I walk out of the gym next to you but I slow my steps ever so slightly so that I walk behind you across the lot so I can watch your graceful movements and the way your shorts cling to your perfectly formed backside. You don’t notices and keep talking like I am next to you. You are always talking, about everything, and nothing. We don’t really know each other, well you don’t know me, but you tell me things that are privet as if it is nothing. You have only been friends with me for a few months and yet I know all your secrets and you know all of mine. Well all but one. I have never been open with anyone like this before and to you it is as if it comes naturally.
I quicken my steps so that we get to your car at the same time and I wait for you to unlock it. I slide into the passenger seat next to you. Even after a few weeks of doing it I still can hardly believe I am in your car, that you are willing to give me a ride, I would never have even imagined being this close to you a few months ago. The workout has made you sweat and I am close enough to smell you. It is intoxicating and I have to concentrate so I don’t breathe in too deeply. You are still talking and I find myself staring at your lips as they move wondering what they taste like.
You drive me home. The first time you told me it was on your way but I know it is not. Your dorm is on the other side of the park to my block and you have to drive passed your flat to drop me off. The fact that you like me enough to do that gives me a little frill. The fact that you lie about it and act like it is nothing gives me a bigger one. I don’t want the drive to end just being sat next to you is heaven. We pull up outside my block and I open the door and go to climb out. I promise to see you next Wednesday at the gym if I don’t see you in class. As I move to get out you reach out and grab my hand. Skin to skin contact still sends little shivers around my body and I work hard to keep a red flush out of my cheeks.
“We can leave it that long” you say in your low, soft voice “I am going out with some of my friends Friday you have to come along”
“I would love to but I got a lot of work to do this weekend” I lie trying to hide my embarrassment at the idea of hanging out with your friends.
“Come on, it will be fun, all work and no play you know” you say.
“Your friends don’t like me much” I say “and I don’t fit in”
“My friends just don’t know you and you fit in fine with me” you say.
“I really have a lot to do...” I start
“Oh, for me please. I will tell you what if you are not having fun after the first half hour we can leave” you say.
“Fine” I say, trying not to smile over the fact that you would pick me over staying with your other friends “will you pick me up or...”
“That is great” you say, your smile lights up my world for a second, your baby blue eyes sparkle “we are meeting at my dorm you know where it is right”
“Yeah” I say I know where it is very well. Like I could have ever said no to you but it was nice to hear you plead with me to come.
I get out and start walking slowly to my door. I can feel your eyes on me and I make sure I slink down the path. I put my hands in the pockets of my shorts to make sure they are tight on my backside. I doubt that you are looking but if you are I want to look good. As I near the door to the block and hear you honk your horn. Turning your arm is stuck out of the window waving as you take off out of the block. I wave back with too much enthusiasm looking for a second like the dork that I am. Your car turns the corner and you speed away, I wait until you are out of site.
I turn fast. It takes to about 4 minutes to make it form my block to your dorm by car. It is a little under a mile across the park. It is tuff going but I can make it, I have done it before. I start running and started thinking about you. The first time I saw you sat in the front row of my chemistry class. How you moved, how you laughed, and how you looked. I couldn’t get you out of my head. At first it was just a physical thing but I could get over you. Following you had just happened, I hadn’t meant to, but soon I found myself eating dinner a few tables down from you and then I found that you used the gym.
I had always kept myself in shape but I had always done it in my own room. I never had the body confidences to do it in public. I couldn’t miss a chance to see you working out. I was just watching you and I never thought I could talk to you. Then I was having trouble setting up one of the machines and you just came over to help. I couldn’t speak but you were so nice and kind and funny and smart how could anyone not like you. We were fast friends, I couldn’t believe that someone so cool could be into the same things as me. You where perfect both inside and out.
The path runs the wrong way across the park so I am running across the grass. There is no one around me and it is dark but I am used to it. The tree that makes the quart way point comes up and I duck passed it. There is a sudden burst of light as I come out at full speed onto the path that runs through the park. A bench is in my way on the other side of the path, with one bound I leap so that my foot lands on its back and push off into the darkness behind it leaving the path behind me.
