I know I've already warned readers that this series isn't focused on sex, but I really have to be clear that you should only read this part if you are a fan of the series, not sex stories in general. Welcome to the Freudian Rubik's cube.
The room was quite large and well lit, with the walls made of yellow marble and the floors decorated with intricate tiles. I was sitting on a bench on one side of the room, facing a maze of velvet rope walkways, leading up to a series of counters. The room was filled with people, but only a fraction of them were talking. I assumed the building was a bank, but that was all I could do, because I did not know how I got there. I couldn't remember how I had gotten to the bank, when I had gotten there, what happened before it, and I didn't even recognize the bank. This was not a simple matter of “forget what you're watching during the commercial break”, I literally couldn't remember anything.
“My mental stability has been compromised.” I said softly to myself as I searched my empty memory for answers. My heart rate quickly rose as I considered the possibility.
'Calm down and think logically, your memories may be gone but the rest of your mind seems to be processing everything that it's regular pace.' I thought, willing my body to relax. I repeated the phrase out loud, hoping that the audio reception would trigger something in my brain. I channeled all of the energy from my physical reaction to my mind, checking every aspect of consciousness for anything else that had experienced damage.
“My name is Adrian Ashford, I am seventeen years old, and my birthday is May 7th, 1994.” I said out loud, managing coming across a scrap of my memory and trying to stimulate my mind. I could remember personal information, but no actual events. I thought back to what I knew about the human brain. While the information was there, the source of where I gained that information could not be found.
“Interesting, my Hippocampus system seems to be functioning only partially, but I can't find anything other part of my mind that is changed. Whatever is going on, I need to make a mental map, should my mind be impaired even further.” I said to myself. The brain remembers what the body experiences better than what thoughts actually take place. I had to keep talking to myself to increase the chance that I could retain what little memory I had.
I looked to my left and saw a desk with several pens and a stack of application forms. I took one of the forms and laid it down on the bench. If my logical side were the next to be affected, then I would need a psychological flashdrive to compensate. I began writing on the back of the paper, saying out loud whatever I wrote.
POSSIBLE REASONS FOR MEMORY LOSS:
“Partial memory loss is most commonly associated with dreams and hallucinations.” I muttered before writing DREAM and HALLUCINATION.
“But knowing my psychological history, sudden memory loss is also an undeniable symptom of Alzheimer's Syndrome.” I said before writing down MENTAL ILLNESS.
I then dug my fingernails into my palm as hard as I could, gritting through the pain until beads of blood started to drip from my hand.
“If this is a dream then it is a vivid one, vivid enough to trick the Thalamus. If I'm able to feel pain in this dream, then the chances are extremely low that this isn't a dream at all. I shouldn't try that “death wakes you up” option since my body is most likely in the real world instead of my mind.” I then wrote UNLIKELY under DREAM.
“Hallucination or a mental illness like Alzheimer's. Whatever is going on, I need to find out what is going on before my mental state deteriorates even further.
PRELIMINARY MEMORY RECOLLECTION UNEFFECTIVE
ATTEMPT SENSORY OVERLOAD
After I finished writing, I folded up the paper and stowed it and the pen in my pocket. From the size of the bank, I was obviously in the city. Because my mental stability was already compromised, I would need to try and induce a seizure in the hope that it would knock me conscious and my mind could reboot like a computer. I had to get out into the streets and use my surroundings to confuse my senses.
Through the glass doors, I could see cars passing by in the city streets and crowds of people walking down the sidewalk. But as I stepped outside, every moving object disappeared. The cars and people had completely vanished, leaving the street empty and stone silent. It was as if the glass of the doors had been TV screens, showing me a recording. I looked back into the bank, but like the street outside, the entire room was suddenly empty.
“I'm running out of time.” I cursed.
I stepped out into the empty street and took out the folded sheet of paper. I laid it out against a mailbox and pulled out the pen.
SENSORY BALANCE DETERIORATING
As I wrote the words down, noise suddenly reached my ears. I looked across the street at a night club. The dark windows were dimly flashing with different colors and techno music was pulsing through the panes of glass. I walked across the empty street and stepped into the night club. The walls were dark purple and decorated with lit candles. The ceiling was covered in mirrors and the tiles had intricate patterns. There were no tables, just booths lining one side of the room opposite to the bar, with a small lamp dimly illuminating each one.
The club was filled with people, all talking and dancing with each other. I couldn't make out a single word anyone was saying, and as I walked through the crowd, everyone seemed to move away without even glancing at me.
I came up to the bar and sat down on one of the stools. I looked at myself in the mirror, contemplating my journey through this mental maze. My sensory overload idea wasn't working at all and I didn't know what to do next.
