Swinging in the Neighborhood Chapter 26 Two Hearts no Longer Beat as One
In my last chapter, Kay and I had been seeing Terri and Paul as well as swinging with them. We even attended some parties at their home. I really only went because Kay enjoyed it. While on the other hand, I had no real interest in it at all. In fact, I would have been much happier with just it being Kay and I.
We still had fun with Cathy together. However, most of the time it was just Cathy and I who had fun with Kay knowing about it. I missed the fun I used to have with the both of them together.
I suggest you read my entire past chapter to catch up with my story as you will be doing yourself a favor in doing so. I picked this chapter up as Sherri is talking to her mom on the phone back in her bedroom about not coming home last night. I had just awakened on the sofa.
“MOM, the roads were not even bad last night I know I plowed them,” Sherri yelled. “Daddy knows it too so don’t think you are pulling the wool over his eyes,” Sherri added.
I sat up on the sofa thinking that Kay was home. Sherri came walking up from the hallway and I saw her shaking her head. She told me that mom had just called and that she would be home later today.
Sherri gave me a sad look as she said, “I’m sorry daddy,” as she ran to her room.
“Don’t be princess it will all work out,” I replied sitting on the sofa hoping it all would.
The room seemed to go quiet as I sat there. I looked out the patio doors as the morning light grew dark. It was as if a storm was brewing outside as well as in me. I looked around the room as my eyes went to the sign above the fireplace. I stared at Carrie’s wedding ring still hanging on the branch of the frame. It has hung there for almost nine years I thought. I looked to it hoping for a sign or maybe a voice to come to me.
I saw nothing; I heard nothing. No ghosts, no monster came to me telling me to do this or that. The feeling of fear filled my body as it never had before now. I grew scared, as I was alone with silence all around me.
My relationship with Kay continued to deteriorate through the rest of the winter and into the spring. I should have put a stop it when I seen it happening. I knew what was going on yet I did nothing. I had also placed Sherri in the middle of it. She tried very hard not to take sides, as she did not want to hurt her mom or me over it.
Sherri would drop hints to her mom and I every now and then about our relationship. Such as her telling her mom and me that, we should go away together and spend some time alone. I took the hint and asked Kay about going somewhere.
“That would be nice John I hear there is a swingers retreat in the islands,” Kay said.
That was the final straw for me as I gave up on her. It seemed I had created a monster of my own. Kay wanted to do nothing but swing. I decided to let her do what ever she wanted. I gave her full reins so to speak on swinging.
I told her that she could have fun with whomever she wanted as long as I always knew where she was. That was mostly for her safety as I still cared and loved her. I just did not know how to talk to her no more. I even told her I was not really into swinging except with Cathy and her.
Once again, I hoped she would see the light and end her fun without me. However, she did not take the hint. I should have told her the truth that I did not like her doing it as well however, I did what I knew best. I ran away ignoring it all. It hurt only because I was too blame.
Sherri and I still went out together on Friday nights. Sherri came to my office in the afternoon to go over some drawings with a client. Sherri came walking into my office with another girl behind her. The girl rather caught my eye as they walked through my office door. I checked her out as they did.
The girl was around 5” 10” she had long pure black hair down to almost the middle of her back. She wore a pair of short shorts that showed off her lovely long legs. These were not normal legs they were exquisitely toned muscular legs with lovely toned thighs as well as calves. I have always been sort of a thigh man and the sight of her lovely thigh flexing as she walked toward my desk caught my eyes. I felt my cock stirring in my pants.
“Daddy this is Pam,” Sherri said smiling at me.
I slowly took my eyes from her legs up her body. I looked at her crotch where her shorts embraced her pussy. My eyes followed upward to her midsection, which was bare as she had on a cut off type of shirt. I saw that she had her bellybutton pierced as a lovely sparkling diamond was hanging there. It sparkled in my eyes as I stared at it
My eyes went to her breasts they were about average and were jutting above her low cut shirt. However, they heaved above her top and jiggled as she walked toward me. My eyes looked into her cute and charming face with brown eyes that were staring at me. I saw her smile as I realized I had been staring at her for to long of a time.
“Nice to meet you Pam,” I replied walking out from behind my desk with my hand out.
Pam pushed my hand to the side as she threw her arms around my neck as she replied, “Nice to meet you daddy,” as she hugged me tightly.
Her hug surprised me as well as her calling me daddy. I sat back down behind my desk as the girls sat down on top of my desk. I could not keep my eyes off Pam’s lovely long legs. Sherri told me that Pam was going to the same Art School as she was and that they had decided on becoming roommates.
“That’s nice princess and don’t forget about your meeting,” I replied.
“I know daddy,” Sherri replied. “Will you keep Pam, company as I tend to business?” Sherri asked smiling at me.
I gave a little laugh as I replied, “Now what would a lovely girl as you find interesting with an old man like me,” as I smiled at Pam.
“I am attracted to older men lets just say they know what they want,” Pam replied in a most seductive tone as she stared and smiled at me.
The three of us talked for a while until the client showed up in the office. Sherri walked from my office closing the door as she left to meet with him. That left Pam and I alone in the office. I was still sitting behind my desk with Pam standing beside my desk. Pam leaned over toward me placing her hands onto my desk. I looked up to her as my eyes looked right down at her round tits as they hung before me.
“Sherri has told me all about you Sgt. J,” Pam said as she batted her eyes at me.
“Call me John, miss my war has been over a long time,” I replied.
“Only if you call me Pam,” She replied as she stood back up and walked to the photos hanging on the wall.
“OK Pam,” I said.
“My daddy lost his life in Vietnam,” Pam said sadly, as she looked at the photos of me in uniform. “I never got to meet him nor have his arms hold me,” Pam added as her hand touched a photo of me in my uniform.
“Sorry to hear that Pam,” “That war took a lot of brave men while making orphans of us all,” I replied looking to her.
“My daddy will always be a hero to me as you are to Sherri,” Pam said turning to me and smiling.
“I was no hero just a man who was trying to stay alive,” I replied hanging my head down.
“A hero is someone we can admire without apology,” Pam replied. “I am only sorry I never got to meet him,” Pam added as a tear ran down her face.
I reached into my desk and pulled out some tissue. I walked over to Pam and wiped the tears from her face. Pam stared at me with sorrow in her eyes. I knew she cried not those tears for herself but for the daddy she never knew. I wrapped my arms around pulling her tightly against me. I hugged her for a few moments.
I broke the hug as I said, “He will always live in your heart,” as my hand went to her breast.
I had meant for my hand to touch between her breasts at her heart. However, my hand ended up right on her tit. I realized I had my hand on her boob and I withdrew it as my face turned red. Pam smiled at me before she threw her arms around my neck.
The next thing I knew our lips locked in a deep passionate kiss. It was wrong so very wrong of me as I kissed her back without really thinking about it. My hand fell to her butt as I pulled her against me. My cock throbbed as it grew hard pressing against her. Pam’s lips tasted of peaches as my lips rolled over hers.
Pam slipped her tongue into my mouth as mine slipped into hers. Our tongues danced as she rubbed up against my hard throbbing cock. I wanted her now however; a knock at my door broke our kiss.
“Can I come in daddy?” Sherri asked.
I returned to my chair behind my desk as I replied, “Sure princess.”
Sherri came in and I saw Pam smile at her then to me. Sherri smiled back at the both of us. Sherri came over to my desk and she tossed a contract down onto my desk.
“Signed, sealed and I believe Pam already gave you the kiss daddy,” Sherri said as her finger wiped the peach flavored lip-gloss from my mouth. “We got to run daddy see you tonight,” Sherri added as she grabbed Pam by her hand.
The girls ran from my office with Pam giving me a smile and a long look as they walked out my door. I shook my head as I said “women” silently to my self. I checked over the contract Sherri had placed on my desk. That girl had done well I thought as I read it over.
I kicked back in my chair bringing my feet up to my desk. When I did, my foot knocked the picture in the frame from my desk. The sound of glass breaking filled my ears as the frame fell to the floor. I got up from behind my desk and picked the picture frame up.
A broken crack like a big X ran through the photo in the frame. I looked and stared at it. The X ran through Kay and I as it was a photo of her and me together. I should have taken that as a sign however I did not instead I removed the photo from the frame. I tossed the broken frame into the trash as I slipped the photo into my desk drawer. My phone rang as I sat back down. It was Kay on the other end.
