hey all! its your friendly neighborhood juggalo here with the next bit. Now this one is a bit of a doozy because half of it was wrote while i was drunk, so yeah. still the same concept, i'm new to writing and about to run out of ideas so suggestions are wanted. still don't care about grammatical errors. i still have that pain in the ass spell check and dont use it. call me a tard, call me a moron, but i'm a juggalo, and in the words of the chainsmoker and the fatso (jamie madrox and monoxide child aka TWIZTID) fuck off mutha facka!!! lol wickid clowns never die, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!! welcome to the army of the juggalos
daddies fall part two-
I woke up the next morning to the small of frying bacon. Following the smell to the kitchen, I beheld a wondrous sight. Heather was standing in front of the stove stirring scrambled eggs wearing only two things: an apron that said ‘screw the cook, I want my bacon‘, a gift an old body of mine gave me back in my bachelor days, and my shorts. She noticed me staring at her and smiled at me. After she lowered the heat to keep the eggs from burning she walked over and gave me a kiss.
“good morning daddy. How do you feel?”
“honestly with the way your dress and everything, what do you think?” I said smiling “why aren’t you at school?”
“well, to everyone’s knowledge, I’m sick with the flu. I woke up half an hour before you.”
“mmkay well I’m gonna go take a cold shower now if you don’t mind. I still reek from last night.”
“yeah. You do.” Heather said scrunching up her nose, “p.u. course I’m not much better, maybe I’ll join you when I’m done cooking, but only if it’s a hot shower. I am NOT getting naked under cold ass water.”
“aww… but it’s only that much more fun. Plus I’d be there to keep you warm.”
“mmmm when you say it like that…” she stretched up to give me a kiss and turned back toward the eggs, only to squeal a second later when I pinched her ass. She chased me to the bathroom, where I pinned her to the wall.
“meanie.” She said, pouting. “let me go or the eggs will burn.”
I just put a bit more pressure on her arms and started kissing her bare shoulder and up to her neck.
“daddy please.” she said, desire flaming in her eyes, “ at least let me turn off the eye.”
Smiling fiendishly, I grabbed the apron strings and pulled. It folded over to cover part of it, making it read ‘screw my bacon’. Taking its as her opportunity, Heather broke my hold and escaped to the kitchen, giggling as she ran. Turning in the kitchen doorway she turned around and jiggled her tits at me.
Laughing I turned and entered the bathroom. The first thing I noticed was the garbage can had a lot of toilet paper in it. The second was that the towels seemed to be pushed further forward than usual.
That can’t be right. Walking over to the towels, I tried to scoot them back a bit to keep them from falling whenever someone grabbed a towel. Weird. They wouldn’t scoot back. When I removed them, I saw why. There were two boxes of pregnancy tests and an unopened box of B.C. pills. Hmmm Heather needs to put them in a better spot. Grabbing the boxes, I went over to the cabinet by the toilet and clear some room for them. After I closed the cabinet, I glanced around the bathroom. Why was there so much clean toilet paper in the trash can? Looking a bit closer, I saw some of the test had been used and it looked like it was recent. Moving the paper aside gently, I looked at the results. What I saw made my heart. All of the tests read positive. Heather was pregnant.
“I meant to tell you after breakfast.”
I turned around. Heather was standing in the doorway, a look of fear and despair written all over her face. Not saying anything, I set the tests on the bathroom counter. My grandchild was going to be my own offspring. I knew It was bound to happen eventually, no matter how careful we had been. Financially we were alright. I could easily buy a new baby bedroom set, thanks to a savings account I’d been pumping money into since I was able to start earning a paycheck plus 33 years of interest. So I wasn’t worried about money. What I was worried about was Heather. She was only 16. Is she ready to be a mother? Hell on that note was I ready for another baby? I was five years ago, but that didn’t turn out too well. And what about school? It would kill her sociably. I was capable to home school her, but her friends would come to visit and see her swollen.
“daddy” Heather laid a hand on my arm, tears welling up in her eyes. Well, for better or worse, she’s gonna need me and I swore I would be there, only now I wasn’t just her father, I was her lover as well.
Heather flinched when I finally moved, but before she could move to far away, I wrapped my arms around her.
“baby, it’s ok. It was bound to happen no matter how safe we were. I’ve been planning to expand the house anyways, this just gives me and excuse. I have more than enough money put away from all my books plus Sharon says my newest draft was a hit with the publishing company, so we’ve got nothing to worry about. I can home school you for your junior year and have you back in school for your senior. It’s going to be fine.”
