Food and love are often interlaced, in our language and in our minds. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” “meals prepared with a mother’s love,” etc. What’s more appropriate than preparing a St. Valentines Day feast on the human body. Since I am a man, I have chosen a female body for my tapestry. And remember, things are often better when shared. So invite a gallery of friends. Let us begin.
Decorate the woman’s mouth by inserting a pickle. Have the woman hold a pickle, the variety is entirely up to you, in her teeth. You may now partake of your first course. If this pickle has aroused your appetite for more variety, move down to her thighs where you will find a relish tray.
Preparation: Lay out on each thigh, cubed cheeses of many varieties, halved olives, sliced pickles, and pickled artichoke hearts. Feast to your heart’s delight.
Neck and upper chest. This area works well with chocolate pudding. Layer chocolate pudding upon the neck and upper chest as desired.
1/2 cup white sugar
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tablespoons cornstarch
2 cups milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 In a microwave-safe bowl, whisk together the sugar, cocoa and cornstarch. Place in the microwave, and cook for 3 minutes on high. Stir, then cook at 1 minute intervals, stirring between cooking times for 2 to 4 minutes, or until shiny and thick. Stir in vanilla. Serve cold.
Breasts: Breasts are magnificent inventions and should be treated as such. Breasts work well as a breakfast area. Scramble six eggs, leaving them slightly runny, and let them cool. Layer these eggs between and beneath the woman’s breasts.
Lower Chest: Fry bacon until crisp. Cool. Lay bacon across the lower chest region, ensuring that it was well away from the pudding.
Nipples: Nipples make excellent containers when used appropriately. On the left nipple lay out pineapple rings until fully stock. On the right nipple repeat with apple rings.
Stomach. This area is reserved for pasta premavera.
1 In a large skillet over medium heat, cook 1 red, 1 yellow and 1 green bell pepper in 2 tablespoons olive oil with garlic until just tender. Stir in diced tomatoes and diced tomatoes with chiles, reduce heat to medium-low and simmer 10 minutes. Remove to a serving bowl.
2 Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.
3 While pasta is cooking, heat 2 tablespoons oil and butter over medium heat in a large skillet. Cook chicken in butter mixture until juices run clear, 5 to 10 minutes. Place cooked chicken over tomato sauce and sprinkle with basil, rosemary, thyme, garlic powder and Parmesan. Serve
with cooked pasta. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.
Pubic area: The pubic area is obviously reserved for dessert, but first it must be properly cleaned and prepared. Shave pubic area until soft and smooth. Wash pubic area internally and externally.
Preparation: Insert one peeled banana into vagina. Open vaginal lips and layer it with maraschino cherries from top to bottom. Spray whipped cream or layer flavored yogurt on top of cherries and around the banana. Sprinkle with chocolate chips.
Note: For those on a low calorie diet, diet whipped cream may be substitute.
Dinner is now served. Enjoy.
Oh, about liquid refreshments... well use your imagination. A enema can be found at any drug store.