JackassTales…Tale # 55 (my speed limit tale)…Readers; this is a fairytale fantasy I have written in response to a contest challenge. While I don’t think I have followed the rules precisely, I do believe I have come close to their intention. As for my intentions, I did not plan on throwing in so many fairyland creatures, movie land characters, and mythological deities that I would be forced to do copious research; so much so that I have added a References list at the end. And, speaking of “The End”, please forgive me because I did not intend to make my story so lengthy that the ending is such a long damn ways (8000+ words) away!
Pussies and Boots: A Piece of Fairy Tail
Colonial America 1760
King George Highway
(Prologue) Beggars and Bastards
“Kind Sir, may I have a penny for a penny-loaf of bread?” the young man asked. He hung is head in humble surrender hoping against hope he would not receive rebuke.
Little chance had he. “Get the hell away from our table, beggar boy!” my eldest brother did indeed reproach. “There is nothing more I detest than beggars!”
My other brother objected, “Now, now, Edgar, let’s not forget our manners! Without beggars, who would we have to lick our boots? Boy, lick them spit-clean and you will have your bread.”
My two older stepbrothers were often wickedly evil. As they laughed in gleeful merriment, I could tell the young man was sorely tempted to do the humiliating deed anyways. Hunger was most likely gnawing at his gut. Times were hard and many faced hardships aplenty. If my eyes were any judge, this youngster had experienced more than his share. His body fit his outer clothing as if it was emaciated or the clothing was made for a bigger man. Whatever hair he had was tucked under a tight-fitting, wide-brimmed woodsman’s hat. His face, well for some reason, I thought his face had sort of an effeminate look! I don’t swing that way, but if I did, I would say the young man was pretty. I would guess his age to be around sixteen or so. This would make him about half my own age of thirty, which came as of this very day.
The youngster finally relented and threw away all pride. He dropped to his knees and reached for my brother’s outstretched boot. As he bent to lick it, an old, dingy-white, longhaired alley cat hissed beside him. “I have no choice,” the young man explained to the cat.
He ‘explained’ to the cat? Damn, people don’t explain reasoning and consequences to animals! Okay, yes, I did have a dog I talked to when I was a boy, but that was different. While petting the old cat’s head, I took a penny from my pocket and flipped it toward the penniless lad. Just for the heck of it, I threw out a penny more. Little was I prepared for, but the furry feline kissed my hand then sat up and quizzically stared at me. “I know you surely can spare a penny or two more, Sir,” the old pussycat simply stated. “And Sir, she…HE has so little!”
What the hell! “What did you say?” I asked the cat. What did it say? Am I going bonkers, cats don’t SAY anything!
“Little brother, are you daft?” Edgar and Allan teased. “Talking to a godless, unspeaking creature is a sign of the devil at work. If we tell our father’s solicitor this you may find yourself cut from the dearly departed old man’s will!”
The two were almost drooling with the thought of cheating me out of my inheritance. Father had died and we were on the way to his grand estate to hear the will. If those brothers of mine had their way, I would indeed end up with nothing but a pittance. Edgar and Allan were the kind of men who nearly made me ashamed to carry the last name of Poe. So just to bedevil the two, I withdrew a silver dollar from my pocket and tossed it to the wide-eyed lad on his knees.
Suddenly, the old pussycat sprang from the floor and landed on my shoulder. Quick as a wink, she kissed my cheek, whispered “thank you” in my ear, and then jumped astride my brother’s boot where she proceeded to wet it with about a cupful of cat piss. Enraged, the man kicked with both feet, but the mischievous feline was just too quick for him.
“Goddamnit!” he ranted and raved. “Raven, I blame you for this affront! You will get your comeuppance soon enough!”
As much as I wanted to laugh, I didn’t. No sense in adding fuel to his fire. I smiled as the spry old cat ran away. The lad sprang up from his knees with his bounty of coins. It was then I noticed his boots. His clothing might be dirty, tattered, and ill-fitting, but his boots were shinning with a spit-polish sheen. They matched neither of my brothers’ fancy-dandy pairs of custom shoeboots, but they did match my own functional leather Captain’s Cavalry footwear.
(Part 1) Titties and Fornicating Beasts
Before I could question him, the young man slipped away. Edgar and Allan made speedy arrangements for the night with the innkeeper for the only two good rooms. This left me with only a quilted pallet on the attic floor. I made no fuss. Instead, I busied my mind with pondering the mystery of the lad’s leather boots. From the corner of my eye, I saw the boy kneel by the fireplace with a plateful of food. He had a separate plateful for the old pussycat.
Gladly leaving my brothers’ company, I ambled over to the fire. Why I did it, I knew not, but I blurted out, “Gonna be a cool night, Son! If you need a room and a bed, I’ll share mine. Your pussy is welcome to come, too.”
A hat-covered head shook negatively. The old cat hissed. The lad looked at it and saw its positive nod. Meeting resistance, the cat insisted. “Yes, you damn well will or we will go cold!” the old pussycat adamantly said.
There was little doubt that only the lad and I heard her. Hell, I didn’t want to force anyone to share my bed! I especially didn’t need a self-serving pussycat to fight my battles. Damn you, Raven Nevermore Poe, there is no such thing as a talking cat! As hard as I tried to convince myself of this fact, there seemed little doubt as to its veracity.
