I deal with the monster with in only to open a new door that leaves me alone.
Swinging in the neighborhood Chapter 25 Alone without Angels or Monsters
In my last chapter, I left you with the possibility that Melissa the daughter I lost with Carrie might be Sherri reincarnated. That was perhaps why her bond with Carrie was so great. It seemed, as it was possible however, I was not in my right mind, as it seemed as if the monster within me wanted to take over my judgment. I suggest you read the last chapter as well as the other 23 so you can catch up with my story, as I am not going to recap the last chapter. I will pick this chapter up when I arrived to help Cathy as her car had broken down in the town over in a less than desirable neighborhood.
As I pulled up behind Cathy’s car, I saw a man about my size with her. I was not for sure but it looked like they were arguing at the front of Cathy‘s car. I saw Cathy push the man away from her. I jumped from my truck and I got between Cathy and the man.
“Is there a problem here?” I asked looking at him.
“There sure is buddy and I have the solution,” the big man yelled.
I felt pain as blackness filled my mind. It was as if he had blinded me. It only took a microsecond for my mind to process what he had done. However, it seemed as if I was in a dream or something. My mind told me that the son of a bitch had punched me solidly in my right eye with his big left fist. My head jerked back as I felt his fist plow into my right eye. The pain was instant as I heard a squish as his fist landed.
“You have been found Sgt. J it is him or you,” the monster within said to me.
I pounced on the man knocking him to the ground. I punched hard and fast at his face as the pain throbbed in my right eye. I stopped punching him with my left hand as I grasped at his throat with it. I squeezed at his carotid artery with my left hand as both of his hands went to my left hand trying to remove my hand from his neck. I continued to punch at his face with my right hand. Blood squirted from his nose as my fist landed squarely into it.
“KILL HIM Sgt. J,” KILL THEM ALL,” “Do your duty Sgt. J,” the monster within screamed inside my head.
I stared angrily at his face as I said, “Time to die my creature of the night.”
I placed my right hand to his throat. I applied a full kill choke hold onto his neck. I started to squeeze my hands tightly around his neck. His hands went to both my arms trying to break my hold.
His face changed as I looked into it. I saw the many faces of the Viet Cong soldiers who had walked by me, as I lay motionless on the ground during my first tour in Vietnam. I was finally getting my revenge against those who had killed my comrades and friends Jack and Jason twenty long years ago.
My hands clinched tighter at his throat as I said, “Sinh vat cua đem chet,” which was Vietnamese for “Creature of the night you die.”
His hands fell limply from my arms as they fell to beside him. His eyes rolled up until I only saw the whites of his eyes. My hands squeezed even tighter as all the sound left my ears. I looked toward Cathy as I did.
“JOHN, STOP IT you are going to KILL HIM,” Carrie screamed out. “Let him go JOHN or I swear you will never see me,” Carrie screamed again echoing in my head.
I figured I was seeing Cathy as Carrie once more. I removed my hands from his throat and I stood up. I looked down to see the man’s lifeless body lying at my feet not moving. I looked to Cathy as she shook her head from side to side.
“JOHN you didn’t, did you?” Cathy asked as she looked to the man lying on the ground.
I looked back to his lifeless body thinking I had killed him. I reached down to check his pulse at his neck. The man suddenly took a big gulp of air as his upper body rose from the ground. He rolled over coughing as he tried to get to his feet. He fell to one knee holding his hands to his throat. The man stood up and he took off running only making it a few steps before he fell again. He once again got to his feet and this time I watched him disappear between some buildings near by.
I felt Cathy’s hand on my arm as she said, “John you saved me.”
I just stood there looking down at my hands. The monster in me had been unleashed again. I would have killed that man had it not been for Cathy. However, there was a problem with that as it was Carrie’s voice that I heard clearly yelling at me. If Cathy had not became Carrie to me that man would be laying there dead I thought.
“John that man was trying to rob me,” Cathy said. “You saved me John there is no telling what he would have done if you had not shown up when you did,” Cathy added.
“I did not save you Cathy the monster in me almost killed a man,” I replied holding my hands out to her.
“Some men deserve to die John,” Cathy said as she looked into my eyes.
“Then why did you yell at me to stop?” I asked.
“I didn’t John,” “I was too scarred to say or do anything,” Cathy replied looking at me in wonder.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said grabbing her by the hand.
I placed her into my truck and I drove away as I told her we would call for a tow truck to get her car. I know I heard Carrie telling me to stop and threatening me that if I did not stop I would never see her. Cathy sat leaning against her door as she just stared at me. I was not for sure if she was scared to be with me or just upset over what the man was going to do to her. She told me that Rod was going to be out of town for a dew days and if I did not mind could she come spend some time with us as her ex had the kids all week long.
“Maybe we can find some time to talk as well John as I can see you are troubled,” Cathy said as she touched my hand with hers. “John you should let me look at that eye of yours as well,” Cathy added.
“It’s nothing,” I replied, as I drove not looking to her.
I had forgotten all about the pain in my eye. I could open it however; I only saw dark shadows when I did manage to see out of it. It hurt but not as much as my mind did. I drove Cathy to her house to pick up a few things. I sat outside in my truck waiting for her to return.
I sat there staring straight-ahead thinking about the event that just took place. Was this why Sherri had not wanted me to go anywhere? Was this the other thing about Cathy, Sherri could not tell? If it was my god, I could have killed that man. Why had Sherri not warned me? I also wondered why and how I had lost control of the monster inside of me.
I thought back to what had just happened and I realized that in my mind the man whose life I could have taken had looked like those Viet Cong soldiers who had walked by me during the war. Why had my mind placed their faces onto that man?
“They deserved to die all of them just as that man did,” the monster within said to me. “You disgust me Sgt. J you are a coward and nothing but a disappointment to us all.” “You never deserved Carrie’s love and that was why fate took her away from you.” “As to Kay and your lovely daughter I will soon show you just how a real man handles them,” the monster within added as he talked to me inside my head.
“STOP IT,” “Damn you I told you to leave Sherri out of this,” I screamed out as my fists beat against the steering wheel.
A peaceful calm entered my body as I sat there alone much as I used to in the jungle of Vietnam. I was not thinking of Carrie, Kay, or Sherri. I was not off in some dream world hiding from my fears with any of them at one of my happy places. It was just me sitting there alone in my truck thinking about what to do.
I could run as I have done all my life never stopping to face an issue because I was afraid too. The monster within me was right I was a disappointment as well as a coward. I tried to tell Carrie that when I told her to throw my medals away as I was not worthy of them.
It was time I put an end to all this. I was finally ready to make peace with myself as well as stopping the monster within; it was my duty to do so. The answer came to me as easy as the monster within me came to me when I needed him. I finally realized that the monster within me was that young boy who had ran away year ago when his heart had been broken. That boy blamed everyone but himself for the horrors he had to face during the war.
That young boy had been selfish to everyone who loved him. His feeling had came first never thinking of how hurt those at home were and the hell he had put them through not knowing if he was alive or dead. That young boy festered into a parasite much like the malaria bug I carried in my liver. The young boy’s home in my body was inside my heart.
He lived there where love should have rested. That young boy soon took over my heart. He protected me from love, compassion and caring. He made sure that they never entered my heart again because of the pain they had caused when my heart was full of them. He saw to it that my heart filled with only anger and hate.
Sure, that young boy had saved my life many times in Vietnam during that first tour of duty. After all, I had no compassion, no love and most of all I did not care. I had become the perfect soldier one who would do his duty without ever questioning it or himself. The army had not turned me into a killing machine it was that scared young boy.
As I grew into a man in Vietnam, the boy grew into the monster within. That young boy had always been very good at playing army in the neighborhood. He became an expert at it when it was no longer a game. That boy had seen to it that I never realized he was in my heart. He allowed me to keep my memories of my fun with Terri and Carrie rather like a reward for when I did my duty. He would not allow me to read their letters for fear that they would take my heart from him. That was the reason I never read or wrote to the girls during my first tour of duty. That boy who had become the monster within would not let me.
I spent two long years in that stinking fucking jungle playing army thanks to him. The monster within was in control of every move. It was the monster within who had taught me to listen to the sounds in the jungle. It was him whom was the perfect soldier not me.
He was the one who filtered out all the sounds leaving only the sounds of death as it crept through the jungle at night. The monster within was very good at this game called war. The monster within enjoyed the game of war as it was his duty. He even found out their where others like him.
They called us “The three J’s,” Jack, Jason and I John. Three brave men who were very good at their duty. These three men shared that as well as something else they had in common. All three had gone to war because of broken hearts. Jack and Jason were just like me they also had a monster in them. The three of us were friends only because of that. The three of us were brave, fearless; we had no compassion, as it was kill you before you kill me. None of us cared; why in the hell would we have spent so much time alone in that jungle if we had. As to any of us having any love, we had none for no one as our hearts had turned into the monster within. “The three J’s,” complex yet simple killing machines perfect to have and to use during war.
I am sure all past wars had them as well as any future wars. Hell, I bet there are even a few reading my stories. Maybe that is why you can relate to what I have been writing. Do not blame our government (maybe blame them for not giving us the help we needed), the girlfriend who broke our hearts or that drill sergeant who rode your ass all the way through boot camp. Blame yourself especially if you enlisted because of a broken heart. You were doing what you are supposed to do “follow your heart.” Sorry I rather drifted there for a few lines however, I am leaving it in my story.
