To all: this story is about as long as three chapters of any of my previous stories, and sex comes only at the end. I wanted to do a story on the development of love as opposed to sex, and to show how love intensifies sex or makes sex more satisfying. Astronomy buffs out there, as you read this, yes, I was a member of the Junior Astronomy Club when I lived in New York.
ALL COMMENTS, GOOD AND BAD, GRATEFULLY APPRECIATED.
Amelia, Chapter 1
For a physics teacher, Ms. Hirsch was beyond belief. She was a slim five foot five, with a curvy ass, and there was no way her blouse could minimize those 38C boobs that were practically struggling to pop right out and say howdy. It was really hard for every guy in the class to keep his mind on the lessons and his eyes off her tits. Her brunette hair fell a quarter of the way down her back and her bangs were always getting into her eyes, so she would shake her head, and those long tresses would do a snake dance down her back.
Thank God we had homework. I was the physics genius of the class, and Joel Silver was a close second. My average was, to date, 100. On one test, Joel got one question wrong, so as of that time, his average was 98. There was something thrilling about physics. I was 16 and I had already gone through Einstein's special relativity on my own. The idea that when you approached the speed of light you would start getting compressed -- it boggled my mind and more than that, the empirical evidence that said it was true -- beyond belief. I was dying to get into graduate school, into subatomic particle research. There all the laws of nature people thought they knew fell apart. I could hardly wait to explore it.
Everyone called me a nerd, which I didn't mind, because when they had problems with their homework they came to me or Joel. As for me, thank goodness for homework. It let me read the physics books without the distraction of getting turned on by Ms. Hirsch. If I had only class work and never any homework, sooner or later, I would have found a way to regularly jack off while Ms. Hirsch was putting equations on the blackboard, unable to see what I was doing because she was facing the blackboard. So I felt a bit lucky that I was exposed to her only for an hour, but even that one hour left me with a boner for the next hour. Sometimes, lying in bed at home, I would daydream in the nude about Ms. Hirsch, and I would slowly run my fingers up and down my pecker, getting it harder and harder. And then I would curl my fingers around for the last few jerks, and it would shoot cum about 4 feet up into the air, and I would have my cock aimed so that it came down on my belly. All this time, I would imagine myself with my cock buried inside Ms. Hirsch, with Ms. Hirsch moaning for more. And then I would slowly wipe up all my cum with my fingers and slurp it off into my mouth. Sometimes at night I would do that three or four times, always thinking about Ms. Hirsch.
In reality, Ms. Hirsch was absolutely delighted with her star physics students, me and Joel. When the term was nearly at an end, Ms. Hirsch told us all that she was so pleased with the better students that whoever got 100% on the final test would get a special gift from her, and he or she would get to choose the gift. And then the end of the term came and I got that 100%, but Joel missed just a small part of one of the questions, and he ended up with a 99%.
Well, I went to Ms. Hirsch's office as she had directed me, for my gift. And Ms. Hirsch was bubbling over with joy, holding my final exam paper. She said, "Michael, these are really tough questions. You answered two of them better than I could. You should have been teaching the class, not me." I was in ecstasy when she said that. She said, "I tried to think of some kind of gift for you that would be meaningful. I really don't care if I have to spend a lot of money. I thought I would like to buy you the Corinth series on particle physics. And I'd be delighted to buy it for you."
"Ms. Hirsch, that bunch of books costs hundreds of bucks. You just can't do that."
"Michael, I have never had a physics student like you and I will never have another one like you. I'm ready to give you anything you want."
And suddenly, the reality of Ms. Hirsch engulfed me. Those words were exactly the words spoken in a movie I had seen that weekend, in which the hero had made the most passionate love to the woman who said that line. And I looked at Ms. Hirsch and had the most powerful desire to take her in my arms and make mad passionate love to that beautiful woman with that beautiful body, and melt all resistance until we were one. Suddenly, I felt like crying.
The change on my face was very clearly obvious to her. She immediately asked, "Michael, have I hurt you in any way? Your face has suddenly turned so sad."
For a few moments I was too filled with emotion to answer her, because I would have burst out into tears. Finally, I managed to answer. "Oh no, Ms. Hirsch, it's just that when you said what you said, it made me very sad."
