So here it is…the beginning of the end of the four part saga that is The Tides of Fall. Not really much more to say than that other than play this if you want:
Big shout outs to everyone who keeps reading my twisted tale of family and friends and love and truth and lies.
Pyre: /pīr/ Noun: A heap of combustible material, esp. one for burning a corpse as part of a funeral ceremony
Can’t Separate a Man and His Joni Tapes…
“There’s no such thing as angels,” the prick at the end of the bar was saying to the bartender.
It’d be nice. It’d be a much simpler world if there weren’t. It’d be nice, but it’d be a lie. I know my own life would make way more sense if there weren’t. Maybe I’d have some kind of direction. Maybe I’d have some kind of stability. Maybe I wouldn’t be so drunk right now. I suppose I wasn’t being fair. He was right to an extent; there was no such things as angels anymore. It’d be nice if there never had been.
“Explain that then,” the bartender said to the prick with the shiny hair and the crisp shirt, pointing at the TV.
“I’m not saying it didn’t all happen, man,” the fresh pressed prick was saying, trying to dig himself out of the pile of bullshit he’d spent the last hour burying himself and anyone else who would listen under. “I’m just saying, those weren’t angels. They were something. But angels? Really? C’mon man. Really?”
The bartender had a laugh, the two barely legal girls sitting near the guy that was so full of shit had a laugh, and the natural order of 2am seemed to be restored. I wished I had a crisp single for every time I’d heard this conversation or a variation of it.
“Hey Michael!” the bartender called down to me. “Anything for last call?”
“Beer and a shot,” I replied, trying not to slur so he wouldn’t cut me off. I’d made it to the end of another night without falling off my stool and the last thing I wanted was to leave without the warmth of one last swallow in my stomach. “Fuck it; beer and two shots.”
“Let me get those,” the prick said. “On me buddy!”
“I don’t need your charity,” I said, handing the bartender a crumpled bill from my pocket.
“Hey man, c’mon. Really?” the show off at the other end of the bar said. “It’s a party, lighten up man. It’s supposed to be a day of celebration!”
Freedom Day. Independence Day. Call it whatever you wanted; everyone had a different way of saying it, which was kind of the whole point I guess. It had started as a big deal over two decades ago, but now it was just another excuse for people to party. Give them a bit and they take a lot. Typical. Until the shiny haired prick had asked the bartender to put the commemorative TV special on I’d been trying to forget. Until they’d started talking about it down there I hadn’t been thinking about it. I didn’t like to think about it anymore than I had to. Charlie, the bartender, set up two shots of whiskey and a pint of stout in front of me, nodding in understanding. He I knew I didn’t like talking about it at least. You can always tell a good bartender by how much they said or didn’t say to which customers and on which topics. I really liked Charlie. He was one of the ones that didn’t say a fucking thing when he could tell I wasn’t in the mood.
“C’mon, man! Raise your glass!” the prick was saying, holding his pint up and sloshing beer over the side and onto his nice crisp white shirt. “Twenty years of being free!”
“Twenty three,” I mumbled.
“What? I can’t hear you! You should come and sit down here with me and these two beautiful ladies here! This is Chloe and that is…Cynthia!”
“Sylvia,” the girl with the green shirt corrected him, laughing. The prick didn’t even know her name; but what did she care? He was buying and she was thirsty.
“I’m good,” I said, looking down at the bar and picking up the second shot. “Leave me alone, okay?”
“Fuckin’ asshole,” the prick said, turning back to the girls. They all had another laugh.
“You good?” Charlie asked me. I nodded as I banged the empty shot glass down next to the other on the bar and picked up my beer, taking a long swallow. He returned the nod and went back to pour another round for the prick and his entourage of strangers.
Chloe was looking at me. I hated it when they looked at me. They always looked at me. It had been fine in school I guess; it was nice to know that girls liked you for some reason. It became a burden fast though because they all wanted to fall in love and be with me forever. The last thing I wanted was anything forever. Nothing now would have been okay, but as soon as they made eye contact it became impossible. It had gotten to the point where I was an asshole to girls on purposes just to keep them away, but they somehow always forgave me and told me it was their fault and that they shouldn’t have pushed my buttons. I’d have resorted to smacking the shit out of them just to keep them away from me, but my mom would have my ass if she ever found out. I’d stayed away from my family since I was 16 just to avoid the hassle, but knowing her she’d find out somehow and have my ass.
