Hello. This is my first story. I would like it if you all rated my story and left comments. I don't mind if they are bad or good. I just want to know how I did in the process of making this story.

"Okay, me and your father will be back later tonight, will you two be alright?" my mother asked.
"Yes, we will be fine." My brother said as he looked out the window watching our father start the car.
"Bye mommy!"
"Bye Rachel. You and your brother better stay out of trouble." my mother replied as she shut the door. I went upstairs and opened my room. I looked up at the clock.
"Five past seven." I mumbled to myself. I started to undress getting ready for bed later. Let me describe myself first. I am 5'5" and I have long black hair. My bra size is a 36 C. My skin is really pale. As I took off my shirt my nipples grew hard as the sudden cold draft touched them. I slowly unzipped my pants and pulled them down past my ankles. I stood infront of the mirror only in my pink lacy matching bra and thong, admiring my flat stomach. Just then my brother walked in.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry Rachel!" he said as he shut the door. I opened the door and hid behind it only showing my face through the crack.
"Have you ever heard of knocking?" I said.
"I'm really sorry, I'll knock next time." he replied.
"You'd better." I mumbled with a long sigh. "What do you want?"
"Mom gave me money for pizza, I was wondering what you wanted on your half." He asked.
"I'm not hungry, thanks for asking though." I said.
"Okay." he said as he started downstairs. I shut the door and went over to my computer. I got on AOL instant messenger and started to chat with my friends. I looked at the clock on the computer.
"Ten minutes til 8." i said to myself. I had to go to the bathroom. As I walked through the hall I heard a loud groan and slapping noises. Slap, slap, slap. I figured it was my brother, and I figured he was jerking off to memories of what he saw when he came in my room. I always knew he jerked off. I've always heard him groaning at night when our parents weren't here. Once my friend spent the night and when my brother had a date and my parents were gone we snuck into his room and found a few playboys under his bed and he had left his computer on. We saw and clicked on it, we knew it was a porn site.
"XNXX, free porn pictures, XXX movies, sex stories, sexy webcams, amateur pics." My friend read out loud. I was kinda bored talking to my friends online. So I decided to have a little fun. As I walked back to my room I didn't shut the door but cracked it open a little bit just enough to see my back sitting in my computer chair. I glanced at the mirror as i sat in my computer chair, finding my brother looking at me through the crack. I streched my arms up making my boobs perk up, drawing his attention.
"Damn. It's hot in here." I said as I unclapsed my bra, letting it fall into my lap. I put it on the floor and streched again. Suddenly the door flung open and he fell to the floor. "Are you okay Eric?" I asked as he got up, his pants tenting. "Holy shit! Were you spying on me?" I said covering myself up.
"I-I'm sorry." he mumbled, his face turning red. "Please don't tell anyone!" he said.
"I won't, actually.. I was doing it on purpose."
"Wha-what?! Why??" he said.
"Because I love you, I want you to take my cherry." I replied.
"Well.. I guess I will tell you.. I've had sexual fantasies about you." He said.
"Oh, like I couldn't tell?" I grinned. We both laughed and I let my thong fall to my ankles exposing my soaking wet shaved pussy.
"Your so beautiful Rachel." he whispered. I started unzipping his pants and then I pulled his boxers down freeing his huge cock.
"How big is it?" I asked.
"I'm not sure."
"Lets measure it." I said as I winked at him. I went to my parents bedroom in my dad's bedside table and grabbed his measuring tape, he's a person who goes in restaurants and fixes the ovens and stuff. "Wow. Seven inches.. think I can fit that all in my mouth?"
"I don't know Rachel, lets see." I pushed him down on the bed and I sat down on my knees, his big cock dangling in my face. I started stroking it up and down. Pre cum started building up on the tip. I stuck the head of his cock in my mouth and it fit perfectly. I swirled my tongue around his head and every so often I would push more of his cock in my mouth. Finally my face was touching his black pubic hair, and his cock filled my mouth. I started bobbing my head up and down going all the way up and down his shaft. His cock started to pulse and I pulled it out before he came. "No! Don't stop Rachel." He said.
"I don't want you to go soft big brother, I want you to come in my pussy." I sat up and pulled him to the edge of the bed and stood over him. His cock touched the tip of my soaking pussy. "I guess this is it." I sat down shoving his cock far into my pussy, busting my cherry. "AHHHH!" I screamed, tears running down my face.
"I'm sorry Rachel!" he screamed struggling to get me off, creating more pain.
"Stop moving! Just let me sit here for a bit!" I yelled. I sat there struggling to get the pain to go away. Finally it went away and I started moving up and down. I moaned silently, his cock slowly invading my virgin cunt. I started going faster, my moans getting louder, they turn to screams as he starts thrusting to my rythem. Suddenly, my pussy started spasming, sending me in a hard pounding orgasm. I screamed as my pussy juices flowed down his cock, sending him into an orgasm. I scream and moan as he shoots his seed deep inside my love hole. "Oh yes! Fuck me brother! Oh god I love you. I love you! Ohhhhh!" I yelled in passion. I got up and looked at the clock. IT WAS ELEVEN! "We have to go take a shower! Mom and dad will be home soon!" I screamed as we ran to our bathrooms, steam blurring the windows as a car pulled up in a driveway.

anonymous readerReport

2013-02-07 20:31:19
sucks big time and not in a good way. no background no paragraphs and no plot plus it needs to be three times longer with a whole lot more detail. delete and rewrite using a good editor and do it properly this time.

anonymous readerReport

2012-03-12 17:38:04
to short no paragraphs lame plot and bad spelling couldn't get much worse but could be a lot better

anonymous readerReport

2010-11-22 20:36:08
good, but needs to be longer, seems rushed towards the end

Anonymous readerReport

2008-11-28 02:01:10
It's alright. Needs to be longer. 6/10


2008-01-24 21:40:57
"XNXX, free porn pictures, XXX movies, sex stories, sexy webcams, amateur pics." bahahaha i see wut u did thar

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