Once upon a time, in a castle on a mountain surrounded by forests there lived a beautiful young girl called Princess Lilla who everyone fell in love with until they met her and realised what a spoiled, vicious tongued, vindictive, vile little madam she really was.
Her father loved her and would do anything for her because she was completely impossible if he didn't, and her mother left years ago because she couldn't stand the constant tantrums.
Meanwhile at the edge of the same forest near Reinsburg lived a poor blacksmith called Druisberger Grorsdorf who didn't have much money, "Oh!" the people would say, "He's a poor blacksmith, he's clumsy and lazy and charges too much," so they all went to the blacksmith at Kreigsblatter instead.
Druisberger Grorsdorf had an adopted son called Henning a strong lad, tall and brave and honest, blonde haired and blue eyed, who Duisberger and his wife Gerda bought from the orphange when they needed someone to chop wood for them.
One day Henningwas chopping wood when the Royal Carriage carrying Princess Lilla stopped at their door. "I say, you there," the Coachman shouted, in prussian, "My off lead has thrown a shoe."
"I shall get my father!" Henning agreed, and he ran to where his father was drinking bier.
"Father, father the Royal carriage is without, a horse needs shoeing." Henning shouted.
"I haven't had my tea yet," Henning's father said, "I'll do it Thursday."
Henning rushed back, "My father says he is having his tea and can't do it until Thursday," he said stupidly instead of pretending his father had died or had the plague or was out or something.
"Stupid boy, fetch your master," The Coachman ordered.
"I'm here, like I said I haven't had my tea come back Thursday," Grosdorf insisted, "Did you hear."
"Coachman, did that man defy you," Princess Lilla asked as she pulled down the carriage window.
"Indeed madam," the coachman said to the pretty young princess, as she gazed at Henning and his father.
"Then have the small one whipped and the old one hung." she said, "Walk on."
The father shook his head, the angelic princess was a little monster he decided, stupid child, but Henning was troubled, though he hadn't really had a girlfriend yet, some strange feelings stirred within him.
Haflinger the kings favourite grey carriage horse who had been off-side lead horse that day had not only thrown a shoe but had badly cracked his hoof and it went septic and he had to be put down and the king was very sad, "Daddy if the blacksmith had mended Haflinger as I asked he wouldn't have died."
"Yes dearest," King Gregor IV agreed as he found it easiest to do when dealing with Lilla.
"I said the little boy should be whipped and the father man should be hung." Lilla added.
"Yes dearest," the king agreed looking for a quiet life.
"Can we have a hanging daddy, can we please for my birthday?" Lilla asked.
"No dearest," the King stated.
"But Daddy that's not fair!" Lilla cried, "I never have any nice things!"
"You had a cat!" he explained.
"Apart from the cat," she said petulantly, "And I wanted a Prince not a cat."
"You are too young for Princes Lilla," her father lied, he just simply couldn't find a Prince that hadn't heard of her as her reputation had spread far and wide.
"But Daddy!" she whined.
"All right, we'll hang the blacksmith." he agreed, anything for a quiet life, and signed the death warrant that Lilla had done in lovely pastel shades in oil paint and crayon.
The King sent some soldiers for the Blacksmith, Henning answered the door, "Death warrant for Herr Grosdorf," the soldier said loudly.
"Dad, There's a soldier here with a death warrant for you," Henning shouted.
"Right," he agreed, "Get him some special brew while I get my pants on."
"Come in," said Henning innocently and got out the flagon of special brew from the crude wooden cupboard beside the stone sink next to the range in the small but well equipped kitchen.
"Down it in one my boy, like a man," Henning's father shouted, and the soldier and his friends gave a toast to the king and downed the liquid in a single gulp.
Henning alone realised something was wrong, the special brew was dissolving his pewter tankard, and he stared as the soldiers clutched at their throats and collapsed screaming in agony.
"Father we have killed the soldiers!" Henning exclaimed.
"Good, you mind the shop, your mother and me will go to visit uncle Willi for a few days," the Blacksmith insisted.