“John I am going to a weekend party with Terri and Paul,” Kay said. “I know you will not give up your night with Sherri so I will leave you the address of where I will be all weekend.” “See you Sunday night love you,” Kay added as she hung up the phone.
I removed the phone from my ear and I looked at it in my hand. I thought she had not even asked if it was OK. I did not even get to say anything. She had not even suggested I catch up with them on Saturday. Fine I thought as I slammed the phone back into its cradle. If she does not care then why should I. I stood up from behind my desk. As I did, my eyes went to the picture of Carrie and me together hanging on the wall.
I walked to it where I placed my hand on it as I asked, “Why did you have to be taken from me.”
No tears rolled down from my eyes as I stood there. I stood there waiting for an answer or a sign. Once again, I saw nothing; I heard nothing and I felt nothing; I was alone. I went home shortly after that. I called Cathy when I got home and I invited her to stay the weekend with me. However, she told me that she had already made plans with Rod.
“John, I can break those plans to be with you,” Cathy said to me on the phone.
“Nah you two go have fun together while you still can,” I replied. “I am sure we will be together soon enough,” I added before telling her I would see her when they got back.
I was sitting on the sofa when Sherri came home at around four in the afternoon. Coco lay with his head on my lap as I stroked his head. That dog was getting old as he never even heard her coming in the door or was just to comfortable to move. I know how you feel friend I told him as I rubbed at his head.
“Who was you talking too daddy?” Sherri asked as she walked into the living room giving me a strange look.
“Just Coco princess,” I replied smiling knowing she might have thought I was talking to myself.
“Where is mom?” Sherri asked.
“Your mom is gone for the weekend,” I replied not looking up to her.
“I’m sorry daddy,” Sherri replied as she shook her head from side to side. “Go get dressed daddy I am taking you out to dinner,” Sherri added smiling at me.
“I don’t know Princess I sort of felt like staying home tonight,” I replied again not looking at her.
“Nonsense daddy, don’t let mom spoil my time I have with you,” Sherri replied walking over and turning my face to her.
“OK princess,” I replied with a smile.
Sherri and I went to dinner at our usual place. It turned out to be a quiet dinner with Sherri doing most of the talking and me just nodding my head yes or no. I believed she knew that I felt alone. We ate then left as we were walking to my truck.
Sherri stopped at her door as she turned to me wrapping her arms around my neck she said, “Your going to have fun tonight daddy and I am going to make sure of it,” “I promise,” giving me a big hug.
I just smiled and shook my head yes, as I opened the door for her. I got in and I drove us to the bar. We went in and got a booth, which was unusual as we normally got a table when Sherri and I went out together. I sat down as Sherri told me that she would be right back.
I told myself to straighten up as I sat there by myself. I have been through a lot worst than what I was going through right now. Sherri returned with two drinks in her hands. I stood up as she walked over to the table.
“Daddy you don’t have to be so polite around me,” Sherri said with a laugh.
“Just habit princess hard to break an old dog of his old tricks,” I replied smiling.
“I thought that was hard to teach an old dog new tricks,” Sherri replied smiling back at me.
I gave a little chuckle and a smile as I said, “You knew what I meant princess.”
We sat and talked about the contract she had gotten today from a new client. I told her that I was proud of her. As we talked, Sherri kept looking toward the door as if she was waiting for someone to walk into the place. I did not give it to much thought. I figured maybe that a new boyfriend was going to pick her up here or something.
Sherri got up to go get us another round of drinks. I was not being too great of company tonight I thought as I sat there. I leaned my head against the wall looking across the booth to the emptiness of it. I was feeling the same on the inside. I heard Sherri sitting glasses back down onto the table. I looked to her and I saw that Pam was standing next to her. I stood up getting out of the booth.
“You owe me five bucks girl I told you he would do that,” Sherri said to Pam with a little laugh.
Pam smiled at me as she replied, “The best five bucks I have ever spent,” as she slipped into the booth.
I stood there waiting for Sherri to sit down so I could slip in next to her however Pam grabbed my hand as she said, “NO it cost me so you have to sit with me,” as she pulled me in next to her.
I sat down beside her as I looked to Sherri. She winked at me as she looked back at me. I smiled as I just shook my head from side to side. The band started with a slow dance.
Pam who still had a hold of my hand asked, “Care to dance with me.”
“Sorry the first dance always goes to my daughter,” I replied as I grabbed Sherri’s hand.
Sherri smiled as I took her out to the dance floor. I took her into my arms as she laid her head against my chest. I leaned to her ear.
“What are you up to princess?” I asked.
“Nothing daddy just giving you the fun time I promised,” Sherri replied looking up to me then laying her head back against me.
“Princess she is young enough to be my daughter,” I whispered into her ear.
“Age is but a number daddy,” Sherri replied. “Besides daddy Pam adores older men, I think she has a daddy complex,” Sherri added smiling at me.
I thought to myself as we danced that Sherri might have been right about the daddy complex. What with how she was in my office. I also was curious to see how I held up with a nineteen-year hot sexy girl. After all, it was 1992 and I would turn 40 this year. Maybe I was going through a stage in my life, as I was attracted to her not romantically; I just lusted after her and those long lovely legs.
Sherri and I danced around the room together. I should have walked away after our dance. However I did not instead I gave into the desires that ran through my body as well as my mind. We returned to our booth as the band played a fast dance song. Pam slipped from the booth grabbing my hand.
“My turn daddy,” Pam said as she dragged me out to the dance floor.
I had not fast danced for a long while not since getting my ankle fused. I looked to Pam who was already moving her body to the beat of the music. I soon got my body into rhythm with hers. I watched her as she danced.
Pam had on a hot pink mini skirt with black thigh high nylons and pink fucking high heels. Her mini skirt scooped at the top as she danced I could see a black push up bra beneath it. Pam caught me staring as she smiled at me.
Pam started to dance with her body right up against mine. She rubbed her thighs against mine and between them. She smiled when her thigh can into contact of my hardening cock between my legs. Pam wrapped her arms around my neck as she pulled herself against me. She rubbed her tits and her crotch against me as my hands went to her butt. Our bodies gyrated into the others.
“OH daddy,” Pam said as my hard cock rubbed between her thighs.
Pam turned around and she placed her butt up against my cock. She started to grind it back against my cock to the music. I put my hands onto her hips helping her as she did. The song ended and Pam spun around back into my arms.
Pam stared into my eyes with her brown eyes as she said, “I like how you dance,” as she gave a little laugh then a quick kiss to my lips.
We walked back to the table hand in hand. Sherri was not at the table as we sat down I looked around for her but I did not see her. Pam and I were talking and laughing when Sherri returned with drinks in her hands.
“Sally put these on your tab daddy,” Sherri replied with a smile.
“One of us is going to have to stay sober to drive home princess,” I replied.
“Pam is spending the night with us daddy as her brother dropped her off,” Sherri said. “Each of us will take a napkin and we will write a number down as there is a number under this tray ranging from 1 to 25.” “Who ever is closes to the number is the one who will stay sober,” Sherri added.
We each wrote a number down on the napkin. Sherri turned her over to reveal the number seven. Pam turned hers over to show a six. I gave a little laugh as I turned mine over to reveal the number five. Sherri removed the drinks from the tray and she flipped it over.
“Sorry daddy the tray is number five.” “You will be going to just soda next,” Sherri said.
That was OK I thought as I am not that much of a heavy drinker and besides I felt safer with me driving us home. The girls and I talked about them going to the Art School up in New York. They both told me that they were looking forward to going especially now that they were to be roommates. The only thing that Sherri and Pam were not thrilled with was living in a dorm on campus. I could tell by their frowns on their faces. I also knew that they were after something but did not want to come out and ask.
“How about we check into an off campus apartment for you two,” I said smiling to them.
“Thanks daddy you’re the greatest,” Sherri replied leaning across the table hugging me.
“You would have a place to stay when you come visit us,” Pam replied running her hand up my arm.
I knew Pam was flirting with me and I felt honored as I just smiled as I said, “We will see about that maybe.”
A slow song came on as Sherri jumped up as she said, “Dance with me daddy.”
We walked hand in hand out to the dance floor. I took her into my arms as she laid her head against me. We slowly danced around the room as we talked. It started out about the Art School then went to other matters.
“Do you like Pam, daddy?” Sherri asked.
“Yes she seems like a sweet girl,” I replied.
