Hi guys, This story is a long one over 200 pages long, I have wrote,revised and rewrote this story a few times over the past couple of years, although it contains a fair bit of teenage gay sex, it is also a story full of emotions,highs, lows,happiness and sadness, This is the first chapter, I don't know if there will be much interest in reading it, but if you do want to read more then please vote and leave a comment,.
TOT CHAPTER ONE
I was recently outed at a party by a guy I trusted and loved, We have been friends for years and to be honest I have had a crush on him for at least 5 years, it would be impossible for me to know how many pints of squeeby I have ejaculated while fantasizing over Gary. We have been best buddies since infant school. Always together always watching after each others back, Gary came from a troubled house, His Dad done a runner about 7 years ago, leaving his Mother to bring up the kids on her own, Gary had 2 older sisters,3 younger brothers and a younger sister. His Mother was an alcoholic, whose only interest in life was her next bottle of Vodka, She kept a dirty house and dirty kids, But Gary was a strong character, he did not openly let his home life get him down, he always had a smile on his face no matter what was happening in his home, or when taking abuse from the neighborhood bullies.
In my eyes he was a good looking and very likable guy, although his personal hygiene and unkempt state caused him untold misery and heartache, Gary and the rest of his family were taunted and bullied, they got called tramps and often assaulted for no reason other than his clothes were dirty and his mum was an alcoholic, but no matter what people said about him he was my best mate, and I honestly loved him. eventually His mother was sectioned after having a nervous breakdown, and his life changed for the better, his aunt took on the responsibility of his house and family, she cleaned up the kids and the house and for the first time in years Garry had a happy good home life.
I was closer to Gary Stewart than I was to my own two older brothers, we were always together and often spent time in my bedroom alone wrestling etc, often during these wrestling matches I would get turned on by the close body contact, and I know Gary did also, the evidence often showing in his tented trackies or school trousers, at that time I would have probably described my sexuality as Bi Curious, when I was rolling around on my bed or the bedroom floor with Gary there was a lot of sexual tension certainly on my part anyway, and I am sure it was often the same for him.
Often during these wrestling matches I would accidentally on purpose steal a quick feel at Gary’s private parts, sometimes he complained other times he just ignored it, we often mutual masturbation sessions. We would spent the night together at either mine or his house where we always shared a single bed and although we never had full sex there was a lot of sexual touching and feeling, I was in love with Gary and was sure he felt the same about me.
But things were not that straight forward, We where teenage boys from a rough housing scheme in Glasgow Scotland, a place where men were men and pansies were flowers, Guys having sex with Guys was not acceptable, we both knew that, our friends often called us lovers in a joking manner because we were always together, in fact we were both happiest when it was only us two together, as you will read later in this story although we had few sexual experiences together, Gary backed off and for nearly a year nothing sexual happened between us, although we were still as close as ever, and he knew that I had sexual feelings towards him, Christ I told him often enough, and was constantly sexually suggestive to him, He would just laugh it off, call me gay boy and say his cock was for girls only, and carry on with whatever we had been doing.
Then in November, we had been to the funeral of a friend of ours who had been killed in a road accident. We both got very drunk along with all our other teenage friends after the cremation, and he came back to mine for a few joints before calling it a night, I suppose we were both a bit emotional about the funeral that mixed with drink led to a situation where we ended up hugging and cuddling each other, I have to be honest being so close to him gave me a raging hardon, I had wanted to hold Gary like this for so long, I kissed him on the cheek and he did not object, then a few minutes later I kissed him again but this time on the lips, and we ended up having a long deep passionate kiss, I slipped my hand on to his cock, I could feel that he was just as hard as me, I massaged his cock through his trousers for about a minute then he pushed my hand away and left my house and headed home, leaving me to wank off my frustration, then the following day we met up as usual, what had happened the night before was not mentioned by either of us but it was all still very clear in my head and I suppose my heart.
We carried on just as before hanging around together being good mates, the only problem being that I was more in love with Gary than I had ever been, the memory of the kiss we had shared was etched on my mind, I thought back to that night about 100 times a day every day, and many a good wank came to climax at the thought of holding his hard cock through his trousers, Just before Christmas I bought him two pairs of CK boxers as a Christmas present, this was not something we had ever done before, but I had earned some money and I wanted buy him a present.
He had told me he liked CK boxers the week before when I had bought a pair while we had been out shopping together, on the 23rd of December we had been drinking in my bedroom, after we had a good few drinks and were on our way to La La land, I decided to give him his present early, he was pretty embarrassed that I had bought him a present, then when he opened the package and saw what was in it he gave me a big hug and thanked me, I offered to fit them for him, but unfortunately he declined my offer but agreed to let me see him wearing them.