"But Father he lives in outer Silesia!" Henning complained, "More than twenty Kilometers!"
"Make it eight hundred," Herr Grosdorf muttered, "Look after the shop lad."
"But Hans, we cannot leave the lad!" Frau Grosdorf exclaimed.
"I can," he replied, "We can always adopt another," he said sadly knowing full well that a dose of the Austrian clap had left him impotent.
"Look after the shop, we wont be long," Frau Grosdorf said, "We'll borrow the soldiers horses." she added.
"Yes stack the bodies neatly outside," Herr Grosdorf told Henning, "Oh and Herr Goerbals is coming for his gate tomorrow, don't forget."
"But father!" Henning complained.
"We'll be back when the fuss dies down." Herr Grosdorf suggested and as with frantic activity his parents packed their belongings for their "Holiday" so Henning stacked the soldiers bodies into neat piles beside the forge wall.
The search party came with the dawn and dragged poor Henning to the castle, "He has killed the soldiers my Lord!" their captain admitted to the king.
"What all ten?" he asked, "Why?"
"Answer Lad," the captain ordered.
"My Mother slew them with a magic spell." Henning said.
"Indeed, the mother woman is indeed an old witch!" the Captain agreed.
"Daddy, that's the boy I want whipped!" Princess Lilla said when she head the raised voices.
"Whipped, hung more like.!" the King insisted.
"No, I said whipped not hung Daddy," Lilla insisted, "Why don't you ever do anything right."
"But I got you cat!" he insisted.
"But its no fun," Lilla cried, "Aunt Hilda said it's the most fun in the world playing with your pussy but this one is just boring."
"Only since you broke all its legs throwing it off the highest turret to see if would fly." he muttered, "But if you just want whipped then whipped he shall be."
And so Lilla quite unintentionally saved Hennings life.
Henning remembered that day he was whipped, his backside bared in the Castle courtyard before all the servants and lords and the heavy leather strap slashed across his buttocks, he felt feelings he had never felt before and afterwards he found his balls had dropped.
They let him go afterwards, bleeding and with his breeches round his knees he staggered through the snow, and the mud and the darkness of the forest and went home to get drunk.
Lilla was still not satisfied, "Why do all the poor people look so happy?" She asked her father as she saw the men singing as they went to work in the forest.
"They don't have children?" he suggested.
"And the children, are happy too!" she added.
"Perhaps it's because they don't have boring daddies and strict heartless governesses," the King suggested.
"I wish I was poor," Lilla sighed.
The King thought a moment, and then made his way to the library where he looked for a book he read many years before, he wished he had bothered to put them back on the shelves in the right places, or on the shelves instead of stacked in a corner, but eventually he found it, battered and torn under a pile of unpaid bills in a packing case by the window.
"The Prince and the Pauper," he read, "Oh my what a tale!" and he accidentally left it in Lilla.s bedroom, where she couldn't help but find it.
Lilla found the old book, it was battered and torn so she used it for throwing at the cat!
"Lilla, what are you doing?" Carmen her governess asked.
"Playing with my pussy," she said, "Of course."
"Lilla you must not," Carmen cried until she saw the poor cat trying to crawl away on its four broken legs, "Ah throw that old and very valuable book." she said.
"Why?" Lilla asked.
"Ah it is a fairy tale about a Prince who change places with a poor boy and has lots of fun." Carmen explained just like the King had told her to.
"Ha!" Lilla cried, "A Fairy tale nothing like that could ever happen in the real world."
"Oh but it could," Carmen replied, "Just imagine a prince, or princess dressed in rags they don't have to keep clean, happily singing carols in the snow with all the other happy children."
"Yes!" Lilla agreed, "Tell father I shall go Carol singing!"
"But princess, you would spoil it for the other children." Carmen explained.
"Why?" Lilla asked.
Because you are such a miserable little bitch, Carmen thought, but she kept it to herself and said "Ah because you are a princess they would have to do as you said and that's no fun."
"Right!" Lilla agreed. "So the Prince disguises himself as a poor man?"
"A servant yes." Carmen agreed.