As I debated my mind’s own sanity, the pussycat put the last nail in my coffin of doubt. The old feline reached upward with a paw and unbuttoned the top two or three button’s of the lad’s baggy shirt. The ladycat pulled the cloth aside. Curious, I looked downwards from my standing position. Holy Mother of God, there were swollen mounds in there! They were breasts, they were rounded, nipple-topped, tits! Damn, there were two of the nicest female titties I had ever seen inside the shirt!
“Yeah, yeah, SHE is a girl!” the pussycat declared. “So what! Does this change your mind about sharing your bed with her or were you dead set on getting a lad? I see by that horny rooster swelling inside your britches that you like what you see. Why not give her a try in that old pallet bed upstairs? Who knows, you might get lucky! I betcha your cock really loves to crow inside a woman’s cunty hole!”
Damnit, I refused to suffer human fools gladly so I certainly wasn’t about to put up with harassment from an aggravating feline either! I most assuredly did want the nicely-titted girl in my bed for the night! The thought of having a lad like that never crossed my mind and it was the highest insult even to suggest I would! My instincts had been correct. Hell, this girl was just too pretty to be a boy! If this girl was willing, and I wouldn’t do it unless she was, I would show that old pussycat just how much my horny cock loves to crow inside a feminine home. Most likely, sex with a man was far and away the last thing on this girl’s mind.
I was getting ready to scold my feline nemesis when a voice interrupted. “Hey all listen to,” a man shouted from the door. “Who belongs to the tall, bay, thoroughbred stud that was tied outside and who belongs to the white, leggy, young filly which was hidden out behind the barn? Just wanted to let you know, the stud is getting ready to mount the filly!”
Most men among us had seen horses mating many times so there was only limited interest in this show. Only two occupants of the stagecoach inn’s main room jumped to their feet and ran out the door. One was myself and the other was that disguised slip of a girl. I, as the owner of the blooded stud, had no interest in having my champion’s bloodline seed passed on to just any horny backwoods filly! Apparently, the girl was the owner of the temptress filly. I couldn’t see why she would have an objection, but it seems that she did.
“Please stop your stud!” the young lady pleaded as we two rounded the barn at a run. “She has never been busted and I believe she is too young for it!”
Oh, was she? There in a large, six rail high corral, a beautiful, sleek-coated, long-legged filly pranced around with her tail held high which allowed her in-heat musk to arouse all equine males around. Following her with his horsecock nearly dragging the ground was my stud. By god, I reckon it doesn’t matter if you are descended from horses carrying royal or peasant blood you still can’t resist copulation’s call!
The flirtatious filly suddenly allowed my stud to capture her. The young girl and I stood and watched in mesmerized wonder as the majestic stallion rose up from the ground and straddled the filly’s back. Aiming his enormous horsecock, he shot it straight as an arrow into the filly’s musky, wet hole. With one powerful thrust, he rammed it home. Paying no attention to his feminine conquest’s squeal of pain, he propelled his equine projectile in and out with animalistic delight.
“Pretty nice show, huh,” a feline voice stated. “Makes one wonder about doing it themselves. Doesn’t it? Sir, has your horse a name? And girl, yours?”
Why the girl humored the cat, I knew not, but she did, “Oh Puss, you know her name is Snowy White. If I had some apples maybe I could make her stop. She just loves her apples.”
I answered despite my reservations about speaking to cats. “So ‘Puss’ is your name,” I said. “Well Puss, it seems to me like your lady’s Snowy White filly kind of loves the sackfull of testicle apples slapping into her ass! William Tell is the name I gave to the stud shooting his horsecock arrow into her cunt.”
I had no idea pussycats could giggle, but this one for sure did. That old feline winked at me, too. Just to get even with me for teasing, Puss took the girl’s hand and led her into my arms. The cat forced the young woman’s body back against mine so hard I felt the entire length of my horny, hard cock settle into her long, cracked ass. My arms instinctively surrounded the feminine body pressed to mine. When my hands reached the front they found a pussycat’s paws quickly unbuttoning the buttons of the girl’s baggy pants and shirt.
Talking about instincts, why my hands instinctively darted inside the tattered, oversized garments! The fingers of one hand cupped a well-rounded tit and began tickling a ripening nipple. My remanding hand’s fingers cupped a swelling feminine pussy then began fondling and flicking a stiffening, wet clit.
Although a bit hesitant at first, the girl surprisingly gave no real objections to my manhandling of her body. In fact, as we two gazed at the fornicating stud and filly, she allowed her pants to slip down to her boots. With a bit of wiggling of her shoulders she managed to work her baggy shirt off enough for it to slither down her body and fall at her feet.
My own pants and shirt followed the girl’s brazen example. With all my clothing down to my boots, I held an identically clad young female in my arms. So clothed, I grabbed both breasts and juggled their unexpectedly heavy weight. At my touch, nipples fully ripened and bloomed. My cock was now pointing at the sky and lying encased in a soft ass crack bed. With lust as inspiration, I exchanged one tit for a handful of pussy. I played, I fondled, I teased, and I grew hornier by the second. An increase in pussy wetness let me know that this girl was also getting hornier.
Proving me correct, the girl tore her gaze from the breeding stud’s deep thrusting horsecock into her virginal filly’s vaginal home, looked over her shoulder at me, and practically begged, “Will you do that to me?” The woman in her wantonly added, “Please, kind Sir, will you breed me!”