He went through into our bathroom and put on a pair then came back through to my bedroom posing in the bright white boxer briefs with the red waistband, he seamed delighted with them Gary normally wore the cheaper brands of boxers, his aunts budget did not stretch to designer clothing, the sight of him standing in front of me in these bright white tight fitting boxers, sent the blood rushing to my cock, I could clearly see the shape of his cock and balls in the shorts, I was turned on big style my lust for him combined with the alcohol and cannabis we had smoked gave me Dutch Courage, I walked over to him wrapped my arms around him and tried to kiss him on the lips. Gary pushed me away, I could tell that he was totally surprised and shocked by my attempt to kiss him, he hurriedly pulled on his jeans and trainers and stormed out of my house leaving one pair of the new boxers still in the box that I had given him and the pair he had been wearing earlier that night lying on my bed.
20 minutes later he texted telling me to meet him at the corner of our street, and that I was to bring the boxers he had been wearing before he put on my present with me, I did not have to look for them I had them in my hand at the time the text came through, I left the house straight away and met him about 5 minutes later, I gave him his boxers and apologized for trying it on with him, he threw the ones I had bought him at me and shouted at the top of his voice;
" Here gay boy give those to some other bender "
then walked away. I was pretty upset at his reaction I was so sure that he felt the same about me as I did about him.
I went back home pretty upset at his reaction, I gave him about an hour or so to calm down then texted him apologizing again saying it was the mixture of drink and drugs that had fucked up my head, but he never replied, then I text him a few more times over the next hour begging him to forgive me but he ignored the texts. first thing the following morning I text him again once more apologizing, then about lunchtime on Christmas Eve he text me to say that he did not want to see or here from me ever again and I was to delete his number from my phone and never again try to contact him.
I was totally shattered none of my friends or family knew I was gay except the ones that I had been having sex with, I was petrified that Gary would tell our other mates and it would get back to my father or brothers that I had tried it on with him. I had known for some time that I was gay and although I was only 18 years old I had been having regular sex with guys in secret since I was 14.
I had not seen or heard from Gary since Christmas Eve, all my mates were going out for a Christmas drink on Boxing Day, something that we had planned the previous week, but I made the excuse that I was unwell and never went, I had avoided going out in case I bumped into Gary, but I had texted a few of our other mates to test the lie of the land, but nothing was mentioned about me and Gary, so I assumed that he was not going to tell anyone, I texted him on Boxing day wishing him a Merry Christmas and letting him know once again that I was sorry, I blamed it on the drink and promised it would never happen again, I begged him to forgive me and made it clear that I would not be going to the Boxing day session so he could go and enjoy himself, but again no reply.
For the rest of the week I never went out much, I had texts back and forth from various mates who had been at the Boxing day bash, I had found out that Gary had been there but had obviously not mentioned what had happened between us to any of our mates, Mum and Dad were on my case about not going out during the festive season, and also asking why Gary had not been over, there had hardly been a day in the past five years that Gary was not in my house at some point of the day. I told them we had been arguing had had fallen out, they told me not to be stupid and get it sorted out.
On New Years eve a few of my mates came to my house to bring in the Bells, it was a sort of tradition thing that my brothers and our mates had been doing for the past few years, John my oldest brother had started it when he was 17, Mum and Dad always went to the local social club to bring in the bells and would leave us to party at our house, I text Garry begging him to come but he never replied or came to the party.
Then on New Years night one of our other mates had a party, I had decided that I had to go, I could not keep pretending that I was unwell, it was obvious that Garry had not mentioned anything to anyone, ok maybe he was not going to talk to me, but at least he had not spread the word that I was a bender.
When I arrived at the party Gary was already there, he made it clear that he did not want to talk to me by completely ignoring me when I offered him my hand and wished him a happy new year, it was all a bit strained and obvious that we were not talking, He was at one end of the room and me at the other something that was unusual, as we were always together, one of our other mates Ryan tried to become peace maker realizing that we had fallen out saying;
“Have you two had a lovers tiff; com’on guys just kiss and make up it’s new year”.
When Gary heard this, he started ranting that he was not my fucking lover, he then told everyone at the party that I was a bender and had tried to get into his boxers ,that I had groped his cock and tried to kiss him, he was drunk and it was obvious he was furious with me, and made it clear that he was being serious, everyone at the party was laughing and pointing at me calling me all the benders, poof’s, bum boy’s, all the usual childish crap. I could have beat anyone at that party in a fight including Gary, but them all together shouting abuse was too much for me to handle, I left the party and went straight home to bed.
