I was completely out of my element. You know I can’t function in social situations. Just imagine what it was like to be in a house packed with drunken teenage idiots.
There were a few girls who I knew, ones who had not been tainted by “competition”. They were my chances at happiness, and I cared about them all deeply, but not nearly as much as Serenity. Then something happened that finally made me snap… Some of the kids decided to play that middle-school clich?spin the bottle’. All the girls and Serenity sat down on the floor with all of the people I hated.
Realization shot through my mind like a bolt of lightning. I realized that never again would I be able to look at them the way I had before. I knew that before the night was over, they would all be tainted, even Serenity. I stormed out before they could spin the empty beer bottle one time. My last chances at happiness were ripped away from me.
When I got home, I… you know what I did.” I said. Jerre and I stood silently for several minutes, just looking into each other’s eyes. Tears were slowly rolling down her face. Finally, Jerre took a deep breath and said,
“I should go outside, mom and dad are going to be picking me up in a few minutes.” Without even looking at me, she left. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it would be another half hour until our parents would arrive, for I was sure that she already knew.
I stood by the window of the wreck room, watching the rain pouring from the dark grey skies. Tears were slowly falling from my eyes as I listened to the ticking of the clock. I had been standing there for hours, ever since I realized that Jerre wasn’t coming. Had I scared her away by letting her into my mind? Had I driven her away like with everyone else? These thoughts had been running through my head ever since I noticed that she was late.
I was eating lunch when a nurse walked over to me. She considered me a friend, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to have friends.
“Atticus, I have some bad news.” She said as I sat down. I put down my fork. Great, now I could know how my life was about to becoming even shittier.
“Your parents are dead.” She said. My mouth hung open and my lungs refused to work. Her words had struck me like a load of bricks.
“What happened?” I asked.
“There was a fire yesterday, your house was destroyed. It was too late for the firefighters to stop it once they reached it.” Several seconds passed by.
“What about Jerre? What about my sister?” I asked. It was hard to speak, for my voice had locked up like a vault.
“She’s alright. She was at a friend’s house when it happened. But when she learned about it, she tried to kill herself. She was crying about how she had lost her home and her parents, and knew that she was going to lose you too.” While I was filled with relief that Jerre was alive, I was also filled with dread at the news of my parent’s death and of her suicide attempt.
“What is going to happen to her?” I asked.
“Because she tried to kill herself, she has been checked into the hospital, and will be arriving here this afternoon.”
I held Jerre in my arms as we both cried. Upon my request, we were sharing a bedroom at the hospital. We both didn’t speak, for we did not know what to say. I was holding her hands, trying not to touch the bandages around her wrists.
“Atticus,” Jerre cried.
“Yeah?” I asked, wiping away my tears and her own.
“Promise me that you won’t kill yourself. You are all I have left in this world.” She sobbed.
“Only if you don’t.” I said.
I was lying in bed, looking across the room at Jerre. She was sound asleep, and the only sound was of her gentle breathing. She was breathtakingly beautiful in the moonlight. She was all that I had left, and I was going to cherish her. I rolled onto my side so that my back was to her and tried to fall asleep. After minutes, I felt the blanket being lifted up as Jerre climbed into my bed.
“Jerre, what are you doing?” I asked as I rolled over. With the moonlight shining on her dark hair, her eyes were almost glowing, showing me the sadness within her.
“I just can’t fall sleep, no matter how long I lay still with my eyes closed, I just can’t fall asleep. I really need someone to be close to. Can I please sleep with you?” She whispered.
“Of course Jerre.” I said as I moved over, letting her climb into the bed. I wrapped us in the blanket, and put my arms around her. I held her so close that we could feel each other’s heartbeats.
“Don’t let go Atticus, please don’t let go.” Jerre murmured in the darkness.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I said as I kissed her on the forehead.
I woke up several hours later. It was just after 3 am, and Jerre and I were pressed together like two puzzle pieces. I was looking at her beautiful visage, which was wrapped in moonlight.
‘My god, she is so beautiful.’ I thought to myself as I raised my hand and stroked her hair. I placed the tips of my fingers on her temple, gently bringing my hand down and brushing them against her cheek. Her skin was so soft; it was flawless. As my hand skimmed across the side of her face, Jerre hummed in her sleep. As I looked at her, something welled up inside me, an urge that was more powerful than any urge I had ever felt, but it was hauntingly familiar. It was not a sexual urge, or an urge of hunger. It was an urge to say one sentence, and I wanted to say it more than anything else in the world.