“This is way beyond a mental illness or a hallucination, but I've never experienced a dream that lasted this long and allowed me to experience pain.” I muttered to myself, looking down at my hands.
“That's because you've never dreamed this deeply before.” A soft voice cooed as a martini was placed under my face. Instead of a toothpick, the olive was skewered with a tiny steel spike. I looked up at the bar tender.
“Hello Jenny.” I said dryly. The blonde beauty gave a coy smile.
“'Hello Jenny'? That's all you say to the woman you love?” She asked playfully.
“You're an illusion, there is no point showing any emotional attachment to a figment of my imagination.” I said calmly as I drank the martini. (Hey, it's a dream. There is no drinking age.)
“Only you could be so cold.” She pouted.
“Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on, or not? If you're my subconscious, then you should know I am becoming aggravated.”
“That, my love, is for you to figure out. Hallucinations are the brain's way of trying to solve problems, and as you can see, this is one doozy of a hallucination.” She said.
“Well of all the things that I've encountered in this dream of mine, you're the only one that I'm actually able to interact with. Everything else disappears because it is unimportant or could break the dream, meaning that my subconscious wants me to stay here, at least until I accomplish something. Plus, isn't it strange that in the most vivid dream I've ever experienced, my sense of logic hasn't been affected in the least?
You and logic, the two greatest forces in this dream... I wonder what that could mean?” I asked sarcastically.
“Bingo. Something has happened and you must make a choice now. You must choose between your love for me and your cold logical side. For years it has made you more than human, but if you wish to keep the woman you love, you must become human.” She said. The martini glass snapped in my hand.
“Will you give up your soul or your heart?” Jenny asked sadly.
“This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare.” I cursed.
“It is the only way to escape from this dream. Allow me to show you the results of your decisions. Pull out the sheet of paper in your pocket.” Jenny said.
I pulled out the paper and unfolded it. It was no longer the application sheet/mental map I had gotten from the bank. It had turned into some sort of government document. It looked like a bill for congress, with my signature at the bottom.
“That is a new law that you'll send to be ratified by congress.”
“You're saying that I'll be president?” I laughed.
“I'm only saying its very possible. Your harsh logic and lack of emotions make you perfect for politics. You aren't as hyperactive and emotional as republicans and your more assertive and harsh than democrats. Using your logic, sharp intellect, and harsh debating skills, you could become a favorite of the American people who are sick of lying politicians that are controlled by their political party. I can only tell you what you already know, and you have considered a career in politics several times.” Jenny said.
She then grabbed the stem of the broken martini glass. Before I could react, she stabbed me in the center of the chest. I fell off the bar stool with blood streaming from my chest, spurting from my mouth, and leaking from my ruptured heart to my torn left lung. None of the people in the club paid any attention to me. I pulled out the long glass chard and the pain instantly fell away. I felt my chest but could not find the wound. My clothes weren't even torn.
“If you keep your logical side, your relationship with shatter. Every day after, your shall feel that pain in your heart from losing the one thing that truly made you happy. You will sacrifice yourself to help the rest of the country.” Jenny said as I climbed back up onto my stool.
“So I can be a martyr, or...” I sighed.
“You can give up the one thing that truly makes you different from everyone else. If you give up your mechanical mentality, your sense of logic will be greatly impaired and your thoughts will be controlled by emotions, just like everyone else.” Jenny said.
As she spoke the words, the shattered martini glass repaired itself. The walls of the club began to change, losing their dark violet shade and gaining a shifting orange hue, with blobs of color shifting just beneath the glassy surface. The walls of the club almost resembled the inside of a lava lamp. The people in the club began to change as well. They lost their physical bodies and became merely holograms of their former selves, passing through all the physical objects and each other. Blobs of colored fire began wafting up from all of the candles, hovering in the air before turning into liquid and popping like bubbles.
“Can I have another martini?” I asked, even though the first one tasted like rubbing alcohol.
“I'll try.” She replied.
I watched as she went through the process of making the martini, putting all of the ingredients together in the mixer and then shaking it vigorously. But when she poured it into my repaired glass, it came out as orange juice.
“Sorry, it looks like luck was not on your side.” Jenny mused. With a calm expression on my face, I picked up the martini olive that had fallen on the table when the glass broke. I pulled out the tiny steel spike.
“Cute.” I said sarcastically before eating the olive.
“What is the purpose of this world? Of all dream sceneries, why a city? It seems rather cliché.” I asked calmly as I looked around at the shifting reality of the club.
