Our happy lives are about to be swallowed up by the darkness.
Swinging in the Neighborhood Chapter 12: Darkness Comes to Town
I last left you with having taken down the sign for “Carrie’s Place” that hung over our door in the summer time. We had shared our lovely home on the lake with swingers on the weekends for the last time. Carrie and I both decided it was time to start our family.
It did not take long as Carrie found out she was pregnant near the end of September. We watched Rick the young man I had caught trying to steal. No lets say borrow our speedboat leave for the Army in October. Brenda returned to California to be with her ex-husband. Who was really still her husband, as they did never have a divorce.
Paul and Terri had moved back to the USA with their twin boys. The two of them had not been getting along lately so we gave them the old back porch swing. In hopes, the two of them could work their problems out.
Carrie and I spent most of our time during September and October remodeling our house on the lake in preparation of our baby due sometime in July. We change our seven-bedroom home into a 4-bedroom home, which included our huge master bedroom. We put the baby’s room right across from our.
It was a cold November 4 1979. I went outside to get some wood for the fire. I bent down to get the wood I glanced to those woods to the east of our house. I once again thought I seen two big red eyes peering back at me. I stood there looking at them then as suddenly as they appeared they were gone. I had no idea what I was seeing or why I was seeing it as I had never seen anything like them before.
I returned inside with the wood and I build a fire in our fireplace. I did not say anything to Carrie about those big red eyes I thought I had seen. I did not want her to worry about me what with being pregnant. I cuddled up to her as I turned the T.V. the screen flashed with news alert hostages taken in Iran.
“Oh dear god,” Carrie cried out.
We sat there listening to the report on the T.V. I looked to the sign that still hung upon our fireplace. I wrapped my arm around Carrie pulling her tight against myself.
“Hush, hush my love or the creatures of the night will get you,” I whispered into her ear.
I stared at my medals hanging under the sign as I listened to the news report. I thought to myself as I stared at them. If my country needed me, I would once again do my duty.
Carrie pulled herself from my arms and she rubbed her hand to the side of my face as she said, “Don’t you even think about it you served your country already.” Carrie took my hand and she pressed it to your plump little belly as she added, “Besides you will be a father come summer,” as she smiled to me.
I gave her a little laugh as I wrapped her into my arms as I replied, “Hush, hush my love or I will not get those pickles and ice cream that you crave.”
Carrie gave a little laugh as she said, “John, I love you.”
Please read my other chapters to find out what else you may have missed.
For the next few weeks, the hostages taken in Iran were on everyone’s minds. Anytime Carrie turned on the T.V. or we went into town that was what everyone was talking about the hostages. I could tell it worried Carrie very much I just did not know how much.
We would go shopping in town for baby clothes and decorations for in the baby’s room. I swear Carrie knew every single person that lived in our little town. For some reason they all knew me as Sgt. J. When we were out shopping, we happened to run into our local sheriff Steve and his woman deputy Gail. Steve was a friend of my brother and Carrie went to school with Gail.
When the sheriff had seen me he stuck out his hand as he said, “How you been Sgt. J?” Before I could answer he added, “You ready to go to Iran and kick some ass.”
“I am always ready,” I jokingly replied.
Carrie was talking to Gail and when she heard him ask that, she looked to me. I could see that troubled looked in her eye when she heard my reply. That look was something I had never seen in those lovely blue eyes of hers before. Carrie stood there talking to Gail however; she was paying more attention to the sheriff and me.
The four of us stood there talking for a while. A call came over their radio and they said their goodbyes. For the rest of the day if someone we ran into mention something about the hostage crisis Carrie would change the subject.
It was just a few weeks before Christmas; I was working on some reports at my office. I had just called Carrie to tell her I would be home soon. I had called her to see if there was anything special I could pick her up on my way home.
“Not tonight my love, just bring you to me,” Carrie said to me on the phone.
I finished my reports and I headed for home. I stopped off and I got Carrie a dozen roses and a box of her favorite chocolates. I did not do it for any particular reason only because I just happened to have thought about doing it.
I arrived home and I entered our house. Carrie was on the phone talking to someone. She had been too busy talking to know that I was home. I stood out near our kitchen as she talked sitting on the sofa. I did not mean to eavesdrop as she talked however, it happened.
“I know he is going to leave us Brenda,” Carrie said into the phone. Carrie started to cry as she added, “There is nothing I can say or do that would stop him.” “He told our sheriff he was ready to go to Iran.”
Carrie cried some more into the phone as Brenda told her something. Then she said, “John will go even if they don’t need him,” “I know he will tell me he is just doing his duty,” as she cried. “I can see it in his eyes when ever he hears or see something about the hostages,” Carrie added into the phone.
Carrie cried and wiped her eyes as I stood there listening. She was listening to what ever Brenda was telling her on the other end of the phone. I suppose Carrie was right, as returning to the service had entered my mind. I mean I was still young and in good shape and yes, I would be doing my duty as an American I thought as I stood there.
