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this is my first story so go easy plz
It all started in high school my sister was getting abused By some older kids so I decided to give her a hand. I got a tip that my sis was getting hit from a friend "hey your sis is getting hit right now in the football field" Jason said. I started to walk real fast to the football field they were at. I looked around and saw my sis getting hit so I dropped all my stuff and started to run after the perp that was hitting her and tackled him. I got up and started kicking him in the gut until he got up and ran away "yeah you better run" I yelled. I turned around and help my sis up "thank you, matt" she said "no problem your my sis I'm supposed to look after you" I said. Then at that moment the bell rang and the principle came out with some police to get me and my sis and that one guy. "Guys come w/ me to my office" Mr. Kramer said "yes sir" we both said at the same time. We got at the office and Kramer said "okay what was the fight about?" " sis was getting hit by that one guy and I went over there to protect her" I protested. "Is that so do you have anybody that can prove that?" He asked "yeah my friend Jason king and my sis" I protested. "Ok ill call them to my office to ask them about it you guys are free to go home" he said "okay" I replied. As we left my sis and I got to my car and went to dairy queen to get some ice cream. "You know you didn't have to do that you could have just let it happen" she said "no I wouldn't beable to live with myself if I let anything happen to you" I said. "I hope that didn't make her think I like like her" I thought to myself " sweet" she said as she huged and gave me a kiss on the cheek. She was a little teary though but I gave back the gesture. After we left DQ we went home when we got inside it was empty so we went to our seperate rooms. About an half hour later I came out and watched tv on the couch. An hour later samantha came out and sat right next to me but closer than usual like skin touching close. Then what she did next is what suprised me the most she leaned closer and rested her head on my shoulder. I looked down at her she was just staring at the tv. "Matt?" She asked "yeah" I said "do you love me" she asked "what do you mean I do love you" I said. "I mean like do you love me like a sister or more than a sister?" She asked "holy shit my sis has a huge crush on me" I thought to myself. Then I started thinking I did love her just a litle bit more than a little sis. "Sis ill admit it that I do have feeling for you more than a sis" I said "good I was starting to think it was just me" she said starting to tear up. "Sis don't cry it pains me to see you cry" I said "there just tears of joy" she said. I looked at her then I leaned in and gave her a kiss (on the lips). After a few seconds we pulled apart we stared into eachothers eyes. The door opened as we pulled away very fast "hello kids" our parents said "hey" we both replied. "We heared what happened earlier this morning" dad said "and we think its sweet that you protected your sister from abuse" mom said. "Well you guys said to look after her" I stated "yeah your doing a great job, now let's go get some dinner" my dad said. "Yay where we going?" my sis asked "we got a dinner reservation at your guy's favorite place" my mom said. We all went to our rooms and got dressed but as soon as I got done I got a text from my sis "hey you'll love what I'm wearing" it said. "Oh I bet I will" I replied "ill be down soon tiger" she replied. I went down stair and about five minutes later samantha came down wear I red dress. "You look beautiful" I said "aw thank you" she replied. "Come on we don't want to be late" I said as we got in the car to wait for our parents. Our parents told us that we are taking two cars then they finally come out. We left the house and got to the restrant sat down at the table with our parent across from us. Right before we left they gave us a hotel key "what's this for" I asked "it your hotel room tonight with seperate beds" the replied. "Why are you givig this to us" I asked "we want the house to ourselfs" they replied. "Oh ok thanks I guess" I replied after we left to the hotel and found our room. "Its so nice" we both said at the same time our faces were red as hells fires. Samantha closed the door with a do not disturb sign on and went by the bed and droped her dress off. I was staring at her breasts for like a minute then I went over and kissed her as she was unbuttoning my pants. She pulled down my pants and underwear, my cock was rock hard by now. I pulled off my shirt while kissing only breaking apart for a second. I then laid her on her back kissing her neck then down to her neck then to her pussy and I started to lick her. "Mmmmmmm...." she moaned this went on for five minutes then she finally exploded. Then I pull up "hope you are ready for this, am I your first?" I asked "yes I'm ready, and yeah" she replied. "Ok this may hurt a little" I said with concern "okay" she replied. Then I started pushing in and when I was half way through I felt a barrier and stopped for her approval. “keep going” she said then with that I push all the way through and broke her hymen then “aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhmmmmmmm” she scream as I muffled her mouth. Then I started going back and forth slowly “uuuuummmmmmm” she moaned. “are you on the pill?” I asked “yeah, so cum inside me” she replied “ok sis you wish is my command” I said. I started to pick up the speed she cummed all over my cock as I was still pounding into her. “im ganna cum sis” I said very weak “go ahead and do it now” she replied w/ intention “uuuurrrrgggghhhh” I groand as I spurted the first drop in her I spurted about 5 shots in her. I finally stop and we both fell asleep w/ me inside her still w/ smiles on our faces. I woke up in the morning w/ her on top of me she always looked so cute when she was asleep.

anonymous readerReport

2012-08-19 22:42:27
no paragraphs, no plot, bad writing, no end and a writer that slept through sex ed. all this equals a pisce of worthless trash. this is a FIRST DRAFT OR OUT LINE NOT A POSTABLE STORY DELETE AND REWRITE USING A GOOD EDITOR.

anonymous readerReport

2011-07-27 20:52:21
time for a rewrite way to many STUPID errors
no paragraphs and way to rushed with no background
the idiot writer selpt through sex ed. and thinks the hymen is half way down the vagina instead of covering the entrance of it
all in all a total waste of time

anonymous readerReport

2011-06-28 00:47:05
Wow! That's a rellay neat answer!

anonymous readerReport

2011-05-21 22:12:25
Good story. Though few changes are needed. 1 give a little background to your characters. 2 Brake the story into paragraphs, with spaces between them. 3 Don't put initials where people have no idea what they mean, what's DQ? But overall great first story and keep going


2011-05-21 13:37:39
There are a number of things you need to do.

1. Format better.

2. Make your stories longer.

and 3. Do not have a character say something you already did.

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