I knew it was the eyes. The eyes just have it. As soon as they saw the eyes they started lining up or trying to get noticed. I wore sunglasses most of the time, even at night, just to keep them all away. My whole thing had become this practiced nonchalance so they wouldn’t have more reason than necessary to try and talk to me. I barely shaved, I only cut my hair when I felt like it, I wore the same black knit hat even when it was hot. I don’t think I’d showered in two days. That part wasn’t on purpose, I just hadn’t been able to bring myself to stand under the water long enough to get clean when I could be drinking something numbing instead. What was the point? It’s not like I worked hard enough at anything to work up a sweat. The hardest thing I’d done all week was look for a waitress to order another round, and that had been at a different bar. At The Cove all I had to do was lift my hand and wave and Charlie set me up.
Chloe had separated herself from the prick in the crisp shirt and her friend Cynthia, Sylvia, whatever the fuck her name was. She was walking down the bar towards me, making it look like she was looking for the washroom. I put my sunglasses on, black lenses in black plastic frames to keep her back. To keep her out. To keep her on the other side away from me. I had a really good buzz going and here came Chloe with her perfect tits and her perfect ass and her perfect blonde hair bouncing in a pony tail on her back to ruin it all. She walked around the end of the bar, looked back into the waitress station with a fake ass mask of confusion on her face, then looked at me where I slouched on my stool and leaned on the bar with my forearms. I looked into my beer and tried to disappear.
“Hey there,” she said. Her voice was sweet and innocent sounding. She probably wasn’t, but she sounded the part well enough. “You know where the washrooms are?”
I pointed back to the clearly marked door right behind where she had been sitting without looking up.
“Don’t say much, do you?” she asked, stopping and leaning against the bar next to me.
“Nothing to say,” I said, lifting my glass to my lips again.
“I don’t really know that guy,” she said, making excuses. “We just met him and he started buying drinks is all. He seems like kind of an asshole.”
I shrugged, going for the pint again.
“You should come hang out down there,” Chloe prodded me. “Me and Sylvia are going to a party when we leave here, as soon as we can ditch that guy. You can come if you want.”
“I’m no good at parties,” I told her. Charlie slipped to my end of the bar and poured me another shot, waving off my money. Charlie knew; like I said, he was a good bartender.
“Maybe then we can just go party together? At my place…?”
“Did you think you would be in a place like this at 2am asking some scruffy stranger to come to your house with you when you were spelling ‘photosynthesis’ to win the grade two spelling bee?”
“What?” Chloe asked with genuine surprise on her face.
“Was this your goal back then? You could probably do better than me, Chloe. I’m no fucking good.”
“How did you know that? Did we go to school together or something? You look familiar.” I turned and looked at her over the top of my glasses, watching her grasp at straws to make sense of something that shouldn’t. “Wow, you have really intense eyes, man. What’s your name?”
“Did you notice how you just changed the subject from something unique to something banal?” I asked her, pushing my glasses back up and pulling my black wool hat lower. “You were asking me a question a second ago.”
“Oh yeah! I totally was, right?” Chloe looked like I had just turned water to wine or found a pattern in pi. I shook my head and finished my beer. What was that since I’d gotten here…eleven? Twelve? I’d stopped counting yesterday.
“Hey, c’mon Chloe! Leave the bum alone and come do one last shot!” the prick in the white shirt yelled from the other end of the bar. I saw Charlie lean to him and say something so I listened closer; not with my ears s much as with my mind. He was telling the prick to leave me be, that I was good shit, that he didn’t want to piss me off when I was drunk. Chloe just waved and leaned closer to me.
“I’ve got more booze at my place,” she said mischievously. “We can keep this going.”
Booze. Well…maybe. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d gone home with one of them only to watch them pass out so I could drink myself sober with whatever was in their fridge. I told Chloe, “Yeah. Alright. Whatever.”
“Cool man! Let’s get out of here, then.” She took me by the hand and led me to where she’d left her jacket on her stool by Cynthia, Sylvia, whatever.
“You’re leaving with that guy?” the prick asked her, looking pissed off. “He looks like a laundry basket for fuck’s sake.”
“Hey man, take it easy,” Charlie told the prick in the shirt.