Let me see ah yes the three J’s we should have died together that night in the jungles of Vietnam. However, death walked me by that night. Why had fate allowed death to ignore me that night? Was it the vision of Terri and Carrie that saved me? It may have been that during this time of my life I survived because I had not listened to the monster within for the first time. After all, he had wanted me to throw the grenade and let bullets fly from my M16 avenging their deaths.
“You should have joined your brothers that night you coward,” the monster within said to me in my head as I sat waiting for Cathy.
Sure, I had done my duty after the enemy that surrounded me left. I found them and made my way back to the fire base. Our base called in an air strike wiping them all out avenging Jack and Jason. They all were killed, as was a part of myself.
However, I lost something else that night in the jungle other than my friends Jack and Jason. I lost the monster within me. I felt compassion for them as well as for myself. I knew back then that the monster within me was not really my friend. I just was afraid to admit it or to face him.
The monster within tried to put up a fight when I was going to be shipped back home as my two years of duty was over. However, the man I had become since losing Jack and Jason told me to live to fight another day. The man I had become; took the stack of letters the girls had written me over the last two years. The monster in me wanted me to throw them from the helicopter as it took me from the firebase.
The monster within me talked me into signing up for that second tour of duty when I arrived back home. After all, the monster and I both grew up playing army in our neighborhood and my first real job was with the army. It was what I knew and maybe the only place I would ever fit in. Because from here on everyone would tell me, “John, you are like no man I have ever known.” How true their words would come to be.
It could be that reading the girls letters before I returned home had drove the parasite from my heart. For upon returning I was forgiving, full of compassion and very caring. The only real reason I had forgiven Terri was because I had fallen in love with Carrie just from the letters she rode me. I may share those letters with others one day as another book.
When I read her letters on my way home, I felt calm and peaceful. I fell in love with Carrie not because she was beautiful and sexy but because she understood me as a man. I was also hoping that she could control the monster that I knew dwelt in my soul. I found that she could rather quickly when Terri angered the monster within me when I returned home.
I sat there in my truck waiting for Cathy as those thoughts ran through my head. I suddenly smelled the jungles of Vietnam as I breathed in. I had learned something today if I smelled the jungle; the monster within me is ready to return once more. I looked into my rear view on my windshield. I gazed into my own eyes as skulls replaced my pupils. I was staring intensely into the mirror as Cathy entered my truck. The skulls filled the whole mirror as I gazed into it.
“JOHN, are you here?” Cathy asked as I felt her hand touching my arm.
“I am not for sure anymore,” I replied looking straight ahead.
“John, maybe I should drive,” Cathy said.
I swapped places with Cathy, as she drove away; I looked out my window thinking I had done this all once before. My mind took me back to when I had just come home from Vietnam the first time. It was the day; I realized I was like no other man for I had a monster that dwelt in my soul. In my mind, I saw Terri sitting on the back yard swing with me standing over her yelling at her. I was ready to cause her harm if not for Carrie grabbing me and taking me to her car. I fear what I might have done to her.
My mind jumped to being in the car as Carrie had taken me for a ride after my outburst at Terri. My mind replayed those events as I looked out my truck window. I slowly turned to Cathy looking at her hoping that she was Carrie.
“Yes maybe you should take the monster home,” I said to her.
“JOHN, you are not a monster,” Cathy replied.
We finally arrived at my house. As we pulled into the driveway, I asked Cathy not to say anything to Sherri or her mom about what had happened, Sherri’s truck was there which meant she was home from school. Kay was still at work so I did not have to worry about her. Cathy shook her head OK as we got out of the truck. I walked toward the boathouse as I heard Cathy ask if I wanted some company.
“No, I would rather be alone,” I replied not looking back to her as I made my way to the boathouse.
I entered my workshop and I made my way over to my workbench. I sat down looking up to the drawing Sherri had done of my eyes. I sat there staring deeply into them. I sat there thinking why had I returned to Vietnam the second time. I had returned in hopes that I could leave the monster in me behind. He belonged there while I belonged at home with Carrie in my arms. That was the real reason I had returned to that hellish place.
The monster took over my body as soon as I returned to that fucking jungle. It was him who saved the lieutenant not I. The monster should have gotten the medal not me. If it would have been my choice I would have left him to die and never took the chance that I might never see Carrie again.
Why you may ask? Carrie lived in my heart instead of the monster. I wanted to survive to make it back home to her. Carrie was right I did not need to bring any more medals home with me. However the monster within enjoyed the game of war to much. He now lived in my head and controlled most of my body. I had no power within me to stop him not even my love for Carrie.
The monster stopped those attacks on our fire base. The brief time I was in charge during that time, I had lost the enemies tracks. The monster was very upset with me that day. We fought amongst ourselves in my shack on the fire base. I should have taken the monster out of myself that day as I looked to my M16 while alone in my shack.
When it came time to end those attacks I made a deal with the monster. We would do this together and then we would see to it that others learned how to play the game the monster enjoyed. We would teach others our skills that way I did not have to spend some much time in that jungle I hated so much.
The deal between us I suppose you could say bonded us together. The monster and I became friends. We should not have because it caused us to become careless in our duty. We both left our guard down just for a few steps. It cost three brave men their lives and perhaps twenty years of despair on my part. The monster within me did not save me this time it was my love for Carrie. That was how I walked out of that jungle that night because I longed to be with Carrie just as I do now. If I had never met Carrie I surely would have died that night as those three brave men had.
In the hospital, recovering from my wounds the monster within grew stronger and hateful. It was mostly out of despair for he knew he would never again play the game of war that he loved so much. The monster blamed me for his misfortunes as I blamed myself for the lost of those brave men. If not for Carrie being there I would have put the monster as well as myself to rest back then.
My hand slipped into my pocket slowly removing the key. I unlocked the drawer with the key from my pocket. I pulled the drawer slowly open and looked inside where the 38 lie. As I looked to the gun, my mind went to losing Carrie and Melissa.
I had been a coward back then for I should have taken my own life and joined them for that were where I belonged with the two of them. I had to become a brave man on my own to do it this time for the sake of the people around me. I knew if I did not end this nightmare. That it would only be a short time before the monster within me took full control possibly harming some one close to me. I could not let that happen.
I reached into the drawer and I grabbed the gun as I planned on making this quick. I placed it to my temple. I took a deep breath. I pulled the trigger and nothing. I pulled it again then again. I clicked through six cylinders not a shot fired from the gun. I heard a voice behind me.
“There are no bullets in the gun daddy,” “I took them out before I went to school today,” Sherri said sadly to me.
I turned in my seat and I stared at her with despair in my eyes as I replied, “Princess please I can not go on like this,” pleading with her with my eyes.
“We all have a monster within; the difference is in degree, not in kind,” Sherri said as her hand touched the side of my face.
Her hand rubbed at the side of my face as she added, “When I was little I used to look under my bed each night until I stopped looking for monsters under the bed when I realized they are inside of us daddy.”
I sat there as peace and tranquility filled my mind, my body and my soul. The rage, the anger and the worry I felt about what had happened seemed to leave my body as she stroked her hand to my face. My mind emptied of all thoughts and of all concerns.
“I once asked angel Carrie if you would ever become a true monster,” Sherri said.
My voice trembled as I asked, “What did she tell you?”
“NO, as John’s monster is controlled by his heart which will only let him do good not evil angel Carrie told me,” Sherri replied.
Sherri’s eyes looked up to the picture she had drawn of my eyes then she looked to me as she added, “Remember when I told you sometimes you have to become bad to do good.”
“Yes princess,” I replied looking to the picture.
“You saved Cathy today just as you saved lives during the war because you’re good,” Sherri said still stroking my face. “You could have killed that man today but your heart is filled with good daddy not evil and it would not let you.”
I looked deep into her eyes. Sherri smiled at me as her blue eyes sparkled. Her long blonde hair blew gently to the side as a gust of wind came in through the open window. Her head tilted to the side as Carrie’s would when she was explaining something to me.
“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing, daddy,” “Angel Carrie once told me someday you would become troubled with your past and the monster that dwelt in you,” Sherri said.
Sherri stopped stroking the side of my face as she added, “She told me when that day came I was to tell you.” “John, your mind is telling you to give up but your heart will never let you.”
“No princess, Carrie had written in her journal that; the beast is what filled his heart during Vietnam making him so brave however, I fear someday it will lead him to his grave,” I replied. “Remember angel Carrie told you that the beast would not tell her,” “The beast lives in my heart,” I added as I hung my head down.
“NO daddy look to the books for the answer,” Sherri replied as she pointed to the journals Carrie kept on me as they lie upon my workbench.
One of the many journals lay open on my workbench. I picked it up to read what Carrie had written on the page. However, with my right eye swollen, I could not see out of it and I was having trouble seeing out of the one good eye I did have. I tried to read what Carrie had written about the monster within and I, but I could not see to read her words.
“Princess, would you help me?” I asked as I handed her the book.
Sherri took Carrie’s journal and she read some of the words Carrie had written. John’s problems may seem complicated as he has two people that live with in his body. To him they have lived together since he ran off to that damn war. In reality, John had the monster within him the day he was born as we all do.
The monster as John calls it is nothing more than his conscience. Which is the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action: to follow the dictates of conscience. In John’s case the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual have been greatly disturbed.
John has fought with his conscience from day one. It would not let him tell Terri his true feeling, as he was afraid of rejection. He had also promised to give Terri what she wanted. This started the conflict within him as John wanted Terri however; Terri wanted Paul. The battle with his conscience I believe started back then. John did the only thing he could do or thought that he could do. This was runaway and hide from his conscience. A mistake I blame myself for as well.
