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Introduction:

I am working on My love, My Cousin....till then enjoy this....it has been edited by one of my friends...dave
“Blake? Blake…wake up”

“What!” Blake opened my eyes to see, who was disturbing his sleep, already half knowing the answer. Once his eyes were fully open, he saw his beautiful sister, in mini skirt, and a tight shirt, covering her large breasts. He knew she had no bra on, because he could see her nipples clearly.

Sabrina was his older sister by a year; she was the one who brings him all the bad reputation. She is a year older than him and three inches shorter than him, standing 5’7, with long silky dirty brown hair. She plays hockey, and basketball, and she also does cheerleading. This makes her be in top physical shape, she weighs 150 all muscle no fat. She was our schools slut; she basically had sex with every single one of the football team players, except Blake. Even though she was now changing and is trying to build her reputation up, she occasionally brings people to her bedroom.

Blake on the other hand was a golden angel, who every teacher loves, every coach wants on their team, every girl wants to get their hands on. He was 6ft, 185 pounds of solid muscle, he was the team’s wide receiver and got so many touchdowns, people come to the football games just to watch him play, and already colleges were looking for him on the team. He has short black hair, green eyes, dark eyebrows, golden brown skin from being outside so much.

“What do you want Sabrina?” He asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice

“Get up! That’s what I want…mom told me to wake you up…”

“No she didn’t…mom told you to don’t disturb me…” He said going back to sleep

“Okay…sorry Blake…I am bringing someone over and I want you to stay out of the way…please…I will do anything…please” she begged, and gave her puppy-dog eyes.

“Sure…anything for you big sis…when is he coming?” he said, and she immediately gave him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek

“Thank you Blake…I knew I could trust you…in 10 minutes” she smiled and went out of the room and closed the door.

Blake had fantasized numerous times to fuck his sister, he masturbated in the shower, bedroom, she was basically his dream girl. He got up and made my bed, used the bathroom and started looking for my I-pod.
“Where is it?” he muttered, anger creeping up, he often slept with his I-pod on, and now he can’t find it. He looked underneath the bed to see if it had fell in the crack. He put his hand underneath and searched for it, instead he found a golden key, which read BR. Blake looked at the key and was about to throw it away when he remembered who gave him the key.

His dad gave him the key; he gave it to him right before he died in the hospital. The reason why his parents split up was because his dad suspected that his mom was cheating on him. When he was on his death-bed, after hit by a car, he gave him the key to the basement and requested him to keep an eye out for the family. Blake was a little kid then so he kept the key hidden; now he found it.

Blake immediately ran downstairs and went to the basement, nobody ever used the basement except for his dad. He slowly pushed the key and turned, and pushed the door, it swung open. Blake walked downstairs and flicked the light switch.

He saw five big screens, a computer, a chair, and a remote all lined up. Blake reached for the remote and turned the screens on and immediately all the screens buzzed into action, one by one. He saw everything that went around the house; he saw his mom’s bedroom, bathroom, family room, attic, his own room, bathroom, his sister’s room and her bathroom. He saw his sister on the bed, feeling her tits, gently squeezing them. The amazing part was, these cameras were excellent, they captured every movement in color and displayed with amazing clarity.

He then went to the computer and turned it on, it took a while for it to turn on and he saw there was a long list of folders. He clicked the top folder and it read out the date, he clicked again and it showed the list of bedrooms. He chose his own bedroom, and played the file. It took a moment to load and then he saw himself in his bedroom, masturbating, moaning and screaming.

“Holy shit dad! This is probably the best present you ever gave me!”

He clicked the latest file which was last week, and looked at Cristina’s videos, he saw men fucking her, he saw her masturbating, sleeping, he saw everything she did. Blake smiled and glanced over at the screen, he saw a guy kissing his sister Sabrina.

“Sorry dude…she is mine from now on…she is my…my…slave” he grinned. He went to the computer and downloaded some videos of her masturbating and having sex into his phone and carefully shut down the computer and shut the screens off.

He climbed upstairs, closed the door and carefully put the key in his room, he would make a copy of the key later. He opened Sabrina’s door and watched while his sister was making out with the guy.

“Get the fuck off her” Blake yelled.

The reaction was immediate, the guy jumped off her and was standing up facing Blake. Blake recognized him, it was Chad. Chad played Hockey, he was little shorter than Blake and skinner than Blake.

