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I know the last one sucked but this one's better I hope;).
Hi guys:) I know the last story sucked but this one should be better. I'm not the best writer yet but with your tips and suggestions, I may become a great writer. Oh, and tell me about the Themes, and if there wrong I'll repost it and make a few changes.

Clouds covered the skies as I walked slowly around the neighborhood, listening to my Ipod. The breeze felt good on my tan skin. "Tommy give that back!" A little girls voice sounded. "Aw come on sis, i just wanted to play with it!" He muttered. "Momma, tommy took my dolly!" the children were answered by a quick scolding and brought the children back into their house. I laughed quietly to myself.

I had lived in Tacoma, Washington nearly all my life. When my mother and father divorced, I went to live with my dad in Auburn for about five years, and when I was at the age of 14 I got to choose. I decided I had wanted to live with my mother for high school before I moved off to college.

"You walk the dog yet Jasmine?" my older brother Matthew called. "Not yet." I rolled my eyes as he showed off his new 350 Z to his friends. It was silver, with black leather seats and a nice stereo. I don't know much about cars, but...I am a girl, so I have an excuse.

I entered the house and smiled when I saw my Collie Halle sniffing her food. She looked expectantly at me, her brown eyes pleading. "Oh all right," I walked to the fridge and cracked an egg. Soon, Halle was gleaming with excitement and ate the food in a few mouthfulls.

I leashed her and walked Halle around the neighborhood. I decided to take her to the new doggie park, named Willa's Park For Dogs. I let the leash off of Halle and she chased several dogs. "Cute huh?" a boys voice echoed in my ears. "Yeah." When I turned around, I held my breath at the sight. He was so handsome...

He had silky dark brown hair and smoking dark brown eyes. His skin was a beautiful light tan. "My names Jason," He held out a hand. "Jasmine Jearu. Most people call me J.J." I smiled. "Well, J.J...would you like to go on a date with me?" He smiled. "Sure, what the hell." I muttered.

Soon, we had engaged in conversation and he talked about how his sister Rachel died of lung cancer. "She was the best." He murmured. Dusk fell and the park was now closed. "Shall I walk you home?" He asked.

"Sure,"Jason held my hand and we talked some more. My house was now in full view, and he was surprised. "This is a wonderful house! I wish I had a house this nice. My mother's job isn't paying much. I'm trying to get her to quit."

I looked at him. "What's her job?" I asked him. "You don't want to know." His eyes looked down. "Jasmine, your late!" My father looked at the boy next to me. "Get away!" She held her broom stick. "Sorry!"Jason quickly left with his black doberman. "Dad," I tried to explain. "No dating!" spanked me. "But Dad!" He sent me to my room, crying and beat red.

My father was strict when it came to dating, I mean really strict. He'd beat me every night....I wanted to tell the police, but I couldn't. My father fed me, gave me shelter and an Idea popped into my head. I flipped through my address book. "Jason, p-please pick m-me up tomorrow at 10. My father works." I looked at the door.

"Why are you crying, did something happen?" He asked. "No, nothing." I calmed down. "Good..." He hung up. I slid the robe down my body and slipped into the hot bathtub. The water stinged when it touched the bruises. Soon, I got out and got dressed. Then, I flopped on my bed and fell asleep.

The next day, I snuck out of the house, dressed in a blue dress and brown curled hair. My blue eyes swerved to a recognizable man. "Hey Jason," I murmured. He hugged me tightly. I flinched, but the pain was good. We walked to a small diner and ate. "So, how's it going?" he asked me. "Really good." I lied. After lunch, he took me to his house.

His mother was at work and I was almost surprised by what i saw. It was a small brick house, with square glass windows. The roof was somewhat shattered. One of the windows were broken, and the lawn was a mess. "Oh Jason," I murmured silently. He walked me in.

The interior was better than the outside. His room was the best room in the house, with a bed and a small old fashioned T.V. He had a mediumsized closet, with 20 pairs of clothes. We sat on his bed and talked. I felt my heart beating faster. I was babbling away, and soon felt his warm lips on mine. My eyes were wide open, but gently closed as I let the sensations overwhelm me. His tongue explored my mouth, and hand was on my now wet pussy. I wasn't aloud to think words like that, but I didn't care anymore.

He stroked it, making it even wetter. Jason's hands unzipped my dress and slipped it down, they ventured and soon laid me on the bed, with him on top of me. I had D-cup breasts, and he obviously liked them. Jason licked and twirled my nipples, making them hard. He kissed down my tummy, making me moan with pleasure and soon reached my now soaking wet pussy.

His tongue lashed inside. "Oh Fucking Yes! Lick me lover, Oh my god!" I gasped. Jason smiled and continued licking my pussy. "Turn Over," I obliged and his tongue shot in my ass. I nearly screamed with joy. "Now, it's your turn." Jason kneeled and I knew what to do. I unzipped his pants and his cock stuck out. It was about 9 inches, and I was startled at its glory.

As soon as I touched it, it got harder by the minute. I kissed up and down, and even sucked on his balls. "Yeah, suck it bitch!" At first, I was shocked by the harsh words but surprisingly found it was turning me on. I continued sucking the large cock and he moaned with joy.

I found me sliding the cock all the way down my throat. When he made me stop, I knew what was going to happen next. He laid me on the bed.
Shall I fuck you?"he asked smoothly. "Yes, take my fucking pussy! Oh I've been wanting this for so damn long!" He slid it in and I I leaned my head back. His cock felt so warm inside my pussy.

"Oh fucking god! Yes baby, fuck me harder!" At first, Jason was slow...but soon he was fucking at the speed of lighting. Soon, I felt my self getting an orgasm. "Oh I'm going to cum!" I shouted and Jason smirked, moaning at the same time. "Me too baby!" He shot his load of cum inside my pussy and I gasped with pleasure.

"I'm home!"

anonymous readerReport

2011-07-03 11:22:06
You need more lead into the sex, build the story. Try outlining the story first.

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