"Michael, what did I say exactly that made you so sad? I assure you that I was trying to give you the highest of compliments."
"It was when you said you were ready to give me anything I want."
Her face became perplexed. The last thing she was trying to do was to make her star pupil sad. "How did that hurt you?"
"Because I know what I want." By this time, I could not control my tears. They began to flow down my face in tiny rivulets.
"Michael, what is it that you want?"
"Oh, my dear boy, what a compliment. You love physics that much. You would want me to be there to teach you all day long?"
"Not exactly. Not for physics."
She again looked very perplexed. "Me."
And then her eyes looked into the distance and she understood. And her face went through a transformation, and her cheeks and jaw dropped. And I could hardly believe my eyes. Her eyes began filling with tears!
"I'm sorry, Ms. Hirsch, I didn't mean in any way to hurt you."
She could not look me in the face. Instead, she stared at my hand. Slowly, she placed her hand on mine. I felt as if I had gotten a jolt of electricity as she gently clasped my hand. I could not even describe it. Somehow, her hand was beyond love, beyond sex, it was just a human hand, but it was her hand, and I never dreamed that it would be holding mine. I just sat there, taking it in, as if it were a source of extraterrestrial spirit. My whole body began to feel light.
Finally, after what seemed to be hours, she spoke. "You mean lovemaking."
I didn't quite understand that last word. I said, "How can people make love?"
Finally, her eyes lifted and she smiled. "You meant you wanted me in a sexual way."
That caused me to think. I looked at her and realized that even though I was a kid and she was my teacher, I would rather be married to her than anyone else in the world. I said, "More than that. I would want to protect you and make you happy."
She again looked down and nobody spoke for what seemed to be ages. Finally she said, "Funny, I know what you mean. I must be eleven years older than you, and I could not imagine myself married to anyone else."
I couldn't decide whether in the silence was deafening or whether it was welcome, but we didn't speak, and she began caressing my hand.
Finally, I decided that I might as well say what was on my mind. "I think about you a lot when I'm home. Sometimes I lay down and think about you and rub on my thingy down there." I pointed to my dick. "I never think of anyone else. Only you."
And then it seemed as if there was silence for hours. Ms. Hirsch's hand gently caressed mine. And when she spoke next, she practically turned my world upside down.
"And I think about you when I am home. Sometimes I lie down and think about you and rub on my thingy down there. And I never think of anyone else. Only you. And it's not just that you're a brilliant physics student. It's just you. I like who you are."
If Ms. Hirsch had just told me that she was a Martian I could not be any more surprised. I involuntarily let out a small "Wow!" She had suddenly thrust on me more responsibility than I could ever conceive of. I realized that I had to take care of not only me, but her, in dealing with her. I think that moment grew me up five years.
Another long silence. I don't know how I got the courage to ask my next question, but I finally did. "Do you...uh..."
"Come to orgasm? Yes. And I never think of anyone but you."
I felt ready to faint. My brain felt like scrambled eggs. I said, "Me too. And the only one I think of is you."
She took my hand with hers and gently placed it on her breastbone a bit on the left side and said, "Feel how fast my heart is going." I had to concentrate, but it seemed to be going very fast. Never having done this before, I had nothing to compare it to, but still, it seemed to be going very fast. I put my other hand over the same spot on me, and I think my heart must have been going about the same speed.
I guess her maturity showed through. She let go of my hand and stood up, and stood with her back against the door to the office. She had one heel against that door so it could not be opened. And she beckoned to me and said, "Come here." Like an automaton, I rose and walked over to her. She said, "Just do what I do."
She put her hands around my head and drew me to her, placing my lips on hers, and then putting one hand around my back, she kept the other on the back of my head as she kissed me. At first, my hands hung down like those of a marionette without strings, and then desire began to fill me. Both arms wrapped around her and then one of my hands caressed her cheek, involuntarily. Slowly our lips opened more and more, and our tongues began to touch, and then enter each other's mouth, where they played around with the other tongue for a while. It was so ethereal I felt as if I should have fainted, but those tongues touching somehow made it very real.