“Whatever,” the crisp guy said, glaring at me. “Sylvia, you want to go do some blow at my place?”
“No, Chloe’s my ride. I have to go too,” Sylvia said, getting up and putting her jacket on.
“C’mon girls! Fuck this guy, come party with me.” He took Sylvia’s wrist in his hand, harder than I thought fair.
“Dude,” I said through the fog of beer and whiskey, a bit unsteady on my feet. “You just put your hand on that girl?”
“Michael…” Charlie said, holding out his open hand to me. “It’s all good, right?”
“It is if he lets go,” I said quietly, adjusting my toque and pulling it even lower still to cover the top of my glasses.
“You want to start some kind of problem?” the prick asked me, sticking his chin out.
“Nah man. Just…let go is all.”
He did; he let go to poke his finger in my chest and tell me to mind my own fucking business.
“Guys, it’s all good here,” Charlie said again. “Let’s take it easy.”
“No problem, Chuck,” I said. “He let go of her. It’s cool. We’re cool. Right? We cool man?”
“No, we’re not fucking cool. I can’t fucking stand scruffy slackers like you. Who do you think you are?”
“Nobody,” I said, turning to leave out the back door with Chloe and Sylvia. “I’m nobody.”
“Fuckin’ rights, you got that right,” he snapped.
Chloe spun around and asked him, “Why are you being such a prick?”
“Fuck you bitch. Fuckin’ cock tease. Fuckin’ slut,” he snapped.
“Alright man,” Charlie said to him. “Time to go, alright?”
“I’m not going anywhere until I finish my beer, got that asshole?” the prick said to Charlie.
“I said leave. Now,” Charlie told him, his voice getting firmer by the second.
The prick in the crisp white shirt stood up. He was a big guy, probably twice my weight and honed in some overpriced gym somewhere. “How about you fucking make me?”
Charlie was about to come around the bar, throwing the towel that was over his shoulder to the floor. I held up my hand and said, “I got this Chuck.”
The fresh pressed business prick spun on me to throw a punch with his right hand. I was sober all of a sudden. With my left forearm I deflected his swing upwards and to the side as I stepped left and slammed my fist into his throat. As he flinched and reached for his neck with his hands I kept stepping, around and behind him, and grabbed his face with both open hands, pulling up and back to slam him to the floor on the back of his head. He writhed a bit but didn’t get up. I staggered a bit, drunk again.
“Jesus, Michael,” Charlie said, kneeling beside the prick on the sticky floor. “Now I gotta call the cops, man. Go, get out of here. I’ll tell them he slipped.”
“Later Chuck,” I mumbled, going out the back door. Chloe and Sylvia followed.
“Thanks for that,” Sylvia said. Chloe just looked at me in awe. I should have just let him hit me. “That was really…fast. Where’d you learn how to do that?”
“Yeah, no problem. Whatever. I had a fucked up childhood,” I muttered.
“Holy shit!” Chloe yelled as Sylvia got in the passenger seat beside her and I slumped in the backseat wondering what kind of booze was at her house. “I know where I recognize him from! You’re that Michael!”
“He is!?” Sylvia asked, turning to look at me in the back of the car. “Holy shit! You’re right! You’re Michael Fox!”
“Yeah, whatever,” I said. “What’s to drink at your place?”
As she drove Chloe bubbled like a star struck pinhead. “Oh my fucking god! Michael Fox! In MY car!”
“Your life must have been so glamorous!” Sylvia piped like an idiot.
“Yeah, whatever. Glamorous. I was born in the backseat of a car in a hotel parking lot during a gun fight in Cairo and then some dick followed me around with a camera until I kicked him in the balls and ran away when I was 16. Really fucking glamorous.”
“Dude, you’re fucking famous!” Chloe said. “And you’re coming to my house to drink my vodka!”
“Best night EVER!” Sylvia shouted.
Vodka? Really? Fuck. Worst night ever.
I Said Before I’d Pay For All the Damages…
Chloe and Sylvia had put on some shitty dance music and were grinding against each other in the middle of Chloe’s living room. After they’d made their drinks I took over the bottle, drinking the vodka straight from the neck with no ice, and was looking around the living room from behind my glasses. It was decorated in some sparse modern style, all indirect lights and clean lines. The hardwood that wasn’t really wood was even and straight and clean. This was the kind of pad I wrecked just by being there.