"So how did he find servants clothes?" Lilla asked.
"Oh they are everywhere, look there is a set here in your closet." Carmen explained and she showed Lilla the set of rags she had made earlier.
"But I look like a Princess!" Lilla cried, "I would look odd."
"You could dye your hair using your father's hair dye." Carmen suggested.
"Yes!" she said, "Then I could sneak out and join the Carol singers!"
"Oh yes," Carmen agreed, "What fun!"
"Well don't stand there get fathers hair dye!" Lilla ordered, and Carmen quickly filled Lilla's bath with hot water and tipped a large ball of soot and some Linseed oil into it until it looked and smelled revolting and then she ladled it over Lillas golden ringlets until her hair looked like a filthy black mess.
"Oh Princess you look just like a filthy peasant!" Carmen cried, "Try the smock."
Quickly Lilla stepped out of her royal robes and put on a simple servants smock. "Oh Lilla you look just like a peasant, except your royal stockings and shoes slip them off."
"Now do I look like a peasant?" Lilla asked.
"No, but chew some Liquorice to blacken your teeth." Carmen cried, "Look I have some in my pocket!"
Lilla look the block of Liquorice and started to chew, "Oh that's perfect, come show your Papa."
They went to the Kings study, "Papa Papa surprise!" Lilla cried and flung her hands around the king.
"Unhand me peasant," the King proclaimed with a wink at Carmen, "You shall pay for this impertinence,"
"Isn't it good daddy!" Lilla chirped.
"Take her hence and whip her!" the King shouted "Guards!"
"Papa what a good game this is!" Lilla cried as the guards rushed in and dragged her to the courtyard where they pulled up her robe and whipped until her backside was red raw before they threw her out in the snow.
Lilla wished she had worn her fur lined boots instead of being bare foot as she trudged through the snow looking for Carol singers but the warm glow from her well whipped buttocks kept away the cold and she soon came to the Blacksmith's forge at the forest edge where Henning was working away into the night.
"Have you seen the Carol singers," Lilla asked.
"Hardly, it's only November," Henning said, "Why?"
"I'm Princess Lilla disguised as a peasant looking for Carol singers to play with." Lilla said.
"Oh," Henning agreed, "And I''m Henning Grosdorf king of the fairies," He said "I think you had better go home."
"But where are the the happy singing peasants?" she asked.
Henning realised he was dealing with a half wit, "They have to be happy, if they aren't the King has them whipped!" Henning explained, "But you must be cold, warm yourself by the fire a moment and I will find a cloak and shoes for you."
Henning felt sorry for the poor peasant girl, "Would you like some gruel before we go."
"Ugh gruel," she said, "I would rather starve." Henning felt bad about offering the girl awful gruel when he had a hot meat supper heating on the stove.
"Venison, then, with apple sauce and succulent spring potatoes and petits pois." he offered, "Will you share my supper."
"That sounds better" she simpered, "Mmmm."
"And chocolate ice cream?" he offered.
"Oh yes," she simpered.
"In your dreams I only have vanilla," he replied with a laugh, "But I'll fetch the venison!"
Lilla watched Henning take half his dinner and put it on her plate, she began eating even before he said grace and the food just melted in her mouth, the food at the castle was always cold because they had to wait half an hour to see if the food taster died before they started eating.
The ice cream was less than ideal as a dessert when the temperature was below freeing but Henning had some blueberry pie left so Lilla ate that instead all washed down with a quart of delicious elderberry wine.
Henning listened to Lilla droning on about the Castle, he realised the poor girl was demented, he remembered his mother saying, "You stupid half wit, you better hope you meet a stupid half wit of a girl or you will never marry!"
Henning looked at Lilla, she was a filthy demented peasant, but at least she was a girl, and she was here, and perhaps give the choice of sleeping in the freezing snow or in his warm bed she might choose his bed.
But first he had to prove to Lilla that she was not the Kings daughter so when she refused his offer to sleep in his bed so Henning wrapped Lilla in warm furs and he loaded her onto his hand cart and pulled her to the Castle to save her poor feet.