I knew that he was going to do something foolish I should have stopped him. I wish now I had been pregnant with his child back then for none of this would have happened. John went to Vietnam where he turned his conscience into the monster within himself. It may have been possible that the monster kept him alive the whole time he was in Vietnam. The problem with that is the monster within John is John himself; he just never knew it.
He was alone in Vietnam with no love, no compassion or caring because he felt his life was over because Terri had broken his heart when she accepted Paul’s ring to wear. In reality, he had opened the door to a wonderful yet deadly place. The subconscious of ones mind, which is the unconscious part of your mind: mental activity not directly perceived by the consciousness, from which memories, feelings, or thoughts can influence behavior without realization of it.
The subconscious of your mind can suddenly become your conscious mind relating to or concerned with a part of the mind that is capable of thinking, choosing, or perceiving. Flashbacks, hallucinations, dreams as well as nightmares or even that feeling you get thinking something is not right. They all live and grow deep within your subconscious mind. The only case study I read on this phenomenon, as I would call it concerned a subject whom only lived life fully in his subconscious. This meaning the patient was unable to judge right from wrong or even function in a near normal way. The subject was unable to live a normal life and was committed to an asylum to protect him as well as others.
With John, somehow he had managed to combine his conscience with his subconscious mind. It may have been the rejection, he felt toward Terri. I am afraid it may have been even me when I came into his life. Those two events in his life may have helped create the monster within John. He blamed everyone for causing him to losing Terri, except for him and me.
John’s tours of duty in Vietnam only added to the conflict within his mind between his conscience and his subconscious. One event in Vietnam may hold the key to what my loving husband is going through. That event has to do with the first wound he received in Vietnam that created the scar to the side of his chest. John never told me how it came about other than it was from a bobby trap. He called it his reminder to watch where he is stepping while in the jungle.
It may have been due to this injury that brought his conscience and subconscious to combine and giving the monster within the ability to take charge mainly for his own protection. The other events during his tour of duty caused his conscience and subconscious to become at odds with each other. This has caused John to fight an on going battle with himself over blame. His conscience mind was telling him to survive that night he laid silently with the enemy all around him.
However, his subconscious mind told him to avenge his fallen friends. John’s mind became delusional and took him to his happiest memories. This produced the illusion of him being at the neighborhood lake with Terri and me. The event only confused and added to the unstable state of his mind. I cannot explain why my cousin and I had experienced the same dream as the illusion in John's mind. Something’s may be better if not explained so I will leave my mind and heart opened on that issue.
I fear one day John may slip into an illusion in his mind and never wake up from the dream or nightmare he perceives. It might be my fault for this, as it was I who suggested to him our happy place during his, second tour. If I had known of the psychological trauma happening in his mind at the time, I would not have nor would I have left him returned to Vietnam. John was about to face his own demons within as well as the enemy.
John’s tours caused the most damage to his mind. What with finding that village, losing Jack and Jason, and then losing three men that night, he received his wounds. John blames himself for the lost of five men during his two tours in Vietnam. His mind will not allow him to forget they died and he did not die. During his recovery in the hospital in Japan, I confronted this side of John during his recovery in the hospital. That brave man turned back to that scared young boy who had ran off to war. The problem with that is that boy to John was the monster that watched over him and protected him during Vietnam. In his mind the monster within also blamed him.
During his recovery, I witnessed how John could slip from himself and become what he perceived as the monster within himself. During this time, John was at odds with himself. I feared to leave his side, as I was afraid of what he would do to himself. I also saw that just my being with him seemed to calm the beast as all I had to do was give him a look and he would return to John the loving caring man that he is. His outbursts would always be followed with asking for those around to forgive him.
Do I fear the monster that lives within John? No, I do not, as it is John who controls the monster. He is unlike others in that his grew up in his conscience, which gave the John the ability to reason right from wrong when the monster does take over. However, I do fear that one-day a struggle will take place between John and his so-called monster within.
In fact, the monster part of him probably served to keep him alive in the past and now. Once he comes to terms with its unconscious “message” it can quietly retire, or it can find a new, healthy protective role in his life. However, if it is “killed off” its wisdom is lost with it.
I fear John will never let this happen even with my help. His only likely outcome will be suicide. I only hope and pray that I am with him when that day come. However, I feel in my heart that I will not be there to save the man I love and who I call my husband.
Carrie had written a small note within her journal to me it read:
My dearest John
I must not be there to help you and I am sorry. Please John when this day comes as it will. Do not listen to yourself, wipe those thoughts from your head and open your heart once more. Remember John, never give up and when it looks the darkness follow your heart and not your mind.
your loving wife
P.S. I will always be with you I promise John.
I looked to see the sun light engulf Sherri as I saw angel Carrie’s face smile upon me. I did not fully understand everything she had written. However, I understood enough that I now knew I had full control of my monster. I could control him because I was the monster not something that lived in me.
“Daddy I am to give you these back,” Sherri said as she dropped six bullets into my hand.
“Carrie told me when I stopped you that I should tell you that her heart longs to be with you.” “Tell him my arms need to hold him and my lips needs to taste him.” “However I can not as he has to stay and look after a special child who some day will need his help as well,” Sherri said as a tear ran down her cheek.
I stood up from the work chair and I went to Sherri as I wrapped my arms tightly around her pulling her body against mine. We held each other as we cried in each other’s arms. I opened my closed fist behind her back looking to the bullets she had placed into my hand. I knew I would no longer need them.
I closed them back up in my hand as I said, “I am so sorry princess,” “I was only thinking of myself,” “Please forgive me.”
“I already have daddy as have those brave men who lost their lives,” Sherri replied as she broke our hug as her hand rubbed at the side of my face.
I pulled up another work chair for Sherri. The two of us sat there in my workshop talking. We talked about where I go from here. I wondered if maybe I should seek professional help once more. Sherri told me that was up to me to decide and that she would be by my side if I did.
“If you want daddy I could read you Carrie’s journals,” “There are chapters where she wrote about dealing with your problem,” “You seem to listen to her more than any of us,” Sherri said with a smile as she stared into my one good eye.
“I would like that princess and I promise to always listen to you,” I replied.
“You better daddy,” Sherri said as I watched her blue eyes sparkle. “Daddy do you have a red pen?” Sherri asked as she tilted her head.
“I think so let me look,” I replied wondering why but I opened a couple drawers until I found one. “Here you go princess,” I said handing the pen to her.
Sherri stood up on the chair as my hands went to her legs to steady her. “What are you doing?” I asked out of fear she might fall.
“Just hold me steady daddy you will see,” Sherri replied.
A few minutes later Sherri climbed down off the chair. She handed me the red pen. Sherri looked up to the drawing of my eyes she had made as a young girl of ten. I looked up to see what she had done. I stared at the drawing. The skulls and crossbones were gone. Sherri had replaced them with a big red heart in each eye. I looked from the drawing to her.
“That is what I see in your eyes now daddy,” Sherri said smiling at me. “Speaking of eyes I think you have better get a steak on that eye right away,” Sherri added.
I shook my head yes as I replied, “OK but I have something to do first.”
I picked the 38 up as Sherri stared at me. I broke open the cylinder and I pulled the pin that held it in place. I tossed the 38 back into the drawer closing it and locking it. I took a hold of Sherri’s hand into my hand.
“Walk with me down to the lake,” I said as I led her outside.
Sherri and I walked down to our dock at the lake. I slipped the six bullets into their chambers in the cylinder. I looked at Sherri then I tossed the cylinder and bullets as far as I could out into the lake.
Sherri smiled as she said, “You know that is polluting the lake.”
I even managed a little laugh as we walked back toward the house. Once in the house Sherri got a frozen steak and she laid it on my eye as I sat down onto the sofa. I think a thawed one is what you use however; it did make my eye feel better.
“I was just about to look for you two,” Cathy said. “What were you two doing?” She then asked.
I looked to Sherri then to Cathy as I replied, “Laying some long over due demons to rest.”
“John, are you sure you’re OK?” Cathy asked as she sat down beside me.
I reached over and I took Sherri’s hand into mine as I looked to Cathy and replied, “I am now,” looking back to Sherri smiling.
I asked Sherri to hand me the phone beside her. I took the phone from her and I called Kay at work. I asked her to come home, as I needed to talk to her.
“Do not rush home Kay,” “Do not speed and for god sakes stop at any rail crossings,” I said before I hung up the phone.
When Kay came home, she walked into the door. The first thing she saw was my red swollen shuteye. She ran to me wanting to know what happened. I slipped my arm around her as I led her to the patio doors.
I stopped and looked to Sherri as I said, “You fill Cathy in while your mom and I have a long over due talk on the swing out back.”
I walked Kay to the swing sitting her down in it before I sat beside her. I held her hand as I told her about today’s events. I told her the full story of saving Cathy from that man. How for the past twenty some years I have been doing battle with myself over the deaths of five brave men. How a special little girl whose skate I once fixed had made sure that I brought no harm to myself with a little help from an angel named Carrie.
We cried as we held each other’s on the swing. I told her I was sorry for any hurt I may have brought upon her during my battle with myself. I told her the monster within me had always been just me.
Kay’s hand went to my face stroking it as she said, “John, you are no monster,” “You’re just a man,” “No make that a special man with two wives and two children who love him more than anything,” as she smiled at me.