“Get the fuck out of the house…”

“Blake what are –

“Shut up Sabrina”

“Alright dude…I am leaving…”

“No Chad…wait…I will call you” she called out as he sprinted downstairs.

“What the hell Blake?” she screamed out to him. She got up and started throwing fists at him, but Blake easily blocked them. He grabbed her hands and pinned them. He pushed her on the bed, and pinned her down

“Blake…get off me now!” she said as menacingly as she can.

“Shhhh…”

Blake slowly spread her legs apart, and positioned himself between her. He moved closer to her and his dick was straining to rip his pants. He rubbed his hips against her hips, just smiling at her.

“Blake…what are you doing?”

Blake didn’t answer; he moved down and kissed her hard, tasting her sweet little mouth. Sabrina immediately tried to push him away but he was much stronger, and he pinned her hands, she moved her head to the right, and Blake kissed her neck biting it gently.

“BLAKE STOP IT NOW!” she screamed, Blake finally stopped and let go off her hands, they sprung up immediately and slapped him in the face. Blake just laughed and got off her, dragging her with him, so she was on her side. He pinned her legs down and both her arms.

“Sabrina…you are so hot…you turn me on so much”

“Let go of me you sick creep”

“Why would I do that? I got something to show you…” he reached into his pocket and got his phone out,
and played the video.

“Look at you getting your pussy pounded…and now look….oh my god…you are so hot like that” Blake commented and he felt her go limp, she stopped struggling.

“What is going to happen if I send these to your colleges….or post it on the school website…or send it to everyone you and I know”

“Blake please don’t do that…that will kill me…please”

“Don’t worry baby girl…I have no intention of doing that…if…”

“If…what?” she asked, Blake kissed her neck and grabbed her firm breasts. He sucked on her ear lobe.

“I think you know what I want” he turned her around so she was facing him, he stroked the hair out of her face, and looked at her beautiful face filled with worry.

“What do you want Blake?” She asked fearfully, he slowly reached downward her stomach and reached her pussy, he went underneath her skirt and found no panties, and he rubbed her cilt in a circular motion,
making her moan.

“Yes…that’s what I want….” He whispered

“Blake…we can’t…we are not suppose to…you are my brother…” He just laughed out and stroked her face.
“I will tell mom…tell her you are blackmailing me…tell her you are the one who sent the videos…tell the school…”

“Who will believe you? Mom loves me…she will believe anything I say…and she will get even mad for bringing guys into the house…”

“Blake…” she pleaded and tears were running down her face, as much as Blake hated the kind of things her sister does, he deeply loved her sister. She looked after him, protected him when they were younger. As she grew older, she ignored him, hanged out with older kids, pushed him back, this was the Sabrina he hated.

He placed his arms around her and hugged her tightly, letting her cry on his chest for some time, while he gently stroked her hair. After she stopped crying, he got up, brought his boxers down and displayed his massive dick. Blake didn’t have a small dick, it was massive, standing 9in and thick, he had all the pussy
in the world.

He looked at Sabrina’s expression on her face, and laughed out, he was positive she never saw a dick bigger than his. He motioned her to touch it. She hesitantly grasped the base of his dick, and it barely fit in her hand.

“Ohhhh…stroke it baby…ohhhhhh…just like that…up and down…little bit faster…” He didn’t need to tell her anything, she knew exactly what she was doing, she started stroking it faster and harder, and was playing with his balls. She stopped right when he was close to cumming. She pushed him on the bed so he was sitting down. She sat at his knees, pulled her hair back and took his dick in her mouth.

“Ohhhhh….ahhhh…” Blake grabbed her hair and made a fist, he started guiding her in and out, loving the heat from her mouth. He moaned when she twirled her tongue around the head. So far, no girl he fucked took his whole dick down her throat, and he planned to change that.

“Baby..take it all the way in” He slowly guided her head down his shaft, he moaned when her throat muscles squeezed his dick. He forced it even further, until she started gagging, he stayed there enjoying the feeling.

“Suck on it while it come up” he ordered and slowly let go of her head. She obeyed his command, she sucked as she went up, and he almost exploded right then. He forced it down her throat one last time and exploded down her throat. He shot loads and loads of cum into her mouth and finally let go off her head.

“Good girl” he whispered

“That was a big load” She stroked his limp dick which was 6in long, admiring the length and the width of it. She kept on looking up to him and smiling.