"Halt! Hugo's there." the drunken sentry shouted as they approached the draw bridge.
"Princess Lilla," Henning called.
"You're not Princess Lilla," the guard called, "Your voice is too low."
"In the cart!" Henning said.
"Yes it's me!" Lilla said sweetly and she smiled at the guard as the warm glow of the wine gave her a feeling of well being.
"Oh no, Princess Lilla never smiles at anyone." the guard said, "And anyway you're a filthy peasant, shift before I call out the guard."
The Guard watched Henning walk slowly away and shouted for his Guard Captain who informed the King, "Sire the peasants have tried to return Lilla already!"
"Quickly, we must find another Lilla!" the king cried, "I know, I'll take Lilla's glass slipper down to Passendorf in the morning and tell them some story about a ball and Prince Charming, then the girl that it fits can be the new princess Lilla."
"Ah begging you highness's pardon, I don't that would work," the Captain said apologetically, "Everyone hates the princess so they would think it's a trick."
"You're right of course," the King agreed, "But do you have a better plan?"
Meanwhile Henning sadly plodded back to his hovel beside the forge, the fire had died down now so he carefully took the now sleepy Lilla into his hovel and laid her on his bed and unwrapped her blankets and undressed her and then he too undressed but for his cod piece and climbed in beside her.
She woke with the dawn, there was no one to tell her to bathe, or to get up, or anything or not to play with herself.
Lilla liked playing with herself when she could get some privacy, she didn't get much, her Governess was alway there scolding, "You'll go blind my girl," but here with Henning she had thee whole fingers deep inside herself.
"What are you doing?" Henning asked.
"Playing with myself," Lilla announced, "Why?"
"No reason," he replied, "I like to play with myself too," he admitted, "But father says I will go blind."
"Yes," Lilla agreed, "My governess says the same," she agreed "But it's nice though."
"Perhaps if I played with you and you played with me we wouldn't go blind after all?" Henning suggested.
"Mmmm," Lilla simpered, "I'm all right at the moment thank you."
"Are you sure?" Henning asked.
"Quite!" Lilla confirmed,"Have you got any candles?"
"Why?" asked Henning.
"To play with myself with of course," Lilla explained, "I do so love playing with myself."
"Well I have something even better than a Candle." Henning explained, "Look!" and he whipped off his cod piece to reveal his seven inches (175mm) of rigid penis.
"Oh?" Lilla exclaimed, "Oh that looks nice, will it fit me?" she said, "I know lets try it!"
Henning regretted his actions immediately, he knew he shouldn't sleep with the first filthy peasant girl that threw herself at him but, she was there and he didn't know when he would get lucky again.
"Will you guide me in, I haven't done this before," Henning said.
"Nor have I, not with a live tail," Princess Lilla exclaimed so Henning move to lie on Lilla and Lilla guided his penis between her soft wet lower lips and.
"Ohhh, it fits." Lilla said in grateful surprise.
"Mmm it fits," Henning agreed, "Tight and warm."
"Mmmm, big and warm," Lilla said, "My big Teddy bear."
"My Princess," Henning agreed.
"Well don't just lie there," Lilla demanded after half an hour or so, "Waggle it around or something I'm getting bored," she said and then he started to hump her, "Oh that's perfect!" she said.
"Is that nice?" Henning asked.
"Yes!" Lilla said, "I think I died and went to heaven!" she said, "It's lovely and warm not like a candle!"
The day dawned cold at the Castle, the King sat up in bed and ate his breakfast and and read his letters undisturbed, and then he took a stroll around the Castle, and then he got bored, usually he spent the morning sorting out the mess Lilla had got into, hiring a new cook because Lilla had dismissed the old one, or maybe she had thrown a servant from the battlements and he had to find them some crutches or a wooden leg or something but everything was running smoothy.
Carmen, Lilla's governess had nothing to do either, she sat around in her room, until the King sought her out.
"Have you anything exciting planned?" he asked her.
"No sir," she said, "Have you."
"No," he said. "I'm bored."
"Yes," Carmen agreed, "So am I."