We embraced and kissed deeply as we rocked gently on the swing. It was a long passionate kiss, which felt right as well as bringing calm and peace to me further. We broke our kiss together and we saw Cathy and Sherri walking down toward the swing.
Coco had already made it to us. That damn dog stopped and he sat in front of me. He looked at me as he tilted his head to the side. He wagged his tail as he placed his paws into my lap followed by a wet licking to my face
“Easy boy watch the eye,” I said as I petted him.
I got up from the swing allowing Sherri to sit with Kay when they got to us. Kay gave Sherri a big long tearful hug. Cathy gave me a long harsh long as she shook her head. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder pulling her next to me.
I leaned down as I whispered into her ear, “I know now that was not the answer.”
“How about some steaks on the grill girls,” I said.
“OK with me daddy but we are short one,” Sherri replied.
“Short one, what do you mean?” I asked.
“You left the one lying on the coffee table still frozen and wrapped but Coco found it,” Sherri replied with a little laugh as we all looked to Coco laughing.
That was a long trying day for me back then. However, with Sherri’s help I moved slowly ahead. In fact, all of three of them helped me back in those days. Sometimes Kay or Cathy would read a few pages of Carrie’s journal to me each day.
Sherri read them to me mostly as she seemed to understand my problem. They would take turns reading to me over the next few months. After each reading, I would discuss with them what they had just read. Together we worked out the answers to my questions. Once again, just by talking and someone listening a troubled soul was saved. Carrie had saved me from beyond the grave.
They all agreed on one thing. Carrie knew me like a book. That girl had written down just about every detail second she had spent with me. They also agreed that she loved me very much as she would say so every now and then in her writings.
Carrie had also written that for some reason I was the happiest when we opened “Carrie’s Place.” It may have been because of our story I would tell. John always seemed to like to listen when I told it as if he was hearing it for the first time. It took me a while to realize why he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it because it always ended where John belonged next to me holding me tightly in his arms, as I would tell him, “Hush, hush my love or the creatures of the night will get you.”
Even Carrie could not explain something’s. One of them being the dream her and Terri had of me while in Vietnam and my vision of them. It would take me a while to understand everything myself. For the most part, I believed that Sherri knew what she knew from reading Carrie’s journals. However, I never made an issue out of it because there were still stuff that made no sense to me. Somethings Sherri knew was not in Carrie’s journal nor had I ever told her.
One being the gun stashed away in the locked drawer. No one knew it was there except for me. I only had one key to the drawer. I checked the drawer there was no way to open it without causing damage. In addition, how did Sherri know the day that Cathy’s attack would happen?
Oh and the reason Cathy was in that part of town. It seems Cathy had some demons to fight of her own. She admitted to me that she was addicted to cocaine. She had hidden that fact from everyone including me. I helped her by paying for the treatment she needed as well as covering her addiction up to everyone around us including Rod. I did remind her that someday she would have to face Rod with the truth. I also promised to tell no one. A promise I have kept until now.
My life finally began to become normal at least mentally for me. Being with Kay, Sherri and Cathy three of the loveliest girls on this earth could never be consider normal. The voices stopped inside my head. I still would have a dream every now and then. However, the nightmares had vanished from my mind for good. Did that completely heal, cure or what ever you would call it. No, however I have learned to live with it. A day does not go by that I do not think of those five brave men who did not return from Vietnam.
I live with knowing I tried my best to keep everyone near me safe while I was in Vietnam. Having served almost four years in that hellish jungle it is a wonder I did not lose more brave men. However, I can never truly forgive myself for those who I did lose. However, I will seek their forgiveness when we meet again someday as I know we will.
I still had one more hurdle to get over that dealt with my past life. A hurdle that I had ran from twice before in the past. Another girl I once found lovely and who once held my heart was about to reenter my life. I really did not what to face her however, Sherri reminded me that after all she was family.
Shortly just, before Christmas Kay, Sherri and I were at work on a Saturday catching up on some paper work. The phone rang and Sherri answered it. She came walking into my office.
“Daddy it is for you,” “It’s Terri,” Sherri said.
I shook my head, as I replied, “No princess I am not here.”
Sherri smiled as she said, “Daddy it is time,” as she tilted her head to the side.
I did not even hesitate or question her I just picked up the phone as I said, “Hello Terri.”
I invited Terri and Paul over to our house that Saturday night. Sherri was standing in the doorway of my office smiling at me. Kay came walking in asking just what the two of us were up to now.
“We are having some family over come Saturday night,” I replied as Kay looked at me with a questioning stare. “Terri and Paul,” I added giving her a smile.
Kay looked to Sherri then they both turned back to me as they said, “Daddy we have nothing to wear,” smiling at me.
I reached into my wallet pulling my credit card out as I shook my head from side to side I replied, “Women,” as I handed my card to them.
The girls left to go shopping leaving me at my office. I tried to get some work done however; Terri filled my mind as I did. I sat there thinking what I was going to tell her. I thought that I really did not need to tell her anything. I had to ask her something instead. Why she had chosen Paul over me?
I decided to go home, as I was not getting anything done at my office. I sat on the sofa reading. Kay and Sherri came walking in with bags under each arm. I just smiled at them as I thought were they going to change clothes through out the night.
I looked to Sherri who came over and sat down beside me. She took a hold of my hand as she smiled to me. She asked me if I was nervous. I shook my head that yes I was. Sherri took her hand and she placed it on my heart.
“Remember daddy just follow your heart,” Sherri said.
The girls got dressed in their new outfits as I had told them I would take them to dinner before our guests arrived. They both had on matching red dresses, a little short for my liking. Both dresses were low cut and both showed their lovely big breasts. They both could tell I was not overly pleased about what they had chosen to wear.
“We are just wearing these to dinner with you John,” Kay said.
“That’s right daddy as I don’t want Paul staring at me,” Sherri replied with a smile.
Kay and Sherri both changed into blue jeans and short sleeve tops when we came home. Sherri’s top was still a little low cut however as I said before those boobs of hers are hard to hide. Terri and Paul arrived a little after seven that Saturday night. Kay answered the door walking them into the living room. I stood up to shake Paul’s hand but he wrapped his arms around me as he told me, “It’s been a longtime buddy.”
Terri came walking over and she wrapped her arms around me. She hugged me tightly. Just my luck I thought as I returned her hug. Terri was wearing “White Diamond” perfume.
Terri looked to Kay as she said, “I hope you do not mind,” before she pressed her lips to mine.
It was strange as the kiss we shared was actually bearable to me. Terri even smiled at me when she broke our kiss. I think she was shocked that I had kissed her back. Kay asked them if they wanted something to drink. Terri told her that she would give her a hand in the kitchen. I watched them as they walked hand in hand into the kitchen.
Paul looked around the room as we sat there then he said, “Damn nice place you have here.” “Just how is the fishing in that lake?” Paul asked.
Paul and I sat there talking about fishing. I noticed that he had lost a lot of weight through the years. He was still heavy but not hugely heavy as he was before. I was telling him about how good the lake was for walleyes when he stopped looking at me. His mouth dropped open and I turned to look to see why. Sherri was walking out from the hallway.
Sherri came over to us and she bent down giving me a kiss on my cheek as she asked, “Did you tell him I catch more fish than you daddy?"
“Paul, this is my daughter Sherri,” I said to him.
Paul stood up and I was whether shocked when he stuck out his hand to Sherri. I think she was as well. I had figured he would have gave her a kiss or at least tried too. Sherri even politely told him it was nice to meet him before she went into the kitchen. Paul sat back down as he shook his head from side to side.
Paul looked to me as he said, “I did not believe Terri but I see she was right.”
I did not get to reply as the girls came back into the room. Paul and I received our beers as the girls sat their mix drinks down onto the coffee table. Kay asked them if they would like to see the rest of the house. Kay took Paul and Terri on a tour leaving Sherri with me.
I leaned down and I got Sherri’s drink from the coffee table. I took a sip of it checking to see if there was any booze in it. I placed it back down as I smiled at her.
Sherri smiled back as she stood up in front of me and said, “It’s just pop daddy as I am going out with the girls tonight from school to the movies.”
I gave her a pleading look as I felt her hand go to the side of my face. Sherri stroked her hand to my face a few times. She smiled as she said, “You will be fine daddy.”
Kay and them returned and Terri walked over to Sherri and she wrapped her arms around her as she said, “I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot the last time I met you Sherri,” as she hugged her tightly. “Sorry it’s just you remind me so much of my cousin.”
Sherri gave her a little smile as she replied, “It’s OK I get that a lot,” as she looked to me.
Sherri told them it was nice to meet them and that she looked forward to seeing them again. Sherri kissed her mom and then me on my cheek as she told us she would be home later. I watched as she walked out the kitchen door. She stopped and turned smiling to me before she left as Kay and Terri joined us on the sofa. Kay sat down next to Paul as Terri sat between Paul and I. Terri’s hand went to my thigh as she sat down. I felt her giving it a little squeeze as she did.
Kay leaned around Paul and she asked Terri, “What was it like growing up with John?
“We grew up more like twins than neighbors,” Terri replied smiling at me. “For most of our childhood where John was at I was there as well.” “You could say that we roamed the neighborhood together,” Terri added.
“You mean ruled the neighborhood,” Paul said with a little laugh.
“You must have enjoyed yourself at the neighborhood lake,” Kay said smiling to Terri.
“JOHN, you told her,” Terri replied smacking me in my arm.
“I have kept no secrets from Kay,” I replied smiling to her.