“My turn” Blake said, he lifted her up and threw her on the bed, and ripped her panties off. He removed her shirt from her skin in one smooth manner exposing her big tits.

“I love those tits so much…” He got between her legs and kissed her, and pushed his tongue into her mouth. He knew Sabrina hated every minute of this, but he also knew her body loved every minute of this.

“Mmmm” he moaned into her mouth, exploring her mouth, gently sucking on her tongue, running it over the top of her mouth. He then broke the kiss, and kissed her neck, gently sucking and biting her neck, he slowly moved up to her ear and sucked on her ear lobe, tickled the back of her ear with his tongue and then stuck his tongue in her ear.

“Mmmmm” she moaned, as her pussy was drenching the bed.

Blake moved down to her perfect tits, sucked on her nipple leaving a shiny and wet spot, and he moved to the other nipple, and did the same. Sabrina was shaking and quivering, Blake found out that she has sensitive nipples.

He took her hard nipple into his mouth and licked it, and gently bit it, he held the nipple with his teeth and flicked it over and over.

“Yes Blake…YES just like that…ohhhhh….I can’t believe I am enjoying this…” she moaned as he moved to the other nipple. He did the same and moved downwards, kissed her stomach and moved to the forbidden area. Her pussy was neatly trimmed, to a small patch of blonde triangle. He ignored the pussy and started planting kissed on the outside and was massaging her thighs.

“Mmmm” she purred

He then kissed her cilt sending waves of pleasure up her body, he took it into his mouth and sucked on it, making her moan. He flicked it and gently bit it, and twirled it around his tongue. He could tell she was having an inner battle, she enjoyed everything they did and at the same time she hated the fact that he was her brother.

Blake knew she was getting close to orgasm; he spread her pussy and shoved his tongue deep in her hot pussy, and stroked her bare ass, used her juices to wet his finger and pushed it into her throbbing asshole and licked her outer lips sending her to frenzy. She shook uncontrollably, shaking all over, her juices flooding his face. He tried to captures as much as he can, loving the taste of her juices.

“Now baby…I am going to make you scream my name out…” Blake whispered

“No Blake…please…we shouldn’t do this…it incest!” She tried to stop him, Blake looked at her pretty eyes and then leaned down and kissed her hard.

He entered her pussy, admiring her tightness, despite her being a slut. He went until his head was completely in and then moved out. He continued doing this, moaning out loud, making Sabrina moan out loud too.

“Beg me to fuck you…”

“no…take it out” she whispered, Blake pushed in completely, hissing in pleasure, he leaned down and kissed his hot sister and grabbed her tits and ran his finger over her nipples, rolling them.

“Ahhhh…okay…fuck me!”

“more effort…”

“PLEASE FUCK MY BRAINS OUT BLAKE!” she screamed, Blake grinned and started thrusting in and out of her pussy, going out slow and thrusting in with speed and strength. He was playing with her nipples, and loved as her legs were wrapped around him. She started fucking him back, as he increased his tempo and pace. He found her cilt and started rubbing it in circles.

“Blake…I am almost there…keep going” she panted

Blake gladly accepted and fucked her harder and faster grinding his hips into her, making her moan. He was getting really close and his balls were churning with his cum. The head of his dick swelled up,
Sabrina noticed this.

“OH SHIT BLAKE I AM NOT ON THE PILL!” she screamed and moaned at the same time

Blake pulled out as fast as he can and exploded all over his tits, and stomach his seed was shooting all over. Sabrina brought herself to an orgasm.

“That was amazing…why the fuck weren’t you on the pill”

“Shut up…its none of your business…now leave me alone…”

“Not yet baby…I see some drops of cum on your pussy” He dove right in and licked her clean, tasting his cum with her juices.

“Suck my dick…while I eat you out…don’t make me cum yet..”

Sabrina jumped at his command and straddled him. She stuck her pussy in his face and took his limp dick in her started sucking it. He took his tongue and entered her ass hole, licking around it, tasting her sweet ass, he hate hairy asses, but his sister’s was nice and shaved.

“Mmmm…I love you ass”

He spread her pussy and started eating her out, stuffing his tongue as deep as it goes. As his efforts intensified so did Sabrina’s she took him deeps and licked his balls. He bit on her cilt and gently pulled and made her cum for the third time in a row.

“AHHHHHH” she screamed as her juices spilled out, she took my dick out of her mouth and collapsed on the bed. I dragged her up and turned her around and gently kissed her neck and started to enter her asshole. She immediately jumped up and moved away.