“Ah, now you know what to look for. This world is your mind, as dictated by your mental state and personality and chosen by your subconscious. Before you met me, your mind looked like the inside of a supercomputer, with electric synapses passing through the circuits at speeds far above regular humans. But when we began our relationship, you became more social, even if it was just with me. Your mind is shaping itself around this new social behavior and your new emotions.
The circuits have been replaced with towering buildings, which represent your tendency to cling to cold stony organization. The electric synapses have been replaced with people, moving through this city in a pattern similar to their predecessors, but in a more social form. Consider this the “user-friendly” version of your mind.” Jenny said. I held up the martini glass and flicked it. As the ripples moved through the orange juice, it turned to soda.
“If this is my mind, then why is all logic and reason being cast aside for random anomalies?” I asked before taking a drink.
“Because I'm trying to show you the risk of choosing me. If you surrender your abilities of logic, you will lose much of your ability to predict outcomes and understand things that happen before you. Everything is as random here as it would seem in the real world.
You are all about self-control Adrian, you suppress your emotions and choose when you let physical desire show, just to maintain clear-headed and balanced. If you choose me, then you will have to release your goal of ultimate self-control, resulting in the destabilization of your inner world. And if you fall too far, then you will lose Jenny and you won't be able to go back to the way you were. Your self-control with continue to disappear until you end up like this...” Jenny said, motioning behind me.
I turned around in the stool and raised one of my eyebrows. All of the men and women in the club had ripped off their clothes and erupted into an orgy. They were all writing on the floor, with each person fucking whoever was closest. I jerked as I could suddenly feel soft human skin against my own.
I turned back to Jenny.
“Ok, you're going to have to elaborate.” I sighed.
“Just turn around.” She said with a smile. I turned back to the orgy and Jenny wrapped her arms around my neck.
“All the male apparitions are you in the life of debauchery that could possibly happen if you give up self-control to be with Jenny, but fall so far that you lose her. They are all you at different times in this possible life path. Every act of hedonism is being compacted into this one scene, letting you feel every woman, every orifice, every sexual experience in your future if you fall. Everything that they feel, you feel. Consider it the ultimate sexual euphoria. Enjoy the show...” She purred in my ear before letting go.
I sat on the bar stool, watching the orgy. I could feel every woman as if I were screwing them myself. I could feel the endless number of breasts against my palms, each with their own unique dimensions, from A-cup to D-cup and from pointing nipples to small ones. I couldn't keep my tongue still, because my sense of taste was saturated with the taste asses and pussies. They were all similar, yet each had a hint of individuality. Having all of the kinky tastes combined made me think of a wine-tasting party. I could actually feel the orifices around my tongue as the apparitions explored the women's insides. Like my tongue, I could feel the mouths, pussies, and asses gripping my manhood, all combined into a single experience. I looked over to one male apparition, fucking one of the women anally in the doggy style. I could actually feel her asshole gripping my cock tightly, as if I were the one hammering her. I looked at another apparition that was getting a blowjob, and could actually feel the woman's tongue, gums, and cheeks soaking my manhood in saliva.
I had the largest erection in my life and I could feel it being used to fuck the women anally, orally, and vaginally. Every square inch of my body felt like it was pressed against the soft flesh of one of the women, almost like a physical Nirvana. My whole body jerked as I felt over a dozen orgasms all combined into one simultaneous feeling. I looked down and realized I had ejaculated in my pants.
I turned around back to Jenny as all of the male and female apparitions disappeared, leaving the two of us alone. The club returned to its normal form, with the only illumination coming from the the lights above the bar's mirror. The bar itself was sitting in a pool of light, surrounded by darkness. It almost looked like the painting Nighthawks.
“If you fall too far, you will become what you hate; a mindless player who uses women for no reason, and lives just for pleasure. You would become a modern-day Caligula, and end up dead either from a drug overdose or suicide because of self-hatred. But, there is only a chance of that happening. If you can surrender your machine-like side and balance how much self-control you give up, the rewards would be great.” Jenny said as she motioned down the bar.
I looked down at the corner of the counter, where an elderly couple were having drinks, happy and in love. I watched as both the man and the woman drank from each other's glasses and then kissed.
“That is you and me, celebrating fifty years of marriage. If you chose love but don't fall too far, you will have a lifetime of happiness with the one you love.” Jenny said warmly.
“I can either sacrifice my happiness and becoming a political robot and help the country, or I can give up my individuality and risk a psychological crash, but possibly live out my life happy with Jenny.” I said, looking at the old couple. I then turned to the girl before me.
“The real Jenny I mean.” I said.
“That is the choice you must make.” She said sadly but with a small smile. I was silent for several moments before sighing.