“so you don’t hate me?”
“are you kidding? How could I hate the most unselfish, giving, most beautiful woman in my world? Not happy with the fact that you hid the evidence, but I’ll just spank you for that.”
“you really think I’m that beautiful? What about Sharon?”
“what about her?”
“don’t you think she’s pretty.” She said looking into my eyes
“not as beautiful as you, plus she isn’t here as much as she would have to be to catch my eye like that.”
Heather blushed. “so you don’t think it’ll be a burden?”
“ not in the least. We’ll set up a test at the hospital to be sure the result are sound. How many of your friends can you truly trust?”
“well there’s Amanda and Jenna, after them not really any one. Why?”
“because people will snoop around. We need to come up with a convincing story to tell everyone about the pregnancy.”
“I don’t care about that shit, daddy. But I had already thought that through. The story can be that I got raped. You went to a conference out of town, and while you were gone someone broke into the house and raped me in my bed. I was too scared to call the cops and I don’t believe in abortions so I’m keeping it. When you came home and found out what happened, you did what any dad would do, tried to find the rapist. Though you didn’t find him, you’re still keeping your ear to the ground, but what about Amanda and Jenna? What does it have to do with them?”
“We need someone to tell the story, don’t we?”
“Well, yeah, I see your point.”
Amanda and Jenna were sisters that grew up with Heather, Their dad and I didn’t see eye to eye… well maybe that’s putting it to nicely, since the last time I saw him, I told him if I ever did again I would shoot him between the eyes. See he liked the sauce, and that’s how I met him. I’d known his daughters for years, fourteen if I remember correctly. Sarah, the girls’ mother, was real close friends with Tracy, so I used to see her on a regular basis. She had had a pretty face, until her husband sliced it open with a broken beer bottle three years ago, and that’s what made me want to kill him. Still Sarah was still a very sweet woman, even after her divorce, (that asshole’s in jail for the next 30 years with no parole. Gotta love Karma) offering to watch Heather when she could, bringing me homemade pies, you know the neighbor thing. Amanda was a little bit older than Heather at being seventeen, with chestnut eyes and auburn hair that, the last time I saw her, went down passed her waist. She was a skinny little thing like her mother, with the medium build of a runner. Jenna was more into that punk stuff. Jet black hair cut short, with a pink strip cutting down it. Unlike her sister, she had more of a healthy look to her. Save for the fact that she kept herself paler than a piece of paper. Amanda was highly protective of Jenna, which made sense. I’m not sure what David put them through but if he was willing to attack Sarah with a broken beer bottle, it’s possible he did worse to the kids. I had Sarah’s number around here somewhere.
“Hello?” Jenna had answered the phone when I found where the number was written down at.
“Hi, Jenna, how are you?”
“Oh, hey Mr.S! I’m alright”
“Is your mother there?”
“Yeah, but she’s in the kitchen. If you can hold on, I’ll go get her.”
“I would be very appreciative.”
The mike on their handset must have been a little too sensitive, because it sounded like Amanda was having a very bad day. Amanda was one of those brain children, one of those that graduate high school really early. She was already a sophomore in college, and after a bit of convincing from me, Sharon had hired her on at the editor’s office as a secretary. Jenna wasn’t too far behind either, because I had never heard of her ever making an F. according to Heather, Jenna was even teaching the teachers a thing or two. She had been offered the ability to skip ahead, but in her words ‘I have more fun making my math teacher go red in the face, why would I give that up?’
“Hi Arthur, it’s good to hear from you after all this time, how you been?”
“I’m doing a lot better, actually. Listen I’m ordering some food for me and Heather and thought what would be better than to have some old friends over, plus I have a proposition for you, if you’re interested, that is.”
“ Arthur, I think you just saved my ass again, I just burned the chicken I was cooking for dinner an nothing else was thawed out enough to even try to cook it. What kind of proposition are we talking about?”
“Well to be blunt, Heather might be pregnant.”
“WHAT!” came all three voices, making me come to the conclusion that I was on speaker.
“Just come over, and I’ll explain everything, ok?”
“We’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Ok, see you then.”
After I ended the call, I dialed up the pizza parlor up the street and order 6 extra large pizzas of various toppings, making sure to get one with anchovies and pineapples for Jenna. I like anchovies myself on occasions but they’re just so salty that I can’t eat them often. It was fifteen minutes later when the doorbell rang and there was Sarah, looking absolutely livid, followed by a very scared very nervous pizza boy that Jenna was eyeing with a smirk.