“PLEASE DAVID NOT MY ASS….YOU ARE TOO BIG…” Blake thought about it. As much as he would love to fuck her up the ass, he knew that would break her, and he deeply loved his sister.

“Okay…” He concluded, and he saw her relax. He moved closer to her, so that she was sitting between his legs and leaning against him. He put his head on her neck and hugged her closer, and gently kissed her neck.

“Are you hungry?” He asked her and she nodded her head.

“Good…start sucking my dick…” He ordered her, she was surprised, but obeyed his command and took his dick into her hot mouth and sucked his dick taking half of it into her mouth. Blake moaned and grabbed her head and thrust it deep in her throat and moaned out loud, when her muscles started working she gagged on it, and attempted to swallow his dick. This brought waves of pleasure through his body and his dick got bigger and he let out a big load. Sabrina struggled to swallow all his load and started choking, he took his dick out of her mouth and sprayed cum all over his sisters face.

“You look so sexy…don’t wipe it off” he ordered her

“You hungry?” He asked her again, she shook her head, and Blake laughed

“Don’t worry…lets go…I ordered Pizza….” Just then the doorbell rang.

“Follow me downstairs…Don’t wear any clothes…”

She silently followed him downstairs and took a seat on the sofa, as her brother ordered her. Blake went to the door.

“Hi…I am Dave…you order pizza?”

“Yeah…here you go….” He paid twenty bucks for the pizza and the coke.

"Blake...I cant fuck anymore...i am too sore..."


“Fine…call Jessica…I want her ass”

“What!?! Why?” She asked

“I told you I want her ass, I want to fuck her…” he said, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her into him.
He cupped her breasts and started kissing her neck. She tried to get up but his grip was firm.

“Why would she fuck you? You sick creep” she said

“Baby…am I really such a sick creep? Didn’t you love what we did together?” She shook her head vigorously.


“Oh yeah? How come your pussy is getting wet by the minute?” He challenged, he got up, pushed her on the bed and got her phone and handed it to his sexy sister. She stared at him and grabbed the phone, he stretched and jumped on the bed right next to her. He took his sisters hand and put it on his dick.

“Stroke it” He ordered, and she obeyed him stroking up and down. Blake closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling.

“Hey Jessica?” she squeezed his head and cupped his balls

“I am fine…why don’t you come over?”

“Sure…you can even spend the night here…”

“How long?”

“5 minutes? Ok…see you then” she finished talking and shut the phone.

“She said it will take her ten minutes to get here…” she said and pulled her hand back

“Oh my…that is such a long time…what will we ever do?” He grinned and moved his hand towards her ass and pushed his index finger in her tight ring.

“Blake…you promised…” she begged him and he simply nodded and kissed her.

“Want anything to eat? And don’t dress…I want you naked” he asked her, she hesitated for a minute and then shook her head. He shrugged put his boxers on and went downstairs to get himself a drink. He checked his phone for texts, got some from couple of girls, he quickly texted back and poured himself some juice. He hear the doorbell ring and he went to open it.

“Hey Blake…whooooo…nice” Jessica complimented his body.

Jessica was in the same grade as his sister, she was shorter 5’7 and 120 pounds. She has short black hair which comes down to her shoulder blade. She has petite tits and a cute ass, she however has the most beautiful face and luscious lips which beg to suck a dick. She wore a yellow shirt, which showed her tan, and some shorts.

“Hello? Are you going to invite me in?” she asked

“I am sorry…come in Jess…she is upstairs…want something to drink?” he asked her

“Yeah…what are you drinking?”

“Orange…” He went to the fridge and poured another glass of orange juice and gave it to her. She took
couple of sips, and he almost got a boner watching her lips drink the juice.

“So Jess…how are things going with you and Ricky? Hot sessions?” he asked her.

“Not really…he is such a lame fuck….” She complained, Blake grinned thinking about the things he will do to this girl.

“She is upstairs, here let me get your bag…so you are sleeping over huh? We will have fun…” He reached for her bag, and picked it up, it was pretty heavy considering the fact that she was only staying for two days.

“Damn it is heavy”

“You will manage” She laughed, squeezing his biceps and punching them. He led her upstairs and threw the bag in the guest room. Jessica started walking towards Sabrina’s bedroom. Blake watched her wiggle her ass, and he got a boner the size of a football field. He followed her and grabbed her by the hips and pushed her against the wall and kissed her deeply, she was surprised at first but then pushed him away.

