I woke up the next morning not quite well rested from my workout the previous night. God my ass was sore. I reached down under the covers and gently touched my hole. OUCH! Ok… Maybe two cocks wasn’t the best idea in retrospect; I hadn’t hurt like this any of the previous times I’d been fucked. But I’ll be damned if it didn’t feel amazing at the time. Still. Maybe it was a bad idea.
I looked over at my little brother, asleep next to me. He looked so cute. He was half-splayed out on the bed. He was lying on his stomach and his head was turned to me. His mouth was wide open and he had drooled, creating a wet spot on his pillow.
He looked so innocent. Hah! But I loved him. I loved him way more than I should have considering he was my brother.
What have I gotten myself into? How would this work? How does one date their brother? Can one? Is it legal? Fuck! Again I couldn’t help but think about the fact that I only had another year left. I’d be leaving for college and leaving Stephen behind. Would it be fair to start a relationship, even if it was what he wanted, knowing that we’d be so far away? Is that even what I want?
The train of thought I was heading down made me sad. I really didn’t want to think about it but I couldn’t help it. This vacation with Stephen had really brought us together and I didn’t want it to end. Back at home we both had appearances to keep up. Stephen had a girlfriend! And I wasn’t even out. Fuck!
I’d had enough and decided to stop thinking about it and go on with my day. I slowly, carefully got out of bed. I didn’t want to wake Stephen yet. I walked to the bathroom and gently shut the door behind me. I felt slightly bloated and sat down on the toilet only to expel a bunch of wind. Heh. You never hear about that when you read about anal sex do ya? Despite the fact that nobody was awake to hear me I couldn’t help but be embarrassed.
I decided to take a bath. I hadn’t had one in a long time and it felt amazing to just lay there in the hot water. I think it caused me to loosen up a bit too because by the end my hole didn’t hurt as much as it had before. I sat in the bath for about 20 minutes before I started to prune and decided it was time to get out for risk of looking like a pug.
I dried myself off and went back into the room where Stephen was still sleeping. I walked over and carefully, quietly kissed him on his forehead. How would I survive without him in my life? I got dressed in some skinny jeans and a graphic t-shirt. I put on my shoes and socks and grabbed my wallet and phone. I needed to take a walk.
I went down to the lobby and walked outside into the hot Florida air. I looked around and headed left, away from the diner from the day before. I walked about 5 feet before I changed my mind and switched directions.
I walked slowly, letting my thoughts weigh upon me. Until this vacation I hadn’t really thought of myself as gay. I knew that I found guys to be attractive but “gay” hadn’t seemed to be a possibility. Other people could be gay. But me? Clearly I’d been wrong. I had to throw all of that out. The facts were undeniable; I’m gay. Now what? What did I want for my life? Would I hide from my parents until college? Forever? No! I didn’t want to live a lie. I COULDN’T live a lie. They would have to know and I would have to tell them.
I barely noticed that I was coming up on the diner and briefly considered just walking by and forgetting everything. No, this is what I decided and this is what I was going to do. I took a breath and went inside. The cold air was more oppressive than the air outside. I shivered as I looked around.
“Hi. Just one?” the hostess asked.
“No. I… uhh… Is Sean here?” Wow…fucked that up.
“No, he just got off work a couple minutes ago. Sorry.”
“Uh. Ok, thanks.”
I quickly left the store feeling kinda lost before remembering that he’d given me his number the night before and that I’d entered it into my phone. I took out my phone and went through the phone until I came across “Sean ;)” which is what I’d stored him as since I didn’t know his last name. I stared at the number for a couple of seconds before I collected my courage and hit the send button. The phone started to ring. I felt a pit form in my stomach.
My voice caught.
“Hello?” he asked again.
“…Hi” I managed to say.
“Charlie?” he asked not quite sure of the accuracy of his guess.
“Yeah, it’s me. Hey, I was wondering if you’d be willing to talk. I know you just got off work but I was hop-“ He interrupted me before I could finish my sentence.
“Sure! Where are you?”
“Right out front of the diner.”
“Kk. I’ll be there in like 2 minutes. Don’t move.”
Sean hung up and I put my phone back in my pocket, twiddling with my fingers until he pulled up at the curb next to me. He drove a light blue Mazda Miata which really suited him. The top was down. Sean smiled at me and motioned for me to get in. I got in and buckled myself in as he sped away. He was wearing his work pants but had changed into a t-shirt. His hair was disheveled from wearing his work hat. He smelled of fries.
“Thanks. Her name is Belle.”
“I was hoping we could go somewhere to talk. Cars are kinda noisy.”
“No problem. I know the perfect place.”
It took about 5 minutes to get to our destination as Sean wove in and out of traffic and made a bunch of turns that I couldn’t remember. We rode mostly in silence making random comments to try and fill the awkward silence of the drive. We pulled into a parking lot next to a cute little coffee shop and got out after he’d put up the top to the car.
The coffee shop was really cute though it practically reeked of hipsters the hipsters who inhabited the couches, armchairs, and desk chairs that were scattered around the room and grouped up around tables. Obscure music played from a couple of speakers mounted in the rafters.
Sean led me to the little counter stocked with baked goods and a dirty-looking hipster standing behind it.
“I dunno what you like but they have the best chai teas ever!” Sean said with a cute smile.
“Two chai teas and a blueberry muffin please.”
Sean took out his wallet and started to hand the guy the money.
Sean turned to me.