And then she slowly pulled her head back, and for whatever reason we both said simultaneously, "I love you." She lay her head on my chest and I began stroking that beautiful hair and her cheek. Suddenly, I didn't feel like a kid anymore. I felt like a grown up entrusted with the job of caring for another person's feelings.
My musings were interrupted by her voice. "I have had fantasies about this moment, absolutely sure it would never happen. And I feel as if I am in a dream." She sat down at her desk again. Slowly, I walked back to the chair in which I was sitting, and sat down again.
Her practical side emerged. "Well, I guess we'll have to satisfy our desires. More fun than doing it with fingers. And we'll have to be private -- no episodes with any cops ever. And we have to figure what we are going to do with each other, but I'm telling you now, I'm willing to wait a long time till you grow up."
I was still trying to absorb everything. "Ma'am, I just can't believe you've had something going for me."
"I'm just a physics teacher, Michael, I'm not God; a lot of teachers are attracted to students. You are going to make a whizbang physicist. If you want me when you're finally there, I'll still be eleven years older than you. And I will still be attracted to you. And I will hope that you will be attracted to me."
"Ma'am, you are absolutely gorgeous. I'm glad to get a holiday from you to study physics at home, because if the only way I could study physics was in school with you, the second you were looking away from me I would have my hand on this thing here (pointing to my dick) and whacking off. I can't think of anyone on earth who is prettier than you, but more than that, you really know a lot of physics, and it's hard to believe that both parts of you come in the same person. I guess I'm just lucky to know you."
Looking into my eyes, she said, "Maybe we both lucked out." She thought for a moment. "So you graduate now, don't you?"
"Yes ma'am, I am in the Rapids. I'm getting out a year and a half early."
"So where do you go from here?"
"Columbia University. I have a research scholarship there. I want to do my graduate work in particle physics. Columbia also gives a program in astrophysics with some of their astronomy department and some of their physics department. I can hardly wait to get there."
She brightened up considerably. "Wonderful. So you're staying in New York. What a surprise!" Then she looked at me, or perhaps through me, and said, "We won't have the student-teacher relationship anymore. We'll just be Michael and Amelia to each other. Do you think you would be willing to visit me?"
"How about starting to call me Amelia. I'd really like that."
"Ma'am, I mean, Amelia, I would love to visit you. I can't think of anyone I would want to visit more than you."
"Well then, here's my address and my phone number. And I did promise you a gift. And if you wanted to come to my place to collect it, I'd love to give it to you." And she found a Gas Company business card and wrote her name and address and phone number on the back, and gave it to me. The address, in the 5700 block, was not far from the school, and for that matter not far from where I lived. It would be easy to get there on my bike from home. I put it in the compartment in back of my wallet, so it couldn't be seen by a stranger who might be looking through my wallet. Not that I expected anyone to ever be looking through my wallet, but this card had her name and address and phone number, in her handwriting, and I was definitely in love with her, so I put it in a place where only I would see it.
I said, "I would really feel embarrassed if you bought the Corinth series for me. I don't feel that I deserve that."
She got up and walked over to my chair. Clasping my head to her breast, she said, "Do you deserve this?"
I didn't know what to say. "I guess I deserve it if you want to do that. But I don't deserve it if you don't want to do it."
"Well, how does it feel?"
"Oh, ma'am, I mean Amelia, it feels spectacular. I can't think of a better place my head wants to be."
She said, "Me too. I can't think of another place where I'd rather have your head. It feels spectacular to me."
The chime in the hall struck two. She said, "Oh, my God, I have my last class of this term to teach right now. Tomorrow is Saturday. Would it be okay for you to come over to my place at eleven?"
I said, "I can hardly wait." And then we both left, me to go home and Ms. Hirsch to teach her class.
* * *
Amelia, Chapter 2
Later in the day, thinking over my entire visit, I realized that Ms. Hirsch, or Amelia as she wanted me to call her, was in some ways forward, but she always asked how I felt about what she was doing. In other words, she was not acting as my superior, but as my equal, although it was clear that she had more experience than I. I realized that I was overwhelmed with her demoting herself to an equal, expecting her to act as my superior. The concept that she literally wanted me to have sex with her was mind-boggling. To me, it would be like having sex with a goddess. And yet, she saw herself as my equal, older, but essentially equal. This realization stood me in good stead in my visit to Amelia the next day.