“She likes you too daddy,” Sherri said. “Pam told me that she bet you knew how to make real love to a woman.” “She even asked me if you and I had ever fooled around, I told her I tried to seduce you once,” Sherri added as we danced.
I was not paying to much attention to what Sherri was saying, as I could not get Pam out of my mind as I closed my eyes. Those long lovely toned legs filled my mind as I danced with Sherri. To be licking up her lovely legs to those oh so lovely thighs I thought. To be rubbing my hands all over her hot little ass.
“DADDY,” Sherri said.
“What is it princess,” I replied still dancing with my eyes closed.
“Your feeling up my ass and your thingy is …,” was all Sherri got out.
“So sorry princess, I did not realize,” I said as I removed my hands from her ass and stepped back a little ways from her so my thingy was not poking her.
“It’s OK daddy, you’re only a man and Pam is very sexy,” Sherri replied as the song ended.
We started to walk off the dance floor and I stopped as I look at Sherri and I said, “Princess I don’t know about doing this.”
Sherri smiled as her hand went to my face, “Think of it as therapy daddy,” as she stroked at the side of my face.
We returned to the table joining Pam once more. The three of sat there talking and dancing through out the night. The girls were getting drunk as well. Sherri and Pam ran off to the bathroom together as women do. I sat there wondering what I had gotten myself into now. To make matters worst I wanted Pam badly.
The girls returned and they stood there more or less holding each other up as they had a few to many. They were laughing and whispering in each other ears. In a way it brought back memories of my own fun with Terri and Carrie when we would get into a bar with our fake ID’S.
“I double dare you,” Sherri said to Pam laughing.
“I will just give me a second,” Pam replied giggling herself.
Sherri sat down across from me smiling and just staring at me. I was about to asked them both what was up. When Pam slipped into the booth next to she and me grabbed my hand. Pam leaned into me as her face went to my ear.
“Sgt. J you made my pussy wet,” Pam whispered into my ear as she shoved my hand up under her skirt.
My fingers touched something hairy and dripping wet. I pulled my hand back from under her skirt. I look to Pam who wrapped her hands around my head pulling my face into hers. Pam kissed me deeply and passionately as she slipped her tongue into my mouth. I broke our kiss as I looked to Sherri who was smiling at me then to Pam.
“I think it is time I took you girls home,” I said.
The three of us stood up and the girls held on to each other as we walked toward the bar. I told the girls to give me a few minutes to settle my tab. I walked over to Sally who was not filling any drinks at the time. I asked her for my bill.
Sally totaled the damage up and handed me the bill as she said, “I was hoping you would stay until I got off in an hour,” as she smiled to me.
I handed Sally my credit card. I watched her shake that fucking ass of hers as she went to the register. I watched her big tits bounce on her way back to me. I signed the bill and added a twenty-five dollar tip.
“How about you see about getting off at midnight tomorrow,” I said smiling at her.
“I believe I can arrange that especially for you Sgt. J,” Sally replied as she leaned over the bar.
Sally was close enough to my face that I could kiss her so I thought why not. I pressed my lips to hers as I gave her a quick little kiss. Sally threw her arms around me and gave me a long wet kiss back.
I broke our kiss as I said, “Please call me John Sally.”
“OK John, see you tomorrow night,” Sally replied.
I walked over to the girls and Sherri said, “We thought we were going to have to break the two of you apart,” smiling at me.
“It’s OK I would share him with her,” Pam added looking back at Sally.
“Come on girl’s time to get you two something to eat,” I replied.
I walked them both to my truck. I opened the passenger door for them. Pam wrapped her arms around me giving me a nice kiss before I helped her into the truck. I turned to Sherri who threw her arms around my neck looking up into my face smiling.
“May I, daddy,” Sherri asked.
I did not reply I just wrapped my arms around her as I placed my lips to hers. I kissed her as if she was Carrie. The kiss was gentle, romantic, and given with feeling. I broke our kiss watching Sherri opening her eyes with her arms around my neck still.
“Don’t tempt me daddy,” Sherri replied with a sigh and a smile.
“UP into the truck princess,” I said as I picked her off her feet sitting her in the truck as she giggled.
I drove the girls and me to the all night diner. I pumped coffee and food into them both. The three of us talked while we ate as well as laughed. I thanked them both for a wonderful time tonight. I did have fun as well as enjoyed myself, which was better than I felt before we went out tonight.
Pam laid her head up against my arm falling asleep just a few miles down the road. I looked over to Sherri who was resting her head against Pam. She too was fast asleep. I reached over and I turned the radio on to keep me awake as well. These words filled my ears as I drove.
I see the bad moon arisin'
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightnin'
I see bad times today
Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
I hear hurricanes ablowin'
I know the end is comin' soon
I fear rivers overflowin'
I hear the voice of rage and ruin
I had not heard this song in a very longtime “Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival. I used to hear this song a lot when I was in Vietnam. In fact, the lieutenant whose life I had saved loved this song. I remembered he had it playing that night I went out of patrol when I received my wounds. My mind thought briefly on that event before I reached over and I turned it off as a tear ran down my cheek. I wiped the tear as I looked to Pam then to Sherri.
“Don’t let it ruin your night daddy,” Sherri said as she reached over touching my hand on the steering wheel.
“I won’t princess,” I replied with a smile.
Pam woke up just a few miles from home. The girls told me good night as we walked down the hallway. I watched them enter Sherri‘s room and close the door as Coco followed them into there. I walked into our bedroom where I slipped out of my clothes and I threw on my robe.
I grabbed my pillow from the bed and I headed for the sofa. I turned TV on and tossed the pillow onto the sofa. I went into the kitchen and grabbed myself a beer before returning to sit on the sofa. About twenty minutes later Pam came walking out from the hallway.
I looked at her as she walked toward me on the sofa. Pam was wearing a hot pink baby doll negligee with spaghetti straps. It split down the middle from her cleavage, which showed nicely in it. The diamond in her belly button sparkled as she walked toward me smiling. Pam had on matching sheer hot pink panties. I could see her thick black full hairy pussy showing through her panties.
“Mind if I join you Sgt. J?” Pam seductively asked.
“Call me John, please,” I replied as I patted my hand to the sofa.
Pam sat down as her arms went around my neck. She pulled my face into hers as our lips met. I wrapped my arms around her, as our lips tasted each other. Our kiss was hot and wet as our tongues danced in the others mouth. I felt my cock throbbing as it grew hard as we kissed. Pam’s hand went inside my robe to my now hard throbbing cock.
“Oh daddy,” Pam cooed out as her hand wrapped around my cock.
Pam pumped her hand on my cock as she kissed me again. She broke the kiss and removed her hand from under my robe. She took both hands and untied my robe tossing it open exposing my hard cock. Pam ran her hands over my chest teasingly playing with my nipples with her fingers before she kissed at them.
Pam kissed her way down my chest all the way to my cock. Pam kissed at the head of my dick. She then stood up and she dropped to her knees in front of me. Pam opened my legs as she got between them. Pam took my cock into her mouth. I leaned back into the sofa resting my head on it.
Pam’s head was soon bobbing up and down on my cock. She seemed to know how to suck on a cock. The girl never took her mouth off my cock she just kept bobbing her head up and down sometimes fast sometimes slow. I am not for sure how long she sucked at my cock before I felt my cock start to swell and throb.
“You are going to make me cum,” I moaned out as I felt my cock start to twitch.
Pam just raised her mouth up my cock as her hand wrapped around it. She pumped her hand at my cock as she sucked at the head of my cock. I watched her cheeks sucking in as she did.
“AHhhhh,” I moaned out as my cock started to shoot off in her mouth.
Pam just kept sucking at it. My cock throbbed as it fired about four ribbons of cum into her mouth. Pam never flinched or gagged as she just kept sucking cum from my cock. In fact, I had to pull her mouth from my cock, as it got very sensitive after filling in her mouth.
I pulled her up standing her up then laying her down onto the sofa. I placed her head up onto the arm of the sofa. I removed my robe before I climbed onto the sofa between her lovely long legs. I took her foot into my hand bringing it up to my mouth. I licked at the bottom of the sole of her foot.
Pam jerked her foot as she said, “I am ticklish daddy.”
I just smiled to her as I went to kissing the sole of her foot. I worked my kisses around her foot to the top of her foot. I kissed each toe before I sucked each toe. I took all her toes into my mouth at one time.
“AHhhhh,” Pam moaned as I saw that she was rubbing her hairy pussy through her sheer hot pink panties.