Puss led the girl to a hitching rail and told her to lean over and grab it with both hands. When the young lady’s head was lower than the beautiful ass presented to me, the mischievous pussycat reached up and captured my cock with both paws. Assuming my permission and consent, her feline palms guided my engorged penile projectile into a slippery wet feminine hole. Reluctant to cause pain, I hesitated with only my cockhead inside swollen pussylips. Ever so gently, my sensitive tip kissed and kissed the girl’s tender hymen.
I was not a man in the habit of deflowering innocent young virgins. Even though vaginal moisture was flowing in abundance, thus well-lubricating my manhood, I had a thought forming in my mind which told me that I perhaps should stop. As fate would have it, Puss changed my mind. Cat claws dug into my testicle sack and pulled me forward. My cockshaft shot through the girl’s protective vaginal barrier and shredded her hymen. She squealed quite loudly but maybe not so much so that those on the inn side of the barn could hear.
Other than her one initial squeal, there were no other sounds of protestation for the brutality of my actions. In fact, as my cockshaft plunged in deeper, vaginal muscles began constricting around the foreign intruder in such a viselike grip that it acted like a conqueror who had captured and imprisoned an enemy. My horny hard cock tried pulling out but got only a few inches before its shaft was pulled back in.
Well hell, if this young woman’s pussy wants it that much, I will just give it to her! Plunging into the tender hole with an unintentional viciousness, I fucked the girl with the same animalistic lust as my stallion had for her young mare. I rode her, I screwed her, and I thrust into her hot, slippery vagina with jackrabbit-quick, well-digger deep plunges of my elongated, swollen cockshaft.
Guilt got the best of me. I slowed to a soft, gentle mating rhythm. The girl’s pussy responded in kind. Vaginal muscles relaxed their constrictions yet moisture continued flowing. Before I knew it, I heard soft weeping then my cockshaft and pubic region felt the heated dampness of feminine cum spray. The young lady was silently crying while lost in the throes of orgasmic ecstasy.
My cock was so ready to blow I could hold it in no longer. Seminal fluids were called forth from their testicle home. Semen and sperm burst forth in a pressurized flow of milky, white cream. Orgasms raced through my body along with the blood which sustained my life. Spastic spurts of orgasmic fire sped through my urethral tube and were expelled from my body to enter the vaginal home of the beautiful young woman whom I was breeding.
The girl, the woman, the feminine vessel of my dreams seemed to feel the spray of my seminal fire because the intensity of her orgasmic cries increased. She, too, still had cum to spray and multiple orgasms to give her life. Her body bucked back into mine and together we let joy give our lives meaning. Our copulating loins betrothed themselves in a till-death-do-us-part, happily-ever-after fairytale ritual.
The last of the free-flowing cum ran out of our human bodies. The girl’s pussy was so filled with feminine and masculine fluids mixed with virginal blood that it overflowed and dripped out in a messy stream. Puss was there to lap it before it hit the ground. The old pussycat then began licking it directly from the source. The girl’s clit and my cockhead reacted by joining again then once more spasming with renewed orgasms. With magic in her eyes and a Cheshire grin on her face, old Puss was there to lap the replenished source of male and female sexual fluids.
Finally, the most enjoyable sexual encounter of my life ended. The girl and I uncoupled then, with our clothing still around out boots, we waddled our way over to a nearby bench. Although Puss had licked our loins fairly well clean, the girl and I decided to take a bath together in the horse watering trough. I knelt before her to remove her clothing and boots. Once more I was struck by the resemblance of her boots to mine.
Curiosity got the best of me. “Girlie, where did you get your cavalry boots?” I asked. “I was a Captain in the Colonial Cavalry and I am wearing an identical pair.”
The girl’s face alit with radiance. “Oh Sir, did you know my father?” she replied with another question. “He, too, was an officer in Major George Washington’s cavalry! His name was Captain Humpter Dumpty. Sadly, he was killed fighting the French and Indians. But, I’m told he died a hero’s death. While chasing the enemy, he jumped his horse over a too high stone wall and fell off the wall gravely injured. Unfortunately, all the swiftest King’s horses and all the strongest King’s men were unable to put his broken body back together again. As a reward for his bravery, Major Washington gave me my Snowy White filly. She is of pure Arabian blood and was given to him by a descendant of Moses, the Prince of Egypt.”
I was kneeling before the fatherless daughter of a slain hero. At last, I had her boots and clothing off. “Yes, I knew your father and he was indeed a great man!” I said. “And, he sired a beautiful young woman! I love the feeling of your pussy squeezing my penis. I love the shape of your lovely ass. I love the fullness of your breasts. And, I love the ruby redness of your lips. May I kiss them?”
In answer, the girl threw her arms around my neck and began kissing me. Her lips melted into mine and kissed me with a passion I had never known before. The hat which still covered her head loosened and fell to the ground. Out cascaded a mane of flaming red hair. Curls and wayward tendrils tickled my face. “Oh god, you are beautiful!” I blurted out. “I think there is not one thing about you I don’t love!”
The girl pulled back for a second. Her eyes wandered around until she saw the old pussycat. “Puss, do those words count?” she curiously inquired.
“No, they are close, but not quite there,” Puss replied. “And, remember the rules; you can’t say the words first!”
What was the meaning of these cryptic communications? Did I dare ask? While the young woman and the cat talked, I slipped off my boots and clothing. I reached my hands under the redheaded beauty’s naked body and lifted her up with my muscular arms. I walked to the watering trough and pitched her in then climbed in after her.