“I don’t care about it being his duty,” Carrie screamed into the phone. “His fucking duty is to be here with me and our baby,” Carrie added crying hysterically.
I silently went back out the door closing it gently and quietly as I did. I looked to the roses and the candy I held in my hands. Carrie was right my duties did lie with her and our baby. No matter how I weighed the issue in my mind, standing outside the door Carrie and our baby came first.
I pushed the door open as I shouted, “Honey I am home.”
I saw Carrie jump from the sofa as she ran down the hallway. I laid the flowers and chocolate down on the table as I took my boots off. I saw Carrie coming back into the living room. I grabbed the roses and the chocolates and met her halfway inside our living room.
I held them out to her as I said, “For you my love.”
Carrie stood there looking at me blankly. She reached for the flowers and chocolates as her hands shook. I saw tears start to run down from her lovely blue eyes as she took them. Her lips started to quivered and trembled as she spoke.
“JOHN, please don’t go,” Carrie yelled sorrowfully. “Don’t leave me here allow with our baby, please John,” Carrie added standing there giving me a pleading look.
I went to her taking her into my arms. I hugged her tightly as I rubbed my hand at her back. I kissed her on her forehead then lowered my head to her ear.
“Hush, hush my love my duties lay here,” I whispered into her ear as I gentle rubbed my hand against her belly.
There was music playing so I took the flowers and the chocolates from her hands laying them onto the sofa. I wrapped my arms back around her as I danced her around the room. Carrie pressed her face gentle into my chest sobbing lightly as we danced until the music stopped.
Carrie stepped from my arms as she looked up into my eyes. I looked down into hers as the sparkle returned to them. Carrie managed a lovely smile as she rubbed her hand to my face. She stroked lightly at the side of my face with her hand.
“I love you John,” Carrie said looking into my eyes.
I stared down into hers as I replied, “I love you both,” as I rubbed my hand at her belly once more.
I sat her down onto the sofa with me my arm still around her. I handed her the chocolates as I told her they were her favorites. Carrie opened them and she popped one into my mouth then one into hers. She smiled at me as she did. We sat there together on the sofa as we shared that box of chocolates.
“I thought you brought me flowers and chocolates because you were going to go do something foolish again,” Carrie said as she looked to me then turned her head from me.
I turned her head back toward me with my hand under her chin as I replied, “I have never lied to you ever and that foolish thought had been in my mind.” “However you and our unborn child are my only duties right now.”
Our phone rang just then and I added, “That’s Brenda calling you back I bet,” as I stood up from the sofa and handed her the phone.
Carrie looked at me funny like before I heard her tell Brenda hello. I just smiled at her as I walked over to our fireplace. I saw there were only a few logs so I went out our patio doors to fetch some wood.
I grabbed five or six logs from the woodpile. I wrapped my arms under them and picked them up heading back into the house. I turned to those woods to the east of our house.
Those dam big round red eyes were staring brightly at me. They startled me as those eyes winked at me. I dropped the load of wood that was in my hands. A big heavy log came crashing down onto the top of my foot.
“FUCKING SHIT,” I yelled out as I fall to the patio grabbing my foot.
Carrie came running out asking me what happened. I was not thinking when I replied, “Those dam red eyes in the woods made me drop the logs onto my foot,” as I looked at my foot which looked to be broken.
Carrie looked toward the east to the woods as she bends down to me she asked, “What red eyes John?”
I turned to look however; there was nothing there. Carrie helped me the best she could to get back inside the house. A couple of hours later she drove me to the hospital where they placed my foot into a cast. I had broken three bones in my foot. It was late by the time we returned home from the hospital that night. I walked with crutches straight back to our bedroom with Carrie right behind me. Carrie had to cut the rest of my pants from my leg to get them to slip over the cast on my foot as I lie on the bed.
I reach into the pocket of my pants before Carrie took them. I grabbed the pain pills they had given me. There were only about six of them, as I had to go see our doctor in the morning. Carrie turned to fold my pants as I popped them all into my mouth and swallowed them. I asked her for some water as I pulled myself up to my pillow. She returned with the water as she reached back into my pants pockets.
“What happened to those pain pills John?” Carrie asked looking to me on the bed.
“I took them all,” I replied as I reached for the glass she was holding.
“JOHN,” Carrie screamed at me.
I drank the water and placed the glass onto the nightstand by the bed. I rolled over onto my side with my back to Carrie standing by the bed. I felt Carrie climbing into bed next to me. I felt her hand rubbing at the back of my head then her body pressing against my shoulder as she looked at me.
“Care to talk about it John,” Carrie said.
“Not tonight,” I replied as I closed my eyes.
I awoke late the next morning. I dam near fell getting out of bed thanks to that dam cast of my foot. I had forgotten all about it until I swung my legs over to the side of the bed. I used my crutches to get out of bed and I slipped my robe on before I made my way into the living room.