"I think I shall take a mistress," the King suggested.
"Yes," Carmen agreed, "I think that would be a good idea."
"What will you do now she's gone?" he asked.
"Look for another job." Carmen said.
"You could be my mistress." he suggested.
"I would want more money," Carmen insisted.
"Perhaps not then." the King said sadly.
"If I gave satisfaction, and my own room." Carmen replied hopefully.
"I think a weeks trial?" the King suggested.
"Yes, that sounds fair." Carmen agreed, "Shall I take my clothes off?"
"Yes, then come sit with me by the fire," he said, "And warm your self while you suck my dick."
"Must I?" Carmen asked.
"Indeed," the King insisted.
"Then I'll pass," Carmen said sadly.
"Or sit with my whilst I play with your breasts, tweak your nipples, place my finger within your womb." the King offered.
"Oh my lord, with you sweet words have you seduced me." Carmen quipped and she quickly stripped naked and took the Kings hand and led him to the study where he sat by the fireside and Carmen sat on his lap.
Henning rather liked his poor deluded peasant girl who thought she was a Princess, she wanted to try the Castle again the first morning, but they didn't get up until it was almost dark and it didn't seem worth it, especially when staying in bed was so much fun, so they just had some cold venison sandwiches and ice cream and went back to bed.
The same happened the next day and the next and nearly a week passed before they got bored, "You need a wash!" Lilla told Henning.
"Me, what about you?" he asked, "But I'll get the forge going and boil lots of kettles so we have plenty of lovely hot water."
Henning filled the bath tub in the kitchen and he helped Lilla to wash her back but as he went to wash her hair all the dye started running and he saw she had blonde hair, "Oh my lord you are Princess Lilla!"
"Yes of course, I told you!" she agreed.
"But you are cruel and heartless." he said helplessly.
"But I told you," she said again, "Didn't you listen?"
"No!" he said sadly, "I thought you were a poor demented half witted peasant girl I could fall in love with."
"But surely you love me, with my golden hair and." she stared helplessly.
"No!" he said sadly.
"Then I'll have you whipped, Guards!" she cried, "Guards arrest this boy!"
The wind moaned in the trees and no one came, "I expect they are eating their tea," she explained."
Henning helped to dry Lilla and then he too bathed in front of the fire, "Henning," Lilla asked, "Why is your tail soft?"
"I don't know," he said, "You're a Princess you frighten me."
"Good!" Lilla exclaimed, but she was upset for her days with Henning had been the happiest of her life.
Lilla helped Henning dry himself, but nothing would make his tail stiffen so they went sadly to bed and put out the candles and there in the warmth and the darkness Henning forgot about Lilla's beauty and forgot she was a Princess and his tail stiffened all one point seven five decimetres, (7 Inches) of it.
"Oi!" he said, "Wench my tail needs soothing," he insisted.
"Oh yes sire, place it within me sire and I shall soothe it sire." Lilla agreed because though she was mean and heartless she wasn't stupid.
Soon Henning got used to Lilla having golden hair, and as her tits grew and her belly swelled he got used to her being a fat lazy cow, and nagged her to go on a diet but then suddenly one night there was a commotion and suddenly there was a baby crying in the darkness.
"Oh sod it!" Princess Lilla cried, "That's all we needed!"
"Yes our family is complete!" Henning replied.
"I was being sarcastic!" Princess Lilla cried, "Send a message to the Palace!"
Henning wasn't entirely stupid, not entirely, so he sent a message to the palace with the cess pit emptier, and when nothing happened he got Mrs Wizenbaum to sit with Lilla and the baby and he went himself.
"Oi where you going!" the guard challenged him when he tried to creep past.
"Tell the king he's a Grand dad." Henning said.
"Ah, well," said the guard, "His only daughter is not married, so if you want him told you do it!"
"Fair enough," said Henning, "Where is he, on the throne?"
"Up the stairs and seventeenth on the left," the guard said for it was a very big castle.
"Fair enough," Henning replied and he set off to find the King.
The King was sitting quietly head in hands looking at a new born baby as Henning approached.