“It’s on me,” he cut me off before I said anything, “It’s the least I can do…”
Once again he gave me that grin. It made him really cute and was rather similar to the smile he had on his face when he first entered me the night before. My dick twitched a little bit in my pants at the thought.
He handed the guy a $10 and I decided to not protest his payment of my part of the bill. He got his change and the muffin and we walked over to the far corner and sat down on a couch with a coffee table in front of it.
We sat awkwardly for a second before Sean turned to me.
“Soooo… What did you want to talk about?”
I paused for a second to gather my thoughts and started to ramble.
“So I’ve been going over everything in my head what I want to do, what this all means, what I want out of everything, where my brother plays into this, whether I want to come out or not, how my parents will react, whether they’ll accept me *breath*, if I’ll get shit in school, if there’s any gay guys in my school, if I can continue this relationship with my Stephen, whether he’ll want to, whether he’s gay, where I’m going to college…”
The dirty hipster arrived with our chai lattes and put on the table in front of us.
Sean was staring at me blankly. Fuck.
“…So yeah, sorry.”
“That’s ok. That’s a lot”
“I know. And I guess I have a question.”
“How did you come out? What happened?”
Sean slowly started to unwrap his muffin and told me the story of his coming out.
He came out when he was 14. At that point he hadn’t even so much as kissed a boy, or a girl for that matter. But he knew that he was gay and that was that. He didn’t tell his parents at first but, instead, stuck to coming out at school. Most of his friends didn’t care and some said they’d already figured he was at least bi. It wasn’t until several months after he came out at school that he kissed his first boy and soon after that kissed a girl. He never really got bullied at school mainly due his being one of the “smart kids” whose friends apparently transcended specific cliques.
He came out to his parents just after his 15th birthday and they took it rather well. His mom had kinda known since she’d found some gay porn in the history and noticed things. She cried a bit but she was ok. His dad took a little bit to come around but he didn’t really care in the end.
A year later or so later he met Josh and ended up losing his virginity to him. They dated for a while but broke up on mutual terms and remained friends and sometimes fuck buddies. Tyler, he said, had been a one-night stand he’d had when he wanted to have sex with a black guy for the hell of it.
By the time he’d finished telling me the story he’d eaten most of the muffin and he’d had about half of his chai tea. I had yet to drink most of mine as I’d been listening with rapt attention to his account of what he’d gone through. He took a sip and watched as I absorbed what he’d said and ordered my thoughts.
It didn’t sound like he’d gone through a lot of hell or anything. If anything it seemed like his experience had been pretty good. I could only hope for an experience as uneventful.
“Until the beginning of this vacation,” I started, “I… I never considered myself to be gay. Everything has changed for me. And I don’t think I can hide it. I don’t want to hide it. I want to come out but I’m not entirely sure how.”
He smiled that same damn smile.
“We all have our turning point; that moment where we knew we were gay. Mine was pretty early. I was 11 and I was changing at the public pool. I just couldn’t stop staring at this older boy. He was absolutely gorgeous; he actually looked quite a bit like Josh does. I’d heard about sex and all that and had heard older guys talking about hot girls and knew that was what I was experiencing. My dick got hard and I just knew I was different. I was supposed to feel this way about girls wasn’t I? When I got home I googled it and learned about ‘homosexuality’ and what it meant to be ‘gay.’ It wasn’t a bad thing for me. I just knew I was different but I hid it because of what I read while looking online. I knew some people would think it was bad. I finally got tired of pretending to find girls hot and well, you know the rest.”
“And my point was sucking my brother’s cock… What a way to find out.”
“But what about Stephen? I don’t know what he considers himself. He has a girlfriend he has sex with. And she isn’t his first. And even if he’s gay, will he come out? Even if he does we can’t very well date. He says he’d want to but we can’t. We just can’t”
“Damn, I hadn’t thought about that. I dunno how to answer that. That’s up to him I guess.”
We sat in silence. He drank some of his chai tea and I ruminated.
“Sooo… You’re thinking about coming out then?”
“Yeah, when we get back to New York. I don’t want to continue just floating through life with no drive. I want to take a hold of my life. And that’s going to start by telling my parents and then coming out in general. I want to make up for lost time. I want to date. I want the whole experience. I don’t know how my parents will take it but I think they’ll be ok. I could be wrong.”
“Well, you’re the one who is best situated to know how they’ll respond. Though there is no way to know for sure.”
“I guess… What do you think I should do about Stephen?”
“You two are cute together. Regardless of whether or not he wants to come out and all that I see no reason why you two can’t have a secret relationship. Who knows, maybe one day the two of you can actually be together.”
I liked that idea. Stephen and I together. It sounded right.
We talked for a while longer. By the end of the conversation I felt a lot better about my situation. I was going to come out to my parents when we got back to New York and I was going to come out at school soon after. I wasn’t going to hide who I am. I was going to try and keep up my relationship with Stephen. I wanted him to come out to but I didn’t want to force him. If he didn’t want more than a secret relationship I would try to uphold that.
Eventually I decided that I needed to get back to the hotel. The day was getting on and we had evening plans with our parents. Sean had given me his number the night before but I decided to give him my Skype so he could contact me for cheaper. I told him my username as he wrote it down, “CharlieBoyNY.” I hoped he would add me; something told me he would.
We got back in his cute little car and he drove me to the hotel. He hugged me as I got out and gave me a kiss on the cheek which made me blush.
“Thank you,” I said, “Thanks for today and last night.”
“Any time. For both,” he replied with a grin.
I watched as Sean drove away and then walked into the hotel; my mind a lot less cluttered.