A couple of years ago I was very fixated on the childhood abuse I survived. I was in family therapy with my son and I talked with the therapist about writing letters to my mom, to the little girl I used to be and to my abuser. (One of them). I spoke with my sponsor about it and she encouraged me. I researched and found out the address of the man who had abused me. I wrote him the letter and then I sent the letter. My sponsor told me I wasn’t supposed to send the letter. I was supposed to write the letter for me. Maybe it was supposed to be for me, but I wanted him to hear from me and know what he did to me. Of course he called me after he received the letter and denied everything. I was stunned. Out of all of the scenarios I played out in my head, I never allowed for denial.
Ever since I wrote the letter I have been thinking about revenge. I want him to feel the powerlessness, the shame and the degradation I felt. I wanted him to realize the impact of what he has done. I wanted to understand why he did what he did. I wanted him to feel the pain and humiliation I felt.
To best honest, I don’t want to teach him any sort of lesson, I want to feel powerful and control. I want to tap into the darkness within me. I want to be the pain and humiliation that I want him to suffer. I also want his body to respond when he doesn’t want it to. I want him to feel shame.
For any plan to work, I have a shopping list. I have had a long time to plan this and have a long list of items I need. This is not going to be an in and out revenge. I plan on spending quite a bit of time with Russ. I have rope, a gag made out of leather with a metal bit built in. I have handcuffs, a taser, my switchblade, duct tape, two VERY large dildos, nipple clamps, and an appetite for revenge. I have a few flicks of differing varieties and made sure to include some kiddie porn I downloaded from the web. I have lubricant, scissors, and a strap on dildo. I thought about a blindfold, but I want him to see everything. I want him to be able to anticipate what’s coming and I damn sure want him to know who is responsible and why. I have everything neatly packed in a duffel bag and my van is gassed and ready to go. With very little coaxing, I was able to persuade my boyfriend to join me for a little road trip. Making sure the GPS is programmed with the address, we take off for a 12 hour ride. On the way out of town we make a quick stop at a cop spot and I pick up some versed just in case.
We arrive first thing in the morning and decide to stop and get a room for a few hours of rest. I am not able to quiet my mind enough to do more than doze off. I am restless and ready to meet the man of my current fantasy. We find the address and I have already planned how I am going to get into the house. In my hand I am carrying an envelope that is sealed. Inside there is a blank piece of paper. James and I walk up the sidewalk to the house and I notice the houses are not very close together. This means there will be less of a chance of the neighbors hearing any noise.
I knock on the door and a man comes to the door. I say that I am looking for Russ. I tell him who I am and that my mother has recently passed away and before she died she had written a letter and made me promise I would deliver it. I tell him that I am in the area visiting friends and thought I would stop by and take a chance that he would be home. While talking I am observing my surroundings and telling him what a nice home he has. I notice that it looks as if a woman lives there. I know that the public records I found for him list a woman by the name of Patricia. I really don’t want to drag an innocent woman into his private hell, but maybe she deserves it if she chose to love a child molester.
I have introduced him to James and James has remained silent and alert during our exchange. I ask him if his wife is home and he says that his girlfriend has gone to visit family in a nearby town. I hand him the envelope and while he is opening it I have managed to position myself behind him and a little to the left. He pulls out the piece of paper and the confusion on his face is evident when he unfolds it and sees that it is blank. By this time I have my .38 pointed at the back of his head and ask James to bring me the duffel bag. I take out the handcuffs that have been inside of my jacket pocket and tell him to place his hands behind together behind the chair. I handcuff him and he still has a confused look on his face and begins to look a little frightened. I take out the duct tape and tape his mouth. The time for apologies and excuses should have come when he received my original letter. I am not here for an apology.
I use the nylon cord and have James secure him to the chair so that he cannot go anywhere. He has begun struggling and James holds him still and I flip open the switchblade and cut one side of his face. I need him to take me seriously. I explain to him that I am in control and he will need to do exactly what I say. I clear off the coffee table and begin to unpack my duffel bag while James is securing his feet. Once everything is unpacked I grab the scissors and start towards him. His eyes are open wide in fear. I begin to cut away his clothing and leave him completely naked, vulnerable and exposed. Once he is naked I slide one of the dvds into the player and I settle on the couch. In a conversational tone I begin to tell him what I remember of my childhood. He is listening, but his eyes keep flickering back to the big screen television of an older man inviting a little girl to sit on his lap. As I am explaining why I am there he is trying to talk and I imagine he is attempting to make excuses. I tell him that I don’t plan on leaving until I am good and ready and we might as well settle in and get to know one another. A glance at the television shows that the plot has moved ahead and the man’s hands are under the girl’s dress.