Carrie was not there or in the kitchen. I looked out back through our patio doors. I saw her from the doorway. Carrie was walking back from the east woods heading back to our house. I made my way to the sofa where I sat my ass down. Carrie entered through the patio doors.
She seemed surprised to see me as she said, “Oh your up you should have waited in the bedroom I would have helped you out here,” smiling to me as she closed the doors.
I looked at her as I asked, “So did you find any monsters in those woods?”
“So you saw me,” “I could not find anything in those woods other than the lake at one end and the road at the other,” Carrie replied. “Maybe it was just the red tail lights from a car you saw John,” Carrie added as she sat down next to me.
“Yeah, I forgot about the road being there,” I replied.
However, I had seen car light before and these were too big and round to have been any type of taillights. I left Carrie believe that was the explanation for those red eyes but I knew it was not. I figured that I was having some new old war flashbacks. I just could not figure out what it was or meant. I was sitting there just thinking when I heard.
“Listen here Mister,” Carrie said as she put her nose right against my nose. “You better not let me ever see you taking a handful of pills again,” “And that comes from us both,” Carrie added as she placed my hand to her stomach.
“I hear you Mama,” I replied smiling as I wrapped her into my arms.
Carrie made us both some breakfast and she told me that she would stop at the store after she took me to the doctors. The dam doctor told me the same thing as they did at the hospital. Waste of my time if you asked me.
“Son your foot is broken stay off of it for 5 to 6 weeks,” The doctor said scratching the top of his head.
He gave me a prescription for painkillers which Carrie took from me as she said, “I will be in charge of those Mister,” smiling at me.
I ended up going into the store with Carrie. I followed behind her as she pushed the cart on my crutches. She wanted to put me in the wheel chair however, I told her no.
Everyone was coming up to her hugging her and telling her how lovely she looked even pregnant. You know how they say a pregnant woman has a glow about her. Well Carrie shined like a fucking spot light. They would shake my hand then say and there is the proud father to be.
Most would look to my foot in the cast as they asked, “How did you break your foot?”
“She did it,” I would reply pointing to Carrie.
Carrie would smack me as she yelled, “John!” Before she would tell them how I really had done it. “John, stop telling people that,” Carrie said to me after about the third time.
“Why I love it when you scream my name?” I replied back smiling, raising, and lowering my eyebrows.
Carrie wrapped her arms around my neck damn near pulling me over as she pulled my nose to her nose as she said, “I will scream your name when I get you home after one more stop,” smiling devilishly at me.
With the shopping over, we got back into the car. Carrie drove until she pulled the car into the local costume store. I asked her why we are stopping here.
Carrie replied, “You will see, now you wait here I will be right back,” as she got out and walked into the store.
Carrie returned in about 15 minutes. She got in and handed me the bag she was carrying. I looked in it then smiled at her. Inside the bag was a full nurse’s outfit.
“I got it two sizes to big so it would fit,” Carrie said as she drove us home.
Carrie put me onto the sofa as she told me to give her about a half hour, as she had to make the outfit fit her right. I asked her if I could have a pain pill as my foot was starting to hurt.
“NO no till after as I may just hurt you,” Carrie replied smiling.
“Promises, promises,” I replied giving that lovely ass of her a smack as she turned around.
I watched her shake that hot ass as she went down the hallway. I thought just how sexy she was especially for being pregnant. Sure, she was adding some weight however; it was filling her out in all the right places. Especially in her tits and that lovely little ass which may now be a lovely medium size ass, as I know better to ever call women ass a fat ass.
Carrie returned in a little bit. I was sitting up on the sofa as I saw her walking down the hallway. She had pinned her hair up and her little nurse’s hat on top of it. This was not your normal nurse’s outfit. The one she had on was a hot sexy little number.
Carrie’s tits bounced which each step she took in her white high heels. The outfit top showed well over half of her huge round tits. The skirt came down just below the curve of her ass I noticed as she draws the curtains on the patio door closed. A garter belt it looked like to me held up her nylons.
Those nylons were white with a red seam up the back. I felt my cock start to stir in my jogging pants as she walked toward me. I just sat there staring at her blankly and thinking how lovely she truly was. In the last six years that we had been together and in our five years of marriage to me right now she looked to be at her loveliest.
Carrie stopped and she tilted her head to the side as she asked, “I look stupid in it with my baby bump,” as she turned sideways to show me.
“That baby bump only adds to the lovely glow that surrounds you,” I replied smiling at her. “Besides you can still cause this,” I added as I showed her the boner trying to get out of my jogging pants.
I have left the sex between us out of the story, due to the suggestion from many of my readers. Sgt. J
Carrie took care of me every day. I told her to stop it, as I was still able to move well at least with the aid of my crutches. We were sitting around one afternoon and I realized we did not have a tree for Christmas as it was only a week away.
“How about we go get our Christmas tree today?” I asked Carrie.