For the next little while, we two frolicked and played in the water. We fondled private body parts, we amused ourselves in forbidden foreplay, and we kissed with obsessive adoration. Masculine and feminine loins once again ached to be joined in harmony. But there in the refreshing water, I realized an omission of propriety on my part. Damn, I didn’t even know the name of the girl I had copulated with! I whispered an order, “Sweetheart, tell me your name!”
“Oh, my name is Ariel,” the redheaded female responded. “I just love water, don’t you? When I was much younger I loved swimming so much my mother would often call me her Little Mermaid. I am one of seven sisters and I have run away from home to find love and a fortune. Ha, ha, I’m just kidding about the fortune!”
Puss wailed, “Hurry into the barn! Someone is coming!”
(Part 2) Matrimonial Magic
Ariel and I jumped out of the water, grabbed up our boots and clothing, and then disappeared into the barn. As we quickly dressed, we both realized how lucky we were that our exhibitionist behavior had not been discovered before now. Just to be sure of continued privacy, I led the girl up a ladder into the hayloft above. For no particular reason, I had snatched an old horse blanket from a peg and brought it along.
As luck would have it, sneaky young Ariel had grabbed up a candle lantern. Playful as mischievous children, we two found a secluded corner piled with hay. We spread our blanket, lit our lantern, and then again shed our clothing. Lips collided with a passionate promise of lust and love. Naked bodies pressed together so tightly that not even a piece of parchment paper would have fit between them.
After the first blush of passion passed, I found that the nipple of a tit fit perfectly into my mouth. One after the other, I ravaged the nipples and bountiful flesh of each of Ariel’s breasts. How long I sucked tits I knew not, but I next found my lips pulling and tugging on a swollen, wet clit. God, it was good and so was the juicy vaginal hole where my tongue disappeared into!
Ariel seemed to know what she wanted, but she needed help. Luckily, Puss came along and the girl and the cat had a private conversation. I just kept right on enjoying the delight of the tangy taste and smooth texture of the pussy I was eating. I was paying little attention to all else, but a man has to notice when a talking spider shows up. I found out that her name just happened to be Charlotte and she was enlisted by Puss to round up some more light for Ariel. The spider swung off on gossamer threads and soon returned with a force of lightning bugs. The flying bugs were concentrating their glowing lights directly over me. Why?
The answer came soon enough. Ariel scooted out from under me then flipped me onto my back. Puss showed the bugs where to direct their light. My redheaded lover whispered in my ear, “I have never…I have never had a man’s…in my mouth. I want to clearly see yours and I want to taste it all! Okay?”
Without awaiting an answer, Ariel grabbed a handhold on the object of her desire. Wantonly pulling and tugging, she took a long hard look at the swollen, elongated hunk of male meat between my legs. Hungry as a meat-starved wildcat, the young lady opened her mouth and began eating. The tender flesh of my cockhead was the first to feel the bite of sharp teeth. Saliva-wet lips then soothed the pain. Lips, teeth, and tongue worked their way down the length of my cockshaft. Kissing, biting, and sucking, the girl’s mouth felt like magnificent magic to me. Testicle fires were again burning.
“Play with this,” Puss said. Ariel had plenty of light, so she had no trouble finding the ballsack the cat was holding. The girl’s fingers squeezed, they juggled, and they played naughty, you-ought-to-be-ashamed-of-yourself games.
Finally, I could take no more. I threw Ariel away from me and then hopped atop her. Reading my mind, Puss guided my cock to the place it belonged. Once more, I thrust into my lover and gloried in the sensation of a tight vaginal hole. Pussy muscles squeezed and pulled me into the deepest depths of heavenly glory. My entire cockshaft had found a home where it could have blissful joy.
Bucking up against me, Ariel suppressed her orgasmic screams. She had no need for more foreplay. Her body had been stimulated enough to cum. When she began cumming, she took me along for the pleasurable ride. Together we two drifted into euphoric oblivion. Delightful merriment lifted our spirits and took us to a carnal heaven where lust and love reigned supreme.
Thank God and bless all his beasts and children, but I had found love at last! “Ariel, I love you!” I shouted to the rafters. “And girl, I’m not speaking from lustful joy. Yes, I love you with lust, but I love you more as my one and only lover and companion for the rest of my life! Young woman, I want you to marry me! Will you?”
Puss spoke first, “Now girl, those are the exact words you needed to hear! You may now say ‘yes’ if you feel like it.”
“I do, I do, oh I really do feel like it, Puss,” Ariel replied. The young woman’s enthusiasm continued as she kissed me then answered, “Yes, yes, yes I will marry you! And I say yes not just because I lust for you also or that marriage to you will save me from an eternity of sleep, but I say yes because I love you!”
Puss interrupted by clearing her throat. “Hey there beautiful girl,” the pussycat interjected. “Don’t forget you must be wed before the clock strikes midnight on your sixteenth birthday. In case you have forgotten, today is that day! Furthermore, there is no clergyman in sight!”
A scurrying sound below was followed by an excited voice, “Oh, I know where a minister is! His name is Marryin’ Sam and he is visiting from a place way down south called Dogpatch. I’ll fetch him right now in a minute!”