My legs are starting to hurt and my breath is coming fast. Going with you to the gym may be perfect but you do push me hard and my body is tired but it is nothing I can’t handle. I am getting close I can see the lights of the car park outside. I reach the corner of your dorm and pant, pressing my cheek against the cold brick work. Your car pulls into the lot just seconds after I get there. You look a little awkward getting out of the car, it is a little too small for your long, sleek frame. You are still smiling and I get chills hoping it is about me. I slip up the hood on my top to make sure my face is hidden.
I watch and wait as you walk in making sure you get to the door ok and then I slip back around the corner. Trees line the edge of the park and I count along them to the seventh. It wasn’t an easy climb but it had been up and down trees all the time as a kid. I struggled up to the second bough and turned towards the building. I was level with the windows on the second floor hidden behind the leaves. Staring at the dark window in front of I wait counting silently in my head.
At 47 the lights come on and I press myself into the trunk of the tree for a second to make sure no one sees me. The room, your room, is burnt into my mind. Every stick of furniture, every poster and picture on your wall, every knickknack on your shelves, and every object on your desk are filed away in my mind. As you enter you turn away saying something over your shoulder to one of your flat mates so I can’t see your face. You turn towards me with a soft half smile still on your face. The first thing you do is put some music on, I lean closer to try and make it out through the window. It is the Semisonic album, the Semisonic that I gave you, that thought sends another thrill through me.
You start singing along into your hair brush and dancing around the room and I have to stop myself laughing out loud. It might only come out in your room but there is a little bit of dork in you to. Flopping down on to your bed you seem to be hit by a fit of giggles. I really wish I knew what was going on in your head at times like this. You sit up calming yourself.
Causally you sniff your underarm and winkle your nose at the smell. You begin to strip out of your gym kit and suddenly my mouth has gone dry. You never close the curtains, not in all the time I have been doing this, I think you think that the tree that I am standing in will block anyone’s view. Inch by inch more of your beautiful bronzed skin comes into view. There are no tan lines I can see so I wonder if your skin is naturally that colour or if you sunbath nude. The thought of you sunbathing naked sends an involuntary shudder though me and I have to grab the truck quickly so that I don’t fall.
In just your underwear you look at yourself in your full length mirror, flecking the lean muscles you work so hard to maintain. To those that don’t know you it would look like vanity but I know it is rooted in a deep lack of confidence, you need to know you are attractive, I don’t understand how anyone so perfect can be so insecure. I can feel the flush on my cheeks building into a deep red as my arousal grows. You run your hands over your perfect, flat, washboard abs and I let my hand move under my top to my own hard stomach imagining what it would feel like to be touching yours.
You turned side on and stuck out your stomach even though there is nothing there and slap it with both hands. You look disappointed with what you see in the mirror and for a second my heart brakes at the look of sorrow on your face. How can you not know you are beautiful? I was breathing hard by now but I stopped suddenly as you slipped off your underwear. The sight of your glorious naked form makes my literary breathless. You don’t even glance at the mirror then you just quickly grab a towel to rap yourself in and head out of the room.
I move slightly in the tree, spin on my side a little, so that I am looking at the window next to yours. The light comes on muted by the frosted glass in the window. I wait again. You open the window, you always open the window, and I can see clear into the bathroom. I know in my mind that you do it to let the steam out or the night air in but in my fantasies you know I am here, you know I am watching, and you like to give me a show. The idea of you knowing I am watching brings a fresh smile to my face. You dropped the towel and step into the shower.
The angle is not all that good but I can still see about half of the shower. Your naked body moves around underneath the hot stream of water. Drops splash from your smooth skin onto the clear glass of the shower screen. The build up is slow but soon the droplets were running down the glass distorting your beautiful flesh into an almost surreal display as you move in and out of view. The blurred moving curves of your body bring fresh shudders of arousal along my skin.