“Where is she?” Sarah said when I opened the door.
“Calm down Sarah and wait in the living room, please.”
“Hey Mr.S!” came Jenna, bouncing her way through the door
“Hello, Mr. Sherpnel.” Said Amanda, followed by the pizza boy, who was doing his best to stare at Amanda’s ass.
“Eyes up here, friend, she’d eat you alive.” I said.
“Sir, you have to tell me your secret.”
I leaned out of the door frame and looked around like I was making sure no one was listening.
“You see the one with the scar?”
The pizza boy nodded
“I killed the asshole that gave her that. That and the fact I have a nine inch cock helps”
The pizza boy’s eyes went white as he handing me the bill
I handed him the money along with a big tip for the boy. I took the pizza to the living room, where the four women were chatting.
“Yay pizza!” yelled Jenna, running and grabbing the boxes from me. She looked suspiciously at them then gave me a dirty look, “anchovies?”
“Of course” I laughed.
“So, who’s the father?” asked Sarah.
Heather gave me a worried look. I shrugged, “might as well.”
“Sarah, don’t lose your cool, as I initiated it…”
“Who?” Sarah demanded
“I am.” I said, stealing everyone’s attention.
“What. The. Fuck. Arthur.” Sarah said. If looks could kill, I would be pushing up daisies.
“Sarah, listen…” Sarah began to explain the course of the couple of weeks. When she finished, the living room fell silent
Sarah spoke first.”Heather, do you realize what you’ve done? What you’re asking of us? You’re asking us to cover for you.”
“Arthur, you’re not blameless here either. You could have stopped this and nipped it in the bud. Sarah I understand you were trying to help your dad, but this? You never bothered to ask anyone for their advice or anything. Have you even tried to think of the repercussions? Arthur could go to prison for statutory rape. I could go for conspiracy to commit statutory…”
“let me intervene there Sarah. I actually looked into that. At the age of 16, state law mandates that she is physically an adult and thus, legal with her parents consent. So, on that note no one is going to prison. At eighteen, she doesn’t need her parent’s consent.”
“Dammit Arthur, it’s the principle of the matter. Fuck, now I lost my train of thought” she pressed her hand to her forehead, “how are you going to afford everything the baby will need with just and author’s salary?”
“savings account” I said
“savings… wait when did you set up a savings account?”
“fonty beers abo.” I said with a mouthful of pizza.
“twenty…”she hesitated. “Arthur how much money do you have?”
“four hundred and ninety-two million, nine hundred and forty-five thousand, six hundred and seventy two dollars and forty five cents. Since I last checked.”
Everybody just looked at me.
“what, is there something on my face?” I said, obliviously
“Mr.S, you’re a millionaire? And you live in a four bedroom house? Five if you count the basement.”
“I actually have been looking for an excuse to expand it. Look I know what money does to people and Tracy and I agreed that it was better to live simply than to live luxuriously. I live in this house because Tracy loved it and it grew onto me. When Heather was born Tracy said it was to be converted to her college fund. After I put some of it on a CD and locked it, I began to build it again.”
“wow. That’s just….. wow Arthur, I never knew.”
“now as I said, I plan to expand on the house, and how much depends on your next decision. I would like some help for Heather and I, when the baby is born, and I am willing to pay all the finances. Heather will be pulled out of school until the baby is born, and I’m sure she would like friend around to keep her company. God knows I can be a stick in the mud. The add-on rooms will be built with enough room for one person to live in. I plan to redo this part of the house as well, basement excluded. If you agree, that is”
“do we have to pay rent?” asked Amanda.
“only if you want.” I said “my account jumps up every year when I do my taxes, and when I get paid I take a part of the royalties from my books and stick the rest into it, so I have plenty. Ask Sharon, because I actually own the editing office. She runs everything and keeps what it makes in income, but I own the deeds to it. So, in a nutshell, I don’t need rent. If you want to pay me, fine, I’ll stick it in another account for you to use later.”