“Thank you, Wilbur,” Charlotte said. Looking at my perplexed face, the spider explained, “Wilbur is our piglet friend who was saved from slaughter by a kind gentleman like you. Ariel, you must hurry and prepare for your wedding! I know you have no dress or accessories, but have no fear!”
The hay in the loft echoed the sounds of scampering feet. Out burst two mice. Instead of giving chase, Puss greeted them, “Hello, Jaques and Gus. Will you find her again?”
My mind was too full to accept all the mysteries which it was beholding. I forced it back to something it knew. Ordering the fireflies to turn off their light, I blew out the candle in the lantern then grabbed up the nude girl from the blanket and held her in my arms. I had never known kisses so sweet. My fingers had never fondled skin so soft. Although seminal fluids had already twice flowed from my loins into hers, I felt like they could do so again.
I sat Ariel astride my lap and allowed Mother Nature’s mysterious ways to guide my loins into hers. My fiance’s vaginal lips kissed my cock’s tip then spread like a morning flower awaiting the dew. Dripping moisture coated my cockshaft as the girl slowly lowered herself until she was completely impaled on my rock-hard penile penetrater.
For a girl who was so recently a virgin, Ariel was certainly a quick study in this amusing copulation pastime. Taking the lead from me, she began riding with no shame. Moving in slow, deliberate motion, she kissed my lips with hers, she rubbed my chest with her breasts, and she caressed my cock with her pussy. The love of a woman for her man reigned supreme in her mind.
As carnal passions rose, this sexually obsessed young woman began riding my cock with a wild enthusiasm. Moving in quick, reckless motions, she released my lips but clung to my neck, she slapped my chest with her tits, and she pummeled my cock with her pounding pussy. The lusts a woman has for her man took control of Ariel’s mind, body, and soul! With bestial fervor, she fucked me!
I couldn’t say I minded her roughness, because, in truth, I didn’t mind at all! I loved that my woman both loved and lusted for me. I responded in kind. With her fucking me, I fucked her. My suspicions about my seminal fluids being able to again flow from my loins into hers were proven correct. The quantity of semen and sperm may not have been as much as before, yet the quality of my orgasmic joy was not diminished. Judging by the satisfying sexual sounds emanating from Ariel’s mouth, she was also experiencing carnal joy. We sat together with our loins locked and let the love of lust and the lust of love wash over us.
Our love for each other was rewarded in a most unusual, magical way. A Fairy Godmother presented us each with a magic wand bodywash shower and then a new outfit of clothing. While Barn Sprites transformed the hayloft into a bedazzling wedding chapel, Ariel was clothed in a bejeweled gown of glamorous green. Charlotte and her friends spun dozens of webbed reflectors which hundreds of fireflies used to illuminate the grand space. When we stood before the minister, I said my ‘I do’ to a woman whose gown was complimented by her sparkling green eyes and the curls of her shimmering red hair. This woman said her ‘I do’ to me in the presence of her old friend Puss and a barn full of God’s and Fairyland’s creatures and creations.
For the next few hours, or was it minutes, the old barn swayed with the songs and dances of our wedding celebration. Joining the Fairy Godmother and Mother Nature was a sorceress who blew in on a warm wind for the party called Glinda the Good Witch of the South. This time traveler whispered to Ariel and me that in the future this celebration would inspire a bumper sticker which would say, “If the barn is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’!”
All too soon, the magic ended. Ariel and I found ourselves standing in only a lantern-lit hayloft clothed and booted as we were when we left the inn. We climbed down the ladder and stood just inside the open barn doors. Our eyes saw her filly Snowy White and my stud William Tell nuzzling romantically.
Slipping my arms around my woman’s waist, I nuzzled her neck with my lips and whispered in her ear, “Wife of mine, your young mare will produce a well-bred offspring for us.”
Ariel’s lips nuzzled my neck in kind and then she whispered back, “Husband of mine, your young wife will likewise produce a well-bred offspring for us!”
(Part 3) From Rags to Riches
Whispering lips stopped speaking and began kissing. Needless to say, we two received little sleep on our quilted pallet bed in the inn’s attic that night. Boots and clothing were again discarded and loins were again conjoined. It’s a good thing that the sounds of a cock slapping into a pussy don’t carry far or else my passionate young wife and I would have kept the house awake all night! I had often heard of honeymoon love and sex, but this was the first I’d ever experienced the mystical miracle of it.
Travel for all resumed after a hearty breakfast. My callous stepbrothers accused me of coddling beggars by paying for the poorly-dressed boy’s meal. They never inquired as to ‘his’ name or asked anything about ‘him’. While Edgar and Allan rode their rented coach, Ariel and I rode our saddled horses. The tall, sleek thoroughbred stud and the silky, young Arabian mare made for a beautiful pair.
A few hours later the coach stopped to allow my brothers to stand and stare through the imposing wrought iron gates of an enormous colonial estate. At the end of a long, winding, graveled drive, a triple-storied mansion, built in the order of a French chateau, soared upward so high it blocked the sun in places. Surrounded by stout fieldstone towers, the gates denied entrance to all but the most privileged gentry. These Poe brothers were not counted in such company.
A large black wreath on the gated entrance indicated a death in the family and the pronouncement of one of the dozen armed guards confirmed this. “No admittance allowed,” he said. “Unless you are the new Prince of Nevermore we await!”