I arrived at her place, an apartment in a large brownstone building, a few minutes before eleven o'clock. Her apartment was on the first floor. There appeared to be no place to put my bike where it would be safe, so when she pressed the button to open the front door of the building, I took my bike with me. Her apartment was on the first floor and there was no problem taking it inside.
And there she stood, looking even more beautiful and a lot less official than she looked at school. At school she wore a pantsuit with a fairly tight-fitting blouse. In her home, she was wearing a short skirt, sexy to me, and just a blouse on top. And she wore lipstick, which she never wore in school. And earrings. Hard to describe, but they looked sexy to me. And the first thing I said was, "Oh, Amelia, you look absolutely beautiful."
"And you look just great, Michael. Just leave your bike in the hall here. Come on in and I'll give you a tour of one special place." Would it be her bedroom? I wished she hadn't said it because it caused butterflies in my stomach.
And she walked into her bedroom, which was nice and large, but passed the bedroom into a large closet in the back, and she turned on the light, saying, "So what do you think of this?"
There before my very eyes was a Schmidt-Cassegrain telescope that took up most of the closet. This was no weenie scope. The mirror had to be over a foot in diameter. It rested on a very heavy tripod with an equatorial mount. It was hard to believe my eyes. All I could say was, "Wow! First Schmidt-Cassegrain telescope I ever saw, except the one at the Hayden Planetarium."
She said, "You get an A, only it's not a Schmidt-Cassegrain. That would have been too easy to build. This baby is a Maksutov-Cassegrain telescope. Looks like a Schmidt but it isn't a Schmidt."
"Maksutov? I never heard of it."
"Take a good look at the front lens. That's no Schmidt lens. The Maksutov lens is a lot tougher to grind. Took me three years. That's a 13 inch lens."
I stood on my tiptoes to look at the front mirror-lens. "It's not flat. It's curved. That's made from one hell of a chunk of glass." The enormity of the project overwhelmed me. "Oh, my God! Ms. Hirsch, I mean Amelia, that is enormous. It's magnificent. Holy mackerel! That lens just didn't take a little old knife edge to build."
Her face was radiant, with a big smile. "That's what took me three years, and I'm just talking about the front mirror. I think I just got me a partner to help me drag it out into Central Park on some nice cloudless night where we might want to look at a few galaxies."
"You would let me look through it?"
"So tell me, Michael, you look as if you know your way around telescopes. Have you built any of your own?"
"Just a 6 inch Newtonian. That's all my dad would let me do in the basement. I begged him to let me do an 8 inch, but after he sniffed around the Junior Astronomy Club and figured out what kind of a mess it would be and for how long, he said absolutely not. Mine is a cute little telescope, better than a four incher."
Amelia looked into the distance, saying, "Maybe, someday, the two of us can put together a 20 incher. A Schmidt-Cassegrain, because if we tried to do a Maksutov-Cassegrain it would probably take us the rest of our lives." Then she walked over to me and put her head on my chest, saying, "I think I got lucky." I gave in to my natural instinct, and put my arms around her as if to guard her like some precious jewel. And that is precisely what she was to me, a precious jewel.
We stood there, still, savoring the closeness. And then Amelia said, "Now I'm supposed to give you a gift, and I don't know how to give it to you. But you earned it and that means I have to figure out or we have to figure out how to do it." And then she held my hand, walked over to the big bed in her bedroom, sat down, and beckoned to me to sit down next to her. And she said, "Before you walk out of here, you will have made love with me. And I don't have a clue as to how it's going to happen."
My knees and chin were shaking, but I said, "Well, I think we need to get undressed." By this time, ice was flowing in my veins and I was a mess of jitters. In my days with girls I had gotten as far as kissing them on the lips and putting a hand on a breast, and that's as far as it went.