I slowly worked my way up her leg kissing and licking on it. I ran my tongue in a straight long line from her knee up to the very top of her thigh. I kissed my way back down to her knee. I moved a little toward the inner part of her thigh running my tongue straight up it then kissing my way back down.
I did this until I had worked my tongue to her inner thigh. I ran my tongue in little circles up her inner thigh to where I felt her hand touching my head as she rubbed herself. I worked my tongue back down then up her thigh once more. I felt her hands grabbing at my head.
“Lick my pussy daddy,” Pam yelled out as she pulled my face into her pussy.
Her sheer hot pink panties were soaked with her juices. I was not for sure whether she had pissed her panties. Nor did I care as I buried my face into her panties. I kissed and licked at them before I pulled them to one side. Her long pink pussy lips came into my view as I did.
“AHHhhh Daddy,” Pam screamed as my tongue ran up between her pussy lips.
I lapped between them with my tongue. I buried my face against her hairy pussy as my tongue shot up inside her pink wet pussy. I ran my tongue in and out of her pussy as I ground my nose into her clit. Pam’s hand went to my head as her thighs closed around it.
“AHHhhhhhhhh FUCK,” Pam screamed out as an orgasm rushed through her.
Pam rocked her pussy against my face as she squeezed those muscular thighs around my head. Pam’s pussy juices did not squirt out from her pussy they more or less just poured from her pussy into my waiting mouth. I just kept lapping her juices up with my tongue. Pam finally released my head from her thighs and she removed her hands from my head. I withdrew my wet face from between her legs.
“Mmmmmmm daddy I never came that much before,” Pam cooed out as she stared at me. “Fuck me,” Pam added as she pulled her panties off as she spread her legs apart and raised them into the air.
My cock was hard again as I climbed up on her. Her long legs slipped right on my shoulders as I eased on top of her. I took my cock and I placed it at the entrance to her pussy. I shoved the head of my cock into her as her pussy lips wrapped around it. I slowly ran my cock in and out of her hot wet pussy.
“Fuck me harder daddy,” Pam cooed.
I increased the pace at which I was fucking her. Pam started to rock up against my cock each time I drove it into her pussy. Her pussy was wet but tight as well. It squeezed at my cock each time I pushed it into her. I fucked her like that for a good ten minutes.
“Take me from behind daddy,” Pam said.
I pulled my cock out and lowered her legs back down to the sofa. Pam rose up kissing me deeply and slipping her tongue into my mouth. I kissed her back and tongued her mouth as well. Pam broke our kiss as she placed her arms onto the arm of the sofa. Pam looked back at me smiling.
I got behind her as I rubbed my cock against her pussy. I stuck the head into her pussy from behind. I fucked her slow and deep from behind. I waited until she started to pump her ass back toward me before I fucked her hard and deep.
“AHHHhhh YES, fuck me,” Pam screamed out.
I raised my leg up as I put my foot firmly onto the sofa. My hands went on her ass as I rammed my cock fiercely into her pussy from behind. Pam’s pussy started talking as I slammed my cock into her. I felt my balls swinging upward nailing her clit each time I drove my cock deep into her.
“Cum with me daddy,” Pam moaned out.
I felt my balls coming and going as my cock swelled. I rammed my cock to the deepest depth of her pussy. I held it there as I felt it throb then twitched.
“AHhhhhh shit,” I yelled as my cock left loose its load.
“YES fill my pussy daddy give me your baby seed,” Pam screamed out.
My cock jerked in her pussy as it fired out round after round of cum. I slowly started to move my cock in and out of her pussy, suddenly it hit me what she had said about giving her my baby seed. My cock shrunk faster than if he had been dipped in ice water. My cock fell from her hole as I pulled back.
I watched in horror as cum back flushed out of her pussy. It did not drip from her pussy it ran from her hole. I watched it puddle on the sofa between us. The sweat was pouring from me as I slipped down onto the sofa. Pam fell forward as her pussy farted and more cum ran out.
Pam lies there breathing heavily as I watched cum flow out. Christ what had I done I thought. John you fucking idiot not only have you committed adultery against your wife but you might have given Pam a baby. I could not take it I had to know.
“Pam, you are on the pill?” I asked as she started to get up from the sofa.
Pam’s pussy dripped one more big glop out as she replied, “Yes and it is a good thing with as full as you filled me,” smiling at me.
Pam spun around and she sat down beside me. Her hand rubbed at my thigh as she sat there. Pam was looking down and I was staring off into space. I felt bad about what I had just done.
“John, I am sorry I just could not help myself around you,” Pam said with her head still down. “I have a fetish and it is older men,” “I just can not get off with guys my own age,” Pam added never lifting her head.
I turned and looked at her to see that she was hurting. Pam sat there with her head hanging down. I lifted her head with my fingers turning her face toward mine.
“It’s because you never met your father isn’t it,” I said.
Pam shook her head yes as the flood gates opened from her brown eyes. I wrapped my arms around her as she cried into my chest. I kissed at the top of her head telling her it would be OK. Pam cried and sobbed into my chest as I held her tightly. Pam pushed herself from me as she looked into my eyes with her brown eyes.
“Don’t hate me because of what I have done,” Pam said sobbing then crying again.
I took her into my arms again pulling her tightly against myself as I whispered into her ear, “Hush, hush my love or the creatures of the night will get you.”
I rocked Pam in my arms as I told her that repeatedly. Pam’s crying went to just a sob. I felt her taking a deep breath in my arms. Pam broke my hold on her as she looked into my eyes once more.
Pam smiled as she said, “Sherri told me the story that goes with that saying.”
I smiled back as I replied, “Then you must know that the tears you cry are allowed for you cry them not for yourself but for the father you never knew.”
Pam smiled as her arms wrapped around my neck. She squeezed me as she laid her head on my shoulder near my ear. I embraced her like that with my hand rubbing at her back.
“Thank you daddy for caring and understanding the demon I carry with me,” Pam whispered into my ear.
“We all have demons some just more than others,” I whispered into her ear. “Now let daddy take you back to bed and tuck you in,” I added as I stood us both up with my arms around her.
I walked her slowly back to Sherri’s room. I eased the door open and walked her over to the bed. I gentle pulled the bed covers back not waking Sherri or Coco. Pam slipped into the bed as I pulled the covers up to her neck.
I tucked the bed sheet under her chin as I whispered, “You’re safe from demons in this room,” then kissed her forehead.
Pam smiled back as she pulled my head down to hers as she whispered, “I know angel Carrie protects you and Sherri.”
I smiled as I said, “Angel Carrie protects us all.”
I turned and walked from their room. I stopped at the door to look back to see that Pam had her eyes closed already. I looked up to the heavens as I silently said, “I know I am no longer worthy however please watch over those two.”
I closed their door making my way into our empty bedroom. I closed and locked the door behind me as I did. I went in and jumped into the shower. I started with warm water cascading down onto me. I turned it to cold as tears flowed from my eyes. The tears I cried were for Pam as well as my self. I felt sorry for her, as the Vietnam War had taken 20 some years to catch up to her. I hoped that the tears I cried was that her real daddy understood.
I stayed in that cold shower for as long as I could. I dried myself off and slipped on a pair of jogging pants and a tee shirt. I walked from the bedroom to the kitchen. I got a bucket with soap and water as well as a scrub brush. I went into the living room where I scrubbed away the sin I had committed. It may have cleaned the sofa however it would never cleanse my soul or the guilt I felt.
I emptied the bucket and placed it back under the sink in the kitchen. I turned the lights in the living room off except for the one by the recliner. I lifted my legs from the floor as I tilted the recliner back some. It sat facing the fireplace where my medals and the sign hung. The hair stood up on the back of my neck as I reached up, I turned the light off, and the room went dark.
A small sparkle came from Carrie’s ring as it hung on the branch frame around the sign. I knew she may not be here for me but at least she would watch over the other two. I closed my eyes as I fell into a deep sleep.
I do not know how long I was asleep until my dream took over me. I was standing on the shoreline looking out over the water. The gentle waves splashing against the shoreline filled my ears. I watched as the moon danced once again on the water. I looked up into the night sky however, there were too many stars for me to count. I watched the moon dancing; it suddenly stopped and grew bigger as it rushed toward me. It stopped just in front of me only a few feet from the shoreline.