The cat was outof the bag now, mud sticks where I come from, and once you have been accused of something like that word spreads like wild fire and even the dog’s in the street are barking “POOF” at you as you walk along the street,
I lay in my bed shattered, I had been there for Gary Stewart through thick and thin, when others slagged him I defended him, when he had nothing which had been often, I had shared what I had with him be it money, drugs or drink, we had done sexual things together quite a lot in our early teens, ok mostly it was me who initiated it but he played along, I am not saying he enjoyed it, and he never let me go too far, but we had been pretty intimate with each other on a few occasions through the years, ok I had probably went too far on Christmas Eve when I knew he did not want to play along anymore, but did that give him the right to destroy my life, to bring me down so low in front of people, we had both been friends with for most of our life, he knew that making such accusations would cause me all sorts of trouble, not only with my friends, but with my family.
The following morning at about 7am I got out of bed, after a very sleepless night, when I opened my bedroom curtains my heart sank, when I saw wrote on the pavement outside my house in big bold white letters the words;
“TEDDY IS A BENDER WATCH YOUR ARSE”
Had been painted on the street for everyone to see, I had been outed not only to my mates, but to the whole street including my parents and family, my life was in ruins I would have to kill myself, I could not bring this shame on my family never mind myself.
it was the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me in my life, I was disgusted with myself it was all my own doing, I had been lusting after guys for years now, I had been touching up mates who were sleeping, seducing guys to let me see and touch their cocks, doing things to and with them that I knew was wrong, I had this whole secret life that was now going to come spewing out, I had lived with the fear of getting found out since I was as young as 14 years old, I had tried so hard on so many occasions to be straight, to stop lusting after boys, and just want girls like most teenage boys did,, but as soon as an opportunity arose to get my hand inside another guys boxers, my cock ruled my head and I went in to bender overdrive.
I suppose deep down I had known for a while that it would only be a matter of time before the shit would hit the fan, but I never expected to happen like this, not by the guy I loved most in the world, often after I had touched up or sucked off a sleeping friend, I would go in to panic and guilt mode, worrying that they might have woke up and caught me, that they might tell people what I had done to them, after each time I done something sexual with another guy I would go on a serious downer and swear to myself that this was the last time ever. Now everyone I loved and cared for would all find out that I was a poof, a bender ,a cock jockey, a queer hawk, my lust for other guys cocks had destroyed my life, nothing and no one else was to blame, Suicide was the only way out, my family would be disgusted, my Dad and my brothers would disown me, probably kill me themselves for bringing such horrible shame on our family, I had to get away from here and fast.
I threw some clothes in a bag, gathered up what little cash I had and took my bank card from the drawer, I made my bed and left the house before anyone was up, My brother Jamie who I shared a room with , had not came home the night before, he was no doubt sleeping it off in some girls bed or a friends carpet, but Mum and Dad would be getting up anytime now, If I’d had any sense I would have found some paint and painted over those words before leaving, but I never even thought about that until hours later.
I headed in towards the town centre, my head was all over the place, I could jump in the Clyde and drown myself but that might not work, I could go down the woods and hang myself that’s what I decided I was going to do, I went to the park then into the woods looking for some rope, I found a tree that had an old rope swing tied to a high branch, I searched around to find something to stand on, something that I could jump off once I had the rope around my neck, I found an old 5 gallon oil drum that would do, I was about to put the rope around my neck, when a man with a dog came through the woods, I jumped off the bin and pretended I was playing with the swing, once he was out of sight I got upon the drum once again tears blinding me, I began to doubt that it would work, I needed a hangman’s noose but did not know how to tie one, what if I jumped and it never killed me, I would be swinging there until someone found me and cut me down, my bottle had crashed.
I changed my mind, fuck it I would run away to London, I had read about it in the papers and saw it on TV often enough, people just disappear in London, I would run away and become a rent boy, I had read about other guys doing that, London was massive, lots of guys from Scotland had gone there and just started a new life, I would sell my body to old perverts until I had enough cash to get a flat, then I would get a job find a girl to settle down with and start my life all over again, that way I did not have to kill myself, I could just start a new life where no one knew me, I would never have to face my family or friends in disgrace, so thats what I decided I would do, I headed back into town to Buchanan Street bus station, the bus for London had left 20 minutes earlier and there would not another until early evening, the next bus going south was going to Blackpool, it was leaving in an hours time, I had been to Blackpool a few times on weekend and day trips I knew my way around there fairly well, it was a seaside resort in the North of England, I could get a job in a hotel, hopefully a live in position, or a job on the Pleasure Beach, I might have to live rough for a while but it would be better than killing myself I did not want to die, I was fucking scared of dying, I could not kill myself I was a fucking coward.
I bought my ticket for the bus then went and sat in the station toilets until it was time to get on the bus, I could not believe myself, here I was in all this trouble through my stinking gay thoughts, and what did I do I began reading the dirty gay messages on the cubicle walls, soon I had my cock out and was wanking away like a madman trying to fire my duff on to the walls to join all the other spunk deposited by god only knows how many other perverted fuckers, was my whole life going to be like this? maybe I would be better off dead, I cleaned up and got out onto the concourse just as the bus was beginning to board,