“Blake!” she whispered fiercely

“Come on Jessica…look at my dick…it is aching to be inside you” he pleaded, slowly pulling down his boxers. She gasped when she saw the size and she closed and opened her mouth.

“No! I am going out with Ricky” she said unconvincingly, and tried to push him away

“So what? Ricky won’t mind…and besides you liked the last threesome with my sister and some other guy…” She looked at him with utter shock and disbelief and he smiled at her.

“Sabrina didn’t…she wouldn’t…” He shook his head and moved his hands down to her ass and squeezed it and pushed her in his sister bedroom where she was naked on the bed.

“Sabrina!” she yelped

“Hi Jessica…”

“Why are you…did you fuck your brother?” she accused her

“NO! Well…yeah…he forced me to…” she said with defeat in her voice, Blake looked at her a gave a smile, he grabbed Jessica, spun her around and kissed her passionately, his lips slowly pulling and massaging her, she didn’t respond for couple of seconds but later returned his kiss, she slipped her tongue into his mouth and explored it, she unleashed the lust and grabbed his head.

“Mmmm” she moaned into his mouth, Blake loved the way she was kissing him, he lifted her up by the hips so that her legs were on his either side and he was keeping her up with his hands. He moved her to the bed and dropped her. She squealed and squirmed when he grabbed her clothes and took them off, revealing her beautiful body. He loved her tits, which were perfect, and her smooth skin and her curves which were beautiful but not as defined as his sister, staring at him with disgust.

“Jessica…eat Sabrina’s pussy out”

Sabrina glared at him, but obeyed his command, she got on top of Jessica’s face and lowered her pussy into her mouth. Blake enjoyed the sight of these two beautiful girls, he lowered down to Jessica’s tits and sucked them into his mouth, she shook and moaned loudly, and he found out that she is very sensitive. He did the same to the other breast and moved down to her pussy, which was covered with blonde curls, he went down further and hit the treasure. He took her hard cilt into his mouth and deeply sucked on it while humming, the vibrations and the sucking made her go crazy

“Mmmmm” she moaned into Sabrina’s pussy, making her grind her pussy into Jessica’s face.

Blake sucked, bit, teased, pulled, and twirled her clit into his mouth, he loved having absolute control over this girls body, and pulled he lips apart and stuck his tongue into her pussy devouring her pussy, tasting her sweet juices which tasted much more different than his sisters. He licker everything in her pussy, she buckled her hips and her juices leaked out of her pussy.

“AHHHHHHH” she screamed into Sabrina’s pussy making her explode, he watched as both his girls exploded. Sabrina collapsed next to Jessica, and panted.

Blake’s erection stood tall and proud, and he rubbed Jessica’s pussy with it, making her squirm, he did this for a couple of minutes and entered in her tight pussy, and groaned. He pushed in all the way, loving the tightness, and moaned out loud as waves of pleasure hit when his dick pushed against her cervix.

“Blake you are soooo big” she groaned, as her pussy stretched to accommodate his dick. He waited for her to relax and then slowly started moving in and out with long and hard strokes. He massaged her breasts and grinded his hips into her hers when he thrust in.

“Blake…go faster…I am almost there” Blake was surprised when he heard this, but he thrust faster and harder and played with her sensitive nipples, sending her over the edge and making her explode, her juices started flowing around his dick giving one of the most pleasurable moments.

He pulled out after she came and pointed his dick and lined it up with her asshole, and thrust in, she screamed with pain.

“BLAKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!” she screamed

“Relax…I want your ass…relax…” He leaned down and kissed her played with her nipples, relaxing her, he then pushed in a inch and then pulled back and pushed in again and kept on doing this until she was comfortable and moaning. He then pushed in another inch and fucked her until she relaxed and kept on doing this until his whole dick was inside him. She moaned with pleasure as I grinned my hips into her. I kissed her deeply, ramming my tongue deep inside her, she was the type of girl who loves to be dominated. I then started fucking her without mercy, squeezing her ass, and rubbing her pussy.

“Your ass is so tightttt!” he moaned as she squeezed his dick.

“AHHHHHH…I AM CUMMMINGGG AGAINNN” she moaned, he slapped her tits, squeezed her nipples and pulled them as she orgasmed Her juices leaked down her pussy and onto his dick. He knew he was close to exploding, as he felt the familiar feeling in his balls. He thrusts became faster and harder, his balls slapping into her ass, and he loved every second of it. She squirmed underneath, him, wrapping her thighs around him, and ripping his back with her fingers.