“John, you can’t be roaming through the tree farm looking for a tree,” Carrie replied.
“Watch me,” I replied smiling. “Go get me some big towels and a blanket,” I added.
Carrie tilted her head in wonder as she asked, “Why John?”
“Just go get them for me you will see,” I replied.
Carrie returned with the items I had asked for. I took the towels and I wrapped them tightly around the cast on my foot. I then took the blanket doing the same with it. The towels and the blanket now surrounded the cast around my foot. I stood up from the sofa putting some of my weight onto my foot. To be truthful it hurt like hell. However, I did not let Carrie see that.
“There it does not feel too bad,” I said as I took a few steps. “This way my cast will not get wet from the snow,” I added.
“You sure about this John,” Carrie asked me.
“Come on lets go it won’t take us that long,” I replied. “If it starts to hurt I will let you know,” I added.
Carrie helped me outside and up into my truck. I told her she would have to drive. Carrie hated to drive in the wintertime but at least she always drove slowly. We soon arrived at the tree farm. The owner even lent us the use of his snowmobile, which made it even easier to get our tree. We stood there by the tree we had picked out kissing.
To me it was just fun to be out of the house with her in my arms. The tree we had chosen was a lovely one and we both agreed it would decorate nicely. We returned home and I dragged the tree inside as Carrie went to find the tree stand put away somewhere in the house.
I sat down on the sofa and unwrapped my foot. It was throbbing and hurting like hell. I leaned my head back into the sofa as I grimaced in pain.
“JOHN, you lied to me,” Carrie yelled as she came back into the room.
“Yes I did but we needed a Christmas tree,” I replied. “Besides if I told you it hurt would you have left me go?” I asked smiling.
“NO and you are not going anywhere else until your foot heals,” Carrie replied coming over to me.
“John, it is a lovely tree,” Carrie replied smiling as she came over to me.
“I promise to stay off of my foot,” I said to Carrie as I pulled her down into my lap.
I scoot onto the floor on my butt to help her put the tree in the stand. Carrie went and got the decorations for on the tree. She did all the decorating as I just supervised from the sofa. Carrie fixed us dinner after that before she finished the tree.
The last time we had went to the store Carrie had picked up a case of Dura flame logs. I scooted across to the fireplace, placed one in, and set it to burn. It was almost nine in the evening as we cuddled up on the sofa. Carrie got up and she turned our Christmas tree on along with some Christmas music on our stereo. She made us some hot chocolate before she cuddled up to me on the sofa.
“You did a lovely job of decorating my love our tree is lovely,” I said to her as I wrapped my arm around her pulling her against myself.
“It is lovely I am glad we went and got it now,” Carrie replied smiling at me.
We were sitting there together when the phone rang. It was Brenda she told Carrie that her husband, Terri’s dad was very ill. They had placed him into the hospital and it looked as he only had days to live. Brenda also told Carrie that she would not be able to make to our place for Christmas. That also meant that Paul and Terri would not be coming as well.
Carrie and I spent Christmas by ourselves that year. Brenda’s husband died a couple of days after Christmas. There was to be no funeral as that was what he wanted. The holidays were not the same that year nor would they ever be the same. Carrie and I spent New Years alone at our house on the lake. Neither of us felt much like going out nor doing anything.
I got my cast removed at the end of January. I recovered fully from it. I also learned not to look toward the wood to the east of our house. That way I did not see those big red eyes peering at me. I would catch Carrie looking to the east at the woods from time to time.
“John, are you sure there is not something on your mind?” Carrie asked me in late January.
“What do you mean?” I asked in return.
“You know those eyes you seen in the woods,” Carrie said as her hand reached out touching my face.
I took a hold of her hand before it touched my face as I replied, “I was just mistaken about those eyes that is all.” “The only thing on my mind now is you and our unborn child,” as I kissed at her hand.
There was no use in troubling her about what I had seen. I figured that I could work it out on my own. In reality, I was concerned about just what those eyes meant. However, it was easier to look away from the woods. That way I would not see them. I realize now I was just running away once more.
February was soon here and we both got a surprise one Saturday afternoon. Carrie and I were just sitting around the house not doing much of anything. There was a knock at our door.
“Now who could that be?” Carrie asked as we both walked to the door.
I opened the door to find a young man dressed in his army uniform. It was the young man Rick. He had captained our boat last summer. Rick had a lovely dark haired girl with him. Carrie and I left them in; we all went into the living room to talk.
“I just finished my AIT,” Rick said as he sat down with the girl on his arm. “This is Robin my girlfriend,” he added.
We all talked for a little bit about his life so far in the Army as well as Carrie being pregnant. Carrie tapped my arm a few times as we talked telling me to look at Robin. When I would look at her, I followed her eyes. Robin was looking at the sign hanging over the fireplace.
Rick looked to Robin as he said, “See I told you they were real people,” as he smiled to Carrie and I.