As Ariel and I pulled abreast of my stepbrother’s coach, I fully intended to pass them by. My wife’s hand on my arm stopped me. “Raven, isn’t that your middle name?” she inquisitively asked. “It says, ‘Nevermore’.”
Without looking, I knew she was referring to the name boldly chiseled in the great granite capstone which ran from tall gatepost to gatepost. Simply nodding, I answered no more. Puss looked down upon me from her comfortable perch atop the coach where I had secretly placed her for a free ride. The old feline winked as if she were keeping a secret. I’ll give Ariel credit, for woman and a young wife, she asked no more on this subject. She stopped looking up, took up her reins, and rode on. I followed. Damn, that’s a woman I would follow to Hell and back!
Edgar and Allan’s coach soon followed us. I later learned that Puss had looked longingly at the grand estate before it passed from sight. Without a human ear hearing her, she gave clue to a secret premonition by proclaiming in an unusual, Austrian accent, “I’ll be back!”
Following the highway, we soon turned onto a roadway which ran alongside a river. This waterway and the lumber and textile mills it powered gave birth to several towns and hamlets. The mills spawned great wealth. Among the greatest of these fortunes was that of William Gates Poe. This man’s soul had recently passed on to his reward in Heaven or, as most might say, his more deserving punishment in Hell.
Upon the appointed time, Edgar, Allan, and I were ushered into the Poe estate solicitor’s office to hear the reading of the will. Despite my stepbrother’s heated objections and without their understanding as to why, I insisted that the young person we had met at the stagecoach inn accompany me. An old pussycat slipped in before the door was shut. The no nonsense solicitor wasted no time and immediately got down to the business at hand reading the words dictated before the deceased passed.
“To my firstborn son, Edgar Jonathan Poe, I bequeath all the most lucrative mills on the eastern side of the river. Upon the rule of law, he is to assume all their assets and liabilities.”
“To my second son, Allan Frances Poe, I bequeath all the lucrative mills on the western side of the river. Upon the rule of law, he is to assume all their assets and liabilities.”
“To my third son, Raven Nevermore Poe, I bequeath my cat.”
Edgar was beside himself with joy. Allan was likewise cheered. With malice in their eyes, they looked towards me and grinned. Their malevolence turned to outright laughter when the solicitor turned and nodded to an associate who opened a door allowing an ancient black cat to totter out on rickety legs.
Puss rushed out from beneath an empty chair. The two felines met and greeted like long-lost lovers. Their purring and rubbing together gave an onlooker the impression that the affectionate feline couple might resort to fornicating at any second.
I put a hand down as the black cat came to me. As I rubbed his head, I said more as a statement of fact than a question, “You must be ‘Jinx’.”
The cat made no response to me outright, but he gave me a look which implied that perhaps I was a man not to be underestimated. To Puss he cocked an eyebrow and whispered low enough that the others didn’t hear, “Does he know?”
Puss shrugged her shoulders then whispered back, “I’m not sure, Jinx, but I wouldn’t be surprised.”
My spiteful stepbrothers were not yet through with their meanness. “Raven, you seem to be quite taken with your inheritance,” Edgar said. “I think Allan and I might allow you to sleep in the stable with your beggar friend, your horses, and your cats!”
Allan guffawed in laughter and my two wicked stepbrothers had a frolicking good time at my expense. I was an easygoing person and I dislike confrontation, but sometimes, enough is enough. This was one of those times.
All human and feline speech, laughter, and communication were put to an end when I rose from my feet and walked up to the solicitor. I handed the court’s legal representative a bundle of notarized documents I took from a leather pouch I’d been carrying in my saddlebags. The attorney looked them over carefully, judged their authenticity to be true, and then made comparison with the facts and figures in several ledgers only he had privy to.
Upon clearing his throat, the solicitor announced the following findings with little emotion:
“This document is a codicil to the Poe will and it recants any previous bequests and instead bequeaths ALL of his mills, estates, and properties of all kind to the illegitimate offspring of his one true love, Sinderella Nevermore Charming a Princess of Nevermore.”
“This second document is the last will and testament of Sinderella Nevermore Charming and it bequeaths all of the Colonial American Nevermore estates, properties, and possessions to the illegitimate son born of her one true love William Gates Poe whom she gave up to his wife upon his birth to avoid scandal.”
“This third document is the official Certificate of Birth listing William Gates Poe as the birth father and Sinderella Nevermore Charming as the birth mother of Raven Nevermore Poe.”
“This last document is quite perplexing. It bears the seal of both the Poe family and the Charming family. It states that for either will to have authority, Raven Nevermore Poe must be wed upon his thirtieth birthday and upon the next day after he must reunite the pussycats known as Jinx and Puss.”
As expected, the Poe brothers Edgar and Allan took great objection to these turns of event. They aimed the full force and fury of their wrath towards the bearer of the bad news, but I knew it was only a matter of time before it was turned onto me. When all arguments bore no relief from the solicitor, the two seized upon the attorney’s own perplexing confusion.
“Sir, with all due respect,” Edgar argued. “Although we had no acknowledgement of it, yesterday was Raven’s thirtieth birthday! He was not married upon that day!”
“And also, Sir,” Allan added. “This is the day after so where is this great reunion of pussycats?”
To put an end to it, I walked back and took the hand of the poorly-dressed young person and together we walked back to the solicitor’s side. From my inside tweed jacket pocket, I withdrew yet one more document and introduced it as the previous day’s marriage certificate announcing Raven Nevermore Poe as the groom and Ariel Melody Atlantica Dumpty as the bride with Marryin’ Sam as the officiating minister.