“Come dance with us!” Chloe yelled, reaching her hand out to me as Sylvia rubbed her groin up and down her leg.
“I don’t dance,” I said, shrugging and tipping back the bottle again.
“What do you like?” she asked, pouncing onto the couch beside me.
Sylvia jumped onto her knees on the other side of me and there I was; pinned between two hot nineteen year olds at 3am, drunk off the rails and losing my will to fend them off. It was such a hassle trying to keep them back once they decided they were into me. It had always been like this. I used to like it; that was before I realized that this was it. This was my life. I’d probably never have to try for anything. It was the fucking eyes. I’d take them out if I could, but the fucking things would probably just grow back.
“I drink, I smoke, I listen to angry rock music,” I shrugged. “That’s really about it. I’m no one special.”
“Bullshit!” Chloe said, her hand finding its way to my leg at the top of my thigh.
Sylvia noticed and must not have wanted to feel left out. This was the part where even the most straight laced girl’s inhibitions fell away so they could all get in on what they thought they wanted. None of this was new to me. Sylvia moved closer and put her arm around my shoulders. They shared a surprised look with each other at what they were doing together, but they didn’t stop.
“Yeah man, that’s bullshit. You’re probably the most special guy in the whole world,” Sylvia said.
“You say that now, but tomorrow you’ll hate me. Trust me.”
Sylvia was taller by about six inches, long and lean whereas Chloe was short and curvy. Both were fucking hot; I was a jaded drunk, not a blind moron. The taller girl’s long black hair hung loose to the top of her tight little ass, Chloe’s shoulder length blonde ponytail was high on the back of her head and bobbed and bounced when she moved. It’s not that I didn’t want either of them, both would be good too, but it was like taking candy from a baby.
“Hate you?” Chloe asked, sliding her hand up and down my thigh while Sylvia wiggled closer to me and put her other hand on my chest. “Why would we hate you?”
“You’re already falling for me,” I explained drunkenly. “You’re both going to fall in love with me and you won’t stop calling me and eventually I’ll have to say or do something mean to get you to leave me alone.”
Anyone else could say this to any girl and creep them right the fuck out. All they did was giggle and laugh like I was trying to be funny. What was maybe worse was that they really were turning me on. I could feel my cock responding to Chloe’s hand on my leg, and I could feel Sylvia’s breath on my neck as she leaned her face closer to mine.
What the hell, you only have one 23rd birthday right?
I took my glasses off and tossed them carelessly onto Chloe’s living room floor. Both girls inhaled sharply when they looked at my eyes, I felt their bodies tense up on either side of me. Chloe clamped her fingers on my thigh and Sylvia pushed her fingers up into my untidy hair under my hat. Then they were kissing me. It always happens like that. One second some girl is talking to me, then I look in her eyes and she tries to put her tongue in my mouth. Chloe tasted like vodka and cranberry juice, Sylvia had a very wet tongue and she was running its tip up my neck to flick the back of my earlobe.
I put my right hand under Chloe’s nice round ass, my left on Sylvia’s right hip, pulling them towards each other. They both lifted a leg to straddle one of mine, and I had two hot 19 year old pussies grinding against the tops of my thighs. Just like that. It always happened just like that. They took turns pressing their lips to mine, sliding their tongues in and out of my mouth. Ha. Drunk chicks. They always kissed like such sloppy little whores. Part of me still felt bad; this really was taking advantage and I knew it. The rest of me was getting harder in my jeans so I ignored the first voice until it finally shut up when it realized how good their asses felt in my hands. Chloe’s had just enough give that I already knew it would jiggle and wiggle if I slapped it. Sylvia’s was hard and firm, not as round but twice as fit.
Their mouths ran into each other as they both tried to kiss me at the same time and they started making out with each other while sliding their pussies against my legs. I slid my hands from their asses, reaching under Chloe’s little skirt with my right fingers to find her opening. She wasn’t wearing panties and I pushed my middle finger past her hot, moist pussy lips and inside of her. Sylvia had on tight black yoga pants and through them I could feel the cleft of her mound, damp and quivering slightly. As I massaged and fingered their tight young slits they set to unbuttoning each other’s shirts while their tongues slipped back and forth between their open mouths. Sylvia’s fingers proved more nimble and as soon as Chloe’s shirt slipped down over her shoulders to reveal her ample breasts pushed up by her white bra she pulled away to kneel facing towards me on the couch at my side, reaching to open the zipper of my jeans. I took over on Sylvia’s shirt where Chloe had left off and as it fell to the floor I saw two perfect and tiny bare breasts.