Rick told us he had told Robin our story. I may have not told it as good as Carrie could have told her. Rick also told her that the medals below the sign belonged to me as well.
Robin smiled at Carrie and I as she asked, “Would you share your story one more time?”
“I sure will,” Carrie replied as she got up and stood beside the fireplace. “There once was a girl and a boy…” you know how the story goes by now.
Robin was wiping her tears away as she said, “That is the perfect love story,” “The bond and the love you two share must be very strong and powerful.”
Rick and Robin stayed for dinner. Both of them thanked us for sharing our day with them. Carrie and I watched as they walked hand in hand to his car. They stopped and we heard Robin say to Rick. “I hope our love is as strong as theirs. Carrie and I smiled to each other as we went back inside.
It turned nice in March of 1980. It was as if it went from winter right into summer. I was back working and Carrie came in when she could. She worked mostly on Fridays to do payroll and our books.
Carrie grew lovely and bigger each passing months. Her belly was huge already, I used to tease her about maybe we were having twins as her cousin had. Carrie and I were happy and very much in love with each other. We started to think of names for our unborn baby.
“You know if it’s a boy his name will be John,” Carrie said. “If it’s a girl Melissa sounds special and sweet,” She added smiling.
We had talked about want we wanted and we both agreed that it made no difference as we would love and cherish whether it was girl or a boy. I always took Carrie to her doctors when it was time. I just felt it was my duty to and I loved being with her. The other women in the doctor office used to tell her how lucky she was for her husband always being with her at the doctor office.
Carrie would smile at them then to me as she said, “He is a very special man this one,” as she rubbed her hand at my face.
During her March visit to the doctor, he had a new toy in his office. He asked us if we wanted to see our baby. He took an ultrasound reading and showed us how it worked. Her doctor even told us he was sure we were having a girl.
As we drove home that day, I pulled into our local mall as Carrie asked, “What are we doing here?”
I replied, “Melissa needs some clothes,” as I smiled at her.
During March and April when I was not working, we would be shopping for Melissa. We even redid the baby’s bedroom turning it into a room fit for our little princess to be. Our little girl was going to be spoiled from the get go.
Carrie was 28 years old, seven months pregnant with our unborn child Melissa. The day was Saturday May 10, 1980. A day that I would wish now had never come. I awoke early that morning and I took my coffee with me down to the dock. There was a light fog rolling in off the lake.
It was in the high sixties however, I felt a chill run up my spine as the light fog drifted across our dock. I turned and started to walk back toward our house. I turned glancing quickly in the woods to the east. Those dam big red eyes peering at me again. The fog soon covered the woods as those eyes winked then faded from view in the morning fog.
I returned inside sitting down at our kitchen table. I felt cold like I never had before. I sipped at my coffee trying to get warm. That dam fog and those dam big red eyes had chilled me to my bones.
Carrie walked into the kitchen as she said, “Good morning my love,” as she lightly touched the side of my face.
The instant her hand touched my face warmth raced through my body. I watched her as she walked over to the kitchen window. Carrie opened the curtains as the bright morning sun filled the room and shined on her beauty.
Where there had been only fog outside for me to greet me. The bright warm sun came out as if to tell Carrie good morning. The sun light surrounded her making her glow as she stood there pouring herself some milk. I just stared at her watching the sun light touching her lovely self from her head down to her lovely swollen belly. I was still staring at her as she turned toward me.
“John, why do you stare at me?” Carrie asked tilting her lovely head.
I got up from the table and I walked over to her taking her into my arms as I replied, “I know of no other who is lovelier to me than thee,” as I kiss her deeply and with passion.
Carrie broke our kiss as she said, “John you are always so sweet,” “Our daughter and I love you so,” as she stared into my eyes.
I spent most the rest of the morning working on our speedboat. The old girl had not been running right. It was late in the afternoon before I got her fixed. I returned into our house at around three in the afternoon and Carrie asked me what I wanted for dinner.
“How about we cook out some steaks,” I replied.
Carrie went over to the freezer where she looked then turned to me as she said, “You go jump into the shower while I run to the store.”
“I can drive you,” I replied.
“No you’re all sweaty and dirty you go shower I will only be a half hour to an hour as I have some other shopping to do,” Carrie said blowing me a kiss as she walked out the door.
I shower then I sat down in the new recliner we had recently gotten. I leaned back into the recliner closing my eyes. I awoke a little after five. Carrie was not home yet. I figured she was at the store taking with people. There was a knock at our front door. I opened the door to find Sheriff Steve and his woman deputy Gail. They both removed their hats as I opened the door.
“Sgt. J there has been an accident,” Sheriff Steve said as he hung his head.
Tears filled my eyes, as I said, “Not my Carrie.” “IS SHE…”
The sheriff told me that a train down the road from here had hit her car. He also told me I needed to come and identify her body. He asked me if I was all right to drive, if not they would drive me to the county morgue. I told him I would meet them there.
