One day I was really depressed because my girlfriend would not sleep with me because she said I had a small PP. I had run out of patience with that greedy ass bitch so I decided to commit suicide to teach her ass a lesson once and for all.
I went to the tallest building I had ever seen before in my life. It was my library, and it was about six stories tall. The elevator was out of order so I had to climb all of these fucking stairs and shit. When I finally got to the ledge I pulled my pants off and began to scream to the people down below that I was going to jump. They were so small like tiny ants.
After a little while, I think maybe about 9 hours, a rescue truck showed up. Two men got out and I could see them pointng and laughing at me. So I began to masturbate, so that after I hit the ground I would have a big PP and my girlfriend would know that she just made the biggest mistake of her life.
As I neared climax I went ahead and jumped off. The faster I fell the quicker I stroked. After falling for about three stories I moaned loudly in ecstacy. But then the weirdest thing I have ever seen happened. Just as I was ejaculating a UFO swooped out of nowhere and caught me before I made contact with the ground. Then it flew away with me on top. I was so turned on that I kept on coming and humping the top of the UFO in sensual gyrating motions.
As I flew up into outer space a hole opened up and a couple of little green dudes came out and asked me to "Stop jizzin' on our ride". Then they pulled me in and strapped me to the table with automatic robot straps and shit. Then one of the green men pulled out a big needle and asked me if I had ever gotten high before. He was in front of the other green guys so I'm assuming he was their leader. Or maybe like the head pilot or something. All I know was I was so horny and hot! Then he injected me with the needle and that's when things started getting out of hand.
My boner enlarged from my usual 3, to a whopping 5 inch massive fuck rod of hormonal delight. I roared as I busted out of the straps and grabbed the guy in front because I was really strong compared to them, just not as technologically advanced. I began to anally penetrate his little green A-Hole and he moaned in a language I could never even understand. Then after I came I made him take me to the cockpit, and told him to take me to my house and land this thing in my back yard right now. O r I wouldn't do him in his A-Hole ever again.
He reluctantly agreed because he loved my huge cock. After we landed I pulled out my gun and blew all the green men away to death. But first I made them show me how to fly the fucking thing first. Then I went into my house an got my bitch and a six pack and pulled her outside and showed her my new ride. I don't know if anybody out there has ever had a UFO before, but if you have you would know what kind of sexual wonders it can do for a relationship that is failing sexually. She was all over me. I brought her into the cockpit with me and cracked open a can of beer as she cradled my balls and licked her lips.
As I grabbed her head and forced my wang to the back of her throat I decided it was time to fly back into outer space where I had plans to give my bitch a brand new dildo and an enema.
So the moral of this story is that if you ever see something shooting through the night sky that you can't identify, there is no reason to be scared. It's just me flying around and getting my dick sucked while I drink beer.