“Then she must know that you loved me before any girl in your life,” Terri said looking to me. “She must also know that I broke your heart,” She added as she hung her head down.
“You did not break my heart Terri,” I said lifting her head up with my finger.
“JOHN, you know I did.” “You always thought that seeing how we did everything together which included growing up together that we would be together as man and wife someday,” Terri said as a tear ran down her face.
“If you knew that then why Terri,” I asked.
Terri took my hand into hers as she replied, “Because John, I did not love you,” as she looked into my eyes.
How stupid of me I thought as I sat there. I never once thought it possible that she could have been truly in love with Paul. I had been a young foolish boy back then. “Why didn’t you tell me that you loved Paul,” I asked.
“The same reason you did not tell me that you loved me John,” Terri replied looking to me with sadness in her eyes. “I could not tell you so I gave you my cousin instead hoping you would fall in love with her.” “Which you did just not at the right time,” Terri added.
Terri and I sat there just looking at each other. I did not know what she was thinking. However, I was thinking I had been such a fool to have been afraid to see her again when it all boiled down to that she just was not in love in me. It seemed like we stared at each other for 10 minutes without saying a word to each other.
“You two going to kiss and make up or what,” Kay asked smiling to me.
“I am sorry for being such a fool Terri,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her.
“You were just being John,” Terri replied as her lips met mine.
The kiss we shared was long and with passion. We both put feelings into this kiss. Her lips tasted as I remembered when we had shared our first kiss. Her tongue slipped passionately across my lips. I opened my mouth eagerly taking her tongue into my mouth. Our tongues dances as her hands went to the back of my head.
Terri broke our kiss as she said, “That is the John I remember,” as she cuddled up next to me on the sofa.
I smiled to Terri as I replied, “It has been a while that I had been around however, I believe that I am finally home,” as I looked to Kay giving her a smile as well.
The four of us sat on the sofa talking until almost midnight. We talked about what had been going on in each other’s lives. Kay was interested in hearing about their swinging lifestyle. Terri on the other hand was interested in hearing all about Sherri. I tried to explain it the best I could, however, I still had unanswered questions about it,
Kay and I made plans to go out with Paul and Terri the following weekend. We walked them to the door when they were leaving. Terri stopped and she wrapped her arms around me. I saw Paul take Kay into his arms as well. I kissed Terri as Kay kissed Paul. I felt Terri’s hand rubbing against my cock as we kissed. My cock got hard as she rubbed at it.
Terri broke our kiss as she whispered into my ear, “I have missed him as well.”
I smiled at her pulling her tightly against my body. I looked to see that Kay was doing a little feeling of her own to the front of Paul’s pants as they kissed. I tilted my head up toward the heavens as I silently said, “I hope this does not come back to haunt me.”
Terri and Kay kissed and hugged as Paul and I shook hands. Everyone told each other we would see them next Saturday night. Before Terri made it out the door, she came back to me and whispered into my ear.
“You can bring Sherri along if you like John,” Terri whispered.
I just shook my head NO, as they walked to their car. My daughter Sherri was not going to join in on anything like swinging. Not while she lived under my roof at least. As Sherri was only about eight or nine months away before she would be off to Art School in New York.
Kay and I went straight to bed when they had left. Kay had a smile on her face as she climbed in next to me in the bed. Kay laid her head onto my chest smiling at me. I felt her hand slide down my body to my still hard cock.
“That went rather well I thought,” Kay said. “I see that Terri still makes your cock hard as well,” Kay added.
I grabbed Kay and I flipped her around so her pussy was staring me in my face. I shoved a finger up into her hairy wet pussy as I replied, “Looks like some one got your pussy wet as well.”
“Oh I felt his fat cock John as I kissed him, I was just curious,” Kay said as her hand started to stroke my cock. “The cock I have in my hand will always be my favorite one,” Kay added as she licked across the head of my cock.
“As will your pussy and that cute butt hole of yours will be my favorite,” I replied as my tongue licked at her pussy as I ran my finger around her asshole.
Kay took my cock into her mouth as she started to suck on it. I moved my thumbs to each side of her pussy lips to pull open her pussy. I shoved my tongue into her hole between those lovely hanging lips. My tongue tasted the wetness as she ran her mouth up and down on my cock.
Kay pussy juices were flowing so I knew Paul’s fat cock was behind it. I thought back to how I saw her rubbing and trying to take it into her hand as they kissed. I drove my tongue in and out of her pussy as I thought about that. I pulled my tongue back and stuck one finger up into her pussy making it wet with her juices. I ran my finger up to Kay’s asshole where I shoved it in as my tongue went back to her pussy.
“AHhhhh John,” Kay moaned out as she took her mouth from my cock.
I started to run my finger and my tongue in and out each of her holes. Kay backed her pussy and ass toward my face as she slipped her lovely mouth over my cock. I wondered if she would be able to suck Paul’s fat cock, as she was mine right now. I also wondered if she would try to take his fat cock up her ass as I slipped another finger into her asshole.
“AHhh JOHN,” Kay moaned out as she moved her pussy and ass from my face.
Kay spun around with my cock in her hand. She got up above my cock as she squatted down over it. Kay rubbed it at her wet hairy pussy, taking it between her hanging wet pussy lips. Kay slipped it in as she started to go up and down on my cock. Kay was still squatting as she rode my cock. Her tits bouncing in front of my face as her pussy gripped my cock.
I reached up and I played with her tits as she did. I twisted and tweaked at her nipples making them hard as she rode my cock. Kay was soon slamming her wet pussy up and down on my cock. Her juices splashing each time she bottomed out of my cock. Her wet slurping pussy sounds filled the bedroom as she rode my cock to an orgasm.
Ahhhhhhhh JOHNNnnnn,” Kay yelled out as she slammed her pussy onto my cock.
Kay leaned forward pressing her lips to mine. She kissed me deeply and passionately as her pussy squirted all over my cock. I kissed her back with the same passion as I started to pump my cock upward into her pussy. I wrapped my arms around her as I rolled us in the bed.
I was now on top of her between her legs my cock still buried in her pussy. I slipped my arms down to her legs where I picked them up placing them onto my shoulders. I kissed her lips two or three times as I moved my cock slowly in and out of her pussy.
Kay bucked her hips toward my cock as she said, “FUCK me John.”
I leaned forward into her legs as I started to fuck her deep and hard. Kay’s legs spread wider apart as I felt her wrapping her arms around my neck. She was pulling me further down onto her as I pumped my cock in and out of her. I finally broke her hold around my neck as my hands went to her thighs. I bent her back more as I drove my cock deeper into her wet hairy pussy. Kay’s pussy was foaming with her juices that were matting in her pussy hair. I pulled my cock out and I took it into my hand as I beat it on her clit.
“AYyyyyy John the door,” Kay moaned loudly as her pussy squirted.
Her pussy stream splashed off me and ran back down onto her pussy. I used one hand to push her pussy up and back as my other hand with my cock in it went to her butt hole. I rubbed the head once or twice at her asshole before I slipped my cock up into her asshole.
“AHHHhhhhh,” Kay screamed out.
I shoved my cock in and out of her asshole. I placed her legs back onto my shoulders as I fucked her in her butt. I felt my balls coming and going as I pounded my cock up her ass. I buried my cock deep into her asshole when I felt it start to throb.
“AHhhhhh KAY,” I screamed as my balls left go of its juices.
My cock throbbed and twitched up her asshole as it unloaded a huge amount of cum into it. I left my cock drain the last drop of cum into her asshole. I pulled my still hard cock from her ass. Kay’s asshole gave a little burp as my cock pulled from it.
“OH MY,” Kay screamed as she jumped from the bed with her hand covering her butt as she ran for the bathroom.
I smiled to myself as I dropped and rolled over in the bed. I knew I had fucked the shit from her much as Cathy had with that fat dildo some weeks ago. I rolled over onto my side toward our bedroom door. My eyes grew big as I saw Sherri standing in the doorway. I pulled the sheet over my body.
“Don’t you ever knock?” I asked smiling however I was a little pissed because she had not and probably had been watching me butt fucking her mom.
Sherri smiled back as she asked, “Don’t you ever close the door?”
My hand went to my forehead as I thought damn it I forgot to close the door when we had come into the bedroom. Kay came walking back out of the bathroom as Sherri came walking toward the bed.
“John you forgot to close the door,” Kay said as she slipped under the sheet with me. “I tried telling you,” Kay added as she cuddled up to me.
That was why she had said the door I thought as I lie there. Sherri sat down on the bed next to me. I grabbed the sheets up around my neck.
“OH stop it daddy,” “I am not going to jump your fucking bones,” Sherri said. “Sorry, I meant just bones daddy,” Sherri added.
I relaxed my hold of the sheets as Kay leaned on me as she asked, “So how was your movie?”
“Not as good as the show I just saw,” Sherri replied with a smile.
“SHERRI,” Kay yelled out as she started to laugh.
Kay and Sherri were laughing so hard it was hard for me not too. I was soon laughing up a storm over it myself. Sherri got up off the bed and she walked over to her mom. She gave her a hug and a good night kiss. I smiled, as I knew they had finally bonded, as they should be. Sherri came back around to my side of the bed she looked down at me as I looked up at her. Sherri bent over kissing me on my cheek.
I reached my hand up to her back rubbing it as I replied, “Good night Princess.”
Sherri smiled at me as she slowly stood back up. She smiled even more as her hand grabbed the sheet pulling it clear off me. I tried to grab it but I missed.