Well, Amelia didn't even answer me. She simply started by taking off her shoes, unbuttoning her blouse and taking it off, and slipping her skirt off. I had no idea why I did not have a heart attack, because my heart seemed to be pounding so hard it wanted to jump out of my chest. But following her lead, I untied my shoelaces and took my shoes off, I unbuttoned my shirt and took it off, and unbuckled my belt and slid my pants down. And Amelia turned her back to me and said, "Unclasp this," indicating the clasp of her bra." I managed to quell my jitters enough to actually undo the clasp. Off came the bra. Down came her panties. And there she was, stark naked. I followed suit as quickly as possible, removing my undershirt and boxers. By this time I realized I was not having a dream. I found a pimple on her shoulder, which proved she was not perfect.
She faced me, saying, "Now what?" In order to execute my next action I had to imagine she was dressed. I walked over to her and put my arms around her, drawing her to me. The touch of her body was too exquisite for words, and she was the first to make comment. "I can't believe I'm doing this, but you really feel good."
Couldn't believe she was doing this? After having been with so many men? As far as I knew, I was just the next guy in line. "What can't you believe?"
She looked up into my face and said, "Well, Mike, I have never made love with a man ever, and on my dates I've kissed a few and let just a couple touch my breasts. And here, this virgin body is giving itself to you to break my virginity."
That was a thunderous admission. "Ms. Hirsch, I never did sex with any girl before this, and I don't even know if I'm going to do sex tonight. I've kissed a few girls and petted a few."
She heaved a giant sigh of relief. "You mean we are starting even?"
"Looks like it."
She looked down. "Well, I can't back down. I promised you."
"Amelia, you can back down anytime. I haven't got the slightest idea of what the hell I am doing, and the last thing I want to do is anything that hurts you in the slightest. If I end up with a telescope buddy, and I can look into a 13 incher that my buddy built, I think that will be heavenly."
"But we're naked. Shouldn't we take advantage of that?" She was beginning to sound like a kid my age, neither of us knowing what we were doing.
She was right. I gently pulled her into my arms and kissed that exquisite mouth and caressed those beautiful cheeks. And my now bare penis was pressing directly against a shaven mound of what would have been hair, but it was shaven, directly above her vagina. And we were both very conscious of it.
And I pulled away and said to her, "I'm just a 15 year old kid, but I am crazy in love with you right now, and I am not going to do anything that hurts you. Even if it drives me crazy."
She walked over to the bed and lay down on it, face up, and spread her knees apart and said, "Stick it in there." And then my senses, my good breeding, my love for her, whatever it was, came back to me. I got on the bed and on hands and knees kissed her lips, and rubbed her belly with one hand. My mouth gently moved over, brushing her cheek, and I lightly nibbled on her ear lobe. Her shoulders relaxed. Her eyes slowly closed. She began drawing deep breaths. It really felt good doing something that she seemed to enjoy. I lay down next to her, facing her, and caressed her thigh that was nearest to me. I gently rolled her onto her side so that we were facing each other. "I can't believe anyone on earth is as beautiful as you are. It's hard to believe that you built that telescope all alone."
"I did." Her hand reached out to caress my arm. I began to rub the insides of her thighs and her eyelids flickered shut. My heart pounded as my hand finally rested on the mound that was her vagina. It was moist. I was in unfamiliar territory. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I gently rubbed over that slit and was rewarded with more moisture. In fact, it began leaking. Suddenly, her eyes were wide open. Did I perceive fear in them? I slowly pulled my fingers away from that slit. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know." I felt a tremor in her arm that was not there just a few seconds ago. My instinct said fear. I rolled over onto my back and just held her hand. This was the first time I felt more mature than Amelia, more competent or more capable.
Slowly the tremor disappeared. I said, "Would you like to roll over so you're on top of me?" She did not answer. Instead, she simply rolled over and placed her breasts over mine and slowly bent her head down so we could kiss. I said, "Do you know what I'd like you to do?" This time I was flying by blind instinct, and my instinct was to protect her.
She said, "What?"
"I would like you to put that," pointing to her vagina, "over this," pointing to my penis, "and slip it down so that I am inside you." By this time I had almost completely lost interest in sex. Granted, my penis was hard and extended but my gut feeling told me she was having an internal battle, and I wanted to find out what it was without endangering her.
She bent over to kiss me on the lips and I, in turn, gently rubbed her arms. Then she lowered her vagina over my penis until they were touching, and held the tip of my penis so that it had begun to enter her vagina. By this time, she was shuddering. Her entire body was shaking. She lowered herself so that just the tip of my penis was inside her vagina, and by this time she looked as if she were somewhere else. Suddenly she jumped off me and screamed, "I can't! I just can't!"