When I saw doubt still, I reached over and jerked the hat off Ariel’s head. Freed from confinement, out cascaded a waterfall of free-flowing hair. Rivulets of fiery red curls spilled over the girl’s shoulders. As further proof of matrimonial authentication, I slipped a hand inside my young bride’s loose shirt and cupped a breast then I kissed her ruby lips right there in front of God and all.
Introducing themselves, Puss and Jinx both leapt up on the desk. When Edgar and Allan protested their identities, the male pussycat lifted his leg and pissed in their face while the female sprayed them.
“I’m Jinx!” declared the black furred cat.
“And, I’m Puss!” avowed the white pussy.
(Epilogue) Nevermore and Everafter
Ariel and I raced for the exit. We refused the coach and instead rode our champion horses to our new home. The gates to the Nevermore Estate were opened as if a gust of Mother Nature’s wind had told the gatekeepers royal guests were coming.
Once inside the Nevermore House, Ariel and I were greeted by dozens of servants plus the head butler and housekeeper who offered to arrange a tour of our new home. More of a castle than a house, this royal residence was built in the order of a 16th-century French chateau. It featured 4 acres of floor space, 250 rooms, 34 bedrooms, 43 bathrooms, and 65 fireplaces. The basement housed a swimming pool, gymnasium, changing rooms, bowling alley, servants' quarters, kitchens, and more.
Ariel declined the tour saying that she and I were tired from a long day’s travel. We required nothing more than a meal, a bath, and a bed for sleep. All were arranged post with. The master quarters were a luxurious suite of rooms fit for a king. Wow, this was quite different from the barn where we were married and the attic bed where we spent our wedding night!
Another difference was the absence of magical beings and creatures. Yet, when I opened the master bedroom door I saw our Fairy Godmother turning down the bedcovers. Puss and Jinx sneaked out from under the bed and began mischievously chasing the mice Jaques and Gus. In the spacious master bathroom, Glinda the Good Witch of the South, was testing the bathing waters in an oversized enameled tub. Fairies and bath sprites were lighting dozens of candles whose radiance were reflected by Charlotte’s webs. Mother Nature introduced us to Vesta, the goddess of the sacred fires of the hearth, who was stirring the embers in an enormous fireplace while a bevy of Vestal Virgins were adding fuel to the fire.
Ariel and I had no recourse except to go ahead and disrobe in front of all. To do different would be an affront to our guests. I stepped into the soothing waters of the tub and sat looking at my young bride’s naked beauty. My hands reached out and grabbed her under the arms. I bodily lifted her nude, feminine form over the edge of the bathtub. I held her motionless in front of my eyes as I quickly studied the picture of her flat, smooth belly and her slim, shapely legs. My eyes focused on the thin patch of red pubic curls which barely concealed a well-developed, split pussy mound. Drops of moisture glistened from a dripping female opening.
Even though it had been a long day, my arms weren’t tired. Ariel probably weighed no more than one hundred pounds. My muscular arms could have held her all day, yet I pulled her against my chest and lowered her into the bath water with me. Her nude body slid down mine. My intent was to sit my lady in my lap so I could kiss and play with her sexy body. Yet, as the fates would have it, her glistening, moisturized pussy slid down to touch the tip of my erect cock. Despite my original intentions, I lowered her gently and felt her slippery wet vaginal opening impale itself onto my stiffened shaft.
With her hands clasped around my neck, Ariel leaned in and kissed me. Impassioned fervor drew our lips together. After a minute, or two, or three, I broke the kissing lip lock, grabbed two hands full of feminine ass, and lifted the woman a few inches. I then lowered her back onto my swollen cockshaft. I felt the warmth as her pussy released torrents of natural feminine lubrication to serve as an aid for penile penetration.
I lifted and lowered this love of my life again and again. Ariel had already had lessons in the physical mechanics of water fucking in the horse trough yesterday. With her natural ease in water, I suppose I could nearly believe that once upon a time she was indeed a Little Mermaid. My love eagerly joined in and began assisting with the raising and lowering movements. Her dripping wet pussy was gliding effortlessly up and down on my well-lubricated, slippery wet shaft.
Thus we began a steady, rhythmic fornication dance. Time became lost. All I knew was that my meaty cock had found a warm home inside a welcoming pussy. An enchanted girl was riding my rigid rod with unrestrained, wild enthusiasm. She was bucking and jumping up and down as I was pumping and thrusting in and out.
We both were well aware of the bathwater spilling, splashing, and running over the top of the tub and forming puddles on the floor, yet neither of us slowed down. Ariel began whimpering and loosing her breath. I lifted and lowered her with more enthusiasm. Natural, carnal instincts took control. This was a young married woman with female needs demanding fulfillment. Bouncing up and down in an uncontrollable frenzy, my wife rode the slippery shaft buried inside her wet vaginal cavity. If not for the strength of my hands holding onto her ass, I believe the wanton young lady would have bounced out of the tub. Our slow rhythmic mating dance increased in tempo.
Ariel began wailing. She jumped and screamed. She jumped and squealed. I knew she was cumming! There was no doubt to the fact that she was having an orgasm. Her voice was singing with orgasmic glee, “Oh god Raven, my husband, this feels so wonderful!”