James approaches me on the couch and I reach for him. He stands in front of me as I unzip his jeans and take him in my hands. I pull his dick out of his jeans and begin to lick the head. As I open my mouth wider to slide the head of his dick in my mouth I look up into his eyes and he has that look on his face that lets me know he is definitely into it. I glance over at Russ and notice that he has become still and quiet. I begin taking James deeper and deeper until the head of his dick is touching the back of my throat. I stop long enough to tell Russ that I hope he observing carefully because James likes his dick sucked a certain way and when it is his turn he will have to be very good. I think Russ finally begins to put the pieces of the puzzle together and begins squirming and making noises again. I tell him to relax…this is my turn to pleasure my baby. I begin to undress and I walk over to Russ and rub my titties in his face while I reach down to grab his small penis. I stroke him while I am murmuring for him to watch the video and sit back and let me make him feel as good as he made me feel all those years ago. As I do this, James is running his hand up and down the length of his shaft. I walk over to the couch and kneel down on the couch with my face to the wall and my ass in the air. I feel James come up behind me and grab my hips while he kisses the back of my neck. His huge, black dick is in his hands and Russ’s eyes are wide open as he sees how big my man is. He enters me gently and slowly from behind, teasing my wet pussy with the head of his dick. I try to push myself back onto his dick, but he holds me in place with his strong grip on my hips. He start working himself in deeper and deeper and thrusting harder and faster until I am screaming about how big he is and how he goes so deep. I can tell by his fast thrusts and his shortened breath that he is ready to explode. I turn around and take him by the hand and lead him over to Russ. He stands in front of Russ with his eyes glazed over while he continues to rub his large hand up and down his shaft. I get on my knees in front of him and take him into my mouth. With my tongue I am able to bring him to orgasm. As he begins to thrust his hips wildly I pull back and stroke him. I am holding him firmly and with my other hand I grab Russ’s dick and begin to stroke his semi erect dick up and down. James is standing close enough to Russ that I am able to ensure that when he explodes, he cums all over Russ’s semi-erect dick. Russ immediately softens and there is disgust and confusion in his eyes.
I head back over to the couch and James gets on his knees and settles between my thighs. I stare Russ in the eye the whole time. My pussy is dripping wet in anticipation of what is to come. I grab my nipples and begin to pinch them while James runs his tongue in circles around my clit. I am breathing heavy and moaning and I can see that Russ is getting aroused and his hard dick begins twitching. I push James’s head away because I don’t want to cum too soon. I’ve waited too long for this. I tell James to get the bedroom ready. He knows what I mean because we have planned it out on the long ride. He gathers everything we brought, leaving me the gun, knife and taser. While he is busy getting things ready in the other room I lay back on the couch and make small talk with Russ. I tell him about mom and how her life turned out. I tell him about my life. He begins struggling and making noises behind the tape. I tell him that if he cooperates he will get out of this alive and mostly unharmed. I tell him that if he continues to fight I will have no problems with killing him. I have planned for this for too long for anything to go wrong now. I will have my revenge.
James walks back into the room and nods his head to let me know that everything is set. I untie Russ from the chair and we help him stand up. He shuffles to the bedroom with us guiding him. I push him down on the bed and straddle him. James takes his arms and lifts them over his head and loops the nylon rope through his handcuffs and pulls tight and ties the ends of the rope to the frame of the bed. I am grinding my pussy on his small, limp dick. As a child, Russ would have me lay on top of him and grind myself against his hard dick. James moves to the foot of the bed and unties one foot at a time and reties them to the frame of the bed. He is sure to leave just enough give so that Russ is able to spread his legs or turn over as needed. He then ties the other leg while I attach the nipple clamps to our victim and tighten them. Beads of sweat are forming on Russ’s forhead from the pain and fear. I instruct James to put one of the dvds into the dvd player in the bedroom.
I summon James over to the side of the bed and he stands there facing us. I begin licking his dick and feel him harden in my mouth. I gently suck on his balls. The whole time I am grinding my pussy against Russ and as he watches James get the blow job of his life I feel Russ’s dick stiffen beneath my pussy. I want to make sure he’s good and hard and ready. I know Russ thinks he’s going to fuck me, but I would never let him have the pleasure. I crouch down beside Russ’s head and I explain to him that I am going to remove the duct tape and put a gag in his mouth. I rip the duct tape off and place the knife against his throat. He has his eyes closed and I grab the back of his hair and jerk his head up. I tell him to open his eyes as James rubs the tip of his dick along Russ’s lips; which are tightly clamped. I press hard with the knife and see tiny droplets of blood and without words he knows what he must do. He opens his mouth so that James can fuck his mouth. I tell my baby to slow down. I want to see Russ lick his dick and swirl his tongue around the head of his dick. I want him to act like he enjoys it. The movie is in the dvd player and James is focused on that to stay hard.