I was up in a flash. I grabbed her shoulders and said, "Amelia, look at me. Don't look anywhere else. Just look at me." A face white with fear looked at mine. I said, "It's okay. Everything is going to be fine. You are okay. Nobody is hurting you." And I just held her onto the shoulders, looking into her eyes.
Finally, she pushed my hands away and sat down on the bed, and said, "You have to go. You have to go right now." She appeared not even to know me.
I was operating purely by gut instinct by then. A16-year-old kid, and I knew that I had to take charge, that Amelia was not able to. I said, "Amelia, it's me, Mike. You've been raped and touching me made you remember it. You are okay. Nobody has hurt you now. Just look at my face. Nobody will hurt you."
Her eyes, which had a few moments ago been filled with terror, slowly returned to normal. She said, "Mike? Where are we? Why are we undressed?"
I lifted her blouse and skirt from the floor and quickly draped them over her, so they covered her breasts and vagina. I said, "Just relax. You'll remember in a minute.
I put a hand on her arm, neither lightly nor heavily -- firmly, but not in a pushy way, and just stood there. Gradually her eyes lost their glaze and her smile returned. "We were getting ready for lovemaking. I don't need these." She dropped her skirt and blouse on the floor again. "Now, where were we?"
I said, "You just convinced me that I'm going to marry you someday. If I thought I loved you an hour ago, now I know I love you."
"I was just going to make a cute remark, but you sound as if you mean it, Mike. Was I that good?"
"Can't you remember?"
"No. I can't. But you sure look as if I really affected you."
By this time I was completely comfortable with the situation. I knew I dared not have sexual intercourse. Amelia had been raped. Of that I was sure. And knowing that made me love her with an intensity that I had never experienced before in my life. I suddenly remembered something I had learned in biology class. I would have to go over my notes. I said, "Could we just lie here for a while, just hugging and kissing? Can I come back next Saturday for more of this?"
"Definitely. I'm really enjoying this."
As far as I was concerned, we may as well have been fully dressed. The lack of clothing was icing on the cake because my beautiful beloved teacher was gorgeous beyond words. We spent about an hour kissing and caressing in the nude. Sometimes I just lay there with her head against my chest, blathering to her how much I loved her. I no longer felt like a kid.
About an hour and a half later I left, and made sure that we had a date to do exactly the same thing the next Saturday. I needed to get to work.
* * *
Amelia, Chapter 3
As soon as I got home, I went through my notes stashed on one of the shelves in the closet. There it was, last term's biology notes. Slowly, I flipped through them. Aha. EMDR. Meaning, eye movement rapid desensitization. Not much in the notes. It was a way to deal with past traumas.
On came my computer. There was plenty about it on the Net. I was in no hurry, so I read it all slowly. After about an hour I arose, saying to myself, "That's what she needs." Late Saturday afternoon. This was no time to contact a therapist. I'd have to start my search Monday morning.
That weekend, I was on the computer a lot. By Sunday night I had learned a great deal about EMDR. My folks thought I was on another math trip. I had worked on the Lagrange and Eulerian solutions to special cases of the three body problem (for example two planets going around a much larger body like a sun).
That's what my folks thought I was working on, but this was one time they were infinitely far from what was really on my mind. I could not get Amelia out of my mind. What horrible monster had attacked this beautiful lady in the past, so terribly that she could not remember it?
Finally, Monday morning, I got to speak with an EMDR expert personally. The conversation went something like this:
This is Julia Carter.
Hi, I'm Mike Hilbert. I'm calling about a friend who I believe needs your services.
What seems to be the problem, Mike?
She was raped, I can't tell you when, but she doesn't remember it in the slightest, except that when we try to have sex, she goes berserk and then doesn't remember it a few minutes later.
How do you know she was raped?
I just know. Raped. Beaten. Both. I couldn't tell you exactly what, but there is no question about it.
There was a long silence. "How old is she?"
Okay, Mike, that problem is definitely up my alley. Fees here are $150 per hour visit.