It was a slow tearful drive for me. I had to pull over more than once to collect my emotions. I arrived at the morgue and they escorted me to a small cold back room. A body lies on a table with a sheet over it. I could see a swollen belly pushing the sheet up. They pulled the sheet back.
There with her eyes closed and no emotions on her face lies Carrie. Carrie’s lifeless body just lying there as I stared at her hoping she would move. I shook my head yes that was her. They started to pull the sheet back over her lovely still face.
I stopped them as I asked, “Could I have a few minutes with her?”
They left the room as I took a hold of her hand. I rubbed the back of it against my face as tears flowed freely from my eyes. I placed my other hand onto our unborn Melissa. I prayed for them both to move. Carrie’s hand was cold as I rubbed it at my face. My prayers went unanswered as I stood there in that cold room.
I ran my hand through her long blonde hair. I rubbed at her swollen belly telling them both please come back. I closed my eyes and I tried to go to my happy place in hope of seeing Carrie there. I heard nothing nor did I see anything. All I felt was cold, the same cold I had felt in the morning as the fog had rolled in.
I said my final goodbyes to Carrie and Melissa. I kissed Carrie on her lips and I placed my lips onto her belly kissing Melissa. I told Carrie to wait for me because I would soon be joining her again. As at that time, I wished I were dead.
I covered my Carrie back up with the sheet as I looked to the heaven I said, “God has retaken his angel.”
I walked from the room and asked Sheriff Steve, “How did this all happen?”
The sheriff told me that from what the engineer told them he saw her racing him to the crossing. He told us he tried to stop but it was too late. The train hit Carrie’s car in the rear quarter panel. The coroner added mostly like her neck was broken on impact. She did not suffer my son he said to me.
I left the coroner office and I drove to that spot on the lake where we had gone together many years ago. I got out of my truck and walked to the shoreline. The night sky was cloudy no moon in sight. No stars shined that night to try to count. The night breeze was dead calm. I could not even hear the gentle lapping on the water against the shoreline. I closed my eyes in hope of seeing Carrie standing there with her arms opened for me. I saw nothing and I felt nothing.
I drove home along the road she had taken hours earlier. I stopped a little ways from the tracks where the love of my life had lost hers. I cried in my truck as I screamed her name. I drove over those tracks and as I drove away, I looked into my rear view mirrors. What I saw almost made me run off the road. I slammed on my brakes skidding to a stop. I looked in my rear view mirror again. I saw those big red eyes peering at me. I jumped from my truck and turned to look.
Those big red eyes that had peer at me each time I looked to the east woods and now on my way home. I saw that they were not eyes at all. They were the red warning lights at the railroad crossing. I arrived home and I went around to the back of the house. I stood there staring into those woods to the east.
I must have never heard the train whistle that blew just before those big red round eyes appeared in the woods. They started to wink, the left one then the right one back and forth they went. In seconds, they were gone as was the train that ran on that track.
We buried Carrie and Melissa a few days later. They had to drag me away from her casket at the cemetery. I told Brenda, Paul and Terri about those red eyes I had been seeing. I told them it was my fault that Carrie was no longer with us. Brenda stayed with me for a few days to make sure I did not do something foolish as she put it.
Brenda was staying again with Paul and Terri at their house. When Terri came to pick her up, I was standing down on the dock looking out over the lake. I had no emotions left in me, I felt numb and lost without my Carrie.
Terri came up to me and she looked into my deep dark eyes, she took her hand and rubbed it to the side of my face as she said, “John, snap out of it.” Terri then added, “John I will always be here for you.”
I pushed her hand from my face as I replied, “DON”T TOUCH ME.”
Terri turned and she ran from me crying. I saw her run into her mom’s open arms. Brenda looked at me as she comforted Terri. I turned back to the lake as I looked out over the lake I heard.
“JOHN, stop that,” “You go tell her that you are sorry,” I heard Carrie loudly saying in my head.
I turned around looking for Carrie, However I only saw Brenda and Terri still standing there looking toward me. I walked up to them and I hung my head toward the ground.
“I am sorry,” I said to them both as I walked through the patio doors closing them behind me.
I heard them leave as their car pulled from the driveway. I stayed pretty much to myself for the next few weeks. I felt so alone and so cheated. I cussed god out daily for taking Carrie from me. I would stand on our dock shaking my fist at the heavens during a thunderstorm.
“Take me God,” “DAMN you,” I yelled shaking my fist as the lightning flashed around me.
I had never felt such pain as I was feeling now. My heart had not been broken it had been ripped from my chest. My nightmares and flashbacks returned the following week. I would wake up at night soak in my own sweat and tears. I had no one to run their hand at the side of my face as they told me it would be all right.
I started to drink heavily as it help eased the pain in my heart. However, it made my nightmares worst. I was soon reliving all my horrors of Vietnam once more. I would have flashbacks of Vietnam especially when I was at home. I tried to go back to work but I could not think or do anything.