I pulled her towards me, licking first one and then the other, wrapping my lips around it and sucking its little point into my mouth. Sylvia had her hands on the back of my head, pulling me harder into her. I felt Chloe reaching inside my pants to free my cock, her moist breath on my skin sending a shiver through my body. As I slid my right hand down her back to cup her ass in my hand I felt Sylvia reach down to wrap one hand around my dick as Chloe licked at the head like a little girl with an ice cream cone. I still had the fingers of my left hand pressed against Sylvia’s pussy through her tight black pants and she was rocking her hips forward and back, rubbing herself against my hand while I sucked on her right breast.
Chloe giggled then slipped my cock past her lips and into her wet mouth with a little slurping sound. Sylvia pulled back from me and looked down, her eyes going wide.
“You have a huge cock, Michael,” she drawled sensually as she watched her friend Chloe bob her head up and down on me, taking only a quarter of my length into her mouth each time before coming up to lick around my head again before going back down.
Sylvia slid off my leg and stood up, shifting her hips back and forth as she pushed her black yoga pants down to the floor. As soon as it was uncovered I put my hand back to her pussy, rubbing between her tight lips to spread her moisture around so I could slide my finger up inside her. She climbed back onto the couch on her hands and knees beside me, opposite Chloe, and leaned her head down to lick at the base of my cock while Chloe sucked on it. She ran her long tongue up and down, Chloe took her mouth off of me and pointed my head towards Sylvia and she wrapped her lips around me. Slow and deep she worked her head up and down on my cock, turning her head slightly to the side so she could look up at me while she did it. Chloe unbuttoned my jeans and I lifted my ass from the couch. Both girls grabbed a side of my jeans and underwear and pushed them down over my hips to my ankles. Sylvia went back to her long deep strokes with her mouth while Chloe leaned further down to lick my balls with her tongue, giggling and smiling up at me from time to time.
“Do you like have two girls suck your cock, Michael?” Sylvia asked in a sultry voice, holding my cock straight up so Chloe could take over with short quick bobs of her head. It was a stupid question and I wanted to tell her so, but instead I just smiled and nodded.
“Do you want to fuck me, Michael?” Chloe asked, coming up for air as Sylvia opened her mouth wide and lowered her head down with a twisting motion at her neck until I felt my cock press against the top of her throat. She was making little gagging noises and I felt her throat opening and closing on my head. Another stupid question, but I just kept smiling and nodding.
Chloe reached down to gather Sylvia’s long hair in her hands, pulling her friends face up off of me. Sylvia smiled an open mouthed smile and Chloe swung one leg slowly over my hips to position her pussy over my cock. Sylvia held it to her opening and put her hand on Chloe’s ass as she lowered herself down onto me. When the tip was in she rocked her hips in small motions, smiling at me with half closed eyes as she worked more and more of my swollen length inside of her. Sylvia kept her grip on the base, egging her blonde friend onwards.
“Oh man, Chloe…it’s soooo big,” she purred. “Can you do it?”
“Nnnnn, yeah,” Chloe breathed, swiveling her hips to slowly slide herself downwards onto me. Her pussy stretched and her eyes went wide as she raised herself back up all the way and pushed her body downwards in one slow strong motion to bury my cock all the way inside her now dripping wet opening. She paused once I was all the way in and leaned her head back. “Awwwwww fuck yeah, Syl. It feels so gooood…”
Sylvia laughed and started guiding Chloe’s ass up and down, urging her to fuck me. As she built speed she started letting out little yelps each time she came down into my lap. My hands were on her waist, my fingers digging into her soft tanned skin, and Sylvia slid her free right hand up to cup one of Chloe’s breasts and she put her lips around it and started licking and sucking at the blonde girls nipple.
“Oh…oh…oh…my pussy…you’re so biiiig,” Chloe moaned as she bounced up and down on my cock. I had to chuckle a little at that point. They were like little kids in a candy shop and it was too funny not to laugh at least a little.