I'd like a Saturday appointment.
I set an appointment for Saturday noon with her secretary, having not the slightest clue where I would get that $150. I simply had to get Amelia to a therapist. I'd worry about the money later and I would be paying for it.
I called Amelia and explained that I had to go someplace Saturday, and I needed her to come with me. After a few questions which got essentially non-answers from me, she agreed. Saturday at 11:30 a.m. we left her apartment and headed uptown on the subway to Dr. Carter's office. As soon as we got there, Amelia said to me, "Mike, why didn't you tell me that you were going to see a therapist? I haven't messed up your head, have I?"
"No, sweetie, my head is fine. We are here together because this is an us problem." It was okay with me if I left her in the dark. My first job was to get her inside that office with me. Whatever it took, that's what I needed to do.
When Dr. Carter met us she immediately said, "Hi! So you are Amelia, and you're Mike. Nice to meet you people. Now, Mike, I will leave it to you to explain to both of us what's going on."
Waving a hand toward Amelia, I said, "My beautiful friend, here, has a serious sex problem, and she doesn't have the slightest idea that she has a problem. Any part of me put into her vagina immediately brings on complete panic, screaming for me to get away, and she doesn't remember it in the slightest a couple of minutes later." Looking toward Amelia I saw confusion on her face, but more important, some fear in her eyes. Apparently, Dr. Carter caught it.
She said, "Since I am a registered sex therapist, it would be helpful if you demonstrated the problem, Mike."
Amelia immediately said, "Don't I get a vote? Doctor, I don't have the slightest idea what he's talking about."
"Well, since Mike seems to have stated the problem very clearly, how about the two of us letting him demonstrate it. We'll know in a matter of seconds whether or not he's got cuckoo birds in his head. I don't know whether Mike is entirely sane. I think we two women can figure out whether he is crazy, so let's see."
Amelia shook her head and glared at me in a way that I already knew said, okay let's get this over with, and I immediately went over to her, got down on both knees, and without wasting a second put my hand under her skirt and stuck my forefinger into her vagina. At that very moment, Amelia screamed out, "AAAAH! No, no, no! Help!" and I removed my finger and immediately held both her shoulders, saying, "It's okay, no one will hurt you. You are okay. We are your friends. You are safe."
Well, Amelia went through the same decompression period, only this time with Dr. Carter watching. She got up and held one of Amelia's hands. Amelia still had some cold sweat. Dr. Carter said, "You don't remember what just happened, do you."
"Mike walked over to me and started shaking my shoulders and telling me all this gobbledygook about how you guys are my friends."
Dr. Carter said, "Let's make a movie, and then let's see what the movie shows and compare it to what you saw happening. It will just be a short movie, about ten seconds. Is that all right with you?"
Amelia said, "I don't get it. I just told you what happened."
Dr. Carter walked over to her and put a hand on her arm. "Something else happened but you didn't remember it, so I figured that if you see a movie, you can explain how it was that you didn't remember it, or maybe you'll remember it this time."
Amelia looked confused. She said, "A movie. Ten seconds. No more."
Dr. Carter said, "No more," and she set up a small camera on her desk, pointing toward Amelia, and said, "Okay Mike, go ahead and repeat what you just did."
I went through the same thing, reaching under Amelia's skirt and putting a finger into her vagina, getting the same screams, and then holding her shoulders and telling her everything was okay. Dr. Carter connected the camera to her computer, and when Amelia was back to normal, she showed a ten-second segment of the video.
During the video Amelia's eyes widened, and when it was done she said, "Am I crazy, Doc? What's wrong with me? I didn't remember that at all." Her eyes filled with panic. She began to shiver. Dr. Carter stood in front of her and said, "Amelia, look at my hand and follow my hand and keep your head still and relax." With that, Dr. Carter began waving one hand back and forth, looking very much like a windshield wiper. And after a couple of minutes of looking, Amelia visibly relaxed. Dr. Carter said, "Not only are you not crazy, but you don't have the slightest bit wrong with you. Years ago, when someone manhandled you, you reacted completely properly. I can see that and in a few weeks you will be able to see that. And I have every reason to believe that you will remember it all, and figure out a way to resolve it in your head. And you need to thank your lucky stars that you have a friend like Mike."