You stepped out of the shower, your body wet, and my breath caught in my throat again. Your skin glistened with droplets of water, running down channels made by the muscles under your flesh. There was an increasingly intense, rumbling sensation in my stomach, and the burning, flush coming from my cheeks when becoming too much to stand. My skin was hot and sticky and I could feel the flush spreading all over my body. I was panting as you began to dry yourself.
Then you stopped and looked around sheepishly of a second. Your hand slipped down your flat stomach. Oh my god, oh my god you were touching yourself. Oh my god. This was too much. My head swam and my own arousal began to make my knees tremble. I couldn’t stop my hand moving down my body. I started rubbing myself through my shorts. My whole body was shaking and I panted like a dog. I couldn’t stop to moan from forcing itself passed my lips.
“Hay is there someone up there” a voice came from below. I looked down between my legs moving my hand away quickly with a guilty look. Down below I could see two men looking up. It took a second for my eyes to adjust, Frat boys, god I hated frat boys. I could see them but it was plain that they couldn’t see me. But you had stopped to and were looking around you. You could hear them to, I didn’t think you would be able to see me but if you looked close you just might. I couldn’t risk you seeing me, not even as a long shot.
“Fuck” I cursed quietly.
“Yeah I heard that, someone is up there, come on down you prev” one of them shouted drunkenly. Damn, damn, damn you where looking at the window. I had to get away before you noticed me. I stepped off the branch I was standing on.
I would normally have scrambled down the tree but I didn’t have time. I fell like a stone. The drop was a bit far and for a second I panicked that I would hurt myself on the landing. However I was fit and nimble and I landed like a cat in the middle of the two men crouching down. One of them reached for me with an ugly look on his face. I stood up fast driving the top of my head into his chin knocking him back. I stepped forward quickly so he wouldn’t get a good look at me. I drove my knee up between his legs hard so he doubled over. The other one grabbed my shoulder from behind trying to pull me around. I let him spin me. I threw a fast, straight right hand into the bridge of his nose. Feeling the bone break under my knuckles I danced back. His hands flew to his fast as he turned away blood streaming down his chin.
I let myself smile, both were bigger and stronger than me but I am the one walking away, Frat boys what armatures. I glanced up at the window just as your head and shoulders stuck out. The light behind you, your hair wet, your cheeks glowing. God you are magnificent. I have to stop staring at you before your eyes got used to the dark. I dragged myself away from your radiance. The Frat boys were staring to get themselves sorted out. I turned and ran back into the dark hearing them start running after me.
This wasn’t the rout I was used to taking and my night vision wasn’t back yet so I stumbled through the darkness. I tree came up on me unexpectedly and I put on the breaks fast to stop hitting it. My hand touched the tree and I span away ducking under a branch and ran on. The Frat boys were falling behind as a reached the path but I couldn’t risk them following me home. I panted like a dog for a second getting my breath back and then I forced myself to breathe normally. I set off down the path as if I didn’t have a care in the world. I heard them hit the path behind me and look around. They saw me.
“Hey you” one said. They came up behind me and pulled around, ripping the hood from my head. I watched as they did a double take, my face didn’t match what they had thought and they tried to fit me in.
“Is the something wrong?” I asked.
“Where did you come from?” they asked.
“Is there some kind of hazing going on tonight or something? First some black guy just almost ran into me back there and then you come along” I said. I watch their minds work. They hadn’t really got a good look at the person in the tree had they? A black guy sure he could have been black, they sure as hell didn’t get beat up by me. Yeah it was a black guy and big too and he got the jump on them, maybe he had a knife or something that made more sense than I did. Yeah a black guy properly looking for something to steal for drugs or something
“Yeah he was looking in someone’s window, we are after him, which way did he go?” the fasted thinking one asked.
“Up there towards the library” I point and they started to run off “Oh don’t worry about me I will be fine” I shouted after them and started walking again. When I was sure they had gone I cut back off the path and ran home. I had a single flat on the third floor and I took the steps two at a time.