“Let me,” Sylvia whined. “I want to feel that thing inside of me.”
Chloe giggled again and raised herself off of me, my cock popping free from the wet grasp of her tight pussy. Sylvia got on her knees over top of me, swinging her leg over fast and supple. Chloe wrapped her hands around me as her friend lowered herself to my cock, her long hair hanging over her face and tiny pointy breasts. She was more reckless and eager than her short friend and once I had my head wedged between her tiny tight lips she braced herself and tried to shove herself down onto me in one fast push. She only got about half way before her whole body tensed and she screamed out “OH SHIT!”
Sylvia lifted her hips and bared her teeth, squinting her eyes in pain, and shoved her body back downwards. “OWWWWW! FUCK!”
She’d done it though. Her pussy, easily twice as tight as Chloe’s, gripped the entire length of my cock. She bit her lips between her teeth, her eyes still clenched closed, and started rocking her hips back and forth with me all the way inside of her tight, hard body. She cried out “OW! OW! OH! OW!” as she fucked me and Chloe looked on with wide eyes and a smile.
“I didn’t know they made cocks that big,” Chloe seethed into my ear before she started kissing me on the mouth, her tongue wrapping around mine and running over my lips as her friend fucked me.
“OW! ME! NEITHER! OW! FUCK!” Sylvia yelled. Her breathing was getting harsher and she had started using her legs to raise herself up and down on me, burying my cock into the back of her pussy over and over again.
Chloe sucked her index finger into her mouth and reached around and under Sylvia’s ass. The tall dark haired girl screamed again as Chloe grinned wickedly and licked the side of her face while rubbing her finger over the other girl’s asshole, pushing the tip in just a bit and wiggling it around while Sylvia worked my cock in and out of her quivering pussy. The new sensation caused her pussy to clench and grip my length and her head hung backwards at the neck. Her mouth was locked half way open, her jaw moving with each thrust, one tear hanging from her right eyelid. I felt her clamp around me and she jerked downwards to once again shove my whole cock into her tiny pussy. Her whole body shuddered and shook as she screamed out, “OHMYGODI’MFUCKING CUMMINNNNGGGG! AH!”
She fell forward against my chest, relaxing her whole body at once. Chloe pushed her off of me and Sylvia fell onto the couch on her back beside me. The saucy blonde sucked her finger into her mouth again before turning on the couch to face away from me, sticking her ass up and out into the air from under her tiny black skirt and wiggling it back and forth invitingly as she lowered her face into the cushions. I got on my knees between her ankles and put my cock against her pussy. Chloe pushed backwards as I pushed forwards, taking her hips in my hand. As soon as I was all the way inside of her I gave her ass a slap with my right hand. I was right, it jiggled sexily. Her cheeks bounced with each stroke into her and she started screaming loudly into the cushions as I fucked her. As I felt my cock start to surge and throb inside of her, her pussy began doing the same. As I came, so did she. That or she faked it well, but at that point I didn’t care. I hadn’t really cared to begin with. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up onto her hands and knees, her ponytail bobbing up and down on her back in time with my thrusts.
Chloe pulled forward away from me while I was still coming and twisted around onto her back with her feet over the end of the couch and her face under my cock. She took it in her hands and stroked it, milking the last shots out onto her open mouth, her face, and across her chin onto her breasts. She let go of me and rubbed it all over herself, sucking it off her fingers and pressing her breasts together t lick it from the top of her cleavage with her long wet tongue.
“Oh man, that was fucking hot,” Sylvia was saying behind me.
She slid off the couch to kneel beside Chloe, licking my cock and her friend’s mouth and face and breasts. Their tongues twined together as they shared my cum back and forth. I slumped down to sit breathlessly against the back of the couch, watching them. Sylvia climbed onto the couch on top of Chloe and they lay together with their tongues slipping in and out of each other’s mouths and sliding their hands all over each other’s bodies.
I pulled my pants up and fastened them while they made out. I took the bottle of vodka from the table beside the couch and took a long swallow, watching them out of the corner of my eye. While Sylvia pulled Chloe’s bra off her right breast and put it in her mouth, Chloe looked up at me from under her friend and said, “Get in here, man.”
“I gotta go,” I said, standing up. “You both seem in good hands.”
