ok these are some from the internet some i thought of and some my friends
joker: "Ok pronounce.. M.A.C. D.O.U.G.L.E.S.S"
fool: "Its pronounced MacDougless"
joker: "Ok now pronouce M.A.C. D.O.U.B.L.E."
fool: "Ok MacDouble"
joker: "Last one now pronouce M.A.C. H.I.N.E "
fool: "Ok MacHine" (sounds like mac hind)
joker: Points at old house phone and says "Now what is that?"
fool: "An answering machine"
joker: "Ok now spell machine"
fool: "Ok? M.A.C.H.I.N.E. "
joker: "Yup you just spelled MAC HINE."
Ok this joke i heard from Howard Stern.
Q. Do you know the true reason for all of these blonde jokes?
A. Brunettes and redheads think they look smart making them all up!
Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes???
A. LUCKY! (She finally gets some attention!)
Q. What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A. A Redhead who has told one too many dumb blonde jokes.
Q. What does a redhead miss the most at a party?
A. The Invitation !
Q. Why are there so many blonde jokes?
A. Because the blondes are out with all the men, the brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car. She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said, "Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.
She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'
Things to do in the bathroom stall...
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."
Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: How many bailiffs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Ten. One to change it, one to hit you in the kidneys, and 8 to stand around such that none of this gets caught on camera.
Q: How many Spinks handlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. 1 to actually screw in the light bulb, 1 to carry him out of the ring, 1 to tell him who put the lights out, 2 to count the money, and it all only takes 91 seconds!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?