“I can't choose either of them. I will lose Jenny no matter what I do. If I stay the way I am, with my cold machine side as my dominant personality, then Jenny will eventually become fed up with me and will seek someone who can give her the emotional support she needs. But if I give up who I am... then I would no longer be the man she loves. I would be like everyone else, and she sought me out because I'm different.” I said with my face downcast and my hands shaking.
“Then that means you are fated to lose me.” Jenny said sadly.
My hands stopped shaking and I looked up up at Jenny, showing a small but warm smile on my face.
“More proof that you aren't Jenny. I believe that fate controls everything we do, but the real Jenny believes the opposite. So far, you've only told me me what I already know, even if it's only at a subconscious level. Well let me tell you something; I love Jenny, and while I won't cast away my logical soul or my heart, I will cast away my beliefs.” I said. All of the glasses and bottles on the shelf behind Jenny started to shake and rattle.
“You don't make the rules here, I do, and I am going to create a third option...” I said as I stood up. A huge crack then ran through the counter, with a faint light shining up through.
“I will always be with Jenny, and to be with her, I will be whatever she want's me to be. I became emotionless and coldhearted because I broke my mind up into pieces, separating my heart from my soul. I did that to achieve balance and become the man of logic I am today.” Bottle and glasses began falling from the shelf and breaking as the building began to shake.
“You said that I need to pick one of the sides of my soul and stay with it. Well I'm done switching between them, I'm going to reunite my heart and mind and become both the man she needs and the man she loves. I will love her as much as any man possibly could, but I shall be wiser than any man she could possibly be with. I will be whatever she wants me to be, and she is what will keep me balanced.” Everything in the bar began shattering, sending splinters and blades of glass flying in all directions, but none of them touched Jenny or I.
“Now let me out.” I ordered.
I gasped as my eyes bolted open. Bright lights above me kept me from seeing, and every square inch of my body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. As my eyesight steadied itself, I recognized the lights and ceiling above me; I was in the hospital. As my mind lit back up, I could hear the beeping of the heart monitor beside me and I could feel the blankets of the bed I was in. It was then that I realized that there was a bandage wrapped around my head.
I was about to lift my hand to feel it, but something was pinning my arm down. I looked to my side and saw Jenny. She was sound asleep next me, coated in dry tears and holding onto me for dear life. I gave small smile as I looked at her beautiful face. I felt much different than before, almost like after Jenny and I made love for the first time.
My mind didn't feel so divided like it was before, split between my sense of logic and my emotions. My thought process did not seem impaired in the least by the presence of emotions, and my emotions themselves seemed perfectly under control. I had really done it; I had combined my human emotions and love for Jenny with my pure intelligence and logic, achieving a flawless balance and combination. I did not need to switch between them anymore, for they were now fused together into one aspect of my personality.
“Jenny.” I said softly as I placed my hand on her cheek. My hand was wrapped in bandages from when Ben stabbed me.
Her eyelids slowly rose and she became breathless.
“Adrian...” She gasped. She then wrapped her arms around me and began crying on my shoulder, with her forehead buried in the side of my neck.
“I didn't think you were going to wake up! I've been here for hours, begging you to come back to me.” She sobbed.
“Don't worry Jenny, everything is OK.” I said warmly.
Jenny lifted her head from my shoulder and looked at me. I wiped away her tears and then kissed her on the lips.
“What happened?” I asked.
“You were shot by Ben, remember? We came here to get your hand taken care of and he burst in, covered in blood and waving a gun. He pointed the gun at you and shot you in the head. By the time the security guards tackled him, you were unconscious on the floor with blood pouring from you skull. Oh Adrian, I thought you were dead, I thought you had left me. The whole time you were in emergency surgery, I was praying that you would live or contemplating suicide.
The doctors said that the bullet went straight through your brain, between the left and right side and exited just an inch above your brainstem. They said that if you survived, one or both sides of your brain would be almost completely dead.” She said, causing fresh tears to run from her eyes.
As I mulled over what she said, I began to chuckle, which turned into a booming laugh.
“What are you laughing about?” Jenny asked with disbelief.
“While I was unconscious, I was in the most vivid dream I had ever experienced. I couldn't leave the dream until I made a decision. I had to discard my emotionless logical side or my heart and my love for you.”
“Which did you choose?” Jenny asked.
“Neither; I created a third option. I reunited the parts of my mind, both logic and emotion. The bullet didn't kill any parts of my brain, it just let me reconnect them. I love you Jenny, and I'm going to be whatever you want me to be, whether it's emotional or logical.” I said with a warm smile. Jenny wiped away the last of her tears and smiled.
“I love you Adrian, I love you with all of my heart.” She said as she laid back down and pressed herself against me.
“I love you too Jenny, and I will always be with you, as whatever you want me to be.” I said as I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her on the forehead.