I stepped back as a door or hatch opened in the moon. A set of steps projected out and downward stopping at my feet. I looked back up to the door to see Carrie walking down those steps. Her long blonde hair blowing in the night’s gentle breeze smiling at me as I smiled back at her. Carrie held out her hand which I took into mine helping her down from the last step.
Carrie smiled as she said, “It has been awhile John,” “I am here and I will never leave you alone again as I am always here in your heart,” as her hand touched my chest.
“Forgive me Carrie,” I replied.
“I forgave you a long time ago John,” Carrie said as a shooting star fell out in the lake.
Carrie turned to where it had fallen then back to me as she said, “I must go now John,” as she started to walk back up the steps.
I tried to yell out NO but no words came from my mouth. I tried to move so I could walk up the steps with her however, my legs would not move. All I could do was watch her long blonde hair blowing in the night’s gentle breeze as she walked up those steps. Carrie was almost to the door when she stopped and turned back toward me.
Carrie smiled tilting her head as she said, “Capt. Brad watches over Pam.”
I suddenly woke up no longer dreaming or asleep. The early morning sun was trying to peek in from behind the curtains at the patio doors. I eased my chair back down getting up and walked toward the patio doors.
I pushed the curtains back opening the door. I stepped outside and walked down to the dock by the lake. The morning dew collected on my feet as I walked. I looked back to see that I was leaving my footprints in the yard. I got to the dock where I stood looking out over the lake. I closed my eyes as my ears filled with the sound of the gentle waves crashing into the shoreline. I breathed in as “White Diamond” perfume teased my nostrils.
The morning breeze hit against the side of my face. It felt as if Carrie’s hand was stroking at my face. The feeling of calmness entered my body. I also had a feeling that some one was with me. I opened my eyes thinking maybe Sherri or Pam had followed me outside. I looked all around me however, I saw no one.
I was all alone on the dock. I smiled at myself knowing that in reality I am never alone. I knew that Carrie would always be with me. A huge small mouth bass jumped from the water a few feet from the dock. I stood there shaking my head back and forth as I said, “And me without my pole once again.”
I stayed down at the dock for a while thinking. It was wrong what I had done with Pam last night. It was not because she was only nineteen but because my love belonged to Kay. I would have to tell Kay that was the only way I could live with myself. I made up my mind as I stood there to tell her that as well as her days of swinging were over, as it had to stop.
I walked back up into the house noticing the sun had melted my footprints in the morning dew. I went inside and out into the kitchen. I grabbed eggs, bacon and milk from the refrigerator. I got pancake mix from the cupboard as well. I sat it all on the counter as I looked to the clock on the wall it was almost 8:30. I had been down at the dock for almost two and half hours not realizing it had been that long.
“I will help daddy,” Sherri said from behind me.
I turned and smiled at her as I handed her the bacon. Sherri and I worked as a team preparing breakfast. I asked her if she slept good last night. Sherri told me yes and in fact it was the most relaxing and peaceful sleep she ever had giving me that look of hers.
Sherri smiled at me as she asked, “What did Carrie tell you daddy?”
“Just the usual and that Capt. Brad looks over Pam,” I replied staring at her.
Sherri’s mouth dropped opened as she asked, “Did Pam tell you her fathers name?”
“NO princess,” I replied.
“His name was Brad and he was a Capt. with the air force, daddy,” Sherri said as she came to me wrapping her arms around my waist.
“I know princess, I know,” I replied rubbing at her back. “You go tell her and I will give you two some time to cry before breakfast is ready,” I added.
Sherri broke our hug as she said, “You are special daddy,” as she smiled at me.
I smiled back as I replied, “As you are princess,” as she left the kitchen heading for her bedroom.
About twenty minutes later the bacon, eggs and pancakes were ready. I sat every thing onto the kitchen table. I went to the refrigerator to get the butter out. I turned as Pam wrapped her arms around my neck. She pulled my face down giving me a kiss on my cheek then hugging me.
Pam whispered into my ear, “Thanks daddy and thank angel Carrie for me too.”
We had just finished breakfast when the phone rang. Sherri answered it and she turned from me. I heard her ask into the phone “Why mom,” then after listening for sometimes I heard “But mom,” before she hung up the phone.
Sherri turned to me and she said, “That was mom she is not coming home daddy.” “She left you a note at work explaining it to you,” as she started to cry.
Sherri ran to her bedroom and I asked Pam to go be with her. Pam told me she was sorry and hoped it was not because of her. I assured Pam that she had nothing to do with it. I sat there in the kitchen alone not upset because I was alone. I was upset because I had left it happen. I grabbed my truck keys from the wall. I went out the door to my truck. I jumped in backing out of the driveway. I drove to my office without a thought running through my head. Maybe I had known this was coming.
I reached my office where I went inside and there laying on my desk was a letter. I picked the letter up reading it as I did. This is what that letter had written on it.
My Dearest John,
I know this letter may hurt you as it does me. You once had to go out into the world and face your demons alone. It is my turn to do so now. I am on a quest to find myself. My heart tells me I have to do so or I will forever lose you. I am lost with you and I am lost without you. The reason it hurts so much to separate is that our souls are connected. We drifted apart no fault of yours as I take the blame. I stopped talking to you was my first mistake; the second was my desire to be with other men. My desire for other men has ended as the man I desire most I can no longer face or have. This letter is not to tell you good-bye as goodbyes are forever.
I have to work this out on my own. I know you wish you were here to help me. It is best if I find my way myself for then I will know. This is just until we met again it may be days, it may be months. I pray it does not take me longer than that. I need to know what I am losing to know it is worth returning. I know you could find me but please John do not; if you love me give me the time I need. I set you free of all commitments to me as well as to my heart. I know your heart will not let me go and I understand as well as I pray it does not for some day I promise to have you holding me in those big sweet arms of yours again. Tell Sherri I love her and explain to her. John I still love you both. I just no longer know who I am.
Loving you soon,
P.S. Please John, just give me some time to figure out just who I am.
I sat there alone in my quiet office. I tried to think however, my mind was a total blank. I was hoping for the monster in me to return as he could track her down in less than a day. I waited and waited however no voice from within telling me what to do.
I looked to the picture of Carrie hanging on my wall. I stared and waited nothing happened. I closed my eyes as the silence of my office filled my ears. I opened my eyes as my ears filled with a sound I have heard before.
Lub then dub filled my ears. It grew louder and louder until all I could hear was, “Lub-dub,” “Lub-dub,” “Lub-dub,” “Lub-dub.” It was the beating of my own heart as I sat there alone in my office. I knew my heart was free once more.
I got up from my desk with Kay's letter in hand. I was going to toss it away however; I figured that maybe Sherri should read it so she did not think it was her fault. I folded it up and I placed it in my pocket. I could still hear the beating of my heart as I walked from my office. I knew I was going to let my heart guide me once more.
I drove back home where Sherri was waiting. I walked in to find her alone as she had taken Pam home. I walked over to the sofa where she sat looking up at me with red swollen eyes. I reached into my pocket and handed her the letter from her mom. I turned to the patio door and opened them. I closed them behind me as I walked once again down to the boat dock.
I took my shoes off as I sat down onto the dock. I dangled my feet down into the cooling waters. I closed my eyes as I listened to the gentle crashing of the waves against the shoreline. I pictured the moon dancing above the waves. I tried to count the stars I saw in the night sky in my mind. However, there were too many to count.
I heard “Lub-dub,” “Lub-dub,” with the sounds of the waves. I filtered out the waves as I heard another set of “Lub-dub,” “Lub-dub,” fill my ears. It was not my own heart but someone else’s. The two hearts slowly came together until two hearts beat as one.
“Can I join you daddy?” I heard Sherri asked.
I looked up to see her standing over me. A lovely aura surrounded her body. The aura around her was just like the one I would see surrounding Carrie from time to time only brighter. I had once looked up the meaning of a truly bright aura and found that it is often only associated with people of unusual psychic sensitivity.
I smiled to her as I replied, “Sure Princess,” taking her hand into mine helping her to sit down beside me.
Sherri kicked her shoes off and dangled her feet with mine. Our feet played in the water as we just sat there. Sherri moved my hand that was still in hers up to her lips. She kissed my hand as she looked at me as I looked at her.
“Daddy, why didn’t Carrie warn one of us about this?” Sherri asked as she tilted her head to me.
I thought for a few seconds before I replied, “Matters of ones heart can only be solved within that heart.”
Sherri squeezed my hand as she asked, “What are you going to do daddy?”