I move down beside Russ’s thigh and stroke his dick to hardness. I slowly run my nails up his inner thighs and over his balls while I stroke his dick with my other hand. I have a firm grip and am moving up and down. I look up and see James with his hand around Russ’s throat and he is squeezing and thrusting his dick in and out faster and faster. James is enjoying the power and being in control. Russ is trying not to gag and trying to breathe at the same time. I remind James that we don’t want to finish too soon. I have more planned. I want Russ to feel the shame of his dick being hard and his body responding while another man’s dick is in his mouth; while he is being violated. I grab one of the dildos off of the bedside table and attempt to insert it in his ass. I can’t get it in. I don’t want him to have the comfort of lubrication. That seems too good for him.
I move back to the head of the bed and pull Russ’s head back. I rough attach the leather and metal gag. I slam the heel of my hand against his mouth for good measure and hear his teeth crack. This brings me immense satisfaction. James helps me to roll him onto his stomach and tighten the ropes on his feet as we spread his legs. He is really putting up a fight now and bucking wildly. James gets up and walks quietly to the head of the bed and leans down and whispers something to Russ that I can not hear and then he smiles. Russ begins to struggle more. I pull out the taser and stick it to his neck and hold the button a few seconds longer than necessary. Russ pisses all over himself and the bed. James can see the look of desire in my eyes and he positions himself behind Russ. He is stroking his big, hard dick and he is still looking into my eyes. I lounge across the head of the bed a position Russ’s head between my thighs. I have him positioned perfectly; this is where I want him when he comes to his senses. James grabs Russ’s hips to keep him still and we wait until we are sure he is fully aware.
I murmur to him how turned on he must be to have a bare, hairless pussy in his face. I remember how much he used to love that when I was eight. He is terrified and as James forces his dick into Russ’s ass I whisper to him to stop struggling. It will hurt less if he will just be still. It will be okay. We don’t want to have to hurt him, but we will if he doesn’t cooperate. “Just relax and enjoy the feeling of someone loving you.” I hope he remembers these as the words he would whisper to me to quiet me when it would hurt so badly between my legs. When he was inside of me all I could focus on was the burning pain between my legs. I thought he was ripping me in half. I wanted nothing more than for him to hurry and finish. Sometimes I would fight or sometimes I would act as if enjoyed it so much so that he would finish faster. I wonder if he would think to try these tricks. I look at James and we are looking into each others eyes as I slide my left hand between my thighs and open my pussy wide so that he can see the wetness. I know he is doing this for me. I know he is helping me exorcise my demons of the past. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather have with me. James isn’t into men at all, but he is as sexually adventurous as I am. What could be more adventurous than revenge?
I think that James has opened him up enough for me. I adjust the strap on dildo and rub it as if it were an extension of me. I smile at Russ and let him know that it’s my turn to play. I take James’s place at the end of the bed and I guide the rubber dildo into his ass. I do it slowly, almost lovingly, like a caress. As I am entering him I am reminding him of the times he would fuck my tight, young pussy and leave my juices on him. When my mother walked in the door from work he would have her get on her knees in front of him and she would unknowingly lick my juices off of his dick. He would lead her to their bedroom and through the walls I would hear them fucking. He always encouraged her to scream out. He let me know that every time he fucked her he would be fantasizing about me. While they were fucking, my clit would start throbbing and I would masturbate. I knew he would ask me the next morning if I enjoyed the show.
The angrier I become about my thoughts, the rougher I would be in my thrusts. I still had the switch blade in my hands and I ran it down the back of first one leg, then the other. I cut deep enough to draw blood. I wanted him to feel pain.
James and I turned him over and secured his feet again. This time we left enough rope so that he could raise his legs in the air. I wanted to get between his legs and lift his legs in the air and fuck him in the ass like the bitch he is. I wasn’t able to hold his legs in the air, so James took over and fucked him in the ass. I tightened the nipple clamps again and placed both of my hands over his throat and squeezed as hard as I could. He continued to flail his head from side to side. I got the duct tape and placing several pieces of duct tape across his forehead, I was able to tape his head straight on the bed. He could only stare at the ceiling. Now I was able to tighten my hands around his throat. In my excitement and anger I realized that he was no longer struggling to breathe. He had passed out. I let go. The bastard was not getting away so easily. I waited until his natural breathing rhythms resumed and color started coming back to his face.
James went to find a shower and wash the filth off of himself and I went to see what we could find to eat in the kitchen. We not only had worked up an appetite, but I hadn’t eaten since yesterday. I was too full to nervous excitement, anger, fear and anticipation to try to keep anything down.