My life had turned into my own personal hell. I had no one to talk to or to listen. I decided that the house on the lake; no longer felt like home. Our dream house was not on the market long before it sold. I called the American Veterans and gave them all of the belongings in our house. I drove our speedboat over to Rick’s grandpa and signed it over to Rick.
I was standing in the living room looking around when my eyes seen the sign above the fireplace. I cried as I packed it away into a box. I took my medals from the wall. I was going to throw them into the fireplace and burn them getting rid of them for the last time.
I tried to throw them into the fireplace. However, my hand would not let go of them. I kept trying but each time I tried, I could not drop them into the fire. I placed them into the box with the sign. It was strange because as I did I felt as if Carrie’s hand was rubbing at my face.
I was cleaning out the boathouse when I looked to the wall. My old fishing pole resting on two nails hanging on the wall. There was a photo with it. The photo was of Carrie and me. We both were holding up a fish. Carrie had written on that photo. It said, “Mine is bigger just like my love for you John.”
I place the photo into my pocket as I pulled that old rod down. I turned the crank on the reel. It moved freely as I turned it. I closed my eyes as the sound of water lapping at the shoreline filled my ear. The bright full moon soon came into focus with stars in the background to many to count. It danced over the water as I saw Carrie standing there smiling.
Carrie stood there with her arms folded in front of her. She then pointed with her arm and hand. Carrie was pointing to the west. I opened my eyes and I ran out of the boathouse. I looked to the west to see the sun setting over the lake. I smiled to myself, as I knew what I had to do. I was going to fish my way out to California just to see that sunset Carrie used to tell me about.
I put Frank in charge and I hired an accountant to do the books. I got the money from the sell of the house on the lake. I opened a separate back account with it and I purchased a brand new truck and a handgun just in case. I was soon making my way across country stopping from time to time to fish.
My nightmares only got worst the farther from home I got. I climbed back into the bottle. I would drive until I found a bar that looked like my kind of place, dirty and sleazy. Once there I would drink all day and all night. I would spend anywhere from a few days up to maybe a week in that town.
I kept to myself most of the time. If a fight broke out, I would stay out of it. If someone would start some shit with me, I would either get up and leave or flash them the gun under my army jacket. I also found out that you could buy just about any type of drugs from some of the people who hang out in bars. I would sleep in my truck or get a flea-infested room at some damn stinky ass hotel or motel. If a woman made her way toward me, I told them I was not interested.
I had heard just about everyone’s stories at these bars. How the love of their live ran away with another. How they hated the one they had married. How they hated their own children. I never sat there and listened to anyone tell me that god had taken away his lovely wife and his unborn child who he never have to hold in his arms. Not once did anyone ask me what my story was.
I found out bikers always had the best drugs. I found that cocaine took away my nightmares. I also found out that cocaine and a bottle of whiskey go together like ham on rye. I had made it as far as Texas; I had booze and coke that was all I needed for now. I stayed there for close to two months. I had been on the road or I should say on the run for almost nine months.
I had not called anyone not Brenda, not Terri or even Frank. I was drunk and high one dark night in Texas. I had just closed up the bar I had been drinking. As I neared my hotel, I saw the train crossing lights start to blink. I slammed on my brakes as I looked out the trucks windshield.
There stood Carrie with her arms folded and shaking her head. I stumbled out of my truck falling to the ground. When I stood back up, she was gone. I decided it was time to move on. I brought myself enough coke to last me for some time and I headed west once more.
New Mexico was the furthest west I made it. I was doing coke, smoking pot, methamphetamine and drowning my heart and soul with booze. It helped some of the times but other times it made my life a living hell.
I walked into this semi-deserted dump of a bar at around 10 at night. There were three bikers and two women plus the barkeep. The women I figured were with the bikers as they all dressed the same. I sat down and I ordered a bottle of Wild Turkey. I worked on that bottle slowly as I wanted to make it last.
A couple of hours later one of the biker women came over and she asked, “Care to have me show you a good time,” as she stroked her hand on the side of my face.
I turned on my barstool as I replied, “Don’t fucking touch me,” as I pushed her hand off my face.
The woman ran from me back over to the pool table where the bikers were shooting pool. I heard them talking but I did not listen to them nor did I fucking care. One of the bikers walked up behind me. I could see him in the mirror above the bar.
He stood behind me as he said, “Maybe soldier boy would rather suck some dick instead,” as he laughed looking back to his friends.
I just sat there pouring myself another shot of Wild Turkey. I kept my eye on him in the mirror. I saw him acting all bad ass behind my back.
I felt his hand touch my shoulder as he yelled, “HEY soldier boy I am talking to you.”
I grabbed his hand as I spun from my barstool. I twisted his arm up behind his back as I wrapped my other arm around his neck. I lifted and twisted on his arm behind his back until I hear it crack. I pushed him face down to the floor in front of me. He lies there whimpering that I broke his arm.