“The only thing I can do princess,” I replied pausing to look into my reflection in the water. I turned back to her and added, “Hopefully the path she chooses will lead her back to us.” “I once had to go find myself and it led me to her and you,” as I smiled to her.
Sherri laid her head against me my shoulders as she said, “I will never leave you daddy.”
I fought back my tears because I knew she would be leaving me soon. If not to go off to college, it would be with some boy who stole her heart. I was not looking forward to that day now that Kay had left me. I stood up on the dock pulling Sherri up with me as well. We walked back up toward the house hand in hand.
“So did Pam say anything to you,” I asked Sherri as we walked.
“Nothing much,” Sherri replied. Then she smiled into my face as she added, “Other than that man knows how to make a girl feel like a woman.”
When Sherri said that I remembered about the date I had made with Sally tonight. I was going to see if maybe Sherri would go tell her that I could not make it. However, that would be running away so I decided to go ahead with our plans knowing that I would not be a whole lot of fun tonight.
I asked Sherri what her plans were for the night. She told me she was going out on a date. She told me that she would break it and stay home with me. I told no go out and have some fun. I told her I was going to go meet Sally at midnight.
“Is that wise daddy,” Sherri asked giving me a look.
“Probably not,” I replied to her shaking my head from side to side.
Sheri left for her date, as I was getting ready for mine. My heart truly was not into it as I did. I could not get Kay out of my mind. My mind filled with questions over it. However, I shook them from my head. I knew if I dwelt on them it would only hurt more. I did think for a few seconds about one question. How many times can your heart be broken until it no longer works?
I also wondered why she had not asked me to help her. Maybe I was just an old dog who knew no new tricks. I felt useless as I finished getting dressed.
Midnight soon came and I walked into the bar. Sally smiled at me as I walked up toward her. Sally took off her little apron and she stepped from behind the bar. Just my luck she had on a black short skirt with nylons attached to a garter belt as I could see the straps hanging from under her skirt pressed against her lovely thighs.
I also noticed she had lovely short legs that ran down into a six-inch high heel shoe. That explained how she seemed to have been almost my size. I looked up to her chest. My god this woman had a huge set of tits on her I thought as my eyes feasted on them. Sally wore a black and white shirt that was very low cut. Her boobs danced in her top as she walked toward me with two bottles of beer in each hand.
Sally handed me two bottles as she said, “We won’t have to make a trip up for a while,” as she smiled. She took my hand as she added, “I saved us a booth,” as she laid me away.
Sally slipped into the booth and I slipped in next to her. I stared at the bottles of beer in front of me. Sally was talking however; I never heard a word she said to me. Sally finally tapped me on my shoulder.
“John is there something wrong?” Sally asked.
I turned to her as I replied, “Just a little down as my wife left me today.”
Sally took my hand in between both of hers as she said, “John you should have called me,” “I won’t have held you to our date.” Sally smiled as she asked, “Care to talk about it?”
“I would not know where to start,” I replied shaking my head.
“Start at the beginning,” Sally said turning my head toward her.
“There once were two children born together in a neighborhood, their parents were friends as well as neighbors,” I said staring into her eyes.
I sat there with Sally until the bar closed telling her my life story up to where Kay had left me. Sally had gone through most of the napkins in the holder on the table in the booth. We had also taken breaks to get more drinks, to many drinks in fact, as I was feeling it. I would wipe her tears from her eyes every now and then. I did so because I knew she cried those tears for me and not for her self.
“That was an incredible story John,” “So full of love, compassion and understanding especially between Carrie, Kay and you,” Sally said.
The bar was closing and Sally asked me to take her home as she had someone drop her off for work tonight. I told her I would. We talked on the way to her house. To be truthful I was feeling somewhat better maybe telling her my story had helped. Maybe it was all the drinks that I had that night. I was unsure as I walked her up to her door.
“Care to come in for some coffee,” Sally asked.
I should have just told her good night and left. However, I did not. Sally gave me a short tour of her place. Her bedroom was the last stop. She had me over by the bed with my legs against it. Sally pushed me back onto the bed.
“Your heart may not be into it however I can not help myself,” Sally said as she climbed up onto the bed.
Sally went right for my pants. She unbuckled them pulling them down to my thighs. She used her thumbs to pull my under wear down exposing my soft cock. Sally took my cock into her hand and it began to grow as she played with it. She soon had my cock in her mouth. I could have easily closed my eyes and thought that Kay was working her mouth on my cock.
“Why don’t you spin around up here and let me return the pleasure,” I said smiling to her.
Sally spun her legs up over my head damn near taking my eye out as she still had on those six-inch heels. Her little black skirt rode up her ass as she backed her pussy toward my face. I saw that Sally was not a true blonde-haired woman as her black hair pussy came into view.
My hands went between her thighs spreading open her pussy. She had to have the pinkest pussy I had ever seen. Her pussy lips were merely folds at each side of her hole. I licked at them with my tongue as Sally started to bob her head up and down on my cock.
I soon forgot my troubles like the asshole I was. I had my tongue buried deep in her pussy probing her depths. I was checking out her asshole as my tongue went in and out of her pussy. Sally’s asshole was the hairiest I had ever seen on a woman. I wet my thumb and I pulled it up to her asshole. I ran it around it a few times before I sunk my thumb into her butt.
“AHhhhhh,” Sally moaned pulling her mouth from my cock. “If you keep doing that you will have to fuck my ass,” Sally added taking my cock back into her mouth.
I started to take my thumb in and out of her butt. I was lapping at her pussy as I did. Sally moved her pussy back and forth onto my face. Her pussy contracted and opened up as her juices shot down onto my face.
“AHHH fuck you made me squirt,” Sally cried out using her hand on my cock.
Sally spun her pussy from my face making my thumb pop from her ass as she did. She pulled her skirt up as she sat down onto my stomach with my cock dancing in between the cheeks of her ass. Sally pulled her shirt up over her head tossing it to the floor. She then reached behind herself unhooking the black bra covering her huge tits. Her heavy big boobs fell down jiggling when she freed them from her bra. Her tits were fucking huge with nipples the size of my little fingers. They were hard and sticking from those huge fucking tits.
My hands went to her tits feeling the sheer weight of them in my hand. I squeezed at them as I worked my fingers over her nipples. Sally had the hardest nipples I had ever had between my fingers. I rolled and pulled on them as Sally smile at me.
Sally rose up a little as I felt her hand taking hold of my cock. She placed it at her pussy as she sat fully down onto it. Sally moaned as she took all my cock deep into her pussy. She started to rock as I toyed with her nipples.
Sally was going to town on my cock however I was not really into it. I just could not get Kay out of my mind. I tired to get into it with Sally however, it just did not happen. I moved her tits to my mouth where I suckled on them as she rode my cock.
“AHhhh shit you going to make me squirt again,” Sally moaned out.
Sally was slamming her pussy fast and hard down onto my cock. Her eyes closed as I felt her pussy splashing against my cock. I wrapped my hands around her butt driving my cock up into her as she rode it. I made it as if I was going to blow my load as she did.
“I am going to cum.” I yelled out.
I was lying however; I faked a good cum just to get the night over with her. Sally never knew the difference. Sally wanted me to spend the night however; I told her I had to get home to make sure Sherri had gotten home safely. Sally walked me to the door where I thanked her for a wonderful evening.
Sally smiled at me as she said, “I am never going to see you again am I Sgt. J.”
I kissed her on her cheek tasting the tear that had run down, as I shook my head no. I turned and walked to my truck and drove away. I never saw Sally again after that night nor did I ever return to that bar.
I drove home that night with Kay on my mind. I did not understand truly, why she had left me. I gave the woman I loved everything she had ever asked for or wanted. The one thing I would not give her was rough hard hurt me sex. I was not into that shit and I could never do that to the woman I loved or any other woman for that matter. I was just not that type of a man.
That was the only reason I could think of as I drove home. I pulled into my driveway and I sat in my truck thinking about any other reason. Perhaps it was because of my own demons. Maybe Kay felt that I no longer cared or even loved her maybe she did not want to share my heart with Carrie any longer.
Maybe with me as fucked up, as I was Kay just could not stand to be with me any longer. Maybe I was not as good as a lover as I thought I was. I sat there getting angry with myself. It was because of me I had lost Terri. I was to blame for Carrie’s death, as I should have driven her to the store that day. Now Kay had walked out on me because of me. The longer I sat there as those thoughts filled my mind; the angrier I became. Every muscle tensed in my body as it filled with hate.