“why us? Why not hire a nanny?” asked Sarah
“as I said I prefer things simpler, because I trust you more, because Heather needs her friends, because you’re a trained nurse, Sarah. Pick any of those and it would be the truth. Sarah if you want, I can put you back in school for your PhD. I have no qualms what so ever. I need this because I won’t always be here. I have conferences and book signings that I have to go to. “
“I have two words, Mr.S, holy and shit, batman. Where do I sign?” said Jenny
“I’m in, if you can get my professor off my ass”
“I don’t meddle in school work, Amanda”
“ no the guy’s in his eighties and is always trying to hit on me. He is quite literally always on my ass. I tried to report it but he and the dean are like brothers or something and he’s starting to take it out of my grades. That in turn is affecting work which makes Sharon get onto me, which stresses me out beyond comprehension.”
“that makes it another affair entirely. I’ll have a talk with Sharon, and see what I can work out. As for college, I’ll talk to my old friend in the council and find out what the problem is, ok.”
“thank you Mr. Sherpnel”
“what about you, Sarah?” I said turning to Sarah.
Sarah looked up with tears running down her face.
“all this time…” she said grinning “ are you the David got shanked? Did you pay someone off?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about” I said honestly. I really didn’t have a clue that David was even dead. I mean, there was no love loss there, I mean the guy was lower that the worm shit in the manure that a farmer uses to fertilize his crops in my eyes.
“I’ll do it on one condition.” Sarah said.
“and what would that be?” I asked
“pay for Amanda and Jenna’s college tuition, until up to their fourth years.”
“that’s kind of already been done.” I said scratching my nose. “I began putting money away for them when we met.”
Amanda’s face lit up “ so you’re the anonymous sponsor!!! I tried to find out who you were for the longest of time. Good job, even a private investigator couldn’t find out who you were.”
I laughed at the complement
Sarah was shocked.
“why?” she said
“because Tracy asked me to.” I said. The air in my lungs vanished as I got hit by a hug with the force of a mac truck. What was with women and powerful hugs? I mean their arms aren’t that thick.
“ I was actually hoping to hear yes but…”
“Arthur I could kiss you right now.” Sarah said picked herself out of me
“so kiss him.” Said Heather, speaking up for the first time
Her exclamation shocked me. What was she doing? Sarah shocked me more by actually following through! I think everyone had forgotten the pizza.
When Sarah pulled back, I noticed how beautiful she really was. The scar went from her hairline down along her jaw line kind of framing her face with a pencil eraser thick line that faded as it got to her chin. Eyes like pecans in color and ruby red lips that kind of stood out thanks to the pink of the scar. Her hair wasn’t as long as Amanda’s was; it went down to her shoulders.
“so Mr.S, when do we move in?” said Amanda, breaking up the reverie.
At first I couldn’t think of what she was talking about, then my train of thought realigned itself.
“the architect will be here tomorrow at 1230 to draw up the plans. I’m relying on the four of you to tell me what your thoughts are to the add-ons. I want to add an underground pool with a workout room, sauna, and jaccusi, an entertainment room, attic, the rooms for the three of you, and a panic room.”
The girls laughed, including Heather.
“so does that mean we need to buy swim suits?” said Heather, thoroughly amused.
“well, unless all of you want me to see you nude, I would suggest it. I don’t mind either way, because no one but the four of you would see my pasty white ass.”
“Mr.S, what about a tanning booth?” said Jenna
“first off, my name is Arthur. Mr., sir, or anything but daddy, makes me feel old, and only Sarah can call me that.”
“why doesn’t daddy make you feel old?” said Sarah.
“well, it’s hard to explain. Only Heather has ever called me that.” I said scratching my nose and sitting down in my recliner.
“mom, remember how we always wondered how Mr.… Arthur always had the best tech? Well now we know.” Said Jenna, laughing.
“you never answered my question, Arthur.” Said Amanda.
“when can you move it? Well that’s up to your mom and Heather. If they don’t mind then as far as I’m concerned than you can move in today.”
“actually, I like that idea,” said Heather.
“how much of our stuff do we need to bring with us?”asked Sarah.
“as much as you want. A buddy of mine works at the movers in town and he owes me a favor, so I can have the out there before you. I will also pay for cleaners so that your landlord won’t bitch about the apartment being left a mess.” For the things that won’t fit yet I’ll open a storage to put them in. i.e. beds, dressers, couches, pretty much furniture altogether. Bring your clothes, your books, and any small items. Don’t worry about your food, as I have plenty. So yeah, when and whatever you deem necessary.
settle down settle down the next one will be out soon. but as i'm running out of ideas, advice or suggestions always welcome. please leave your interesting comments in the section below and i will do my best to incorporate it into my story. so recap: no trolls, lesbians welcome, juggalos wanted. hold your hatchet high.