“GOOD NIGHT DADDY,” Sherri yelled as she ran from our room.
I owed that girl one I thought as I pulled the sheet back up over my body. Kay cuddled up against me wrapping her arm in mine. She laid her head on my arm as I looked to her.
“We both are going to miss her,” Kay said looking at me.
I just cuddled her tighter against me as I said, “Hush, hush my love or the creatures of the night will get you.”
The following week went fast and it was Saturday before we knew it. We were to meet Paul and Terri at that bar we had been going too. At least Sherri was gone for the weekend as she was spending the whole weekend with Pam her girlfriend. Pam is going to be trouble I just know it. I will be telling more of her in my next chapter as she goes to Art School with Sherri.
Saturday afternoon Kay asked me if it was Ok for her to dress sexy when we went to meet Paul and Terri. I told her it would be OK with me. Kay even told me that she would get dressed a little early in case I wanted to take some photos of her. I loved to take sexy photos of Carrie when she was dressed up and Kay figured I would enjoy taking some of her.
However, I did not know that she was going dressed like a schoolgirl. Kay wore a white button shirt with a black push up bra under it. She wore a purple and black plaid short skirt that came just barely over her butt. Kay had on thigh high black nylons with white lacy school socks and black high heel shoes. Kay wore no panties under her skirt.
Kay looked sexy and hot in her outfit. Hell my cock was throbbing as I saw her walking down the hallway to the living room. What concerned me was dressing like that for Paul. I guess maybe I was a little jealous something I had never felt in my lifetime while swinging.
I must have taken over a hundred photos of her in that outfit. I had her posing with her butt showing as she bent over. I had just her tits hanging out as she bent over. She even used a big dildo on herself, which I took photos of as well. I had my cock out dangling it in her face.
“Put it away John and save it for Terri,” Kay said to me.
To be truthful that hurt and it did not settle well with me. I kept my tongue however, I felt like telling her to go without me. I believe my problem was that I was just not into swinging any more or maybe I was afraid Kay would enjoy it to much. I might have even been afraid of losing Kay to Paul. I was just not sure why but I had a feeling that not all was well in the neighborhood.
Kay and I arrived before Paul and Teri so we got a secluded booth toward the back. I went up and I got us something to drink. The woman tending bar Sally was her name rather knew me as a regular by now. Sally also knew me as Sgt. J as we all had went to the same high school. I ordered our drinks and Sally prepared them.
“So Sgt. J who is with you tonight daughter or your wife?” Sally asked.
“The wife tonight however she is dressed more like my daughter,” I replied smiling.
“Well lucky you or I should say lucky her,” Sally replied as she brushed her hand against mine as I reached for the drinks. “One of these nights you have to come alone,” Sally added as she winked at me.
I just smiled and nodded my head as I was used to her flirting with me by now. I returned with our drinks to our table. I sat down and gave Kay hers. She cuddled up next to me in the booth lacing her arm through mine.
“My pussy is dripping wet,” Kay whispered in my ear.
I slipped my hand under the table feeling the wetness between her legs. I rubbed my finger at her pussy as her lips went to mine. Kay kissed me deeply and with passion.
I broke our kiss our kiss as I said, “Damn girl you’re all horny already.”
“I am just a little excited about it,” Kay replied.
Excited about having sex with Paul I thought. I just knew I would hate myself before this was over. I should have just taken her and returned home. However, I thought maybe I was just nervous myself.
I looked up to see Paul and Terri walking our way. Paul was dressed as I was blue jeans and a nice shirt. Terri was dressed in blue jeans as well. However, her jeans looked if they were part of her, as they were skintight. The closer she got more of her camel toe I could see.
Terri also had on a low cut red top that had to have a size to small push up bra under it. Terri’s big tits jiggled and shook with each step she took. I rather smiled to myself as I watched those tits of hers. I had always loved her tits. I was thinking about maybe even tit fucking her later tonight as I sat there. I stood up as they got to our table. Paul shook my hand before he slipped right in next to Kay.
Kay wrapped her arm around him giving him a kiss on his lips. Fine I fucking thought you want to play I can play as well. I took Terri into my arms as I pressed my lips tightly against hers. I kiss her deeply and with passion. I trailed my kisses from her lips down to her neck.
“You look lovely as ever my dear,” I said as I turned toward Kay.
Damn it Kay was not even paying any attention to what I had just done. Terri sure had noticed what I had done. I felt her hands pulling my face back to hers as she kissed me deeply once more. I felt my own cock start to throb in my jeans as we kissed. I kissed her back with passion and feeling. I was not for sure it was because I wanted too or just to make Kay jealous.
“John, come with me to the bar to get us some drinks,” Terri said as she grabbed my hand. I looked to Kay and Paul as Terri added, “She is in good hands,” as she pulled me toward the bar.
Terri and I walked over to the bar with Terri all over me. At the bar, Sally took our order. Sally got our drinks ready as Terri went over to talk to some girl she knew. I waited for our drinks that Sally brought over to me on a little tray.
Sally smiled at me as she said, “I thought you said you were with your wife tonight.” “You’re so naughty,” she added giving me a wink.
“Put all the drinks from that table on my tab,” I replied smiling pointing to where Kay and Paul were sitting kissing up a storm.
“So your swingers,” Sally said smiling before she walked away.
I felt Terri's hands around my waist as she asked, “Was the bar maid flirting with you?”
I just shook my head no, as I grabbed her hand with one hand and the tray with my other hand. We walked back to an empty table. I left Terri in first then I sat beside her. I looked out to the dance floor to see Kay and Paul dancing already. So much for the first dance is always between her and me I thought.
“John hello,” Teri said.
“Sorry Terri my mind was some where else,” “Please forgive me,” I said as I turned to her.
“John it is only sex,” Terri replied with a smile. “Besides you have enjoyed yourself with her girlfriend Cathy many times with out Kay,” Terri added.
“How you know about Cathy?” I asked in wonder.
“Kay and I talked all week long,” Terri replied as I just stared at her. “I take it you did not know,” Terri added, as I shook my head no.
Terri’s hands went to my shoulders where she rubbed her hands into them as she told me to relax. Terri was right I thought I was being a little uptight about this. I turned to her and I took her into my arms pressing her up against the wall in the booth. I kissed her deeply as my tongue entered her mouth. She slipped her tongue into mine as my hand went to her breast. I man handled her tit as we swapped tongues.
We broke our embrace as I heard the song end. I looked to the dance floor to see that Kay and Paul were still together and I saw that one of Kay’s arms were between them. I knew she was groping his fat cock as they kissed. They came walking over and sat down across from us.
I could see Kay was a little blush in her cheeks. Kay fanned herself with her hand as she slipped into the booth followed by Paul. Kay smiled at me as she picked up her drink. I smiled back as I wrapped my arm around Terri pulling her against me.
“Dam buddy your wife is one hell of a dancer,” Paul said smiling looking to me.
“She dances pretty well in the sheets as I am sure you will find out,” I replied a bit harsher than I had meant it to come out.
Kay gave me one of her looks then smiled as she replied, “I might just take him right here.”
“Dance with me John,” Terri said as she pushed me from our side of the booth.
We walked out onto the dance floor and I took Terri into my arms. Terri laid her head on my shoulder as I danced her around the room. I was not really into holding her tight or maybe I was just pissed at Kay.
“John let it go,” Terri said looking at me. “You of all people know the golden rule of swinging,” she added as she laid her head back down.
“I know never become jealous,” I whispered into her ear as I pulled her tighter into me.
Terri stroked with her finger behind my ear as we danced. She used to do that when we lay in each other’s arms when he had sex in the woods or at the lake. I seemed to become more relaxed as she did. I felt my hard cock pressing against her.
Terri smiled as she said, “That’s better,” “I think I just wet my pants with my juices.”
I slipped my hand between us as I felt between her legs. Terri had a big wet spot between them. I rubbed at it for a few seconds then brought my hand up to my mouth where I licked at my fingers.
“Tasty as ever,” I said as I pulled her tighter against me as I danced her around the room.
The dance ended with us standing there in the middle of the dance floor kissing deeply as the other couples walked away. To be truthful I was no longer thinking or caring about Kay. I only had Terri on my mind wondering just how tasty her pussy was going to be tonight.
Terri and I returned to the table and as I sat down, I reached across the table taking Kay’s hand in mine. I looked at her as I smiled. I knew she knew I had just told her I was sorry for my earlier comment.
“Why don’t we take the party back to our house,” Paul said.
“Sounds like a plan to me,” I replied. “Let me pay the tab,” I added.
Paul reached for his wallet however, I said, “You get them the next time,” as I slipped from the booth leaving the three of them there.
I walked over to the bar and waited until Sally was finished with others in front of me. I walked up leaning on the bar as I asked her to cash us out for the night. Sally leaned toward me wrapping her arms around my neck. She pressed her lips to mine giving me a quick kiss to my lips. She licked at her lips as she pulled away from me.
“Tonight is on me Sgt. J,” “You can settle up some other night with me,” Sally said as she winked at me.
“You can count on it,” I replied taking her hand and bringing it to my mouth where I kissed it.
I walked away without thinking about what I had just done. I guess I had made a date with her. I know I never should have done that. However, I was not thinking about that as I walked back to the table. I was thinking about fucking the hell out of Terri, as I was as horny as Kay by then. Out in the parking lot Terri suggested that she ride with me and that Kay ride with Paul. I left Terri into our car before I got in the drivers side. Terri bumped my arm as she pointed to their car.