“SAY something, DAMN it,” I screamed as I broke down into a full cry in my truck.
I had tried to get the monster to return, as I needed his help. However, no voices filled my head no visions filled my eyes. My head fell into my hands as I cried ever more. I cried until I could cry no more. I felt very alone as I sat there in my truck with darkness all around me. It felt worst than it ever did when I was alone in Vietnam.
The morning sun was coming up over the lake as I had spent the whole night in my truck. I sat there watching it rise as I gathered myself. I realized that I was alone and that was how it was to be. I had followed my heart and it had led me to being alone.
I stepped from my truck and I walked down to the boat dock. I lie down on my stomach reaching into the water with my hands. I cupped them in the water bringing them out as I splashed the water into my face. The water felt somewhat soothing as it hit my red swollen eyes.
“You are never alone daddy,” I heard Sherri say. “We will always have each other,” Sherri added as I stood up on the dock.
“We will princess, we always will,” I replied as I placed my arm around her shoulder.
I pulled her against me as I walked us back to the house. I did not know why or how that sweet little girl and I had become connected in our hearts as well as in our minds. I was only glad that we had. At least I had her and she had me.
We returned inside where Sherri and I sat talking. We both felt to blame for Kay leaving. We both told each other that we were not to blame. We would get through this together and hoped someday we both would find out why Kay left.
“Daddy do you believe in fate,” Sherri asked with wonder on her face.
Fate had returned to haunt me once more. The first time I had ever run into fate was during the Vietnam War. According to Carrie in her journals, this may have been when all my troubles started. I sat there thinking back to that day as if it happened yesterday.
I had been in Vietnam for just about ten months. I hated every damn second as time went on over there. To make matters worst it was my first experience with that goddamn fucking rain. That rain seemed magical in a way. As this rain only made you sweat, it never cooled you off. It only made you miserable. That and the fact that sometimes you could not see a foot in front of you as you made your way through that dense jungle either because of the rain or from the fog it would produce.
I was shook awake in my shack as I thought, “What the fuck I had only been off patrol for less than a couple of hours.”
“They want you in the CQ tent Sgt. J,” a very young looking private said to me.
I walked over to the CQ tent and went inside. I knew something was coming down as there was a major and some other high-ranking officers talking to my Captain. I walked toward them as they stood over a table.
“Here is your man for that mission,” the captain said to the major.
“Man, he is but a mere boy with stripes on his sleeves,” the major replied shaking his head. “Son just what is your fucking duty over here?” the major asked.
“To take as many of the enemy out before they take me out, sir,” I replied not knowing where it had even come from.
Apparently, my reply impressed him or he just did not care. The major and my captain went over my mission with me. I was to find the enemy supply line and follow it to where ever the supplies came from. They knew the general area however; they wanted to send in an air strike. I stood there listening to their mission thinking has anyone told these dumb shits it is raining fucking cats and dogs over here.
For the last week on patrols every time, you called for air support. You got the reply “That is a negative no birds in the air.” After the major had left, I had a little heart to heart with my captain.
I told him it was not any big fucking secret that the supplies were coming in from the Ho Chi Minh trail, a 2000-mile network of dirt roads. Each one of the passes, Mu Gia, Ban Ravin, and Ban Karai, sat along a route coming out of North Vietnam and it lashed up into the jungle of Laos where it became a part of the Barrel Roll. It was similar to the arteries coming out of your heart, hidden trails running up into North Vietnam.
“Sir won’t the air boys be better at this mission,” “Just send in an Phantom RF-4C pilot draw some fire and call an F-4 jet in to light their asses up sir,” I said.
Now for those of you who may not know what I am talking about. This was what the fly guys would call "Protective Reaction Strikes." Legally, in order to have a protective reaction the reconnaissance airplane being the RF-4C would probe (trolling might be more descriptive) in a suspicious area, supposedly get shot at, and the reaction would be that the fighters could go in and drop bombs, but only at that particular target as dictated by 7 th Air Force. That was in accordance with the Rules of Engagement. I never knew there were any rules when it came to war however in this damn war there was.
That is why the F-4 carried two crew members. “One is to fly the airplane, and one is to carry the briefcase full of the rules of engagement." Sorry, I drifted away once more from my story however, that was just how they ran this fucked up war. How can you fight a war with your hands tied?
The little heart to heart I had with my captain had gotten me nowhere. On top of that, I would be spending days if not to weeks in that damn jungle. Come nightfall I boarded a helicopter with the crew chief bitching up a storm about having to make a drop tonight. We took off to my drop zone as I sat there on the helicopter with the crew chief staring at me. I had my full war paint on and I believe he did not know what to make of me. I stared deeply back at as if I was peering into his very soul.
About half way to the drop zone, my eyes left the crew chief as I looked to the floor of the helicopter. A bullet came up through the floor with a metal ping sound between my feet hit the ceiling and fell near my foot. The crew chiefs mouth dropped opened as he stared at me.
I picked the bullet fragment up looked at it as I said, “Nope didn’t have my name on it,” as I tossed it out the open door. “By the way what was your name?” I asked not smiling.
He did not look at me the rest of the way. I had to repel from the helicopter to get into the jungle. I made sure I had all my gear together and as I approached the doorway, the crew chief grabbed me by my arm.
“Stan, Sgt. that is my name,” the crew chief yelled into my ear.
“Nope, didn’t have your name on it neither,” I yelled back smiling.
“Good luck and May fate watch over you Sgt,” The crew chief said before he gave me the signal to go.
I no sooner took four steps in the jungle and it started to fucking down pour rain. Thanks fate I thought as I made my way through the jungle. It fucking rained and it fucking rained. I was five or six days out and I was miserable, wet and so very alone. It was everyone’s fault back at home that I was so miserable. I hated them all especially Terri. I was over here suffering because she had taken my heart from me and stepped on it. That fucking bitch, this fucking war and my miserable fucking life. Thanks again to fucking fate.
You would be sweating up a storm in the daytime when it did stop raining and shivering from the cold fog and out of fear of being so alone at night. I huddled under some jungle brush when I saw a faint flash in the distance. It did not belong in the jungle. I knew I was not alone in the jungle any longer.
I silently made my way toward the flash. It seemed as if I had stumbled upon a restocking station. However, it looked as if they had just got rid of their last bit of supplies. I followed this small group for about a day until they came to a group of huts in the jungle. I could see the huts were full of supplies.
I sat close by keeping an eye on them as well as on the weather. All I needed was a short window of clear skies and I could call for an air strike. Fate smiled upon me once more that night for in about five hours the weather cleared. I made my way deeper into the jungle and called for the strike.
“Blow smoke and we will do the rest,” came the reply on my radio.
I made my way back to the huts and got up wind from them. I was going to have to decide to throw and hide or throw and run like hell. There was a small ravine near were I stood about a forty to fifty foot drop down a slopping hill. I decided to throw the smoke and then make my way down into the ravine.
I lit the smoke threw it and as I stepped toward the ravine my feet slipped out from under me and as I slid down the hill into the ravine all hell broke out over me. There were bullet fragments as well as grenade fragment flying directly over my body as I slid down that hill into the ravine. The flash was so strong I thought I might have burned my eyes.
I lie there at the bottom dazed but alive. If I had not slipped, the fragments flying above me would have cut me to ribbons. I did not think about it for to long, as I had to put some distance between that place and myself. I quickly made my way to a place I thought was safe.
I sat down to catch my breath and say a prayer. I also thought about it being fate that the bullet in the helicopter missed me that the skies had cleared enough to call for an air strike. In addition, fate had tripped me on that hill saving my life. I felt good as I sat there for the first time since I had arrived in Vietnam. I even thought fate might have become my friend. I was about to find out just how wrong I was.
I stood up to make my way to my pick up point. I took maybe five or six steps before I felt the wire then heard the whoosh. I heard a voice inside me say, “Move left Sgt. J.”
I followed the orders that voice had given me as I felt pain coming to the side of my chest. Blood squirted from the wound as I rolled to the ground. I looked up to see an bent back piece of fucking bamboo with sharpened stakes swinging back and forth over where I lie on the jungle floor.
I sat up holding my hand to the side of my bleeding chest. It had cut me fairly deep. I had to stop the bleeding so I broke out my first aid kit. I wrapped a chest bandage around it to stop the bleeding. I suddenly remembered that voice I had heard. I grabbed my weapon in one hand crouching in the jungle. I filled with fear as my eyes swept the jungle around me. I saw no one and I heard no one.