They went back to kissing and licking and fingering each other’s pussies like I had never been there. This wasn’t exactly uncommon either. It was either they fell in love with me right away and wouldn’t leave me alone, or whatever they were in the grip of took over and I was able to slip away. I was glad this turned out to be the second one. I didn’t need any more girls following me around and trying to move in with me. It would wear off shortly after I left and they’d wake up on the couch naked and embarrassed and never talk about it again. Or they’d go full on and move in together and this would be their thing from now on. I was never around to see how it turned out. I didn’t actually care.
“I’m taking this,” I said, holding up the half empty bottle of vodka as I leaned against the wall by the door to clumsily pull my beat up shell toed runners on. “Ah fuck, you’re not listening. Bye.”
Outside on the street under the orange glow of a streetlight I tipped the bottle straight up and took a long drink. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy…ah, fuck it.
I’m Sittin’ Feelin’ Sorry at the Thirsty Dog…
“Hey.” Someone slapped me hard enough to wake me up. “Wake up, Michael.”
I pried my eyes open, my head pounding. I was slumped between two garbage bins against a cold brick wall with my knees pulled up to my chest and my head leaning against a wooden telephone pole in an alley.
“Wake up,” the voice said.
“I’m moving, don’t trip,” I said groggily. “Sorry. I’m leaving. I just fell asleep for a minute.”
Did I still have the vodka? Yeah, good. I pushed myself to my feet, my back sliding up the wooden pole. I fumbled at the cap and started to raise it to my mouth when the hand struck out and smacked it from my grip. It broke on the ground and I shrugged. Somehow I saw the hand coming again and I reached out instinctively and caught my attacker’s wrist in my fist.
“Snap out of it, Michael,” he said, whoever he was.
“I said I’m leaving, quite hitting me,” I mumbled, staggering away.
“You’re a proper fucking mess,” the voice said and I swiveled my head to look over my shoulder at him. “Come on, let’s get some breakfast. I’m buying, yeah?”
“Ah fuck, it’s you.” I slurred. “Now I gotta move again.”
I started stumbling down the alley away from him but he followed me a few steps behind.
“You can’t run forever, Michael,” he said. “You have to go home eventually, friend.”
“I’m goin’ home right now, fuck off Sam.”
“Your family misses you Michael. They’re worried about you,” he said. I hated that accent. He always sounded so fucking smug.
“Go tell them I’m fine then. Leave me alone, man.”
He grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me around to face him, snatching my glasses from my face and throwing them to the street. “What’s your fucking problem, eh? Who do you think you are?”
“I don’t know man. That’s the problem.” I pulled away but he grabbed me again. “Why do you keep tracking me down? Don’t you get it?”
“No, I fucking don’t get it Michael. You’d think you of all people would have some fucking sense, yeah?”
I pulled my shoulder free from his grip and feinted forward with my shoulder, bringing my knee up to his stomach. The next thing I knew I was on the ground a few feet away with a sharp pain in the side of my head.
“Ha!” he laughed, walking over to stand beside me as I struggled to my knees and started to stand. “Did you really think you’d be able to hit me? Me? Really? The rest of us might not be angels anymore, Michael; but I taught you all those moves, yeah?”
“Get fucked,” I muttered.
“Come on, do you want to go get some eggs or do you want to fight me in this alley?” he asked.
“Fuck it then,” I said, stretching my jaw and shaking his blow from my head. “Let’s get the fucking eggs then.”
He put his arm around me warmly and shook me gently, smiling his lopsided smile. “That’s the spirit. Eggs to live, yeah?”
“Yeah, whatever. Hang on, I gotta do something.” I leaned against the wall of the building and threw up.
“You are proper fucked, you know that yeah?”
“Yeah. Whatever. Save it.”
“Come on friend,” he said, his voice light and chipper. “When we’re done eating, do me a favor?”
“Call your fucking mother? She bloody misses you, Michael.”
“No. Maybe. I’ll think about it.” I slurred as he helped me walk straight.
“You’re a terrible fucking son, Michael Fox. You know that, yeah?” he said.
“And you’re an annoying fucking dick, Samael. Hold on.” I threw up again, this time right in the middle of the alley.
“Fuck me, you’re a mess,” Samael said, helping me stand up straight.
“Yeah, fuck you,” I said weakly to him. “I’m a mess.”