“He never was much of a gentleman,” Terri said as I watched Kay opening her own door.
Terri had her hands all over my cock as I drove to her house. I figured that Kay was probably doing the same in their car. They pulled in first then us behind them. I told Terri to wait, as I would get her door. Kay smiled to me as she left herself out of their car as I opened the door for Terri.
“CHRIST Paul, at least open the door for her,” Terri yelled at Paul as she got out of the car.
“Sorry I forgot,” Paul replied shrugging his shoulders.
Paul did hold the door for all of us as we entered their home. We all got a laugh out of that as we walked inside. Terri walked me to the loveseat and she pushed me down into it. Paul led Kay to their sofa where the two of them sat down together. Terri put some music on as she walked back in front of me.
“Let me take your shirt off John,” Terri said as her hands went to my shirt.
Terri pulled my shirt off over my head tossing it beside the love seat. Terri swayed to the music as she lifted her shirt over her own head. Terri danced her lower body into my head. I felt her hands pulling my face down to her pussy. I reached up, unsnapped her jeans, and pulled her zipper down. I helped her pull those tight jeans from her body. I tossed them on my shirt as she stepped from them.
Terri bend over shaking her tits still in that push up bra in my face. I ran my tongue over the top of her breasts as she did. Terri reached behind herself unhooking her bra. She teasingly hid her tits with it for a while before she tossed it with the rest of our clothes.
“Stand up John so I can get those pants off of you,” Terri said sexily to me.
I stood up as she squatted down in front of me. I looked to Kay and Paul on the sofa. They were still dressed and kissing. I watched as Paul unbuttoned a few buttons then slipped his big hands down Kay’s shirt. His hand groping her tits as they kissed.
Terri unsnapped my jeans and unzipped them. She pulled them down as well as my under wear with them. She tossed them beside the chair as she stood back up wrapping her arms around my neck. She pulled my face to hers where our lips met as we kissed deeply.
Our tongues danced in our mouths as my cock throbbed against her. Terri rocked against it as we kissed. Terri broke our kiss as she pushed me down onto the love seat. Terri sat down in my lap wrapping her arms around my neck.
I was kissing her as I watched Kay and Paul on the sofa across from us. Kay sat up as she took her shirt off then her bra. Her big 40 c’s tits hanging down nicely in front of her as Paul moved his head to one of her tits suckling on it. Kay rubbed her hand at the back of his head moaning softly. Terri moved her kisses to the side of my face working them up to my ear.
“Kay has lovely tits I will enjoy playing with those as well,” Terri whispered into my ear as her tongue licked at it.
That reminded me of her tits. I moved her a little in my lap so that I could kiss my way over her tit to her nipple. I used my tongue to make her nipple rock hard. I used my fingers on it as I used my tongue on her other nipple making it hard as well.
Terri still had those same lovely big tits. They may have not been as perky however; she had bigger derby tits than before. It was as if her nipples sat upon a set of small tits on top of bigger tits. I engulfed one set into my mouth I sucked on it as if I was a kid nursing. I suddenly felt warm liquid squirting into my mouth. I pulled my mouth from her tit to see milk leaking from it. I gave Terri a questioning look.
“A little secret I learned a few months ago how to produce milk without being pregnant,” Terri said smiling to me.
I took my hand and I squeezed at the derby part of her tit. Milk came squirting out from it as milk leaked from her other tit. My cock throbbed against her thigh as I went back to sucking on her tit. The milk from her tit did not taste bad however, I loved watching it squirt from it. Terri got off my lap and she dropped to her knees in front of me. Terri took both of her tits into her hands. She massaged and pulled at her tits making the milk flow from both of them. Her milk splashed on my cock as it danced in front of her.
Terri smiled as she said, “I like to coat a cock with my milk before I suck it,” as she licked her lips.
I looked over to see that Kay was on her back now with Paul’s head under her skirt with her legs spread high in the air. Paul was eating her pussy as she rubbed at his head with her hands. It must have felt good because she had her eyes closed and she was rolling her head from side to side.
I felt Terri’s hand go to my cock, which brought my attention back to her. Terri used her tongue to lick at the milk she had squirted on my cock. Terri ran her tongue up and down the length of my cock getting every drop of her milk. Terri wrapped her hand around my cock as I felt her tongue licking at my pee hole on the head of my cock.
“AHhhh you going to make me cum,” Kay moaned out on the sofa.
I watched her having an orgasm as Terri took my cock into her mouth. My hands went to Terri’s head as she started to bob up and down onto my cock. Terri was sucking hard at my cock as I watched Paul remove his face from between Kay’s legs. His face was dripping with her juices.
“MMmmmm,” Terri moaned out as I felt her tongue licking at my pre-cum as it oozed from my cock.
Terri used her tongue to play in the pre-cum on the head of my cock. She would string it from her lips then wrap it up into her mouth with her tongue. Terri took my cock back into her mouth and she sucked on it just long enough to clean all the pre-cum from it. Terri stood back up kissing her way to my face.
“I want to sit on your cock John,” Terri said as she pulled my legs apart with her hands.
Terri turned around so she was facing Kay and Paul as she reached back taking a hold of my cock. Terri rubbed my cock at her hairless pussy. I figured she must keep it shaved now. Her hairless pussy was wet with her juices as she smeared them over the head of my cock.
“AHHhh John,” Terri moaned out as she sat back onto my cock taking over half of it up into her pussy.
Terri sat back leaning into my chest as she kissed me. I pulled my legs together as I moved hers to the outside of my legs. Terri gently rocked back and forth on my cock as we kissed.
“Oh my god,” “Damn that a fat fucking cock,” I heard Kay yell out.
I looked over to see that she was now on her knees in front of Paul between his legs. Kay had her hand wrapped around his cock. Well I should say she was trying to wrap her hand around his cock. Kay’s little hands could not wrap all the way around it. Paul’s cock had not gotten any longer since the last time I had saw it. It was maybe only five inches but it was as round as a beer can. Kay was trying desperately to wrap her hand around it. Her little hand could not wrap all the way around his cock. Terri had turned to them when Kay had yelled that.
“Wait until you feel that fat cock fucking you in your pussy,” Terri said sexily to her. Terri turned to me as she silently added, “I like to watch too John.”
Terri sat there with my hard cock throbbing in her pussy as we both watched Kay playing with Paul’s fat cock. Kay tried to take his cock into her mouth. She could barely get her mouth around his cock so she was just licking at the big mushroom head of his cock. Kay had put both her hands around his cock pumping on it as she licked at his dick head. Kay grew tired of licking at his fat cock and we watched her got onto her back with her legs high in the air.
“Fuck me with that fat cock,” Kay yelled out as she spread her legs wide.
Paul got between her legs and I saw him press his fat cock to her hairy pussy. Kay moaned loudly as he entered her pussy. Paul started to take his cock in and out of her. Terri spun around in my lap wrapping her hands around my neck. She started to bounce on my cock.
It felt too good to resist as I started to fuck her back. Her lips went to mine kissing me deeply as she rode my cock. Terri broke our kiss as her head went to the side of my head.
“You’re going to make me squirt John,” Terri said into my ear.
She no sooner said that than she lifted off my cock. Her pussy juices squirted for a few seconds before she sat right back down onto my cock. My cock slipped right back up her, as she never missed a beat as she went back to fucking my cock.
The sounds of two wet pussy filled the room. I pulled Terri tight against me as I looked to Kay on the sofa. Her head was rolling from side to side as she had orgasm after orgasm. I watched as Paul slammed his cock home one more time. I knew he was pumping his cum into her pussy
I took my hands and I placed them on Terri’s ass helping her to ride my cock. Her lips went back to mine as we kissed again. I rammed her down onto my cock as I drove my cock upward. Terri moaned and squirmed as my cock started to throb.
“AHHhhh John, fill my pussy,” Terri screamed out.
My cock twitched wildly as it shot load after load into her hot hairless pussy. Terri settled down to just a gentle rocking motion on my cock as we kissed slipping tongue into each other’s mouths. Terri broke our kiss as she got off my cock.
A long stream of cum ran from her pussy dripping down onto her thigh. Terri reached down and scooped it onto to her fingers. She brought her fingers to her mouth as she licked cum from them.
“Just as tasty as I remember,” Terri said before she sat down beside me.
We both looked to Kay and Paul as she cuddled up next to me. Paul slipped from between Kay’s legs taking a seat at the end of the sofa. Kay dropped her legs and she sat up then stood up from the sofa. As Kay stood up her pussy left out a loud wet pussy fart as cum flowed down both her thighs.
She stood there looking over at me. I could not help myself as I busted up laughing. The pussy fart she had left was the loudest one I had ever heard. Paul and Terri joined me in laughing. Kay turned a little red before she started to laugh as she sat down next to Paul.
Terri turned to me as she wrapped her arms around my neck. She kissed me deeply as I kissed her back. She kissed me once more on my lips before she whispered into my ear.
“Just like old times John,” “I have missed you so much,” Terri whispered into my ear.
I just hugged her tightly as I thought the only person missing was Carrie. I looked to Kay who was kissing Paul. I had not really decided in my mind yet whether I had liked Paul fucking Kay. The only thing I did know in my mind at that time was that I had enjoyed myself with Terri. As the night went on, I even enjoyed myself more with her.
I did not fall in love with her or anything like that I just enjoyed the sex with her. That and Terri had changed in that she was not as bossy or pushy. Maybe it was because we were older now. On the other hand, maybe I had changed. I should have felt good about getting back into swinging however; I did not.