I finished field dressing my wound. I looked to the blood that lies upon the jungle floor it was my blood. My eyes looked at my boot imprints in the mud. I looked up about chest high from my boot imprints to see that bamboo still swinging back and forth. I stood up and caught it with my hand stopping its movement. I stood back in my boot imprints.
If I had not listened to that voice, the stake would have hit me right in the middle of my chest. However because I had moved to the left as the voice had told me the stake had only cut a long rather deep line into the side of my chest. It would need stitches but at least I was alive. I stood there as the rain poured down once again. My fear suddenly left me.
“Fuck fate I will keep you alive,” that same voice, told me as I once again made my way to my pick up point. That event ran through my mind as I thought about what Sherri had asked me. That voice had been the monster within which was I.
“Fate is unkind and whimsical in approach, but in fact it is both generous and extremely mindful of the needs of our soul, princess,” I replied. “However sometimes it hurts, but sadly it is often only through hardship that we discover our inner strength and capabilities to achieve great things,” I added.
Sherri smiled at me as she said, “I think you just said the reason why mom left, daddy.”
“I can only hope it is that simple princess,” I replied smiling and wondering where in the hell that had come from.
Days turned to weeks; Kay had been gone for almost two weeks now. Sherri and I went on as if she was just on a long vacation. Neither of us talked about her much as it would only upset us both. Sherri would do school in the morning come home then her and I would go off to work. Sherri and I never told anyone else that Kay had walked out of our lives. I was to ashamed to tell anyone. It was Friday and we just got home from work.
“Daddy I am beat lets just stay home tonight,” Sherri said. “We can order a pizza,” She added smiling at me.
“That works for me, princess,” I replied.
We were sitting there in the living room when Coco started to bark. We both figured it was the pizza man. We waited for his knock at the door. However, there was no knock as the kitchen door flew open.
“JUST WHEN was one of you going to tell me that Kay ran away?” Cathy asked with anger.
Sherri and I sat there looking at each other. We hung our heads looking to the floor. Sherri and I both raise our heads at the same time looking to Cathy.
“She left because of me,” Sherri and I both replied in unison.
“SHE left because of herself,” Cathy replied standing there shaking her head from side to side.
Sherri and I looked at her like lost sheep. We had no idea what she was talking about or meant. Cathy told us Kay was dealing with the same monsters that she or I dealt with only on her level. Cathy explained her own demons of being addicted to cocaine. How she would do anything to get it. How she could not live with out it. How she finally faced those demons and removed the need for cocaine.
“John, you once told me your greatest fear,” Cathy said.
“I know that,” Sherri replied. “Daddy’s fear is being alone.”
Cathy and Sherri looked to me as I said, “Kay’s fear is being loved.”
I had been a fool not to see it. From day one, Kay had always been afraid to love me. I had thought she had gotten over that. Then again, I thought I was over Vietnam twenty years ago. Her fears had came back to haunt her just as mine had. The three of us sat and we talked for a while.
“Now I am not supposed to tell you two however I will,” Cathy said smiling at us. “Kay is safe,” Cathy added.
“Where is she I have to go to her?” I asked.
“You can not John,” Cathy replied. “Kay has to come back on her own.”
“WHERE IS KAY?” I yelled as I stood up with my hands clinched in fists.
“DADDY, stop it,” Sherri said standing up tilting her head at me.
I sat back down as I replied, “Sorry you two,” giving a smile.
“I see you can get angry without the monster taking over John,” Cathy said looking to me.
“Yes it took some time however I deal with it,” I replied. I paused as Cathy stared at me then I added, “All good things return in time.”
“She wants to come back but it is not time yet,” Cathy said. “I am to tell you both to watch over each other until she returns,” “and to keep her in your hearts as she does the two of you,” Cathy added.
Coco barked again as he ran to the door. This time it was the pizza man. The three of sat and ate pizza as we talked. I went out into the kitchen to get some soda and I saw Cathy telling Sherri something as she whispered into her ear. They both were smiling as I made my way back into the living room to them.
“I am going to go draw for a while,” Sherri said as Coco followed her.
Cathy came over and she sat down next to me as she said, “I can spend the weekend if you like John.”
“Your welcome to however…,” was all I got out before she placed her fingers to my lips. I was going to tell her she could but I would not have sex with her.
“How else am I to tell Kay; what she is missing John,” Cathy said with a smile.
“So you are here to comfort us both?” I asked.
“You could say that,” Cathy replied. “I am here to make sure love stays in your heart for Kay, John,” Cathy added as her finger traced around my ear.
“Does not Kay realize that I can never love anyone else?” I asked.
“I believe you once told that to Carrie as well,” Cathy replied smiling.
I thought for a second as I had thought I could never love again after losing Carrie. However, Kay had came into my life and proved me wrong. “Is she afraid I will find another?” I asked.
“Not afraid just worried,” Cathy replied. “She sent me to be with you to take care of your wants and needs,” Cathy added smiling at me.
“I want and need Kay,” I replied fighting back my tears.
“Kay told me you would say that John and that I was to tell you,” Cathy said.
Cathy wrapped her arms around me holding me tight. I felt her hand rubbing at my back. Cathy brought her lips to my ears.
“Hush, hush my love or the creatures of the night will get you,” Cathy whispered into my ear.
Sherri and I went on about our lives. We both worried and wondered about Kay ever day of the week. However, on the weekends Cathy came over to see that we worried a little less. On Friday nights, we would all sit around talking if something was on our minds.
We both always asked about Kay. As we wanted to know how she was getting along. Sherri, Cathy and I went roller-skating every Friday night as well. That was what Sherri and I wanted to do together for our night out together. Cathy and Sherri would go shopping sometimes on Saturday or they went fishing with me. Cathy gave comfort to Sherri as only another woman can give on Fridays. I received mine on Saturday nights.
Those weeks turned to months. I started to get worried and concerned that Kay was not coming back. I had gone to the grocery store once and I swore I saw Kay walking past the end cap as I stood in the aisle. I rushed through the store to find her. However, I figured my mind was starting to play with me again.
I even saw Kay standing near one of our work sites one day. I almost broke my neck jumping from the bulldozer. However when I picked myself up from the ground she was gone. I did not say anything to Cathy or Sherri about the visions of Kay I was having. It got to where I would see her and all I had to do was turn my head and she would be gone. Just memories that I had stored of her in my head I told myself.
It was June, Sherri was to graduate from High School on this day. We both had wished Kay would be home by then. Sherri left in the morning to go get ready for graduation with her friends. I promised her I would be there that afternoon to watch her.
I went to the center where it was taking place. I was standing in line to get in when I thought I had seen Kay once again. I got out of line and went to see however, there was no Kay. I went inside and as I was taking my seat, I swear Kay was standing by the door. I turned away for a second and she was gone. I took my seat as others sat down near me.
I felt scared and alone as I sat there. A lifetime of fear filled my body. My mind replayed my life up to this point as I sat there. The Vietnam War and all I had faced. The joy and happiness I had with Carrie. The pain I felt with losing her and Melissa and then my own journeys to find myself. The joy when Kay and Sherri came into my live. The pain and hurt when Kay went away played out in my mind as I sat there.
Others soon joined me as the row filled up except for the seat next to me. People surrounded me however, I felt alone. I also knew that Sherri would be leaving for Art School soon and I would truly be alone. I sat there closing my eyes hopping to make my emotional torment stop. Voices filled my head as I did. I could hear everyone’s voices that sat in the center in my head. Fear gripped at my very soul as their voices filled my head.
This will end this chapter. As always, let me know that you are enjoying my story. I would like to share this with you my readers on this day as well.
He got all kinds of jobs- fixing your skates, killing bugs, checking for monsters under the bed so you could sleep. He helped you move, checked you oil, slipped you extra cash when you were broke. The rewards weren't big, but he didn't care. It was enough for him to watch you grow, hear you laugh, know that you were safe and happy and would grow up to be reasonably content.
And without ever exchanging a word on the subject, he taught you all about love- how it's very often in the little things. That it makes a whole lifetime of difference to a child. That he's always been there, this unsung and utterly devoted man, your one and only dad.
There's simply no way to count
the ways you've cared,
the times you've been there.
How lucky for me
to have a dad like you.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
Love you daddy
That was my father’s day card from my daughter today. Be back with another chapter soon.