"Sire, I have come to tell you you are a Grand father." he said, "You have a grand son.".
"Indeed, I sent for a venison sandwich not the village idiot," said the King, "First its a girl and second it is my daughter and third on your way out ask the axe man to chop your head off, goodbye!"
"But sire your daughter Lilla has had a son!" Henning replied.
"A son!" the King exclaimed, "Carmen, we don't have to get married after all Lilla has a son."
"Oh great!" Carmen exclaimed, "Wonderful, I bear you a daughter and you don't want to marry me any more!"
"I knew you didn't really want to be queen!" the King exclaimed, "Sleeping with all the footmen and well hung servants."
"I think that was because queen Camilla was a slut sire," a maid servant explained.
"Yes perhaps." the King agreed.
"Why don't we all get married, "Henning suggested, "Lilla and me and you and your bit of fluff here."
"Who exactly the hell do you think you are?" The King asked.
"Henning Grorsorf, sire!" Henning said, "The Princess Lilla and I run the Blacksmiths near Reinsburg."
"Good god man, how do you put up with her!"" the King said, "Someone said she tried to get back in a few months ago and then I heard she was living with you, didn't believe anyone would be that stupid."
"I love her sir!" Henning admitted.
"What with her foul temper?" the King asked.
"Oh I cured that sir!" Henning said, "I made her a Bronze cock."
"Bronze Cock? Poppycock!" the King insiste, "What the hell difference would a Bronze Cockerel make."
"No sire, a Cock, like my cock, but Bronze for if I can't get it up." Henning agreed.
Carmen's eyes widened. "Can I have one?" she asked.
"Ah," the King said and he thought hard for a moment, "So what exactly do you want?"
"Well a wet nurse really so the child doesn't spoil Lilla's lovely big tits." he said.
"And?" the King asked.
"Just a wet nurse." he replied, "And a washer woman to wash the shitty."
"Yes," the King replied, "I get it, and you do understand that as Lilla is under 21 that when you are married she is your responsibility?"
"Married sire? but I am a commoner, " Henning cried, "I cannot marry a princess!"
"Then I shall dub thee Lord Blacksmith!" the King cried.
"But," henning protested.
"Married or hung for treason, you choose!" the King replied.
"Can I think it over sire?" Henning asked.
"Absolutely, I own I would rather have been hung than married to her mother," the King agreed, "Ghastly woman, caught Russian clap off a diseased Russian rent boy we found stowed away on a river barge you know."
"Sire?" Henning said in confusion.
"Look lad, here's the deal," the King said kindly, "I'll look after the child, or rather Carmen will, she might just as well look after one as two, if you marry Lilla and do the occasional state visit to somewhere appalling for me."
"Sounds fair," Henning said.
"And a bronze cock for me!" Carmen pleaded.
"Yes that too," Henning agreed, "And you will take the child at once?"
"Yes!" the King agreed, "Fetch the Carriage." he cried and so they arrived at the Blacksmiths forge where King and daughter were reunited.
"You took your time!" Princess Lilla charged, as the King entered their humble abode.
"His Majesty has agreed he will look after the child for us." Henning said.
"Really! no more shitty nappies or breast feeding." Lilla exclaimed.
"No," Henning agreed.
"Oh Henning you're the best!" Lilla cried.
"But you must marry Henning, or Baron Blacksmith as he now is." the King insisted.
"A Lord?" Lilla gasped.
"All right, make it Duke of Reinsberg then." the King agreed.
"The Iron Duke!" Lilla said, "Call him the Iron Duke father," she insisted.
"Lilla," Henning cautioned, "No tail if you're not good."
"Tail got me in this mess in the first place," she complained, "Just take the kid and go."
"What's he called," the King asked.
"What ever you want, sire, he hasn't been Christened yet," Henning agreed.
"Prince Henning!" the King said, "Excellent, the other matter is the state visit to England I shall say you shall go in my place."
"Father, that's a truly awful place," Lilla protested, "I thought we would live happily ever after."
"That's the trouble," the King explained, "Real life just isn't like a fairy tale!"