I slammed the door behind me and lent on it. Slowly I slid down onto the floor my back still pressed against the wood. You had almost seen me, god that had been so scary, so terrifying, so... well so exciting. I let out a bark of laughter. Adrenaline thumped through my veins making me shudder. I was panting again, my skin hot and clammy, my clothes where suddenly tight and smothering me. I ripped off my sweats and staggered to my bedroom. I was so buzzed. Excitement and arousal warred though my body and my skin hummed. My legs went to jelly all of a sudden and I had to grab the corner of my desk to keep standing as my knees gave out.
After a second I managed to get my feet under me again and made it to my bed. I sank down onto it trying to get my body back under control. I shut my eyes, breathed in deeply and let a slow ten count pass. As the adrenaline rush passed I started to feel spent. My arms and legs ached and the knuckles on my right hand had really started to hurt. I had butterflies in my stomach but I could still feel the smile on my face that wouldn’t go away.
I stank of sweat from the gym, from the run, from the fight, from the fear and from watching you. I was going to have to take a shower. I should get up now. It didn’t work. I might want to take a shower but my body clearly like lying here. Well if I wasn’t ready to move and I was going to have to take a shower anyway... I might as well get messy. I slipped off my underwear and threw it across the room in the general direction of the laundry.
For the second time tonight I let my hand slip down my stomach. The night, hell you, have left me so aroused that it is almost painful. I let out a startled gasp as I touch myself even though I knew it was coming. I let my eyes flutter closed and try and paint a picture of you in my head. It is odd that it is not your near naked body in front of the mirror or water sparkling on your skin that come to my mind’s eye when I fantasize about you but a image of your prefect smiling face as I agree to come out with you. The happy eyes, the soft lips pull back over straight, white teeth, the dimples in your cheeks. My arousal builds to the thought of your brilliant smile.
I am covered in fresh sweat and my muscles begin to tighten making my back arch. I start to let out low grunts in time with the movement of my hand. I start to move faster and faster as the pleasure built. I am desperate to finish, I need to climax. The grunts have change into definite moans as I get nearer to my peak. I prise my free hand lose from the death grip it has on the sheets and bring it up to my face. I cover my mouth so I can’t get too loud. I am close, so close. Nearly there, just about there...
My phone buzzes loudly on my bedside table breaking my concentration. My eyes snap open in frustration. My first thought is to leave it, to let it ring out, and to finish. I am so close. Then the buzz comes again and I glance at the phone. All thoughts of leaving it go when I see your name in black on the neon blue screen. I can’t not answer you, you have had a big night yourself, I couldn’t let you feel ignored. With a grunt of frustration I pull my hand away and slide over to the phone. My whole body is quivering. I flip it open and try to say hi but no sound will come.
“Hello, hello, are you there?” I hear you say on the other end. I cough hard to clear my throat.
“Hi it is me, sorry about that” I croak.
“Hey” I can hear the smile in your voice and my heart jumps “are you Ok?”
“I am fine why do you ask?” I say
“You just sound a little flustered” you say.
“No I am fine” I lie.
“Well if you say so” you start and then stop for a long moment “look something has happened here. There was someone outside my window and I am a little freaked”
“Are you ok?” I ask real concern in my voice.
“Yeah I am fine. It is just that I don’t feel right staying here. Look it is ok to say no, I know we have only known each other a while, but can I come over. I don’t need to spend the night or anything but I feel safe... with you.” You mumble. It is the first time I have heard you sound anything but confident.
“Don’t worry about it, it is no trouble. I will tell you what I will make up the couch you can crash there for the night.” I say
“Thank you, oh thank you. That is so kind of you.”
“Don’t worry about it what are friends for, see you in what like ten minutes.” I say. You say goodbye and hang up.
Oh my God, oh my God you are coming over in ten minutes to spend the night. Here with me. Not in the way that most of my fantasies go but close enough. And you feel safe with me, that is so cool. Then I look down at myself, naked, and around at the room.
“Fuck” I curse softly. Oh my God you are coming over in ten minutes to spend the night what in hell am I going to do.