I know just how to make Hannah Montana the best show ever!
Hannah Montana is such an awesome and rad show. But I know how to make it truly exquisite and make sure the show doesn't get stale and repetitive and junk.
Ok, so to shake things up on the show, it'd be totally awesome if, like, Hannah's in the girl's bathroom at school, right? And like, she's making dukie when she gets captured and abducted by a Xenomorph, who takes her back to his Sanctum on the Xenomorph planet, cos like he totally wants to make her into an obedient Servant-girl, but like she manages to escape from him before he starts washing her brain by crawling through a special place under the Sanctum called the Subsewer, it's like this little tunnel filled with slime and filth and its tiny so she has to crawl and its real hot and it really, really stinks, right?
And she's naked except for this thick, skintight, shiny leather shirt like what the xenomorph makes all his servant-girls wear, it's like super stiff and tight on her body so every time she moves it squeaks and creaks while she crawls through the slime, right? So she's crawling on her hands and knees through this thick, wet slime to escape being brainwashed by the xenomorph, like for total hours, and like, the episode's all about her being tortured by how bad it stinks down there? Like, the slime stinks so super bad, like so bad it's torture? and like, it's also really hot and moist down there, so she gets all sweaty as she pumps her arms and legs until she stinks like B.O. and moist leather. Like, it's totally disgusting to her 'cos she's usually got uber good personal hygene, right? And like she can't get away from how bad it stinks and she has to totally smell slime and unwashed body the whole time. She was still unclean at the back, for the Xenomorph had taken her right in the middle of the act of making soil, and quite naturally it had slipped her mind as the Xenomorph kidnapped her with raw, smelly ease -and there’s no toilet paper in the Master’s sanctum!
Since we obviously cannot show a teenage female’s soiled bum hole in a kid’s show, we’ll need to make Hannah do something like complain to herself about not being clean down there, or scratch an itch caused by the dried nightsoil, in order to let the audience know that she was not able to wipe after making soil.
Through the whole episode shes slowly being driven insane, cos it stinks so bad, and like also cos the stiff leather shirt squeaked and creaked on her bod as she worked and moved her bod, filling the air with a merciless, maddening rubbery beat, squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak, she hated it, filling her delicate little mind with the wet rhythm of leather dominance. The leather was in control of poor little Hannah.
So the episode shows her crawling for a bit, then it cuts to like a couple hours later and shows her crawling again, then cuts forward again, cos otherwise the episode would be like, totally long and junk. So like, every time it cuts forward she gets more, just... eww. Like, her arms and legs get all greasy and smelly off the slime and junk, and her hair gets all damp and totally un-glam.
Soon she needs to make soil again, but she doesn’t dare stop, so out come the brown logs as her legs pump and her shirt squeaks and her round little cheeks jiggle. Soon her defiled nostrils know of another way that she’s become a smelly girl.
Since we certainly cannot show Hannah making soil in a kids’ show, the female’s act will be made known to the audience by Hannah speaking about the acts as they occur.
“OMG it stinks in here! This is so lame! And now I need to make dukie again, oh-em-gee this is so laaaame! I totally can’t even stop, I totes don’t wanna get caught by that smelly insect-thing again! Like, hello? Like, it’s called a shower? Like, your body? Like, it stinks of fish? And like, when you were abducting me you were like grasping me against your junk, and I could totally feel your B.O. through the back of my panties! I’ll probably need to burn that bando tutu now, it probably stinks like smelly insect cock-sweat now! Like, just… ewww! Oh-em-gee, I’m like, totally gonna need to make dukie, like right now? I’m totally just gonna have to do it while I’m moving. Like, while my butt is jiggling around and junk? Ugh, I’m sooo gonna end up messing myself! Like Oh-em-gee this so majorly stinks, dirty holes are so, like… just ew! That is like, so totally not cool? Like, as if I’m not smelly enough already? Ugh, like whatevarr. Ok, like here goes. Awww, eewwwwww I felt it slide down my butt-crack! Super gross! This is sooo lame, who the hell does that stupid leather bug-thing think he is anyway, perving on me in the bathroom, he is such a freak! I can’t believe he touched my butt with his schlong while he was abducting me, that so super gross, he’s probably never even been close enough to touch a girl’s butt before, like he stinks so bad they all run away before he can even wrap his stupid little baby-tentacle around their necks! Eww, ick! It’s all sticking to my butt-cra-a-ack! Oh-my-g-o-o-o-d it stinks worse than Indian food! Oh-my-god this is so laaaame!”
Like, even though she's totally naked beneath the hips, showing her sweaty butt-crack or the bit between her hips is a total no-no in a kids show, like obvs. But it's totally ok to show off her nice, pert, perky tits, so the shirt will be, like, open in a wide V at the front so her rack gets like, pushed up and together, and like totally wet and greasy off the slime and girl-sweat natch, her cleavage like totally stinks like the rest of her bod. Lots of camera angles of her front the front, it'll totally capture the entire 14-55 year-old male market for defs, they'll be super-defs tuning in just so they can perv on her hot young cleavage, boys are so lame and stupid like that.
So like, as the episode goes on, her pretty little head fills with the hot deflowering whoft of slime and B.O and fish and girl-soil, and the delicately unrelenting squeaky dominance of her shirt. Her mind begins to slowly spoil, like her eyes would glaze over and like she'd dribble and gurgle cos it stinks so bad and her head would start twitching in to the rhythm of the leather, but she just manages to not go completely insane cos she thinks she can escape the xenomorph if she just keeps crawling and crawling, and we see her defiantly resisting her smelly torture.
But like, actually the subsewer doesn't go outside the Sanctum at all, it just goes round in a really big circle, so like at the end of the episode she ends up back where she started, and like she realises the xenomorph had like, totally allowed her to run away ealier, ’cos he was so super-smart he knew the silly little female would go to the subsewer! Like OMG, he totally tricked her into smelly-torturing herself while he just chillaxed and stroked his schlong as she twitched and stank and lobotomised in her own smelly mistake! The xenomorph has, like totally broken her will. Hannah’s softened, smelly mind gently cracks. Her lips twitch into a creepy little grin, the lips are all wet with dribble and junk. So like at the end her warped and spoiled mind forgets her life as a secret popstar, and like all she knows now is the tiny tunnel of smelly slime. This is totally her universe now. And she just starts crawling again and her eyes roll up into her head and her lips dribble and smile all slack and junk as she accepts her smelly fate, and she slowly starts whispering to herself, "Squeaks squeaks squeaks. Stinks stinks stinks. Stinks like hot leather. Stinks like unwashed body. Stinks like slime. Stinks like fish. Stinks like soiled buttcrack. Fwoooh, it stinks. Stinks stinks stinks" over and over and over. Hannah’s Master leaves his freshly-corrected Female to relish her new, purified destiny for a little while. Soon, she shall joyfully obey her Master as he does filthy, disgusting acts of perverted passion to her. Xenomorph love-making… stinks.