And that was how Amelia got into EMDR therapy. I was with her for every treatment. She had been raped on a roadside at age 16, and her rapist, a man about double her age and a lot larger, had severely beaten her. All this came out in the next few sessions, as Dr. Carter wove her magic spell with her windshield-wiper arms and hands. And Amelia was brimming with rage against him at first, and even that went. She wondered what kind of mother would bring up a child who would think that was all right. And gradually, her fear of having her vagina invaded by a man diminished. It gave me tremendous respect for EMDR, but even more, the way Dr. Carter used her humanity to slowly pierce Amelia's terror, uncover the incidents that caused it, and let her work out her own way of dealing with the resulting rage, a rage she had been secretly carrying within her for years, not even knowing it.
Dr. Carter and I privately agreed that there would be a limit to the fees, since I would be going to school full-time in the fall, and had only the summer to find employment to pay for the treatment. I don't know what she said to Amelia when they were alone, but I absolutely insisted on paying for Amelia's entire treatment and Amelia caved in. She let me pay and this drew us even closer.
There was one way in which Amelia's rape contributed to our being honest. I turned 17 when she was finishing up treatment with Dr. Carter, and that meant that if we indulged in sex, no one could accuse her of statutory rape. I was of age.
The day came when we actually had sexual intercourse. We both needed to know that she had the original incident resolved and completely worked through. By that time love was superseded by a deep friendship. I remember that day very well. We went through the usual routine of getting undressed in her bedroom, and kissing and caressing. When I licked and caressed those beautiful breasts, her nipples stood erect and hard. I rubbed her belly with as much gentleness as I could muster. I waited for her breathing to slow down and her eyes to flutter shut. My hand sought the inside of her thigh and began caressing it toward her baby castle, which rewarded me with a few drops of clear liquid. My mid finger gently caressed the slit between her labia and slowly worked its way inside. This time, my dearly beloved lady did not scream. She pulled my head toward hers, placing her lips under mine, where they gently massaged each other. That mid finger sunk deeper inside her, and this time there was no fear. Her breathing rate increased. The liquid flowed more copiously. Finally, my mid finger was as deep as it could go, feeling waves of compression. Then, I placed it so that it would press up against her clitoris, and put my thumb on that clitoris, and began gently rubbing both against each other.
Amelia sighed, and her breathing quickened. Her body began to shiver, but this time it was not in fear. Suddenly, she broke out into the first orgasm given to her by a man, me. Her back stiffened. Her body jerked. I could see that those were spasms of ecstasy. When she was done, I slowly withdrew my finger from her vagina and placed my dripping hard penis inside. First the head. I can't describe the feeling, it was that good. Then, deeper. And then I pushed the full length inside. And that was when Amelia's lips got to work. They smothered mine and her tongue eagerly sought the inside of my mouth. I began to move in and out while she tightened up on me. It did not take long until I felt my entire body going into spasm, as I poured shots of love into her thirsty womb.
She came the second time as I was coming. And when I was done, every last drop I could pump was drained from those testicles, I lay down beside her and turned her to me and we looked at each other and told each other we loved each other.
About fifteen minutes later we were back at it, and I shot a few more loads of my love juices into the most beautiful lady in the world, who reciprocated with a wonderful orgasm in which she lost body control. And about a half hour after that we repeated this scene. We were pretty tired by the end of the afternoon, and fell asleep in each other's arms.
We repeated this performance every chance we could get, because we never tired of lovemaking. We got married during Christmas vacation when I was matriculating in Columbia, instead of waiting till I graduated, because I would not stand for our baby (yes, Amelia did get pregnant) being born out of wedlock. It made life a lot tougher to have the financial responsibility, especially getting through school, but I had an iron will and a wife who helped me to absorb the material and earn enough money so we always had food on the table. I finished school by age 22, graduating with a Ph.D. summa cum laude. Then, we got jobs at the Brookhaven National Laboratory, where we are researchers to this day. Once in a while we take Amelia's pickup truck into the Catskill Mountains for a weekend and look at the skies through her Maksutov-Cassegrain telescope. The views are astonishing.
Right now, there are four in the family and we're on our way toward a fifth.