I was just the fellow to know how wonderful it felt, because I was feeling it, too! I was cumming. Hot, seminal fluids had boiled to a pressurized bursting point. They shot from my engorged, rock-hard shaft and entered a deep, warm vaginal cavern. I was having orgasms inside a velvety, magical pussy!
This precious creature must have felt the force of the cream as it shot into her body. She began cumming again. With the renewed orgasms, she whimpered, she cried, she laughed. She gloried in wave after wave of blissful delight.
As Ariel’s vaginal muscles convulsed in orgasmic spasms, my cock continued pouring out liquefied fire. My mind was silently cursing the fact that men can’t have another round of orgasms until a while after the first round. But damn the facts, magic was happening again! Aphrodite stuck her finger in the water and stirred up sexual rapture. Unbelievably, my cockshaft stayed hard and I was cumming again!
With Aphrodite’s manipulative urgings, my wedded lover and I surrendered to unquenchable lusts. Our ravenous loins rejoiced as our bodies, our hearts, and our souls joined in joyous celebration. This goddess of love and sexual desire whispered a secret that only Ariel and my ears were intended to hear. “This day my lovers,” she promised. “A manly seed will fertilize a feminine egg and a womb will be impregnated with life!”
Inspired by this wondrous news, my wife and I kissed, and cried, and laughed, and fornicated again and again. But time, the mischievous enemy it was, would not stand still. Ariel slumped against my chest and I held her there tightly. Exhausted, neither of us could utter a word. We sat in silence and waited for breath.
After our frolicking fornication, Ariel and I bathed each other. We kissed and flirted, tickled and teased, and again splashed water all over the floor. We dried our nude bodies in front of the fire. I scooped my young woman into my muscular arms and carried her towards our bed.
Caer, the Celtic Goddess of sleep and dreams, visited us as soon as Ariel and I slipped our clean, nude bodies under the silk sheets of our bed and laid our heads on our pillows. She promised us a night of restful slumber filled with dreams of heavenly love and devilish lust.
Right before my eyelids closed in sleep, I could have sworn that I saw all of our magnificent fairytale peoples and creatures gathering around our bed. If my ears were hearing correctly, I believe I heard them say the following words;
“And They Live Happily Ever After!”
Not to be outdone, Wilbur showed up at the very last second with a fellow pig named Porky. The visiting pig looked at the gathered audience and stuttered;
“Th-th-th-that's all folks!”
Puss courtesy; "Master Cat, or Puss in Boots" is a French literary fairy tale about a cat that uses trickery and deceit to gain power, wealth, and the hand of a princess in marriage for his penniless and low-born master. The tale was written by Charles Perrault.
Edgar, Allan, and Poe are based on the American author Edgar Poe born in Boston, Massachusetts; he was orphaned young when his mother died shortly after his father abandoned the family. Poe was taken in by John and Frances Allan, of Richmond, Virginia, but they never formally adopted him.
Raven and Nevermore come from Edgar Allan Poe’s most famous work, an 1845 lyrical poem called The Raven.
The filly, Snowy White, is named for the title character in the 1937 Disney animated film, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs which is based on the German fairytale by the Brothers Grimm.
The stud horse, William Tell, is named for, William Tell, a folk hero of Switzerland. Tell was an expert marksman with the bow and crossbow.
Ariel and Little Mermaid (aka: Princess Ariel of Atlantica) courtesy; Hans Christian Andersen (original story) and the 1989 Disney movie The Little Mermaid. Ariel’s daughter is Melody in the 2000 film sequel.
Humpter Dumpty is based on Humpty Dumpty, a character in an English nursery rhyme which was probably originally a riddle.
What is now considered the French and Indian War began in November 1753 when the young Virginian major George Washington and a number of men headed out into the Ohio region with the mission to deliver a message to a French captain demanding that French troops withdraw from the territory. The demand was rejected.
Cinderella’s mice are Jaques and Gus
Glinda (in full, Glinda the Good Witch of the South) is a character in the Land of Oz created by the author L. Frank Baum. She is the most powerful sorceress of Oz.
Marryin' Sam and Dogpatch courtesy; Al Capp’s comic strip Li’l Abner
Charlotte, Wilbur, etc. are based on Charlotte’s Web an award-winning children’s novel by acclaimed American author E. B. White about a pig named Wilbur who is saved from being slaughtered by an intelligent spider named Charlotte. The book was first published in 1952, with illustrations by Garth Williams. The story is best known for the animated 1973 and live action 2006 feature films.
“I’ll be back” is a catch phrase associated with Arnold Schwarzenegger, which he first used in his role as the title character from the 1984 movie The Terminator.
William Gates Poe is based on William Henry "Bill" Gates (born October 28, 1955) an American business magnate, philanthropist, founder and chairman of Microsoft.
Nevermore House and its description are based on the Vanderbilt estate ‘Biltmore’ in Asheville, North Carolina.
Vesta is the goddess of the sacred fires of the hearth, the heart of spiritual and emotional stability in your home. Her cult goes back to the 7th century BC.
Aphrodite: In Greek mythology, Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, and sexual rapture.
Caer Ibormeith Celtic (Irish) is the Goddess of Sleep and Dreams; from Angelfire.com
Porky Pig courtesy; Warner Brothers Looney Tunes cartoon shorts. He is best known for his signature line at the end of each short, "Th-th-th-that's all folks!"