“I love you Jerre.” I said. I then leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. I kissed her several more times, then kissed her on the temple, a few times on the cheek, and paused. My mind was analyzing every factor and variable in the situation, and was telling me that everything was as it should be. With that assurance, I gently kissed her on the lips. A warm shiver crawled up my spine as my lips brushed against hers, which were softer than flower petals, and as warm as a hug from a lover.
“I love you Jerre.” I said again.
“I love you too Atticus.” Jerre whispered. In a way, it did not surprise me that she was awake. As she opened her eyes and we stared at each other, it was obvious that she had never looked more beautiful.
“I’ve loved you for so many years, but I just never knew how to tell you.” She said softly.
“Jerre, remember how I said that I knew my soul mate didn’t exist? Well before that, when you told me that you had never even kissed a boy, a part of me instantly knew that I was wrong. My soul mate was right in front of me all along, the only one who was pure enough to take away my pain. You are my soul mate Jerre, you are the one I love.” I said. Jerre gave a small but swarm smile, then leaned forward and kissed me.
“Then prove it.” She whispered. I kissed her, and we held that loving embrace for several minutes. At first, we were slow and gentle, but it quickly became more passionate. I placed my hand on her cheek, and moved it down her neck and onto her collarbone. Her whole body was becoming hotter and hotter as the kiss continued.
I moved my hand under her shirt and cupped a warm breast, gently squeezing. Jerre hummed as we both pulled off our shirts. As we kissed, I massaged her tits with both hands, squeezing them in my palms and tweaking the nipples. Jerre hummed with pleasure with every squeeze. Slowly, I began to move my hand down, brushing the tips of my fingers along her slim belly.
I slipped my hand underneath the waistband of her panties, working my fingers past the very thin mat of pubic hair and finally reaching her soft clit. She gave a soft moan as I pressed down with my finger in between the luscious lips. I continued kissing her as I slowly worked my fingers into her soft pussy, enjoying the feeling of her wetness. She hummed and purred as I gently rubbed her soft wet pussy, massaging her insides with three fingers.
After several minutes, I sat up, pulling off both her panties and my pants. Then suspended myself over her, kissing her several times on the neck. Finally, I looked her in the eyes and asked,
“Are you ready?”
“I’ve been ready for longer than you can imagine.” She whispered tenderly. I kissed her and then pressed the head of my dick against the lips of her pussy. I slowly pushed it in, and Jerre released a moan of ecstasy. A dribble of blood oozed from her hymen as we took each other’s virginities, but gave each other our hearts. I pulled it out halfway, and then pushed it back in, causing Jerre to give another moan. As we moved back and forth in rhythm, I had my face buried in the pillow, and Jerre had her chin on my shoulder with our ears pressed against each other. She has her legs around my waist, and we were both holding each other as we made love in the moonlight.
It felt so good to make love to Jerre, both physically and emotionally. For the first time in my life, I knew where I belonged. Her wet pussy was squeezing my dick, soaking it in juices as I stretched her out. I can’t even tell you how good it felt to be inside her, with every centimeter of my cock probing every corner of her pussy.
I rolled onto my back and Jerre got on top of me, riding my dick as she moaned and ran her fingers through her hair. I was holding her hips, bouncing her up and down and causing the mattress to squeak. With gravity helping me, I was able to drive all the way up into her pussy, up into the farthest and deepest areas. Jerre was moaning in pure bliss, rubbing her body as she bounced up and down.
“Atticus, I’m about to cum.” She said. At that, I sat up and moved my legs behind me so that I was sitting on the soles of my feet. I wrapped my arms around Jerre, holding her up as we kissed. I could feel her pussy tightening like a vice grip as her muscles tensed for the upcoming climax. Jerre wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me as hard as she could.
We were holding each other for dear life as we both experienced one massive climax. A river of pussy juice gushed from between her legs and a geyser of sperm shot from the head of my cock and up into her pussy. Exhausted, we fell back, panting. Jerre smiled as she ran her fingers through my hair, kissing me tenderly.
“I love you Atticus.” She whispered.
“I love you too Jerre.” I replied. Then we fell asleep in each other’s eyes.
The next week:
Jerre and I stood by the gates of the hospital as it opened, watching the bus coming towards us. We had checked ourselves out of the hospital, and were going to go live with our godparents, until I could finish high school, move out, and Jerre and I could share an apartment. No one knew about our relationship.
“Atticus, are you sure that you’re ready for this? You told me that you couldn’t function in the outside world.” Jerre asked. I reached out and held her hand.
“No I can, because I’ve found you. You’re my soul mate, and the only one who can take away my pain. As long as I’m with you, I can handle anything.” I said with a smile. Jerre smiled and then kissed me. The bus finally reached us and stopped. It opened its doors and we climbed on, off to start our new lives together.