I looked over at his two friends. One came charging at me from across the room with his pool stick in his hand. I side sided him as I got my hand onto the back collar of his bikers vest. I spun him face first into the bar top. He was spitting teeth as he slumped to the floor.
I looked to the other biker who stood there just looking at me. I heard him say, “You son of a bitch,” as he ran toward me. I side sided him as I hung my arm out catching him around his neck. I closed my arm bring him back against my chest until my mouth was by his ear. I started to squeeze my arm tighter around his neck as my other hand went to the top of his head.
I close my eyes as I whispered in his ear, “Time to die my creature of the night.”
Suddenly I heard Carrie screaming, “JOHN YOU LET HIM GO.” I stood there looking around the bar. I squeezed my arm tighter again.
“JOHN, Stop it right now or else,” Carrie screamed in my head.
I left the biker fall from my arms to the floor as I yelled, “OR else what CARRIE.” I heard not a sound as I screamed out, “WHY did you leave me Carrie.”
I felt something pressing against my chest as I heard Carrie reply, “I never left you John, I am still in here.”
The bikers had collected themselves from the floor and were running toward the door one of them said, “Man that dude is fucking crazy let’s get out of here.”
I sat back down at the bar looking at myself in the mirror. I have finally become that monster that I always feared lived inside me. I sat there staring at myself as tears rolled down my face. The barkeep came over to me. As he reached his hand out to mine, I saw the Vietnam POW flag tattooed on his forearm.
“Care to talk about it sergeant?” He asked as he looked at my stripes on my jacket.
I stood up from my bar stool as I reached into my pocket. I threw a couple hundred dollars up onto the bar as I replied, “It’s too late for that,” as I walked from the bar.
I knew what I had to do. I was tired and hurting as I drove to my hotel. I went into my room and removed my jacket. I went into the bathroom and splashed cold water onto my face. I did not recognize the person staring back at me. Even thou it was myself I saw it that mirror. I gazed at myself for a while until my eyes saw the 45 strapped under my arm.
I left the bathroom taking a seat onto the edge of the bed. I removed the 45 from its holster. I chambered a round as I sat there staring at the 45. I placed the barrel into my mouth as I closed my eyes.
The gentle lapping of the lake’s water against the shoreline filled my ears. I saw the moon as it danced across the water. The night sky had many stars shining bright too many for me to count. I saw Carrie standing there with her arms folded shaking her head back and forth.
“Put the gun down, John,” Carrie said as she opened her arms motioning me to join her.
I went into her arms that wrapped around me as I wrapped mine around her. I hugged her tightly as I said, “It’s the only way to be with you my love.”
Carrie pushed me from her arms as she replied, “John, if you do that I will not wait for you.” Carrie rubbed her hand to the side of my face as she added, “Always remember John, to live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
I removed the 45 from my mouth. I removed the clip and unseated the round in the chamber. I tossed it onto the bed next to me. I fall back into the bed with my arms above my head. I close my eyes once more.
I am at my happy place where the moon dances on the water. Stars are shining in the night sky to many for me to count. I hear the gentle lapping of the water against the shoreline. I look, as Carrie appears near me a smile on her face. I take her into my arms holding her tightly before I kiss her deeply and with passion.
Carrie breaks our kiss as she said, “Thank you John and when you need me you know where to find me.” “I love you John and I always will,” Carrie adds as she walks across the lake water disappearing into the moon as it dances across the water.
I awoke the next morning with only one thing on my mind. I packed my belongings and I headed west. I did not stop until I was in California driving on the Pacific Coast highway. I drove the whole 123 miles of it stopping to take in the sites. It took me over five hours however, I had to stop near a cliff that over looked the ocean. I threw that empty 45 as far as I could into the ocean from that cliff just as the sun was setting.
I looked to the heaven as I said, “That sunset still is not as lovely as you are to me.”
I spent the next seven months out in California mostly getting help at a rehab clinic. I got off the booze and the drugs. My nightmares stopped, as did my flashbacks. The only problem I had with California was that most of the girls out there looked like Carrie.
It was time I headed back home. Besides I had pretty much used up all the money I had gotten from the sell of our house on the lake. I called Frank to tell him I was coming home.
“Hurry boss we need you,” Frank replied.
Frank would not discuss it on the phone. He told me he would fill me in when I got back.
Now you may think this is were my story ends. However, it is only the beginning. I dedicate this Chapter to Carrie. Thanks my love for showing me the way home. I Love you Carrie and I always will. You may be gone but you will always dwell in my heart.
That will end this chapter with more chapters to come. Let me know that you are enjoying it so far. Also let me know if you would rather have the sex parts back in. I had them in this story however; I removed them because of some of you suggested I do and to the memory of my Carrie. I hope I did not screw this chapter up to much as it was much harder to write than I thought it would be. Thanks for all your wonderful comments so far.