“HERE I GOOOO” He thrust in and exploded in her ass, cup sprayed all over ass, he then took his dick out of her ass. He grabbed Jessica’s phone and took a picture of her gaping asshole and sent it to his phone.
“Suck it” he ordered her, she leaned down and sucked her juices and his cum, until he was nice an shiny.

“Who is better? Me or you boyfriend?”

“Definitely you…god I never orgasmed like that and I didn’t think anal sex would be this fun…your sister WILL share you with me…” she finished

He laughed lifted her up and threw her on the bed, he then slept in between Sabrina and Jessica. He
grabbed Sabrina and rolled her over, so her head was on his chest and her breasts were crushing into him. She then hugged him tightly unconsciously and put her leg over his dick. Jessica put her head on his shoulder and did the same. He smiled and fell asleep, with the two naked beauties on his either side.
He woke up, with Sabrina, she looked at him in the eye and realized she was clinging on to him tightly and pushed him away, and went to the bathroom, giving him a ugly look. He smiled and caressed Jessica’s ass, thinking about how good his day was so far. He slowly got off the bed, without disturbing Jessica and followed Sabrina to the bathroom. He saw his naked sister, washing her breasts which had cum stains.

“Damn…she is hot!” he muttered and got in the shower behind her, and cupped her breasts, her reaction was immediate, she pushed him away and slapped in really hard and pushed him against the wall and slapped him again. She started pounding and throwing punches at his chest, he let her punch for a while then grabbed her wrists and pulled her closer to me.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Are you telling me you didn’t like what we did? You didn’t like having your pussy pounded by my big dick!

You didn’t like having you pussy filled by my meat!” He countered

“No…” She said weakly

“You didn’t like how I touched you….or the pleasure I gave you” He massaged her pussy lips and stuck his middle finger in her warm pussy slowly.

“Stop…” He stopped and pulled his finger out.

“I love you…I love you body…I will give you pleasure…I will fulfill all your fantasies…”

“But…we are not supposed to be doing this…”

“Nobody will know…and those who do will envy you…and beside we are not marrying…or anything…we are just satisfying our sexual needs…”

“Ok…”

He hugged her tightly and kissed her. He gave her some time for herself, and got out of the bathroom, went to his room, put on some fresh clothes and went downstairs and turned on the T.V. He saw his mom pull in the driveway and was surprised. He went outside to see why she was so early.

“Hey what’ up mom?”

“Hey Blake…nothing I forgot my file…I left it on the kitchen table…”

“Oh!” He saw his mom, move into the living room, and search for her file. She had long dirty blonde hair, 38DDD breasts, amazing ass, and flat stomach, she was about 39, but she was a MILF. He is going to have to go down to the basement and look at some videos.
24 comments

anonymous readerReport

2012-10-03 13:24:52
Anonymous reader
2012-05-09 14:26:54
EDIT! Say in one place she had NO panties on then later during same scene say he ripped her panties off, lack of concistency.
Make up your mind about names amd use same ones throughout! Also, decide whether you are going to tell in third or first person.
Not a bad plot, but thse little things would make it more readable and enjoyable.
A sequel with MOM would be interesting, maybe after verifying dad's suspicions I AGREE

anonymous readerReport

2012-05-09 14:26:54
EDIT! Say in one place she had NO panties on then later during same scene say he ripped her panties off, lack of concistency.
Make up your mind about names amd use same ones throughout! Also, decide whether you are going to tell in third or first person.
Not a bad plot, but thse little things would make it more readable and enjoyable.
A sequel with MOM would be interesting, maybe after verifying dad's suspicions.

anonymous readerReport

2011-12-18 15:34:03
Your grammar sucks dick. Messed up the whole story. Wtf.

anonymous readerReport

2011-06-29 11:08:04
Stands back from the kyebroad in amazement! Thanks!

anonymous readerReport

2011-06-13 18:38:12
This writer has tremendous potential but is crippled by a miserable lack of education. Our education system has degenerated to producing illiterates and now we have fools like Ignoramus Reader 2011-04-18 10:40:19 making excuses and insulting people who'd like to encourage ignorant writers like this one to strive to improve themselves. (thus avoiding justifiable criticism and also improving their chances for success in life)

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