Kay and I left their house well past one in the morning. Kay cuddled up to me on the way home. She told me that she had enjoyed herself with Paul.
“His fat cock hurt at first but then it felt great,” Kay said as she leaned her head onto my arm. “Thank you John for allowing me to have fun and not forcing me to do it,” Kay added.
“Just as long as you had fun,” I replied as I silently told myself at least one of us had.
Kay and I continued our fun with Paul and Terri over that next few months. We even went to a couple of their house parties. Kay had fun while I just enjoyed it nothing more. Kay and Terri became friends quickly. They were soon hanging out together. I on the other hand buried myself into work at my construction company. We had a February and a March that hammered us with heavy snowstorms that year. I still had the snow removal project so it kept me busy. Sherri who was now eighteen helped with the snow removal every weekend.
Kay never questioned me when I told her that she could go alone to Terri’s parties if she wanted too as I was to busy and tired from work. I had hoped she would tell me that if I did not go she would not go. It seemed to me that Kay and I had started to drift apart even before then. I do not mean we did not love each other anymore. It was we just stop communicating with each other. It was my fault, as I should have told her the truth about how I felt with swinging.
Sherri was the first to notice it. We had just spent most of Saturday morning and the evening clearing snow from roads around the township. The snow was the type that you would clear; then an hour later, you would have to plow again. It was after seven in the evening when we got home. Kay’s car was there so I figured she must be at home. We walked in and I found a note on the kitchen table from Kay.
Went to a party with Terri and Paul will call you later,
“GOD DAMN IT,” I yelled out as I crumbled up the note throwing it into the wastebasket.
“Daddy what is it?” Sherri asked.
“Your fucking mom is out running around,” I replied as I went and sat onto the sofa.
Sherri came in and she stood there looking at me. She was giving me the strangest look. I realized she was looking at me because I had placed fucking in front of mom. I had never said anything bad about her mom in front of her until now.
“Sorry princess I am just tired that is all,” I said leaning back into the sofa and closing my eyes.
I must have been tired for when I closed my eyes I fell asleep. I did not even remember falling asleep. That was until Sherri woke me up as she shook me.
“Daddy, wake up I made us dinner,” Sherri said shaking me.
I was dazed for a second until I smell pork chops. I followed her out into the kitchen. We sat down and I was surprised to see we had pork chops, mashed potatoes, corn and dinner rolls. Hell I did not know Sherri even knew how to cook. I dug in, as I was hungry.
“Daddy is something going on between you and mom?” Sherri asked.
“No princess,” I replied not looking up from my plate.
I had not only lied to Kay but now to Sherri as well. I am not for sure whether she believed me or not. There was a problem between Kay and I however, I did not want to admit it. I also did not want to trouble Sherri with the reason. The phone rang as we were eating and Sherri answered it.
Sherri came back to the table as she said, “That was mom she told me to tell you she is spending the night as the roads are bad.”
I shook my head side to side, as I just went on eating. Sherri finished and she grabbed her coat as she told me she would be right back. Sherri ran out to one of our plow truck and then came back inside. She placed a pack of hostess cupcakes down onto the table.
“I did not have time to bake a cake these will have to do,” Sherri said with a smile as she handed me a cupcake.
Sherri and I did dishes together and I told her I was going to jump into the shower. I made sure I locked the door as I did. I took a nice long hot shower as I did it hit me. What the fuck did she means the roads are bad we had just spent all day and into the evening clearing, them I thought.
I slipped on a pair of jogging pants and a sweatshirt on as the house was a little chilly. I went into the living room to find Sherri building a fire in the fireplace. I left out a little laugh when I saw what she was wearing. Sherri was dressed in a one-piece red flannel union suit. I had not seen one of them in years. I had some that I used to wear under my hunting clothes.
Sherri stood up from the fireplace as she said, “I was cold daddy,” as she smiled to me.
“Well then get the fire going,” I replied as I sat down onto the sofa watching her.
Sherri bent back down then she was on her hands and knees trying to get the fire going. I could not help but stare at that lovely ass in her union suit. It filled it out just perfectly. The back of that suit had two buttons that held the flap up in the back. Sherri finally got the fire to take hold. She looked back to me and she saw that I was staring at her ass.
Sherri took her hand and she felt back at the flap as she stood up she said, “I thought maybe my flap had came open,” as she smiled to me.
Sherri walked over, she turned the TV on, and as she turned around, I noticed her boobs must have been cold as well. Both of her nipples were hard as they pressed against that union suit front. Her tits bounced and swayed as she walked toward me. I could not remove my eyes from those lovely big tits.
“DADDY,” Sherri yelled as she covered her hard nipples as she neared me on the sofa.
“What I was just looking at the TV,” I replied hoping she did not notice the swelling in my jogging pants, which I hid with my hands.
Sherri sat down next to me as she grabbed the TV guide. She looked through it then told me they were showing monster movies all night long on the one channel. I told her that would work for me and that I would make us some hot chocolate first.
I made sure my boner was not poking my jogging pant out as I got up to make it. I told myself how wrong it was to have been even thinking about Sherri as I had. However, I figured as long as I looked and did not touch I was OK.
I returned and sat our cups down before I sat back beside her. Sherri got up and she walked to the TV. I watched as she shook that lovely butt of hers all the way over to it. When she bent over, I could see her butt crack and cheeks pressing tightly against that flap in the back.
Sherri changed the channel and she turned toward me. She stood there for just a second as she smiled at me. Sherri started to walk back toward me as my eyes went to her tits again. They bounced and swayed with each step she took. I swear her nipples were even harder than before.
Sherri did not cover her boobs up as she walked back to me. My eyes followed her tits right to sitting down next to me. Those lovely breasts bounced as she took her seat. Sherri smiled at me as she reached for her hot chocolate.
Sherri took a small sip then she said, “You can look daddy but you can’t touch.”
I wrapped my arm around her pulling her closer next to me as I replied, “I know princess I know,” as I thought it was good that she had said that or I may have just went to far.
Sherri cuddled up to me as the movie started. We talked during the commercials. I was shocked when during one of them Sherri told me that I should just have Cathy stay with me when Kay goes away.
“Or I bet Sally would come see you,” Sherri said with a smile as I gave her a look. “Daddy that girl wants you bad,” Sherri added.
“Just what are you getting at princess,” I asked her.
“You and mom hardly have sex anymore,” Sherri replied. “I can also see it in how you look at mom some times,” Sherri added as she looked up at me.
“We will get over it,” I said.
I sat there thinking she was right our sex life has almost been nothing since we started to swing. Kay was always telling me to save it for the party. In fact, it had been well over a month since we had sex I thought as I sat there.
“Daddy I would never tell mom on you if you did get a little on the side,” Sherri said.
“There is more to life than sex princess,” I replied as I placed her head back against me as the movie came back onto the TV.
Sherri lasted until halfway through the second movie before she fell asleep against me. I sat there thinking about what she had said. I thought maybe she was right I mean if I allowed Kay to have her fun then did I not deserve to have some as well. The only problem with that was it outright cheating on my wife. However, at the time I did not look at it as that. I was going to pick her up and carry her back to her bedroom. However when I did she woke up still half asleep.
“No daddy lie with me on the sofa,” Sherri said as she rather pushed me down and climbed in front of me.
Sherri took my arm and wrapped it around her as she cuddled her back against my chest. I lie my head down up over hers and I closed my eyes. I hoped that I did not try anything as I fell asleep with her in my arms.
I awoke in the morning alone on the sofa. I looked around and I did not see Sherri in the kitchen. I figured she had waked up and went into her bedroom. It was almost ten o’clock in the morning I must have been tired I thought. I heard Sherri’s voice from down in the hallway.
“MOM, the roads were not even bad last night I know I plowed them,” Sherri yelled. “Daddy knows it too so don’t think you are pulling the wool over his eyes,” Sherri added.
I sat up on the sofa thinking that Kay was home. Sherri came walking up from the hallway and I saw her shaking her head. She told me that mom had just called and that she would be home later today.
Sherri gave me a sad look as she said, “I’m sorry daddy,” as she ran to her room.
“Don’t be princess it will all work out,” I replied sitting on the sofa hoping it all would.
The room seemed go quiet as I sat there. I looked out the patio doors as the morning light grew dark. It was as if a storm was brewing outside as well as in me. I looked around the room as my eyes went to the sign above the fireplace. I stared at Carrie’s wedding ring still hanging on the branch of the frame. It has hung there for almost nine years I thought. I looked to it hoping for a sign or maybe a voice to come to me.
I saw nothing; I heard nothing; I felt nothing. No ghosts, no monster came to me telling me to do this or that. The feeling of fear filled my body as it never had before now. I grew scared, as I was alone with silence all around me.
This will end this chapter. Had I removed my monster too soon? Why had Carrie left me as well? What was happening between Kay and me? Who was going to me there for me if I needed them? Why did I fear being alone?
As always, please tell me that you are enjoying my life story. This chapter was a little late coming out as I was on vacation. I was relaxing the best way I know how that was by doing some fishing.
To my fellow vets thanks for your support and I hope my story does more good than harm. When your mind or soul troubles you, talk to someone. Anyone your wife, your kids, your fellow vet, your doctor just talk to someone. They are all there to help you when you can no longer help yourself.
I leave you the reader with this to ponder in your mind: Fear is temporary; Regret is forever.